I'd always had an interest in writing, especially about either my own original stories, or stories about my favorite characters, so here it is: First ever fanfic. Enjoy and critique as you may, so long as it's constructive. My thanks to Sourpatch-Devil, for collaborating and helping me with the story points. Also, reviews are appreciated.

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, its characters, the various references to Naruto, Fullmetal Alchemist, One Piece and the like, nor do I wish to profit from this. This is simply a fan story made for fun.


"It's the second coming of Kakashi Hatake", drawls out a tired Haineko, laying her stomach out on a small table before letting out a husky, elongated yawn, several days' worth of fatigue finally catching up to the normally lazy bum of a catgirl. This is what happens when you spend an entire week trying, but oh-so-easily failing at unmasking the resident Samurai Zanpakuto - Senbonzakura Kageyoshi.

For about a week straight since their first try, and another week after they collectively rematerialized, every last one of their attempts at seeing what his face looks like ended in failure, sometimes even public embarrassment. Their first try, sneakin' a peak at a window in the Mens' bath didn't work; he still kept that ogre-shaped mask on, barely even reacting - if at all when he spotted two curious (read: pervy) girls staring at his nude, lean, soaking wet body that was oh-so-strategically hidden by smoke.

"Flashin' it all out on display like a prostitute…dude's a tease and he doesn't even have to try...", quietly mumbles a drowsy Haineko, several slight shades of warmth creeping up her cheeks, two fingers playfully twirling stray strands of messy, maroon hair, her tail blissfully curling and swaying around in excitement, and her triangular cat ears repeatedly twitching in eager mischief and delight.

Around five meters away from the table, a medium-sized kimono-wearing young girl, her hair long and brown, held together by two yellow pins at opposite sides, with a pink and white fruit-resembling hairpin just above her left eye, lays her slender frame down on a nearby bench, lazily allowing her over-sized round temple bells inch further away from her at a snails' pace. Furrowing her brow a bit in confusion, Tobiume briefly thinks to herself, "A scarecrow can have a name?", before slightly tilting her head to the side, her brown eyes following suit, and replying in a coy tone, "Was he as good in the sack as your last boyfriend?", the corners of her lips shaping into a sly smirk.

"He'd have to be with that body..." replied an absentminded Haineko, still twirling her hair, still curling her tail, her tongue eagerly licking her upper lip, her cheeks feeling even warmer and her throat letting out a lascivious giggle, gleefully visualizing an especially nude, deliciously drenched pair of male Zanpakuto - Senbonzakura and Hyorinmaru, playfully fondling and teasing one another in the Mens' bathroom… but that wooden mask is such a cocktease...

Taken aback, Tobiume's smirk promptly dropped, her left eyebrow raising and her eyes narrowing at the oblivious catgirl, partly amused at the response, partly concerned for her friends' sanity. Maybe the repeated screw-ups moved on over to her head, kicked out all the brain cells that still (may have) worked, redecorated everything with a bomb and…?

Interrupting her thought process, sitting on the kimono girls' shoulder, the small-sized, golden-lit fairy Zanpakuto, Suzumebachi answers Tobiume's previous question, "Some platinum blond mentor dude from a ninja village; always wears a mask, even has a mask under his mask", halfheartedly kicking her legs up and down to keep herself from falling asleep.

"How do you two know that?" Tobiume asked curiously.

"It was a big mistake on my part," Haineko replied with another wide yawn, stretching her arms out. "A couple of days ago, everyone was busy, nothing they ever did was any fun and I was bored outta my mind, so I figured I'd visit that Ichigo guy and his friends in the human world." Placing her palms onto the table and swiftly turning over her body upward, Haineko dully stared at the ceiling, scooting the upper half of her torso up and positioning her arms onto the wooden table to keep her slender, curvy figure balanced, her ample bosom somehow refusing to jiggle, before continuing with her story.

"I mean, it was the only entertaining option of the day, so I snuck out at night, grabbed a gigai from Nemu's place, captured a random Hell Butterfly, and went through a Senkaimon with it guiding me." Tilting her head to the side a bit, furrowing her eyebrows and morphing a slight scowl, she continued with "…I guess I was too harsh on the little guy, when I forced it to open up that Senkaimon, so… something happened, forgot what," she gave out a slight shrug, "the butterfly may have twisted the Dangai currents, and I felt like I was literally thrown outta the Dangai – lost half my clothes," her scowl deepened in mild irritation. "Fell on a giant bush, picked out a set of grass, drenched it in water to wash out the bugs, let it out to dry for a while and made it into leafy swimwear with a ruffled mini-skirt," she continued in a near-deadpanned manner, closing her eyelids as she felt the cold breeze of the air collide with her delicious, symmetrical face.

"That came with its own set of problems", she resumed even as the air current grew stronger, and moved her head to observe the wall adjacent to the table she laid on, but the growing interest from her fellow female Zanpakuto seems to have passed beyond her notice. "Saw a bunch of bugs all over the area, had to protect my skin, so I brought down and put on the grassy swimwear, but it was still dripping wet, so I was soaked the entire time", she explained with a seemingly irritated tone, turning her head towards the window to avoid the eyes of her friends, her lips twitching into a flirtatious smirk. Somehow, at least…. it felt rather nice, drenched with little clothing, especially in those three 'treasured' areas of a young woman – the weather was warm enough to keep her from getting cold, thankfully.

