"Draco Malfoy's Guide of Seduction"

Chapter Thirteen : Romeo and Juliet...Kinda

Author's Note : Alright, guys, this is it! The last chapter. I know, I know. It's terrible, isn't it? But I can't write forever, you know. Well...I supposed I could...but I mean, I'd die eventually...and then I'd never finish and you'd never know what happens. And that would be sad, kiddos. Very sad. So...onward for the last time! :)

Draco heard the yell and spun around to face the intruder. "Blaise? Get out of here, I'm busy!"

"No! Not until you explain what's going on!"

"I already told you. It's her fault I'm a...well you know... So, now I have to kill her," he said calmly.

"But you can't!"

"Why not?"


"...really? That's the only argument you could think of?"

"Well...if you'd just give me a minute I'm sure I could think of something better... You know I can't think fast under pressure!"

Draco, despite the circumstances, couldn't help himself and laughed like a loon at the look on Blaise's face. "You...look...so...worried!" he said, gasping for breath.

Blaise, blinking in confusion, said, "Well, of course I'm worried! You're trying to kill Pansy, remember?"

"What? Oh...er right...I knew that."

"GASP! You forgot! So...all I need to do is keep distracting you and everything will be okay? Okay!"

Draco just stared at Blaise, who was currently hopping up and down with excitement.

"Hm...distraction...distraction... What's a good distraction? Oh! I've got it! Okay, Drakey, picture a...er...montage...of you and Hermione...ooh! With happy songs playing! Ready? READY? Okay, go! ...are you picturing it?"

"...no. Are you done?" Draco growled, remembering the situation at hand.

"NO! Draco Malfoy, I will not stop trying to distract you until you agree you won't kill our best friend!"

The best friend in question was slowly beginning to stir. Draco didn't see this, but Blaise did. So he kept talking...

"Now, why don't you think of all the good times we've had with Pans..?"

"Good times?" Draco scoffed. "You mean when she was constantly hitting on me? Or when she did everything in her power to keep me and 'Mione apart. Or maybe the time she made everyone think I was gay? I don't know about you, but I didn't find these things very fun..."



"You called her 'Mione! See? You do love her! All that stuff about you really hating her...that was a lie! YOU LIED TO ME! How could you?"

Draco groaned and said, "Fine! I do. But that doesn't matter, because once she sees...this...she'll hate me."

"No she won't..." Pansy said, weakly as she slowly got to her feet.

"You!" Draco yelled, dangerously stepping forward.

"Bad Draco!" said Blaise. "Step away from Pansy!"

"Don't worry, Blaise. He won't do anything," Pansy said.

"I won't?"

"You won't? ...he won't?"

"No, he won't."

"Yes I will! I'm gonna kill you, Parkinson! And no one can stop me," he growled.

"Fine. Go ahead," she said, softly, narrowing her eyes. "No one's stopping you."

"Pansy!" yelled Blaise. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Shh, Blaise! This is between me and Draco. Now...go ahead, Malfoy. Kill me."

"Fine," said Draco. "I will."

'Alright, come on, Draco...do it! You know the spell...just say it. It's easy. Ready? Now. Come on! Say it, say it! SAY IT! Why aren't you saying it? Don't you hate her? Don't you want her to die? To suffer like you have?' he thought, slowly raising his wand. 'That's right. Now...say it...'

Draco opened his mouth to say it but..."I can't," was all that came out.

Pansy smiled and said, "That's what I thought."

Draco sat down in a near by chair and put his face in his hands muttering, "I can't believe I couldn't do it..."

"I can!" said Blaise, grinning broadly. "But Pansy, how did you know he wouldn't?"

"Easy. He's Draco. He's too nice to kill someone. This whole "bad boy" thing he has going on is all an act. I know he's actually one of the sweetest guys on the planet," she explained.

"Take that back, Parkinson! I am NOT sweet!"

"Oh Drakey, you know you are," she smirked.

Blaise and Pansy shared a glance and then broke out in fits of laughter. Draco glared at them both.

