So, I've now crossed over to the dark side. I hope you enjoy my first attempt at this, writing thing.
I know and I know you know who owns Twilight and all the wonder within the bindings. Yes, that's right the 'Divine Mrs. M' and no I'm not talking about Bette. Although she is also wonderful.
I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for my wonderful Beta Dollybigmomma. Thank you for making my baby flow you're the best.
I'm reposting because my wonderful beta has fixed the story and has added some new stuff to make it better for you, thanks Dolly!
Now without further ado I give you 'Better Think Twice' enjoy!
Blue Ribbons and Ponytails
I couldn't believe I let those two so-called friends of mine talk me into this.
Making me over was their idea of helping. It was my idea of stupid. I would never have chosen to wear this outfit on my own. Especially these very tight skinny low-rise dark denim jeans that I was sure I would need an extra set hands to help peel them off of me. I just prayed I didn't have to go to the bathroom while shrink-wrapped in them. Then there was the shirt that I let the 'brain trust' talk me into, if that was what you wanted to call it. A shimmery midnight blue halter top that was cut so low I feared for my ladies and their exposure. Topping off the outfit from hell was the almost five inch silver heels. I was so going down tonight… I could see it now, another holiday visiting the local ER. I'd have to remind myself to just stay on the same barstool until I could make my escape from my own personal hell. I was suddenly questioning my friend's motives, not to mention their sanity.
I guess I should have been trying to find an upside to tonight. Hmm. Nope, there just wasn't anything good about it. After all the torture the two Tweedles put me through, they had the nerve to dump me here where I'd have to fight off all of these grabby hands. Just so they could go and suck face and dry hump, I mean dance, with their boyfriends. I didn't care if it was Valentine's Day; they dragged me out tonight kicking and screaming so they should not have abandoned me! Argh!
At least I wouldn't have to put up with my psycho admirer tonight, the one guy I would love to never see again. Oh, crap. I spoke too soon. You'd think after being shot down for the last five years that he'd get a clue that he didn't have a snowball's chance in hell with me.
Every time he saw me he, used the same damn annoying screechy greeting. Why he seemed to think he was Brando incarnate I didn't know. What a douche…
I fixed my best fake smile before I turned to face the boy wonder. Yep, that was what he was, a boy. I swore he could give Peter Pan a run for his money. I wished he were a 'lost boy' and would get lost.
"Hey, Mike, I didn't know you were going to be here tonight," I said trying to hide my grimace.
"Well, I was…ah… at lunch today with Eric and Tyler. They mentioned that they had a friend that might be here tonight and that she may or may not have a date for the night."
If you hadn't figured it out yet, that would be me. Me and my sadly pathetic, boring life. Yeah, me.
"Then Jess and Lauren came over and invited me, so here I am," he droned on. I tried not to roll my eyes at what he'd just said. You would have to be stupid not to see the obvious set up attempt. Dee and Dumb seemed to think I needed a man in my life.
I wanted one, just not 'Skippy'. That was what I named him on my first day at Forks High, the start of the second half of junior year. This guy followed me around the rest of high school, reminding me of a big slobbery yellow lab. I cringed when I heard he had decided to go to UDub as well, pretty much guaranteeing a continuation of his loyal tail wagging.
"Yeah, well, it was nice seeing you, Mike, enjoy your night." I tried, really I did. But 'Skippy' here, I mean Mike, wouldn't back down.
"Come on, Bells," he whined and gave me a pouty face.
Ugh, did he seriously think that shit was sexy?
I hated when he called me that. It was a nickname only Charlie had the right to call me; after all, he was the only family I had left now.
Flashback to Christmas break, junior year of high school…
I loved Christmas break and this year was going to be wonderful. Renee had been going non-stop since Phil asked her to marry him. Don't get me wrong, Phil was a great guy. A little on the young side, but, hey, he made my mom happy. We exchanged gifts early, Mom and Phil giving me an engraved gift set of silver accessories that had a beautiful pen, a calculator in a pretty case, a business card holder which I giggled at, and a matching key chain with my initials on one side and a sweet inscription from Mom and Phil on the other. They wanted me to have something I could use when I was a successful business woman. Phil also included a key to their new house in Florida, telling me I would always be welcome there. I cried at the sweetness of his words.
