A/N: SEASON 6 SPOILERS!Still don't know how I feel about the sneak peek. I know how lots of other people feel about it from all the comments I've read. This is what I personally think is running through Booth's head in that diner scene.
How many times have we sat in this diner? At this table? Having lunch or just coffee and pie? Too many times to count. And yet even at the beginning of our partnership I don't remember it ever being this….hard.
You're having your normal salad. I ordered my usual burger and fries. You didn't lecture me on the burger, was I hoping you would?
My phone rings; it's the forensic team.
"So the forensic team says the remains should be at the lab in a couple of hours." I say.
"Seems like we were never away from each other doesn't it." You say, folding your arms and on the table. Yes it does. It feels like there are a million miles between us right now. I'm confused. You said you were tired of murders; that's why we went away.
"Yeah, you okay with that?" It sounds weak to me even as I say it. Even you think so.
"Of course, why?" You ask me, do you really want an answer? Of course you do, you're Bones.
"Why? Because seven months ago you said you didn't want to be surrounded by, you know, crime and death and sadness." Yes I'm resentful. Sue me. Of course you rush to explain your ever 'rational' reasoning.
"I needed some time to rationally assess the best use of my considerable skills. Factoring in that we have such a strong, mutually beneficial relationship; professionally, and since no one is more skilled as a forensic anthropologist I determined that I could be most useful solving crimes."
"Right." I hate myself for being so…cold and detached from you, it's hard. I want to go back to the way things were before we left, before I said anything about wanting more. But I can't act like that. My heart keeps screaming at me to stay closed. To protect myself. For once. Besides you're the one who wants a purely professional relationship.
"So you're happy to be working together?" Together. Together. God I hate that word right now.
"That's what I just said." I know that Bones. But while most of the times you say exactly what you mean; without any censoring, sometimes you don't. You didn't want together.
"Right, together great." I hate that word. "Me too." And I really really do. But I don't want to want it. It's too hard. To hard to be so close. To hard to be so cold. I'm not a cold person but we don't want the same together. You didn't want to be together personally and then you didn't want to be together professionally either. You wanted nothing to do with me. I was just hindering your science, corrupting your logic.
"Cool. That was a colloquialism, not a comment on the air temperature." God how I've missed that. But I have to be new, cold and detached Seeley Booth. No teasing.
"Right, I figured." Yeah, it sounded harsh to me too. You're totally catching on. You know I'm not acting like my normal self. You aren't saying anything though.
"But, you've always encouraged me to embrace popular culture…" You seem a little nervous that I'm not responding like I used to; like I would normally do. I can tell you want me to. But I can't. Not anymore.
"..so I have become 'down with that.'"
"You're down with that. I'm down with that. We're both down with that." I almost slip. Last minute save. That's why the goalies get paid the big bucks.
"I'm down with that." Bones stop repeating, it makes it harder for me not to tease you and laugh with you.
"We're all down with that, great." Why am I here? Why am I doing this? I didn't think it would be so hard to be back. I didn't think that it would feel like a stab to the heart every time I look at you. I clear my throat, can't have any of these thoughts escape from my big mouth.
"So, do you miss her?" Totally unexpected but,
"Yeah, of course I do." And now I'm a little ashamed that at this precise moment I miss the distraction more than I actually miss Hannah. Luckily you don't know about hand gestures giving things away or I'd be in trouble.
"Well if there is anything that I can do…" Stop being sweet. Stop being so adorable. Stop explaining colloquialisms. Stop being so Bonesy. Stop. Stop. Stop.
"Thanks. So how long is it going to be before your uh team can identify the victims here?" Change the subject to something safe, check. Control rapid blinking that would clue in anyone else…work on it. Damn. Why is this so hard? Right the love thing.
"Well Angela will have to take a look at the skulls first." Yes I know. We've done this how many times over the years? You know before you decided you had enough and left. I really need to get over that, I know. But it hurt Bones. It really hurt.
"You know, I didn't leave Hannah." Why am I back on this topic? I don't want to talk about it. I never want to talk about anything that even resembles going close to our personal lives ever again.
"I had to come back here because of Parker." Parker, he trumps everyone.
"I know." You say you know Bones, but you don't sound convinced.
"I couldn't ask her to leave anymore than she could get me to stay." I wanted her to come back with me, when I was still there, packing to come back. The second I hugged you, God I am such a horrible person, the moment I hugged you I even forgot about Hannah for a second. Hannah was the one thing in Afghanistan that made it bearable Bones. She made it hurt less; she helped me mend my broken heart.
"Oh my god!" Oh my god. It can't be. She's not here in DC. Why do I feel happy and panicked?
"What, what are you doing here?" She's here. Hannah's here.
"We can talk in a minute." I do like the way she kisses me.
"Um, I put in a request to be reassigned to the Washington post corps."
"Something you said you'd never do." Something she said she'd never do. But she did. For me. It feels good to know that someone cares.
"And that was before I realized how much I hated waking up alone." Thank you. Thank you for choosing me.