"Are you guys done eating yet?" Ginny yelled at Harry and Ron, then added in a lower voice, "I think we need to get 'Mione out of here. I know she said she believed everything would be okay...but look at her..."

They boys followed this direction and looked at Hermione. They saw, at once, what Ginny was referring to. Hermione had barely touched her food and she kept throwing anxious glances toward the door, as if she was hoping Draco would walk in at any moment.

"Right," said Harry. "I'm done. Ron?"


"Great!" said Ginny. "Hey, 'Mione, why don't we go see if we can get back into the hospital wing, now?"

"Yeah? Okay..." she said, weakly.

"So...what are you gonna do?" Blaise asked when he finally stopped laughing.

"About what?"

"Er...about Hermione...and the whole death eater thing...and...yeah..."

"Oh...I guess I have to tell her, don't I?"

"Probably. Or you could hide it...you know, always wear long sleeves or something. But if you did that, she'd never get to see your oh so delicious arms and then she'd probably leave you anyway..."

"...oh so delicious arms? You seriously frighten me, mate," Draco laughed. "But...I really should tell her. Do you think she'll hate me?"

"No! She'll understand. I promise," Pansy said.

"Right...right...I'll go now then," Draco said, walking toward the door. "Wait...I don't know where she is..."

"Maybe you should go wait for her in the hospital wing. I bet she'll come back to see you eventually. Me and Pans'll come with you, if you want," Blaise offered.

"Yeah...yeah, okay..."

Draco, Blaise, and Pansy arrived before the Gryffindors. They went inside the hospital wing and sat down to wait. They didn't have to wait very long though.

After about two minutes, the door swung open and everyone else walked in.

Hermione, seeing that Draco was okay, ran over and flung her arms around his neck, crying, "Oh, I was so worried! I thought..."

"I know," he whispered, brushing away her tears. "But I'm fine."

"I'm so sorry I didn't just talk to you in the first place!"

"It's fine, love. Everything's fine. Well...almost everything."

"Almost everything? What does that mean?" said Ginny.

"Er...could you guys give us a minute...?" Draco asked, giving Blaise and Pansy a pointed look.

"Of course!" said Pansy, leading everyone out into the corridor.

"But I wanna know what almost everything means!" Ginny whined as the door shut once more.

"Alright," said Hermione, rounding on Draco. "Now that they're gone...what does almost everything mean?"

"Well," began Draco. "Now don't get mad when I tell you. But I know you aren't gonna like this. It's not my fault though..."

"Draco...what's going on?" she asked nervously.

"Ugh. What's taking so long?" Ginny wailed. "I wanna know what's going on!"

Pansy shared a glance with Blaise and said, "Oh quit your whining. This won't take long."

"Right," Blaise said. "I'm sure they'll finish any minute now."

After a few minutes of tense silence, Harry said, "I've just thought of something!"

"What?" asked Ron.

"Well...Hermione tried to kill herself, right? And then Malfoy tried to kill himself. Because they thought they couldn't be together..."

"So...?" Blaise prompted.

"So! They're like Romeo and Juliet! Only a very messed up version where no one dies," he said, seeming quite pleased with his discovery.

No one else was as pleased as they had no idea what he was talking about. "Er what...? Who are Romeo and Juliet?" Pansy spoke up for everyone.

Harry gaped at them and said, "You know...Romeo and Juliet...Shakespeare...come on, people!"

"Sorry mate. We have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh wait!" Harry yelled. "I get it! It's a Muggle story...that's why you've never heard of it."

Pansy rolled her eyes and muttered, "Git."

Draco looked into Hermione's eyes and then looked away. He couldn't bring himself to tell her the truth.

"Come on, Draco, you can tell me. I won't get mad," Hermione said. "I mean, it can't be that bad. It's not like you secretly became a death eater or something."

Draco visibly shrank at these words. Hermione noticed this and said, "What? You...didn't become a death eater, did you?"

He pulled up his sleeve and said, "'Mione...I..."

"No! I don't believe this!" Hermione yelped, backing away from Draco with a horrified look on her face. "How could you?"