"Always been a knack for stylish and revealing outfits," Haineko addressed in her thoughts. "It makes me feel sexy~", her smirk widening in satisfaction, coyly picturing the image of her grassy swimwear outfit just barely clinging to the curves of her figure. Having inherited her gorgeous looks from Rangiku Matsumoto, it would only be natural for the two of them to enjoy flashing out their voluptuous bodies for the eyes to behold and admire, male and female alike, regardless of their orientation. However, that is not to say that the two of them would normally ever seduce or flaunt their looks; they simply enjoy and appreciate looking and feeling good, even poking fun at their enticing appearances to lighten the mood. In fact, one has to wonder why the two of them - among the most desirable and sought after women residing within the Soul Society - haven't signed on as models or porn stars by this point. Bit hard to picture either of them as virgins, even, but then again, there's always a chance they actually aren't; a perception of the Matsumotos that is shared among the vast majority of their friends.

"Did anyone ever see me back there, at that lake near the bush…?" She wondered briefly, before seeing a bright clad of golden armor from the corner of her eyes, and continued with the story.

"I did see a giant mountain with about five faces carved onto it, plus a large village thing below it", she noted, repositioning her body more towards the center of the table, laying her head down onto the wooden furniture, placing the hand and wrist of her left arm under the back of her head, lazily rubbing the lower section of her weary neck. "Figured I needed a better set of clothes, or maybe just a towel, so I walked around the village for a bit, but I wasn't exactly the hardest to spot there…."

"Curiosity often does kill the cat," chimes in a snickering Suzumebachi, her boredom finally replaced with interest and potential mischief. The mischievous fairy had only been told of the summarized points from that incident through Haineko herself, shortly after returning back into the Seireitei through a Senkaimon, but never the whole picture. Oh, the plentiful rumors this amiable Tinkerbell wannabe could stir up with all that info….

"Too bad it didn't," Tobiume muttered, turning her head to avoid the sharp gaze of the cat zanpakuto.

"…especially with my clothes," Haineko continued, forcefully sticking her tongue out at her so-called friends. "I mean, a pervy, bisexual catgirl with claws, fangs, ears and a tail, wearing a soaked two-piece leaf swimsuit that just barely clings to her body, and again, barely manages to cover anything at all, especially with the miniskirt, makes an excellent ninja at daytime", she half-joked in a sarcastic, mocking manner that mimicked Tobiume, grinning in satisfaction when the smaller kimono pal somewhat cringed a bit in irritation.

"People looked at me like I was high, but that didn't stop the admirers," she continued, turning her body towards the direction of the bench, her palm resting on her cheek and part of her jawline, lazily tracing shapes on the table with her other arm. "Too many, actually, including some military dudes, so I flash-stepped away." She smiled again, remembering the pleasant breeze of leaping and teleporting across several miles and rooftops. "Once I finally stopped, I saw four people, one adult and three preteens; the adult had on a mask that covered his nose and mouth. One of the kids called him 'Kakashi-sensei' or something and begged him to take off his mask, so he did, but all that was underneath the mask was another." She mumbled in disappointment – apparent hotties always seem to hate their faces, for some reason or other.

"I had to return to the Soul Society right then, because they almost saw me." She sighed, flicking her tail distastefully, her eyelids drooping. "Figuring out what's under Senbonzakura's mask reminds me about what those kids were trying to do."

"Trying to look at what's under Minazuki's robe is the same, but it scares the crap out of everyone," Suzumebachi added, all three females falling eerily silent at that remark. No one even wanted to interact with Retsu Unohana's strange, faceless zanpakuto spirit, whom was largely an enigma with no visible body parts, apparently mute and aloof. Not even the bravest males wanted to get a shot at it. Knowing the Fourth Division captain, any being, shinigami or zanpakuto, would be obliterated in a harsh way if they dared to mess with her zanpakuto.

Setting her body upwards on the bench, Tobiume cleared her throat and checked the outside from the small window in the room they were in, preferring to take her mind off Minazuki. The moon was just a crescent sliver of white tonight, but shone brightly amongst the glittering stars, illuminating the darkened pathways and roads scattered around the dimly-lit sections of the Seireitei. An owl hooted noisily from its perch on a nearby tree, but aside from that, all was deadly silent. "The other three should be here," she muttered tiredly. "It's already late, and we've been waiting for at least half an hour already."

"To be more accurate, you three are early. We're the ones on time," a newer, sadistic voice viciously snarled aloud, a small hint of amusement in its tone. All three girls let out an abrupt scream and whirled around, Tobiume falling backwards and smacking her face onto one fire bell, Haineko tipping over the table and falling onto her large rear, and Suzumebachi erratically flying about in shocked surprise, the three soon recovering quickly and spotting the smirking, snickering figures of Zabimaru and Kazeshini at the doorway.

"Heh, women…," snorted rudely the demonic Kazeshini, and stepped forward, his dark skin barely lighting up in the single light that hung in the room. His long hair mane swished as he walked forward, placing himself next to Haineko, as she sat back onto a table chair, and began the meeting with this simple phrase, "So, now that we're all here, we can plan properly. Any ideas?"