The Spy who Henge'd Me
The girls from the Rookie 9, along with most of the women in the restaurant, went completely silent as the newcomer ambled in. Pale skin, an aristocratic nose, well-defined muscles were what first drew the eye. Midnight-dark hair, longish but spiky. A feral grin. A lazy slouch. To complete the picture, warm, blue eyes like the sky on a summer's day.
Feminine sighs broke out from the surrounding tables as the tall, lean stranger approached the sitting kunoichi.
Ino shoved Sakura with all her might in order to make room for their guest. Hinata just stared, blinking, then moved timidly as he took the logical place at the empty space beside her. The tiny catfight erupting across the table abruptly ended as both girls gazed in awe at the god in front of them.
"A-ano..." Hinata murmured. The male quirked an eyebrow.
"What's wrong Hinata? You know it's me, right?" he grinned. She blushed tomato red and 'eeped.'
"It's just- just- your eyes are-"
"Yup," he smirked, winking at her. She nearly fainted.
"Wait, wait. You know Hinata?" Ino was dumbfounded that the shyest girl in the village would know a hottie that neither Ino nor Sakura had even seen before.
"Huh, unbelievable," he blinked at them, then motioned for them to come closer. Intrigued, the three girls leaned forward, Hinata trying her best not to blush anymore.
"It's just a henge. I'm practicing it for a mission," Sakura's and Ino's eyes bugged out at hearing Tenten's voice coming from such manly lips.
"Gyaaaah!" not ones for subtlety, the two girls fell out of the booth. Hinata finally giggled, but eeped! again when Tenten grinned at her.
"You really like Naruto, don't you?" Tenten teased. "I think he's got the dreamiest eyes too, next to yours and Neji's of course. That's why I picked 'em." The Hyuga girl's thumbs twiddled.
"You- you-" Ino scrambled back up to her chair, "Wow!" she gaped at Tenten's henge, drinking up the image. Tenten had taken all of the attributes that made the men of rookie 9 and team gai attractive, and melded them into a being that surpassed them all. On the hotness scale, Tenten's henge was off the charts.
"Hell yeah!" Sakura's inner self could not be contained. "Even though I know it's you, I just wanna-"
"Down girl," Ino shushed as the patrons of the restaurant began to stare. That is, those who weren't already staring. "Where'd you learn that?"
"It's sexy no jutsu. With clothes, of course," Tenten shrugged, her voice pitched at a honeyed tenor that caused the girls to get goose-bumps. "I wanted to ask you girls over to my place because I've got other looks I want you to vote on." The squeals she heard told her that Ino and Sakura were suddenly her very close friends for today. Tenten glanced at Hinata, who was smiling her consent. The three paid their bills and they all left in high spirits.
"I can't believe I never thought of this!" Ino was ahead of them and walking backwards so she could stare at the handsome figure. "Let's see, that's Kiba's smile, Naruto's eyes, Shikamaru's walk..."
"The hair is a cross between Neji's and Sasuke's," Sakura continued, walking by Tenten's side and glancing admiringly at the profile, "Sai's nose, definitely. Can't say if that's Lee's physique or Chouji's when he's using those risky clan pills that buff him up so much. The height though," she sighed, quite happily. "A bit taller than any of the boys."
"I'm posing as someone older, so this seemed like the proper height. Also, I think Frankenstein was pretty big too," Tenten joked, rather disbelieving of the looks she was getting from the people they were passing. She started to get the eerie feeling that they were being followed. She glanced back, and frowned. Young genin girls abruptly busied themselves along the streets pretending to be doing anything besides following her.
"Already you have fangirls!" Ino cheered, as she and Sakura exchanged a glance full of understanding. Tenten shook her head in dismay, then winked again at Hinata, just for fun. They had to carry the poor girl after that, as she promptly fainted.
"Hey, my apartment's closer," Sakura chirped, "Let's go there instead. I've got a full-length mirror too."
The girls agreed Tenten mimicked Neji's voice the best, even though Sasuke had the sexiest voice. She refused to moan for them more than twice, although they repeatedly tickled her so she could get the chuckling down right.
An hour of giggling and teasing later, with a very loud protest heard at one point "No effing way and how do you know which of them is the biggest in that part of their body anyway!" the girls decided on Tenten's final look.
"Yummy," Sakura smacked her lips.
"Harrass-able," Ino pronounced.
Hinata sighed, blushing once more. Tenten shook her head, girls were hopeless.
"Who is that?"
Neji feigned disinterest, but his gaze sharpened at Hanabi's squeals of delight at the photographs she'd found in her sister's drawer. "He gave you a piggyback ride and you were asleep? Omigod, he's got brothers! And they're snuggling with you in your sleep! Onee-san, you have GOT to introduce me!"
Hinata could not even stutter her denials, she had no idea how Tenten had mastered the Harem no Jutsu but when she'd regained consciousness, the grinning girls had given her all these pictures with Tenten in various henges as "mementos". The other female relatives in the vicinity began to mob the poor Hyuuga heir when they caught sight of the photos.