So after the wedding, I was going to be whisked away to California to spend the latter half of my Christmas break with Charlie, who was my dad. It was going to be a very quiet week, thank goodness. I was a lot like Charlie; we were a duo of mimes, not very verbal communicators. So, there I sat in a rental car with Charlie, heading to our hotel room that would serve as home base for the next ten days. Time sure flew when you were trying to stay vertical and dry. At least this year I didn't end up in the local ER. Had I mentioned I was the world's biggest klutz?
It was now New Years Eve and I was watching the ball drop when Charlie walked into the room looking white as a ghost and he dropped the phone.
"Bells, I…I need to tell you something."
I could see by the look in his eyes that this was not going to be good.
"Dad, what's going on?"
"Bells, sweetie, it's…it's your mom and Phil."
"What about them, Dad?"
"Sweetheart, they were on the way back to their hotel for the night when they were hit head on by a drunk driver. I'm so sorry, honey, they died on impact."
I looked into my dad's eyes and that was the last thing I saw before the darkness overtook me.
I shook myself from those dark memories of my young life before I caused myself to spiral into another depression. I was just now realizing I had agreed to have a drink with "Skippy" because I had no real backbone of my own. Add to that my too nice for my own good personality and you had me, the human doormat. The worst part of all of this was that I found out I was a lightweight. It seemed I really couldn't hold my liquor and after two shots of…something, I didn't know what I'd been drinking, I was now well on my way to a drunken stupor. So naturally, I kept throwing them back. Hey, don't judge me…loveless, remember? The night quickly became a blur of faces, laughter and a lot of other stuff I would never remember.
Ugh…somebody needed to make the room stop spinning, please. I promised myself never ever to drink again. Okay, maybe not ever…but I sure as hell wouldn't touch the stuff again without a backup plan.
I very slowly opened my right eye… then my left. Okay, this wasn't so bad, but why couldn't I move my legs? I tried again and still nothing. I turned my head to the left and OH. MY. HELL. I was not alone in my bed. Wait, I wasn't in my bed. It looked like a hotel, a very nice hotel, and holy crap. Now I knew why my legs wouldn't move; because Rip Van Winkle lying next to me was pinning me down, and he was out cold with a pillow over his head. Crap, crap, CRAP!
I had to get out of here. Slowly, I was able to free my legs and finally could slink my way off of the bed and onto the floor. It was then that I noticed I was butt-naked, sore and bruised. Aw, shit! This couldn't be good. I wished I could remember what all happened last night, or I should be saying this morning.
I looked around and started gathering my clothes and redressing as fast as possible so I could make my get-away and get on with my walk of shame. I was so embarrassed. I had slept with a strange man and didn't even know his name. If he woke up and saw me, he would probably offer to pay me. As I snuck away, I made sure to take one long last look at what I could see of the man still asleep in the bed, wishing I could at least see his face; the face of the man that I was pretty sure had de-flowered me from the feel of…things.
Yep, that was right. I was a virgin.
'Was' being the operative word here.
Six Years later…
"Esme, let's go, we're going to be late if you don't get a move on, baby girl."
"Mommy, I can't find my ribbons."
"I have them in my hands, now come on and let me get your hair done, sweetie."
I looked up and my eyes met the sweetest child that was ever born, and you would never know by the healthy glow and perfect size of her that she came into the world way too early and only weighing a little under four pounds. She was my little miracle.
She was wearing the cutest pale blue dress with intricate smocking around the bodice with delicate lazy daisies embroidered along it. I looked down to her tiny feet and what else would you expect to see but the sweetest pair of baby blue leather Mary Janes and white bobby socks. To top off the perfect first day of school outfit was her pure white cashmere sweater with the tiny pearl buttons. I couldn't help but think that my child was born in the wrong era. She looked like she stepped right out of a 1950's movie.
The weird thing was, since she'd turned three, she insisted on choosing her own wardrobe. She very sweetly informed me I had no sense of style. I had style; it was just a more laid back kind of style. And my beautiful jewel refused to wear anything I chose for her. It only hurt my mommy pride for a few months. The truth was, she really did have a fabulous sense of style and impeccable taste for a child her age.
