**Llamas with Hats belongs to Jason Steel and FilmCow. Hetalia belongs to H.H. I own nothing. **

One fine day in the house somewhere in between Asia and Europe (for those who don't really care about foreign placement of homes), Ukraine just came home from walking around in the park and being traumatized by seeing falling countries again. She opened the door, sighing as she entered. "дерьмо *, I feel like I need a nap…" Ukraine started, looking up and seeing Russia standing in the middle of the room.

Mud track on the carpet leading right to him.

"Russia!" Ukraine groaned, "You've tracked mud all over the carpet!"

Russia looked down, blinking in surprise, "Now that right there is a mess, da?"

With a groan, Ukraine continued, "I just had it cleaned yesterday, Ivan."

"I'm not responsible for this, I've been jamming on the balalaika* all morning."

"They're clearly your shoe prints, Russia!"

"Then there is an imposter on the loose!"

"They lead directly to you!"

"Clue number one, the imposter is a призрак*!"

"Russia, stop avoi –"

Just then, a loud booming sound about deafened Ukraine's ears, the house blew up (but somehow the countries inside were fine, including Belarus who was sitting in a corner doodling little kiddy pictures of her and Russia on their sure to happen wedding day). Looking left, she saw a mushroom cloud was rising from far away. At first Ukraine thought that England tried to cook again, but realized that what had just exploded was Poland's capital of Warsaw.

After a moment of quiet shock Ukraine turned back to her brother. "Iiiivaaaan!"

"С Днем Рождения*!" Russia said cheerfully, as if he had just shown Ukraine a fancy new car instead of blowing up Warsaw.

"It's not –" Ukraine eyeballed back at the mushroom cloud, "- please tell me you had nothing to do with this! You could start a war!"

"Why don't you blow out your candle?"

"You've gone too far this time, Russia!"

"Что это такое*? It's hard to hear you over the sound of melting Polish city!"

"How did you even do this?"

"A dollop of Marzanna* ashes."


"I ripped a tag off a mattress."

"This isn't funny Russia!"

"Who's laughing? Clearly not all the Poles that just exploded."

Ukraine threw her arms up. "Чорт візьми*! I'm leaving; I've had enough of this!"

Russia grabbed her arm, "But think of all the perfectly roasted faces we get to munch on now!"

"What! Why?"

"Because we're siblings; and siblinghood is a brother and sister munching on a well cooked face together."

"That isn't siblinghood Ivan, that's sick!"

"Well then you're probably not going to like your birthday decorations."

"It's not even my –" Ukraine about threw up when she saw what Russia was talking about. "– О моя Бог."

Faces, fried off and hanging onto yellow and blue balloons, started to float towards the countries. "Surprise!" Russia chimed happily.

"Oh, ah, ohh, gawww…" Ukraine tried not to puke.

"I'm sorry, I thought you liked faces, obviously there's a miscommunication."

"This is, awful, Ivan."

"You're right, it's not nearly as tasteful as I pictured in my head."

"I think I'm gonna throw –" Ukraine jumped and flinched back, "-О Бога*, one touched me."

"This was clearly the wrong way to go."

"You think, тупиця!"

"What can I say? I expected them to be cooked more, raw face is just gross."

"T-that isn't the problem Ivan! What made you think this was a good idea!" Ukraine spat, waving her arms around carefully so she wouldn't touch another flying face.

"Maybe because I'm a dangerous sociopath with a long history of violence." Russia deadpanned, Belarus now clinging onto his arm in shock of having a face stuck on hers.

"Oh." Ukraine slapped her forehead. "I forgot."

"I don't understand how you do keep forgetting that."

Meanwhile, Poland had just collapsed from a heart attack and America was sending all his troops in the Middle East to go attack Russia so he wouldn't be the next one bombed.

*Crappy Google Translate and Wikipedia stuff! Tell me if I got a word or and object wrong so I can fix it please and thank you.

дерьмо – Ukrainian – Crap/Shit. (I had another word for this, but I went back and checked it again and it said it was Bulgarian :/)

Balalaika – Russian – this is actually a Russian instrument.

Призрак – Russian – phantom (You'd know if you watched the real Llamas With Hats 4.)

С Днем Рождения – Russian – happy birthday.

Что это такое – Russian – What's that?

Marzanna – Russian/Polish – it's a doll that Polish people burn. At least, so said Wikipedia.

Чорт візьми – Ukrainian – Heck. (Kind of a long word… not so sure…)

О моя Бог – Ukrainian – Oh my God.

О Бога – Ukrainian – Oh God.

Тупиця – Ukrainian? – Dumbass (OMG Ukraine cusses to!)

Well, tell me if something is wrong. *Gasp* Crazee Canadia! *waves arms* SHES ALIIIIIVE!