Hinata ran as the Hyuuga gentle fists became grabby hands.
"Gah, this is not going well," Tenten thought to herself as she ran from rabid fangirls, secret documents tucked safely into her coat. Her cover wasn't blown, but her image was way too successful.
Tsunade and Shizune had been staring at her for a full five minutes. In silence. And she was no longer giving her report.
"Oh, right," Tenten grinned and the two actually blushed "I'm still in disguise aren't I? Let me just-"
"Nonononono!" the two older females waved frantically, "Just... stand there a little longer all right?" Shizune requested with a sigh.
Tenten blinked as Tsunade took a swig of sake, stared at her some more, and smiled a fond smile.
"I don't know why, Sakura. I finished the mission but the Hokage won't let me release the henge," anyone watching would have seen a gorgeous, tortured, emo ninja wrapping his arms around the confused medic-nin as she awkwardly tried to comfort him.
"For how long?" Sakura asked.
"InDEFinitely. The mission was a success, the client had no complaints whatsoever. Why am I being punished like this?"
"Going out on a date with me is HARDLy punishment," a vein throbbed in Sakura's head.
"I don't mean that Sakura, obviously you're very date-able and straight so there's no suffering there. But I'm forbidden to see my team because the byakugan would see through the disguise easily, and I can't even go home. What's up with this?"
"You can stay at my place," she offered instantly, glad she had moved out of her parents' house this past year. "It's probably something Tsunade-sama is having fun with, Tenten. Your henge really impressed her, you know."
"Did it?" ordinarily Tenten would be over the moon with the news that her idol was impressed with something she, Tenten, had accomplished. All she could come up with now though was a dry, "And by the way, you're to call me Bun. Herr Bun."
"How very foreign." Sakura mirrored the dry look.
"Yo." A casual saunter had placed the Copy-Ninja directly at their table, as if he had just happened to pass by.
"Hey, Kakashi-sensei," Sakura tried to suppress a giggle as her companion hid 'his' own smirk.
"I don't believe we've met-?" Kakashi leveled a scrutinizing eye at the man sitting across Sakura, taking note of the Hidden Sand forehead protector.
"This is Bun-san," Sakura nearly laughed out loud at the ridiculous introduction as Tenten tried not to flinch and instead gave Kakashi a light nod of greeting. "He just finished delivering a scroll and I'm showing him around the village a bit before he returns to Suna."
"I see," Kakashi gave his familiar eye-crease to indicate a happy expression, posture still relaxed. "Why is he in a henge, then?"
Sakura and Tenten exchanged looks. "No reason," Sakura beamed, and Tenten met Kakashi's single visible eye squarely until the Copy-Nin shifted his eyes to his student. "Sure?"
"Yup," Sakura reached across the table to grasp Bun's hand, "I'm glad you noticed so quickly sensei. Don't tell anyone yet, ok?"
"Gotcha," the smile was a little more genuine this time. Kakashi moseyed off, pulling out his book. He knew Sakura, his former student and current apprentice to the Hokage, could take care of herself. It was just good to check every so often.
"You!" Kiba yelled.
Tenten decided to run for it. A whiff of her scent would immediately clue him into who she really was, despite her ninja's care to remain as scent-less as possible.
"Hey!" he looked around wildly, but the foreign ninja had teleported away.
"That guy was the one in the pictures with Hinata!" he griped as Akamaru barked. "And now," he sniffed the air, "He's gotten to Tenten too! Player!"
"Ino-" Tenten sighed as the blond girl all but pulled her down the road.
"I wanna hot date with you too, Bun-san!" the kunoichi laughed at her date, who was starting to acquire Sasuke's morose features more and more every day. "Might as well enjoy."
"Ever heard of schadenfreude?" Tenten asked wearily and brought out some ryo to pay for the ice cream Ino had forced her to buy.
"Kiss me, quick," Ino ordered and Tenten obediently pressed a gentle kiss into the girl's cheek, playing along with whatever game Ino had started. Then she found she couldn't move.
"Shikamaru..." Ino's tone was dangerous. Aw hell, not another genius mad at her, Tenten thought unhappily.
"Just looking out for our team mate," Shikamaru said, deadpan, as from behind him Chouji scowled at the immobilized ninja with unexpected hatred. "I can't place my finger on it just yet, but this guy seems very fishy to me." He sighed then released his shadow jutsu as Ino glared him into submission. "Fine. Don't say I didn't warn you."
"Come on," Ino grabbed Tenten's hand and flounced away, "Don't mind them."
"Gah, this is not going well" she didn't think she would be in the exact same situation she had been in during her mission. Tenten strained her lungs trying to put some more distance between herself and the throng of women. And she had been holding the henge for days, she was tired. Crap, they were gaining on her!
She nearly jumped sideways at the sudden presence running beside her. A half-lidded eye glanced at her in boredom and she saw the outline of lips moving against the mask, "Need help, Bun-san?"
"Depends." Why, why had Tsunade instructed her to hold this transformation technique while in the village and while dating all the girls from Rookie 9 to boot? There were few enough females as it was, did she want them all turning lesbian as well? "Ok if I use you as a kawarimi?"
