WEB OF THE BPRD
Disclaimer: I do not own Spider Man or Hellboy or their many characters.
Summary: Hellboy and company go after Spider Man due to his numerous supernatural connections to find out if he is a threat, and end up facing an even greater threat than any of them imagined.
"So why are we going after this guy again? If you're right, this guy's a hero." the large, red-skinned demon said, holding up a pair of binoculars and looking at a simple Brooklyn apartment.
"Didn't say he wasn't, Red. But from what the psychic's are telling us, he's been involved in more supernatural situations than anyone else. Aside from you." brown-haired pyrokinetic Liz Sherman said.
"Right." Hellboy said.
"Vampires. Werewolves. Witches. Swamp monsters. Giant lizards. Zombies. The list is a regular BPRD résumé." blue-gray skinned fishman Abe Sapien said.
"Sounds like we outta be recruiten this guy, not spying on this photographer... what's his name?" Hellboy asked.
"Peter Parker. And the reason we're spying on him, is because he's the only guy in the whole five burrows who actually gets decent pictures of Spider Man." Liz said.
"Right. So either he's extremely lucky, or he's got an in with the webhead." Hellboy stated.
"Maybe he's Spider Man's unofficial publicist." Abe said.
"Just keep an eye out, guys." Liz said.
"You know... it worries me that someone else might have actually thought about doing this, and if they have, and haven't found anything, what are our chances?"
"Well, for one thing, they didn't have you." Liz smirked.
"Big whoop. I bust monsters, I don't spy on photographers." Hellboy said.
Suddenly, the communicator beeped.
(Guys! It's Katherine!) The radio communicator spoke.
"What's up Kathy?" Hellboy asked into the mic.
(The Psychics are going crazy!) the female voice stated.
"So what else is new?" Hellboy said, off-handedly.
(No, Red! What I mean is, they're detecting some incredibly powerful supernatural disturbance in your area!)
The trio looked at each other. Slightly worried.
"Could you be a little more specific? How close to us?" Hellboy asked.
(Approximately six miles south from your present location.)
Liz looked at the map. "Coney Island?" she gasped.
(You better get over there! Manning's already sent back-up!)
The seas churned and bubbled, glowing even, as various squid-like monsters stormed the beaches up to the Amusement park like they were at Normandy.
The large van suddenly pulled up and the trio of agents leapt out.
"Ah, Crap!" Hellboy said as he saw the squid creatures.
"I believe they are the Spawn of Cathulhu." Abe Sapien said. "This is bad!"
"Oh boy! So now what?" Liz asked as the Spawn started to surround them.
"Well, I'm all for brute force." Hellboy suggested.
Across the way, another situation was taking place.
"MORTIMER! PUT THE NECRONOMICON DOWN!" Spider Man shouted at the elderly man who held a very familiar tome in his hands.
"Never! The Portals to Hell Are Open! At Last I Will Have My Revenge On This Stinking Town! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" the older man, named Mortimer Raymonds, shouted.
"Oh, please, like you're the only one who's got a grudge against this city?" Spider Man shouted as he quickly jumped at the man, punched him out, and snatched the book away from him. "If you're gonna raise monsters out of the ocean, I'm gonna have to take this away from you." he snarked.
He looked over and saw dozens of squid-like creatures rushing onto land and heading towards a group of civilians.
"Great! Where's the Avengers when you really need them?" Spider Man shouted as he opened the Necronomicon and flipped through the pages. "It figures!" he huffed. "The only English-translation of the Necronomicon in the world, And No Index!"
"Hey! You!" a large red-skinned demon shouted at the webslinger even as he punched down a purple-ish squid demon.
"Huh?" Spider Man gasped.
"Did you resurrect those monsters?" a blue-green fishman asked as he kicked one of the squid demons down.
"What? No!" the webslinger shouted.
"He's holding the Necronomicon!" a woman with dark brown hair cried as she fired her gun at one of the squid demons.
"Oh boy!" Spider Man groaned.
If these guys knew what the book was, then they knew it could be used to summon monsters to this world, and that meant, he was going to get blamed again!
"I don't have time for this!" Spider Man groaned as he leapt away up onto a nearby booth.
