It's AkuDemy day, folks! Not one of Kingdom Heart's biggest pairings, but then again, Demyx is paired with every frickin' person under the sun. And that's outside of Lady Chimera/Nire-Chan's work! Poor Demy…

I'm splitting this in two so that it's not one, long read. It gives you a chance to take a breather somewhere without having to hunt down your place later, lol! Well, hope you guys enjoy it!


Spouse Swap

Days at The Castle That Never Was were boring ones, lounging around, playing cards, creating exploding experiments, collecting toe nails…nope, nothing unusual—

"You don't know anything about me!" Roxas screamed at Axel. "You think I like to just give you ass all day? That's not a relationship! At least not one that I'm interested in. So keep you and your humongous child-bearing hips away from me!"

"But, Roxy!" Axel cried out, chasing him down the hall, until the boy reached his room and slammed it shut. He didn't miss the click of the lock either. Of course he could've just warped into the room anyways, but he'd never seen Roxas this mad before and didn't want to push it. Dragging feet that felt like boulders, he made his way to the Grey Room.

"I do not have child-bearing hips!" he muttered indignantly as he went.

A snicker behind him made him quickly turn around. There, up on the ceiling, was Xigbar. "I think that's up for debate, buddy," he chuckled.

Axel frowned at him a moment, then asked, "Don't you ever get lightheaded doing that?"

"Nah, I'm used to it, hell, I could hang here all da—" he was cut off as his feet gave out and with a weird fainting sound, he collapsed to the floor in a heap.

The redhead quirked an eyebrow as he stared at him. "Wow. I think I jinxed him." He gingerly prodded Xigbar's lifeless body with a foot and the Freeshooter replied back with a misaimed bullet.

The man stumbled to his feet slowly, mumbling something about not being as young as he used to be. "Since when the hell did I faint?"

Now it was Axel's turn to laugh. "You think you've found the fountain of youth through Demyx but I don't think it's having much of an effect on you."

"Hey! Demyx doesn't just keep me young. He…um. Well. Hm." Xigbar put a hand to his chin as the scrounged to think up other reasons he found Demyx interesting. Then he paused in his musings. "You know, I could really ask the same thing about you and Roxas! I mean, at least Demyx is legal! You look like a mole—"

"Okay! I get it!" Axel was getting quite sick and tired of the rubbing everyone did about his relationship with the boy. "Anyways, I make him happier than anyone else could ever, so that's all that matters." He switched his frown with a proud grin.

"Pfft, as if! How hard is it to keep the kid happy? Even I could do that!" Xigbar gawffed. "You know what? Humor me. I'll treat Roxas out for a day and you can take Demyx. Now let us keep in mind that this is not to be mistaken for a date either," he emphasized. Axel stuck his tongue out in disgust at the idea. "We're just trying to make them happy is all. Give 'em a chance to hang out with someone new. So, up for the challenge?"

Axel stuck his hand out almost before he was finished talking. "Deal. Demyx is a cakewalk. Good luck with Roxas though; that's a finicky one."

"Yeah, yeah. Can't be that hard, right?"

~.~.~.~.~

"So, Demyx, I heard that you really like music."

Demyx leveled him with narrowed eyes. "Gee, Einstein, was it really hard to come to that conclusion? I mean, it's not like everyone hasn't heard me playing my sitar, which is also my weapon, nor have they ever seen me listening to music while I walk around—"

"You know smartass, nobody asked you all of that," Axel said heatedly. Boy, everyone was laying on the bitching today, weren't they? "Look, I got us some tickets to a concert. They were last minute, so they're not the best seat in the house, but figured maybe you'd enjoy it."

First of all, 'not the best seat in the house' was a major understatement. They were so far back in the stands that they had to look at the huge TV's around the arena to see by. Second problem was…

"Axel. Is this Creed?"

"Wha? Oh, yeah. I mean, they're pretty popular, right?" Axel didn't miss that Demyx's eye had begun to twitch sharply. "Hey, what's wrong with Creed? I think they're not half bad."