"I...I didn't choose this! I would never choose this! I love you, Hermione...I would never do something to hurt you."

"...then how did this happen?"

"Wait, you believe me?"

"We'll see. Now, how did it happen?" she growled.

"Well...it's all Pansy's fault, really. She...um...she wanted to convince me that I should forget about you...about us...and er...she wrote a letter to my...my father, asking him to come here and knock some sense into me...and he did. And I was still unconscious when he got here...and er, when I woke up...it...was there..." he said, gesturing to his arm.

"So...you didn't actually want to be a...death eater...?" Hermione asked, her voice barely over a whisper.

"No, I didn't. The only thing I want...the only thing I've ever wanted...is you. I'm sorry I've put you through all this," he said, weakly.

Hermione returned to her place beside him saying, "Oh Draco, you don't have anything to be sorry for."

"Yes I do. I never should've made that bet with Blaise. Your life would be so much easier if I wasn't in it..."

"That's not true! Sure, the bet was a little insulting, but without it, I never would've learned how amazing you are. And my life would not be easier without you. And it certainly wouldn't be better. Don't you get it by now? I love you, Malfoy," she smiled.

"I love you too, Granger."

"So...what happened?" Ginny squealed, when she and the others were finally allowed back in the room.

"Well...turns out...I'm dating a death eater," Hermione said plainly.

"WHAT?" yelled Ginny and Ron, while Harry said, "I knew it!"

"Calm down, guys," Hermione said. "It's...er...a long story. But we have nothing to worry about, he didn't choose this."

"Why are you believing this bastard?" yelled Harry. "He's a damn death eater! He'll probably find a way to get Voldemort in here!"

"Potter. You are so dense! I don't want to hand you over to him. I didn't want to be a death eater in the first place, alright? My father gave me the Dark Mark while I was unconcious. I'm on your side, Scarhead," Draco said, angrily.

"...damn," Harry said. "I think I believe you."

"Well, this is exciting! I've always thought bad boys were hot," said Ginny with a wink.

"Back of, Gin, he's mine," Hermione said.

"Yeah! And you're mine, Ginny," Harry growled.

"Sheesh you guys, I was just kidding. Kind of," Ginny said.

Draco laughed and said, "Well, anyway, am I the only one who really wants to get out of this place? Considering the recent events...it's kind of creepy in here..."

The others agreed that they wanted to get out of the hospital wing just as much as Draco did, and they all left to go somewhere more cheery. Except for Blaise.

Draco made it to the door, but stopped when Blaise called out, "Oh Drakey! I do believe you're forgetting something."

He wheeled around and said, "And what might that be?"

"I won the bet!"

"No, you didn't!" Draco said, gesturing after Hermione. "I did!"

"But, dear Drakey, you were supposed to seduce Hermione, not make her fall for you. You fail."

"But I...no...damn."

"MUHAHAHAH! My plan worked! You shall be my slave for TWO MONTHS! Now, fetch me a cookie."

"You can't be serious," Draco whined.

"I said COOKIE!"

"Fine," he said, walking out.

"Ahh," said Blaise. "This is going to be fun. And now for a song!"


"Ahem..." said an airy voice from the doorway.

Blaise stopped his song abruptly and said, "What do you want? I'm singing here!"

"I know. I like your song...mind if I join you?" said the voice, stepping into view.

"Lovegood? Er...I guess."

Luna smiled broadly and sang, "ROMEO AND JULIET!"

Blaise went on, "ROMEO AND JULIET!"


"Wow..." said Blaise, gaping at Luna. "How'd you know exactly how I wanted my song to go?"

"Oh that? I heard some nargles singing it yesterday," she smiled.

"...right," Blaise said, looking at her as if he was seeing her for the first time. Then he thought of Draco's little guide and smirked. 'Now what were those steps?'

Author's Note Again : I had to do it...I had to make Blaise sing again. And having Luna sing with him, ...I have no idea where that came from. But anyhoo...hooray for happy endings! :) What do you guys think? Anybody want a sequel? I don't know if I'll write one, but feel free to tell me to...I just might listen. :) Review!