"HEY! COME BACK HERE!" the red-skinned demon shouted.
"Gotta be more than a cold fish to catch me!" Spider Man said.
"Well I never!" Abe huffed as if insulted.
"Well you should! It's fun." Spider Man said.
The trio of special agents broke from the squid demons and gave chase to the webslinger, even as he tried to find the right spell to send these monsters back.
Should have asked Dr Strange for help. He thought as he flipped through the pages. But no! The guy sends me to Coney Island to stop some nutcase who has the Necronomicon, because he's got the freaking flu!
He kept flipping through the pages, even as the agents were shooting bullets and fireballs at him.
"I definitely need to start working with other people more." Spider Man said as he ducked another barrage.
The Spawn of Cathulhu rushed towards the BPRD, surrounding them in seconds.
"Great. Hey, Abe. You're a fish guy. Can you talk these walkin sushi plates outta hurten us?" Hellboy asked.
"Not likely. They don't seem the talkative kind." Abe said.
"Okay. Liz?" Hellboy asked.
Sigh. "One order of fried calamari, coming up!" Liz said as she did just that.
Liz unleashes her fire powers on the squid monsters, only to have their burnt-off limbs grow back.
"Okay, then. Plan B it is." Hellboy said as he pulled his large gun and started firing.
"Since when is that 'Plan B'?" Abe Sapien asked as he fired his own gun.
Spider Man swung back around and noticed the monsters fighting the agents.
"Great. Moral dilemma time." he groaned as he swung back to where they were.
The big red guy was shooting them, which wasn't doing too much good. The fishguy was leaping and kicking them in their faces, also not doing too much good. And the woman was using fire power to literally fry them. This was only having a slightly better effect, but not much.
Spider Man sighed.
Well, I guess I have to save them. He thought as he opened the book. "Okay. Racnorum, Ah! Racnorium, Oh! Voltas, Kreebah, Gornack, Zom!"
The Spawn of Cathulhu suddenly started twitching and shrieking in pain, one by one bursting into flames and turning into a pile of green and purple goo that was quickly evaporating.
The trio of agents just looked at the mess and sighed.
"Well... that was a lucky break." Liz said.
"Not luck. Him!" Abe said, pointing to Spider Man who closed the book.
"Next time you order squid, make sure it's dead." Spider Man said before webbing away after the giant squid-monster heading for the city.
The monstrous, mangled squid-like creature had risen up and moved into the city while they had been preoccupied fighting the smaller squid demons.
"Okay. So... not responsible for these monsters." Hellboy said, meaning Spider Man.
"But we still have a giant squid beast to deal with." Liz said, now noticing a rather large and incredibly deformed monster heading for the city from Coney Island.
"At the very least, we need to get that book back." Abe said.
"Right." Liz said as she pulled her cellphone out to make a call. "Kate? We need a ride. And fast!"
Cathulhu was already stomping down at the docks when Spider Man caught up to him.
"Great. Where's Godzilla when you really need him?" he groaned as he perched himself on the edge of a building. "Now how am I gonna stop this thing? The book doesn't really say. I'd need an expert on these things."
"Funny. I thought you were an expert." a voice behind him said.
Spider Man looked behind him to see a large red-skinned demon in a trenchcoat and pants looking at him.
"I'm hardly an expert." the webslinger said. "And just stay away from me. I've got enough troubles to deal with right now."
"Relax, pal. We're here to help." Hellboy said as Abe and Liz appeared right behind him.
"Help? You shoot at me, nearly fry me, accuse me of things I didn't do. You're like everyone else in this city. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a giant monster to stop." he said as he leapt off the edge of the building and swung away.
"The guy's got issues." Hellboy quipped.
"We'll have to deal with them later. Right now we've gotta stop that monster." Liz said.
"Right." Hellboy said as he picked up his walkie. "Katie? Bring the chopper back around."
Spider Man hurled a few more web-balls into Cathulhu's face, which barely phased the monster as it came back around and swung at him, taking chunks out of the buildings as the webslinger swung out of the way.
"It's not even paying attention to me. Why would it? I'm the fly on the wall, compared to him. I've got to stop this thing, and fast! I only hope I got this right!" Spider Man said as he landed on one of the large buildings and opened the book to the right page. "Oh... this is going to be painful."