"Okay, Mommy, I'm coming," I heard her call out from her bedroom. I couldn't believe it had been over six years now. Wow, how time had flown.
Flashback to Spring break, senior year of college…
I didn't know what was wrong with me. I hadn't been able to keep much of anything down lately and I was pretty much always tired nowadays, which annoyed Jess and Lauren to no end, as they had wanted me to go with them to California on spring break. Not happening after the last time I went out with Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb. My roommate, Angela, thought I should go see my doctor instead, but I thought I just needed a break from all the stress of school.
This was my last semester here at UDub and classes were giving me a run for my money. I still had no idea what I was going to do with my English degree once I graduated in a couple of months. I guess I could always keep going for my masters. At least then I would be able to teach.
My alarm went off at the butt crack of dawn; ugh…I was so not a morning person. When I sat up, I had to lay down again really fast…whoa, that sucked…the room was spinning out of control now and it had me praying for the ride to come to a complete stop. Finally, I jumped up and ran as fast as my legs would go and made it to the toilet just in the nick of time.
Okay, maybe Angela was right and I needed to see my doctor.
Five hours later, I was looking at my doctor as if she'd lost her ever-loving mind. There was just no way I'd gotten pregnant on my maiden voyage. I still couldn't even remember it! How would I ever tell Charlie? I was so screwed…
Later that night, I was sitting on the worn out couch in Charlie's little living room, lost in thought. How the hell was I going to tell my dad that I was going to have a baby? Worse yet, how was I going to tell him I didn't even know whom the father was?
So, after I'd nearly gnawed my bottom lip off, I turned to see my dad trying not to look at me out of the corner of his eye.
"Dad, I uh…I need to tell you something. Just please, let me get it all out before you say anything, okay?"
"Sure, kiddo. Is everything okay?" he asked me, doing that little moustache wiggle he always did to get me to relax.
"No, but it will be after I get this off my chest, I hope."
So, before I could chicken out, I just let it all out and then broke down in uncontrollable sobs. I was not sure how long I sat there having my mini breakdown. All I remembered was being lifted up off of the couch and engulfed in the arms of my daddy. He was there, rocking back and forth as I soaked one of his numerous flannel shirts.
After I was all out of tears, he cleared his throat and gave me the most comforting daddy smile he had to offer.
"Well, kiddo, it is what it is. You can't live in the past, Bells. What's done is done; now let's get ready for my new grandbaby."
That was just how Charlie was and it was exactly what I needed to get through my difficult pregnancy. I graduated college a couple of months later and then moved back home with Charlie.
I started having some minor problems, but the baby was okay. However, I was put on bed rest until about my seventh month, when complications caused me to go into preterm labor that my doctor was unable to stop.
So, on September 16th, we welcomed my beautiful, tiny daughter into the world. She was two months early and had been running late every day since.
"Esmeralda Jane Swan! Come on, we need to be out the door and in the car in five minutes!"
I heard her little feet as she made her way down to the living room. There she was; my beautiful jewel. I tied her favorite blue ribbons into her ponytails and we were out the door and on our way to her first day of kindergarten.
As we made our way to school, I looked in the rearview mirror at her and wondered what her father was like. It was hard not to imagine a handsome man; I mean, come on, one look at Esme and you could tell she had a god for a father. She had the most perfect features and a voice like an angel. I was sure she'd gotten her bronze hair and green eyes from him as well. She looked absolutely nothing like me, with my mousey brown hair and boring brown eyes. The only traits she got from me were my shyness and my ability to blush on command.
"Are you ready for the biggest adventure of your life, baby girl?"
When our eyes meet in the mirror she had tears in hers.
"What's wrong, my jewel? You know there's nothing to be afraid of, right?"
She didn't answer me, just nodded her head yes.
"Remember, baby, you already know your teacher and you really enjoyed meeting her, right? Now you get to make friends with fifteen other boys and girls in your class."
She still wasn't talking as we pulled up to the school. We parked and got out of the car and she clung to my left leg as if she was a koala bear. I got her into the classroom and saw that I was not alone in the zoo. At least she wasn't crying like the little boy by the door, poor thing.
