Enjoy this little bit of pervyness. And though I hate authors who beg for reviews, pleasepleasepleaseplease review so I can know whether or not I'm being OC or whether the flow is right or something. All your comments go into making me a better, faster updating authoress!

sa·la·cious – adjective

1. lustful or lecherous.

2. (of writings, pictures, etc.) obscene; grossly indecent.

(as defined on dictionary(dot)reference(dot)com)

Some things, Naruto thought, should never be said, especially by a well-known psychotic, jealousy-driven killer. Formerly psycho of course, and his second best friend, but still. Some things should never be said.

A smile hovered over tan lips. "I never figured you for a prude, Naruto."

He glared at his friend through the tears. "You…bastard…" he wheezed. He rubbed his throat, trying to coax the noodles into going the right way. "What…the…fuck…"

"I just asked whether you were willing to sleep with the Hyuuga."

"Godsdammit!" The Sand-nin caught the ballistic chopsticks with one hand, an unrepentant smirk on his face. "He's your boyfriend, you sleep with him!" Suffice it to say that his interest in eating was had now waned. It was probably the first time in Konoha history that a Namikaze could no longer look at his food.

"He is a fine boyfriend." Much to Naruto's annoyance, his friend decided to make himself comfortable in a seat. Normally he liked spending time with Gaara. They didn't see each other enough as it was, what with the redhead being the Kazekage and all their missions and their respective over-zealous boyfriends. Naruto knew that Gaara was probably feeling a little neglected. They both were. After all, he had been the Sand demon-vessel's first real friend, and the guy was a self-confessed homicidal maniac, but that still didn't give him the right to choke a person with their own ramen. To be honest though, trying to kill him while asking wacko questions was something no other assassin had tried.

"What's all this 'sleeping with Neji' bullshit? I thought you guys were all in love and that."

"I think it is safe to assume that we are."

The blond made a motion that was universal sign for someone to continue, but then again Gaara's brain only touched down in the normal universe every once in a blue moon. He was ignored in favor of ordering a bowl of rice and egg with a side of extra spicy anything. And then, he had the audacity to stare off into space, glassy green eyes completely ignorant of the growing annoyance on the whiskered face.

"So, 'sleeping with Neji'. What did you mean by that?" Naruto tried. The suspense was killing him. He had never liked mysteries, and this was promising to be a juicy one.

"Hm?"

It was like pulling teeth from a bear. Sky-blue eyes narrowed in irritation.

"Seriously, Gaara, I am this close to knocking you out and dragging you to the Academy so I can ask Neji what the hell is going on! You can't just ask me something like that and expect me to ignore it!"

"Why not?"

"Gaara."

"Alright." The proud Kazekage raised his hands in defeat, finally conceding. In his mind, he smirked. Cat, meet bag. "Our anniversary is next week. I wanted to give him a present, that's all."

"A what?" Naruto sat back, his eyebrows twisted in a confused little knot. "Y'know, normal people buy their gifts from a store, not try and coerce their best friend into shagging their boyfriend."

"I know that." For the first time since he'd shown his evil, ramen-destroying face, Gaara looked slightly annoyed. "I've already bought him a garlic peeler."

Naruto barely restrained himself from flicking Gaara between the eyes. Hard. No wonder he needed a better gift.

Now that he could see into the kohl-lined eyes, Naruto could sense that his normally unruffled friend was feeling a bit more frazzled and over the edge than usual. Unconsciously, he reached out to try and soothe it the only way he knew how.

Gaara looked down at their joined hands. With Naruto this close, he could smell the shampoo he had used and the underlying scent of his skin. Being near Naruto had always been a comfort in the old days, and in close contact, it reminded him of a spark he had never wanted to quench. It was one of the reasons he had thought up this particular plan. His days with the blonde were some of the most explosively pleasurable experiences that he had ever had. Putting two sex-crazy demons with a very willing, very bendy, pain-hungry slut was a recipe of legendary proportions. He turned the emerging cackle into a cough as his food was put before him.

With a quiet "Itadakimasu", he began to eat, absently turning the captured hand over so he could rub his thumb over the fluttering pulse. His mind was a reel of pictures that he was bent on recreating in reality, and having Naruto in the same horny corner would only help.

The blond looked at the bowed head, unaware of the dirty thoughts that were going through it. He slowly turned his attention to his forgotten bowl and starting eating as well. The normally appetizing broth turned to water on his tongue. There was a taut place in his gut that he hadn't realized was there, and now it was melting away, leaving him awash with feelings he thought he had buried long ago.