"Then maybe you shouldn't do it!"
Spider Man looked back to see Hellboy, Liz and Abe once again race up to him.
"How do you guys keep finding me?" Spider Man asked.
"It's not easy." Hellboy said.
"Look! We came to help!" Liz said.
"Prove it!" the webslinger said.
Liz pulled out his badge. "We're the BPRD."
"Bad People Reptiles and Demons?" Spider Man asked.
The trio didn't look amused.
"The Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense!" Liz corrected firmly.
"And we can help you." Abe said.
"Help? How?" Spider Man asked.
"You tell us." Abe said. "You're the one with the book."
"Care to fill us in?" Hellboy asked.
Spider Man sighed. "I found a spell that might send Cathulhu back to the ocean floor, but it requires either 100 gigavolts of electricity, or..."
"Or...?" Liz asked.
"Or... life energy to power it." Spider Man said.
"Life energy?" Abe asked.
"You gotta be kidding!" Hellboy grumbled.
"I'm afraid he's right." Abe said, looking over at the book, over Spider Man's shoulder. "In order to send Cathulhu back to his resting place, a lot of energy is needed. Energy in any form, will do."
"Well, fine. Then let's get some juice." Hellboy said.
"No time. It has to be soul energy. There's no time to get any electricity." Spider Man said.
"And you're prepared to give your own?" Liz asked.
"Yes." Spider Man said without deterrence.
The trio looked at Spider Man and then to each other, nodding as they did.
"We'll help." Liz said.
The trio of agents stood behind Spider Man and placed their hands on him. Hellboy in the middle, Abe on his right, Liz on his left.
"Alright, kid. Do it!" Hellboy said.
"Arcos, ravven! Remar, novin! Vorcuhaus, Timbuhaus, Zimbuhaus, Ambuhaus!" Spider Man recited out of the book.
The Necronomicon suddenly started to glow as a powerful bolt of energy surged around the quartet, each of them feeling drained one way or another. It collected all above them, and then launched itself up into the air. Slamming into the clouds, the energy started massing a powerful thunderstorm above their heads.
Down on the street, the heroes known as the Avengers and The Fantastic Four were ready to stop the giant squid monster.
Captain America, Thor, Iron Man, Wasp, She-Hulk, Triathlon and Warbird were ready to fight, as were Mr Fantastic, Invisible Woman, Human Torch, and The Thing.
"Alright, people! This is it!" Captain America shouted.
"Fantastic Four! Get Ready!" Mr Fantastic shouted.
"Yeah! It's Clobberin..." the Thing shouted, right as a massive bolt of electrical energy exploded out of the sky and slammed into Cathulhu. "...time?
The giant monster shrieked as it suddenly started melting and then exploding into red mist, swirling around and spiraling back into the nearby ocean.
"Uh... did we just win?" Human Torch asked.
"I guess." Triathlon said.
"They Did It! The Avengers And The Fantastic Four Did It!" A New Yorker shouted.
"Hooray For The Heroes!" another New Yorker shouted.
"But... we didn't do anything!" Invisible Woman gasped.
"Yeah. But try telling them that." Wasp said.
High atop the cheering crowd, four figures just watched the happy scene from a nearby roof.
"Typical. We save the world, and someone else gets the glory." Hellboy said.
"We are rather used to it by now." Abe said.
"True. But it would be nice, every once in a while, to get a 'thank you', or something." Liz said.
"Welcome to my world." Spider Man said. "And people know I exist."
"Uh, quick question? Why aren't we dead?" Abe asked. "I thought the spell would take our soul energy in order to destroy Cathulhu."
"Spiritual backlash." Spider Man said as he closed the book. "The energy needed to destroy Cathulhu was returned once he was gone."
"You knew?" Liz gasped. "We were in no danger whatsoever?"
"Actually... I didn't. I've never used these spells before, so I had no way of knowing if we would survive. I'm sorry."
The trio of special agents just looked at each other incredulously.
"So... what now?" Spider Man said.
"We need to take the Necronomicon back with us."