Miss Hale walked over and got down to her level and welcomed her to the class. She whispered something and Esme lit up like a Christmas tree. She let go of my leg and told me goodbye and walked over to the rainbow rug and sat down. Just like that. I stood in awe of Miss Hale; the woman had some kind of magic and I thought she needed to share it with parents the world over.
I said my goodbyes to them both and headed back home to start my first day without my little jewel.
I spent my morning trying not to miss my Esme so much. It was too quiet around here so I put the home movies of my baby in the DVR, made a cup of tea and sat down with my laptop perched on top of a pillow on my legs and got down to writing the next big American novel. I chuckled at my own joke; right, the next big American children's book was more like it. I'd made quite the household name of myself. While I was trying not to go stir-crazy being put on mandatory bed rest during my pregnancy, I started writing a series of stories for Esme. It was meant to be for her eyes only. However, my sneaky friend and now agent, Angela, sent them to a few publishers and as the old saying went, the rest was history, or in my case, children's fantasy.
I worked on my newest story outline and surprised myself when I realized I'd gotten a lot farther than I thought I would when my cell phone alarm alerted me that it was time go pick up Esme.
I hopped into my black Audi coupe and inhaled deeply, ahhh…I loved the scent of fine leather. It sure beat the smell of peppermint and old man, which was what my 'Beast' smelled like. As much as I loved my truck, I was not really sad to see her being towed away after she gave up on this life, may she rest in peace.
When I got to the school, I saw Esme playing on the jungle gym with a little girl wearing overalls and a big floppy hat, laughing up a storm. After a few minutes, my sweet girl looked up and saw me and turned to her little friend and said she would see her tomorrow.
On the ride home she talked non-stop about her new friend, Elizabeth. I looked at her and wondered where my shy little girl had gone. She looked radiant as she told me that we needed to go and buy more blue hair ribbon.
"Why?" I asked her, and she began a long story about how she gave Elizabeth one of hers because she only had a daddy and he didn't know how to make pretty bows. Then she pulled 'the face' on me. The one with the lip that she knew I couldn't resist. Where she'd gotten that, I'd never know.
So, here we were at the fabric store picking out a rainbow of ribbons for my daughter and her new best friend, Elizabeth.
When I moved to Seattle eight years ago for medical school, I never thought I would one day be trying to put ponytails in a Tasmanian devil's hair. Only my little devil looked exactly like me with the same bronze hair and green eyes.
"Not so tight, Daddy, you're making my eyes hurt."
"Sorry, princess, Daddy's not very good at this, is he?"
"That's okay, Daddy, you try," she patted my hand to try and make me feel better.
I looked at my little girl's sweet face and willed the tears to wait until I was alone. Oh, how wished her mother were still around. Hell, I wished my mother were still around.
Today was another first for me. My little princess was going to school for the first time. Elizabeth Ann Masen. That was right; I named her after my mother. How could I not? She came into my life so soon after my mom left me.
My mom, Elizabeth Masen, was a great mother and would have been an even greater grandmother. If only she wasn't taken from our life so soon.
Flashback to Christmas six years ago…
I decided to go home for the holidays for a much needed vacation and to see my mom. The next six years were going to be a nightmare. I was in my first year of med school and then I had my residency. When I was done with that, I would be joining my uncle's practice. So I really needed this time to recharge myself.
Today was Christmas day and I got to spend it with my best girl, my mom. She had been by best friend all my life, and she made sure I never felt the loss of my father. Edward Masen Sr. was a brilliant lawyer and the love of my mother's life. Someday I hoped to have that kind of all consuming love. My father was taken swiftly from this earth; however, my mother lingered in pain. Her cancer had spread throughout her body and she was tired and ready to be with my father again.
She refused to let me come home and take care of her, so my aunt, her younger sister, had been here for the last three months to help her and be with her until the end.
So, I came home to Chicago for the holidays and to say goodbye to my best girl.
Elizabeth Masen passed away in her sleep two days later.