Everybody knew that Gaara and he were old lovers. Sasuke had never begrudged him his past relationships. He had understood, which was one of the reasons Naruto loved him so much. It had been like one of those Fate things that Neji had used to love talking about. Who else would know their pain, their unique brand of sorrow, loneliness and guilt? It had been just the two of them against the world and when they had been together, it had been wild and rough and exciting, like leap off a cliff or an epic explosion. They would meet after long, hard missions and it would escalate from there. It was never good to leave two hormonally-charged teenagers alone, and it was just a plain bad idea to leave two blood-thirsty, furious, abandoned demons together. Their sex had been more like fighting, and they barely stopped themselves from tearing in deeper and deeper until the blood never stopped and their wrath had been spent. It had been amazing and dangerous and there were times when they hadn't wanted to stop because it felt so good. For Naruto, it had been a time of darkness and teeth and claws and raw, sweet primal pain. Just the thought of it now made his pants tighten.

Gaara felt the increase in his heartbeat and looked up. The flush on the tanned cheeks tald him everything. He smirked. "Thinking about the past?"

The blond shinobi wrinkled his nose in mock-disdain, trying to ignore the heat pooling quickly in his groin. "What gave you the idea to gift-wrap me?" he said in an effort to distract himself.

"The Hyuuga has mentioned the fact that he might be open to a threesome. As it is our first anniversary, I thought it would be appropriate to make it one he would remember."

A smile quirked at Naruto's lips. "When does something like that come up?"

Dark eyes curved with vindictive amusement. "Usually when I'm ass-deep in him. My pet likes talking dirty when he's being fucked four ways into next week."

Naruto had never thought he could be so scandalized. "Gaara, this is a family establishment – no, this is Ichiraku. This is sacred ground!"

His former lover could see through his shock. Despite his protests, he felt the tug of old memories surfacing, as strong as if they had happened yesterday. He had never stopped wanting Gaara, and probably never would. His heart was beating like a hammer, his ears and throat red with sudden desire. It was so easy to turn his Horny on. The poison-green eyes that he could remember darkening with lust nailed him to the chair effectively, his captive wrist now a few centimeters from that sinful mouth.

When had this day gone down such a dangerous road?

"I came here for one purpose, and I mean to see it through." The low, husky voice sent shivers down his spine. He didn't realize how far he was leaning over the table until a hand cupped his cheek and drew him even closer. Words whispered over his slack lips. "I know what my pet desires. I want to please him. I want you to please him. I want you."

Naruto swallowed, his eyes on the smirk that were so close to his.

"I want you." Gaara repeated.

A hot tongue licked over his haring pulse and Naruto's sanity flew out the window. With his spare hand, he grasped handful of red hair and brought his mouth crashing down on Gaara's. An explosion went off behind his eyelids as he tasted that familiar addictive spice that was all his friend's, a slow drug that he had missed so much. With an animalistic growl, he wrenched his lips away and attacked the tanned column of neck before him. A low moan echoed in his ears and he bit down with a vengeance until he could taste that sweet, sweet blood. Nails that were almost claws raked down his spine and he barely restrained the howl that threatened to rip out of his throat.

"Little bitch," he hissed. He'd been played, and now he knew it.

Sastisfied green glinted at him from under hooded eyes. "You want me."

"No shit." He bent his head again and lapped at the blood that was pooling in the hollow of one delicate collarbone. Already the wound was healing, leaving nary a trace to be found. The metallic taste burned down his throat, further agitating the fire in his belly. "What do you want?"

"This." A hand slid into his back pocket, giving the firm flesh a squeeze before retracting. Naruto could feel the rectangular imprint of a card. "Come to us."

He finished tonguing the soft flesh and with a herculean effort, pulled away just enough so they could be forehead to forehead, his blue eyes full of barely banked lust. "What about Sasuke?"

"I have made arrangements. I am certain he will have no complaints." Lips grazed over his again, tempting him to haul the redhead out into the alley and show him just who was boss. "You remember what it was like between us. I wish for our lovers to experience the same. It would be cruel to deny them the pleasure."

"I'll think about it." Naruto gave into temptation ad flicked a spark of chakra at the impudent Kazekage. The mood broke almost immediately, and it was as if light had come flooding into the dark, innuendo-laden atmosphere.

"Don't think too hard." Gaara graced him with another kiss, long and hot and enticing. Then he stood and dabbed fastidiously at his mouth like he hadn't just turned his best friend's world upside-down.

Naruto remained sitting long after he left, staring unblinkingly at where Gaara had disappeared into the crowd. He was fighting off the vague impression that he had just been manipulated into participating in one of the hottest ideas to be thought up by any pervert, ever.

What the hell just happened?

Yay, short but hot! Let's see how many people like NaruGaa!