"Look, it's not that I don't trust you, but... well, I kinda do, but not that much." Spider Man said.
"Perhaps you'd be more inclined to give the book to one of our associates." Abe said.
"Who?" the webslinger asked.
"Professor Trevor Broom." Liz said.
"And by the way, I'm not a reptile. I'm a fish man." Abe said as the helicopter arrived.
Spider Man wasn't sure what to expect, but it surely wasn't a mountain fortress that could only be reached by helicopter.
"Nice place." Spider Man said as they disembarked from the helicopter.
We like it." Abe said as he led the webslinger into their base.
The quartet descended into the lower levels of the BPRD via elevator, and were met by five agents who all at once pulled their guns and aimed them at him. Spider Man.
"My reputation precedes me." Spider Man groaned as he raised his hands, Necronomicon still in hand.
"Stand down, boys. He's with us." Hellboy said.
The agents lowered their guns as an elderly man with a walking cane approached them.
"Welcome back, everyone." the man, dressed in a brown trench coat, white shirt, brown pants, shoes, and a gray beard and hair with a cane, said. "And this must be the infamous Spider Man. My name is Professor Trevor Broom."
"Right. They told me I'd be meeting you." the webslinger said, handing the book to him.
"Can I ask why you handed the book over to him, but not to us?" Liz asked.
"Easy. He didn't make my Spider-Sense go all crazy." the webslinger said.
"Right. Spider-Sense." Hellboy huffed.
"What is this 'Spider-Sense' you mentioned?" Abe asked.
"Sort of like an early warning sixth sense. It goes off whenever there is danger near me. Or about to happen to me." he explained.
"So, where am I, exactly?" Spider Man asked.
"This is the new headquarters for the Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense." Professor Broom stated. "And judging from your actions earlier this evening, I'd say you're a viable candidate for our organization."
"Thanks. I think." Spider Man said.
"In your career you've battled all manner of supernatural foe. Someone like you, could be very useful to us." Broom said.
"That's what Nick Fury said. But I'm not much of a joiner. Never have been, really." Spider Man said.
"Still, it's an interesting proposition, don't you agree?" Abe asked.
"Yes. But... well, the Avengers kinda have me on reserve status. Don't suppose you'd let me swing one too?" the webslinger asked.
"You mean be a freelance agent of the BPRD, stationed in New York?" Liz asked.
The elderly man and three special agents looked at each other, before grinning.
"I'm sure we can work something out." Professor Broom grinned.
(One month later)
"Foul Demon! Back To The Pit With You!" Thor shouted as he swung his hammer around fast and was about to slam it into Hellboy once again.
"Ah, crap!" the red-skinned demon groaned.
"HOLD IT!" Spider Man shouted as he suddenly landed in between the battling teams.
The BPRD agents: Hellboy, Abe Sapien and Liz Sherman were actually mixing it up with the Avengers: Captain America, Thor, Iron Man, Hawkeye and Wasp, at the Museum of Natural History when Spider Man suddenly arrived.
"Thor! Put it away!" Spider Man shouted to the thunder god.
"But these freaks just tried to steal some valuable artifacts from here!" Hawkeye shouted.
"I don't think so." Spider Man said, his spider-sense going crazy.
"Why do you say that?" Wasp asked.
"That's why!" he shouted as the wall suddenly exploded in.
A giant stone Minotaur walked through the wall, with a man riding upon it's left shoulder.
"Hey! That's the guy who called us!" Hawkeye shouted at the man on top of the monster.
"So that you'd be fighting the BPRD's agents while he woke the Minotaur-Golem from it's slumber. Nice." Spider Man said.
"We'll apologize later, right now, we need to stop that thing!" Captain America shouted.
"Right!" the heroes and agents called out.
"You owe me for this." Spider Man said to Hellboy.
"Add it to our bill." Hellboy said as he loaded his gun and fired again.
Not much I can say about this one-shot, except I wanted it to be a pairing story with one of the BPRD's agents. Maybe Katie Corrigan. But I guess that's for later.
I know I did this story pretty fast, but I wanted to get this done as soon as I could.
And yes, I am using Cathulhu in this story, which is from Ghostbusters, but I like using him as a monstrous threat.