The evening after I laid my mom to rest, I met up with some friends from school and before I knew it we were having a nice old fashion Irish wake for Elizabeth Masen, and she would have loved it.
I could hear her now saying, "Teddy, please don't mourn my death. Celebrate my life, and don't forget to embrace life to its fullest."
I did just that. I shared all of my mother's life with my friends. I remembered even cutting loose and having a number of shots of whiskey in memory of both my parents.
What I didn't remember doing, though, was hooking up with a past girlfriend, Juliet. She was a beautiful petite brunette with a kind heart and a sweet disposition.
Juliet was a girl I thought I could marry one day. Only problem was, she didn't love me like that. She was kind enough to let me down easy and a great friendship grew from it.
At least I could say I cared for my daughter's mother. Juliet was so outgoing and she embraced life to the fullest.
That was why when her parents showed up on my doorstep the following fall with a tiny pink bundle in their arms, I was shocked. My dear friend Juliet had died during childbirth, bringing my princess into the world. Elizabeth Ann Masen was born on September 16t, and Juliet didn't even get the chance to see or hold her before she left our daughter's life. She did, however, leave me with a letter saying she was sorry for never letting me know I was going to be a father, and asking me to name our daughter after my mother. So that was what I did, I named her in honor of both my mother and Juliet herself.
"Are you ready to have the best day of your life, princess?" I asked, giving her the cheesiest grin I had.
"Oh, I can't wait, Daddy, I'm going to meet my forever best friend today, I just know it," she beamed back at me.
Just like her mother, my princess was so outgoing and self-assured. I really hoped she made a good friend today. She could use another little girl in her life. I'd tried hard to be both a daddy and mommy for her but I knew she was missing out on the finer points. Like how to make perfect ponytails and help picking out the right dresses.
Unfortunately for both of us, I had yet to master either skill. For now, it was just easier for me to dress her in overalls, t-shirts and her favorite red chucks. So here we were, getting ready to head out the door, but not before she grabbed that god-awful big red floppy hat that she insisted on wearing all summer long, much to my cousin's chagrin and my pleasure. I loved seeing my baby assert herself.
We barely made it into the classroom before the bell rang and her teacher gave me a knowing smirk. Elizabeth was obliviousto my plight and dropped her bag at the coat hooks and skipped and twirled over to the rug. I couldn't help but feel like I'd been dismissed by my five year old.
I'd taken the week off so I could help Elizabeth adjust to school life. So after I got back into my car I decided to run as many errands as I could before my phone alarm went off letting me know it was time to get my princess from school.
I spent the day doing as much as I could, and just as I put my dry cleaning into my car, my phone went off. Finally, it was time to get my baby.
When I entered the schoolyard and looked around for Elizabeth, I saw her hanging upside down on the jungle gym. She dropped to the ground and ran over to me as soon as she saw me. I noticed a new addition to her hair, a pale ice blue ribbon.
"Hi, baby girl, how was your first day?"
"Oh, Daddy, I had so much fun and I have a new best friend! I told you I would get one today. See she gave me my hair ribbon and the teacher tied the pretty bow for us. Then she said, 'There, now you two match'. Only we didn't because I was wearing overalls and she had on a pretty blue dress. Daddy, I want a pretty blue dress, too. Please, Daddy, can we get me a pretty blue dress and pretty blue shoes just like my best friend's?" She said all of that without taking a breath, amazingly enough.
I looked in the mirror and wondered where my little tomboy had gone. I also realized I was out of my fashion comfort zone. I needed to enlist some help and I knew just who to call.
I was brought back to the real world when my daughter asked if I'd heard a word she was saying. She then harrumphed when I couldn't repeat a single word back.
So, she started all over at the beginning. This time I made sure to listen to every word she said.
"And her name is so beautiful, Daddy."
"What's her name, princess?"
"It's really long, Daddy. It's Esmeralda Jane Swan, but she told me I get to call her Esme. That's so cool she has the same name as Nana. Don't you think that's cool, Daddy?"
"Yes, baby, that's a lovely name."
So yeah, that was my first and I hope you enjoyed it
I have the next chapter ready for you all. Chapter 3
is in the hands of my wonderful beta.
I hope you've enjoyed it so far, let me know what