"Let me do it for you," Kakashi obliged, beginning the seals for transformation, "I haven't had women chasing after me for a long time."
Tenten was so winded she couldn't even roll her eyes, "Thanks." They timed it perfectly and she dropped behind a building as they turned the corner, Kakashi, disguised as Tenten, disguised as Herr Bun, leading the women away.
Or not. Tenten nearly had a heart attack to find Kakashi squatting beside her with a happy eye crease. "Shadow clone," he explained, gesturing at the crowd that was getting farther and farther, disappearing into the Konoha horizon.
"Ah," Tenten raised a shaking hand to her forehead, wiping away sweat. "Kakashi-san, I'm grateful but I have to ask to be left alone now." She was nearly at her limit. "I-"
"I know, Tenten. I had an interesting conversation with Tsunade about it the other day,"
Tenten pressed her hands to her face, utterly exhausted, but unable to disobey her Hokage's orders, "Can't say I'm familiar with this Tenten person, but maybe you could tell me about your conversation."
"It was a plot,"she glanced up sharply and met his incongrously happy eye crease once again, "to reveal as many hidden affections as possible. She had a bet on the different couples among the rookie 9. You were bait to make the males jealous and force them to make their move on the girls they liked."
"It worked. Chouji asked Ino out. Kiba is zealously guarding Hinata's virtue, but he's showed the pictures of 'Bun' and Hinata to Naruto, who is now courting her in earnest. Lastly, Sakura and I-" he trailed off as he saw he had Tenten's complete and undivided attention.
"Go on," Tenten prodded. "Sakura and you-"
"Have a close and friendly student-former teacher relationship which is very sweet and heart-warming," he chuckled as Tenten face-faulted, "Surely you know that they've been dating, she and Neji."
"Yeah," Tenten sighed, then jolted as she felt Kakashi touch her hand and transfer some chakra into her.
"If you insist on keeping the disguise," he muttered. She was grateful.
"Lee doesn't know about them though, they still don't want to hurt his feelings," she kind of wanted to drop the jutsu now that the game was up, but she felt- weird, to be sitting so close to Kakashi, in a relatively secluded hiding space. And he might take away his hand, which felt rather pleasant where it was. "I guess even Tsunade doesn't know, since she ordered me to date Sakura. I suppose she placed her bet on you two getting together."
They sat a while, Tenten finally moving to lean her head on Kakashi's shoulder. She was really tired. She'd rest a little, then go and ask Tsunade to finally be released from this absurd side mission.
"What are your thoughts about it?"
"About what?" Tenten asked, confused.
Kakashi shrugged one shoulder, taking care not to move the shoulder she was leaning on, "The idea of me and Sakura. Age gap. Former sensei. Propriety."
Tenten giggled in her own voice, which sounded a little disturbing, coming from her still-male lips, "Let me put it into perspective for you Kakashi. I am pretending to be an envoy from Suna, a village where their Kazekage is a sixteen-year old boy who was formerly a bloodthirsty jinchuriki who engaged in long, one-sided conversations with his gourd. If people can recognize the ability of a teenage boy with a difficult past to make mature decisions and lead an entire village, they probably won't have any problem accepting the Copy Nin of Konoha dating a girl in that age range as well. I daresay it would do you good."
She grinned at him. "Besides, everyone knows that girls mature earlier than boys. I prefer older men myself."
"There he is! Bun-kun!" a kunoichi shrieked. They turned to see the disgruntled mob of girls who had tracked them down after discovering the clone.
Kakashi took one look at the girls, then gave a calculating look at Tenten.
"Having put things in perspective," he took hold of her chin to tip her head towards him. "Let me see if I understand what you're saying correctly." He pulled down his mask with the other hand and dipped his head down.
The fangirls stared. At the hot guy. Kissing. Another hot guy.
"Omigod!" Several swooned and everyone else either cried or had hearts in their eyes with full body-blushes, or both.
"Let's - let's give them some privacy!" "Yeah!" "Sooo hawt!" "C'mon, c'mon, let's go." Various squeals, sighs, murmurs and curses faded away and still the two retained their liplock.
The ones who lingered, Tenten hefted kunai at without even opening her eyes. They heard a few shrieks of pain, then they were finally alone.
When Kakashi withdrew, Tenten released the jutsu in stupefaction. "Wha-wha-" was all she could say. She stared at Kakashi's smiling face.
"You're even hotter than me!"
"At least I'm modest," he said, shaking his head.
Reviews are welcome!
A/N: Incidentally, and somewhat off-topic, this pairing is first-runner up in my ongoing poll on which character Tenten should pair up with next. I am keeping the poll open in the belief that future poll participants will make saner choices in Tenten's next pairing. XD For those of you who have voted, I know you are messing with me okay. (...you are, right?) The inclusion of a non-Naruto character in the choices was originally a gag, but this dark horse (or actually, DC) contestant is getting way too much attention. I warn you, if he wins, I will write a story with him and Tenten. Do not tempt me. ;)