"Dude…they're…Chri…Chris…GAH!" Demyx stood up and made to leave, but Axel grabbed his arm and dragged him back down.

"No! You are not leaving! Maybe these tickets were cheap as hell and maybe this is a terrible spot and maybe they're a Christian band and maybe that's not your thing, but damnit, I paid half-decent money for this event so you're going to like it!"

Demyx could only snort. "Half decent…"

"Aw, shaddup."

During the concert, Axel sang along to the very few songs he knew by the group and Demyx sang the one, count 'em, one song he knew. And not even all of it at that. He felt himself becoming more and more uneasy at those swaying to the softer, more emotional songs, holding up crosses and glowsticks as they sang or hummed with their eyes closed. After one of those painfully mushy songs ended, the girl next to him said, "Doesn't that just make you long for the promise land even more?" and then proceeded to randomly give him a hug.

She felt him stiffen and figured she knew what was wrong. "Don't worry, I'm giving you a Christian sidehug. You see, this way your mind isn't troubled with any sinful thoughts as they would be from a regular hug."

Very dimly, the blonde heard Axel mutter, "Oh, now that's just sad."

As soon as the girl stepped back, the redhead grabbed his arm and dragged him from the arena. "Okay, you win. That was…weird to say the least."

Demyx rubbed his forearm nervously as they walked. "Kinda…makes me feel really bad. Like I need to sit down and have a very long sermon. Is this what would be called a guilt-trip?"

"I'm not trying to think about it long enough to let it formulate into that," Axel told him. With a heavy sigh, he pulled up short on the sidewalk and turned to face Demyx. "Okay, so maybe that wasn't the coolest of things. But hey, I've got some other ideas up my sleeves! Don't worry, you'll be having a blast yet!"

Demyx rolled his eyes. "Oh goody…"

~.~.~.~.~

"Well, kiddo, enjoy it!" Xigbar said, smiling widely.

"Xigbar. This…is a playground," Roxas said taking in the swings, monkey bars and slides. He frowned up at the man. "I'm not five, you asshat."

"What? Playgrounds have no age!" Xigbar told him. "See!" He ran over to a swing and began pushing himself back and forth.

Roxas was never more happy to be in a deserted place as now. The image was wrong. So wrong. Xigbar was never meant to touch a swing set.

After getting up to a height that was favorable, Xigbar jumped off, but warped in midair to appear back next to the boy. His face held an expectant look, but faded when he realized that Roxas wasn't impressed. "You know, you're an emoish little fuck," he told him.

"I'm not having fun," Roxas said pointedly.

"Demyx is nearly twice your age and loves this place!" Xigbar told him. "Especially the merry go-round! Ahh, the way his face lights up when he's…um…you don't really give a damn, do you?" Xigbar's nostalgic smile faded to an annoyed frown.

"No. Quite frankly I don't," Roxas told him.

Xigbar contemplated how much trouble he'd be in for shooting the boy. He only barely held back, knowing Xemnas would murder him if he killed their precious Keyblader. "Alright then, what would you like to do? " he asked amicably.

"Hmm…anywhere I could get a ball? A large one, like the size you'd use at the beach but much stronger."

"Whatcha need a ball for?"

"I like to hit them, count how many times I can keep it in the air before it touches the ground again," Roxas said simply, digging in his pocket to count out some money.

Xigbar gave him a deadpan stare. "You've gotta be effing kidding me. Is this really what you call fun?"

Roxas shrugged. "Yeah. Remember that time last month when we got a vacation day? I spent the whole day doing that."

Now the Freeshooter was seriously blown away. "You spent fourteen hours hitting a ball? You really had absolutely nothing better to do? Where was Axel?"

"He said something about sleeping and taking six naps a day if he could, then went back to bed. He said that I was free to do whatever I wanted to do that day, and that's what I wanted to do. Hit the ball."

Oh god, the pain! It BURNED! What person could really…Only Roxas, Xigbar thought to himself. Nobody but this zombie could even fathom that being a source of great entertainment.

Him and maybe Saix, that is.

Shaking his head, he led him down the street to a store where he could purchase a ball.