Why was is so hard for me to breath?
…Oh that's right. It's because I'm already dead. Technically dead.
I don't know how long it's been since I chained myself here, but it's not too bad, other than the fact humanity's nihilism and lust for death claws me every so often. It grows larger every time I see it, and I know it'll never stop until I finally give up.
Like I'll ever let that happen.
…This place is strange. You'd think when you see the world beneath you under billowy clouds, you'd expect you're in heaven, right? This is far from it. It's an everlasting torture I chose for myself… but I don't regret it. No, actually, I do. I'd be lying if I said that. Of course I regret doing this.
I can't die. I can't live. I can't do any of the things that make 'me' me. Thoughts are my only company in this ethereal expanse of space created by death. Dying would be better than this fate than being a seal that'll stand for all eternity. It's lonely. Not even death is my companion anymore. He's sleeping, behind this eerily haunting door.
Again, I repeat: This place is strange. If I stop thinking, what'll happen to me?
Will I stay here for all eternity as a statue? Will I finally seek the 'death' I hope to find? Will everything break into pieces, and nothing be solved? Will my sacrifice be for nothing? If I stop thinking, it'll be the same thing as being still.
Stillness. Silence. Those things are my companions now as I await an eternity of endless suffering. Suffering for my friends…
…I've come to understand that everyone will die someday. This isn't limited to anyone; it exists for all of us, excluding me that is. That means, one day, Yukari, Junpei, Fuuka, Mitsuru, Akihiko, Ken, Koromaru, Hidetoshi, Maiko, Mitsuko and Bunikichi, Bebe, Tanaka, Mutatsu, Mamoru, and even Aigis will be gone too. What'll be my reason for doing this then?
I want to see their wills. Maybe it's a stupid reason, but I'm digressing to myself again. I want to see the wills of the people who can lead the world to a better tomorrow. I want to watch the world develop into extraordinary things. We're human. We can do that. We're only bound by the limits we make for ourselves… I want them to notice that they don't have to be bound by those… to be bound by themselves.
Since the time my parents died, I've been alone. That year, made this all worth it. I've always been alone to the point where I became one hell of a sociopath, yet every time I moved, I became the center of attention. I never cared for it. I never wanted to make friends with no meaning in their friendships. I could never stay in a place for too long anyway, so what was the point of my pitiable 16 years of life?
I had nothing to live for, nothing worthy of being noticed. I guess it happens when you've been trapped in an endless nightmare for an hour at midnight for everyday of your life. But that was just me.
Or so I thought. I was proved wrong.
Then again, I wasn't too happy when Yukari pointed a gun at me. I know now that it's not a gun, but really. Some manners she had… but she's a nice person. They're all nice people.
Since that time, I've broadened my horizons to things I wouldn't have considered at all. I've changed, that much is for certain.
…Actually, somewhere right now, I get the feeling that someone's laughing at me for doing this to myself. Achieving the strongest known power in the universe and its dimensions itself is depressing. Gods want it, Demons want it, yet they'll never obtain it. It was my price for stopping death itself, halting it forever in a timeless abyss. I've stopped time for myself as well.
'Time waits for no one' my foot, Pharos. It's stopped for me. Is that what eternity is? On the other hand, no one can understand that without going through my 'journey' themselves. My friends can comprehend that much. They aren't stupid. Even Koromaru can understand it. But, as I'm thinking all of this, people in general will never know the truth.
To them, I'll just be some stoic blue haired teenager that died at the age of seventeen for unknown reasons. Just another death in that world, and no one will stop to mourn. People die everyday, so what's so different about my death?
The fact that I'm not dead. That fact that I'm still conscious, albeit a statue.
…I guess this is the end for me, isn't it? No, that's not right. It's limitless. That's what the universe is, right? Limitless, but at the same time empty. That's what Igor told me when I first started my trials and ordeals. Yeah, that's right.
…Yes, he's asleep. He'll always be. I'll be watching for everyone in the world below. I want to see fire in their hearts.
Someday… someday… I hope that Humanity won't need me anymore.