Edward had spent the better part of an hour pulling himself back together in the literal sense. With reference to his psyche, however, was a very different story. He is now suffering from a rather extreme case of paranoia, what with random people coming out of nowhere with personal vendettas against him, not to mention the three guys who barged him a few months ago and royally screwed up his life in general.
He trudged through the lawn, which was pockmarked with large craters and scorch marks. Esme's private garden which only grew the finest of organic fruits and vegetables had a car door, bits of concrete and shards of glass blanketing it, removing any doubt that any and all vegetables would either be dead or inedible.
He finally reached the tool shed which was currently serving as his room as Alucard, one of the three intruders had taken residence in his real room and had proceeded to literally and figuratively shit all over it. When he opened the door however, he was quite surprised.
"Hello, Cullen. I was expecting you." There was a person sitting in his favorite pink armchair, which had been modified without his notice to include a swivel function. The power tools used for the alteration were scattered on the floor, as were bits of wood, cloth and sawdust. Edward shrieked like a little girl. "What have you done to my armchair? Oh my god, I loved it and you… you defiled it!" He started to cry. Edward Troll Count: 84, 85.
The figure swiveled around, revealing himself to be Deadpool in the Gendo Ikari pose, hands steeped, fingers interlocked and a pair of scary shiny glasses over his mask. "Aw, shaddap, no need to get your pink flower print panties in a bunch! Sheesh, it's just a freaking armchair. Hell, I improved it! It can swivel now, and if ya don't like it, just get a new one." Edward Troll Count: 86.
Deadpool tossed the glasses into a corner. He changed his posture, now he was slouching lazily with his hands behind his head and one leg resting on the other. "But you… Ho ho ho, your makeover isn't gonna be as pretty. In the last chapter, I barely got to slice you up into sparkly sashimi, but now?" Deadpool allowed his actions to answer his question; his right hand reaching for Bob, one of his katanas, and his left for Jenny, one of his pistols. Edward flinched before turning to run.
Outside, a few sparrows had landed on the roof of Eddie's shed. Two of them started fighting and both fell off the roof in the middle of the scuffle. The others hopped over to the edge and looked down, only to see them disintegrate into a puff of blood and charred feathers. Edward burst out of the wall screaming like a ninny as Deadpool chased after him with a giant mallet. Edward Troll Count: 87.
"Where the hell did you pull that out from?" Edward screamed while running away as fast as he can. Despite the fact that he could run at about 60 miles an hour, Deadpool has having no trouble keeping up while swinging the giant hammer this way and that. "Hammerspace! Any fictional character worth his salt has access to it, and I just pulled the mother of all hammers out! Now get back here so I can play Whackamole with your internal organs!" Edward Troll Count: 88.
Deadpool managed to catch up and gave a mighty yell as he brought the hammer down on Edward, who dived out of the way. The hammer made a comical squeaky sound, but it also created a crater a meter in radius. Edward squealed in fear while picking himself up and diving into the bushes. "Hey! Come back! I haven't seen what color your brain is yet! Wait a minute, does he even have a brain…" Deadpool got sidetracked by the random thought, allowing Edward to escape, albeit for the time being.
Edward pushed his way through the thicket, panting and tripping, his tears of fear mixing with his sweat, which his species of faggot normally do not secrete unless scared completely shitless. He looked over his shoulder to check if Deadpool was chasing, and seeing that there were no crazy men in skintight suits armed to the teeth in pursuit, he finally stopped. *Zap*. Edward suddenly felt dread creep up his spine and back down into the nether regions of his pants, and he sincerely thanked whoever was looking down on him that at least they gave him the consolation of making him decide to wear his brown pants that day. Edward Troll Count: 89, 90, 91, 92.
"Miss me, Eddie? Didn't think I can teleport, huh? Well, this here device was made by some random guy I forgot back in my old comic book, which I think is still running, haven't stopped by a store to check. Anyway, after I found out that it sometimes blows up in my face if I use it too much, I decided to tinker around with it. It blew up some more, but now I improved it. It still does explode sometimes, but now I can teleport to wherever my prey is." Deadpool narrowed his eyes at Edward as he mentioned 'prey', who was still shitting his pants. "I'm in a good mood. You have a ten second head start. Better make it count." Edward Troll Count: 93, 94.
Edward bolted like he never bolted before, his shit leaking out his pant legs, but he was too busy running like mad to care. Deadpool suddenly turned up beside him, sharpening Bob and Betty like a pair of oversized Christmas turkey carving knives. "Wait, was that a ten second or one second head start? Eh, who cares? Never was good with math anyway. Unless it comes to money, boy do I love them greenbacks. My best friends are Lincoln, Grant, Franklin..." Edward screamed at an ultrasonic pitch as he started to shit concrete blocks. Edward Troll Count: 95, 96, 97, 98.
"Hey, Eddie, guess what? The Edward Troll Count is nearly at a hundred! The big one-double-o! And I'm really proud to say that I'm gonna be the one to make it finally hit triple digits! And to think that a fan review of this said that he or she wanted to the count to hit thirty, ha! Well, how should I end this…? Oh wait, I shouldn't tell you guys, it's a secret!"
Just as Deadpool was about to raise the knife for the troll, a leg stuck out of nowhere, tripping Edward, who Deadpool crashed into. The next scene involved extreme slow motion, where the duo were in mid-air, and their screaming was a low-pitched moan. Edward's in particular was panicked, as he was falling face first into a pile of fresh dung. His arms squirmed in mid-air, but it was all futile as he was not doing anything to break his fall. Deadpool however managed to reorient himself, but now his ass was positioned directly over Edward's head. Edward was still screaming, but was cut off as his mouth made contact with the turd. Tears rolled from his eyes, but was cut short when Deadpool landed ass-first in his head and forced his face deeper into the dirt and shit. Time resumed its flow. Edward Troll Count: 99, 100, 101, 102, 103, 104, 105.
In the brush, Hazama smirked while chuckling evilly to himself. "Heh heh, like I'm gonna let someone who's not even a main character of this fic take the hundredth troll! Who the hell do ya think I am? I'm the motherfucking God of Trolling, that's who! It's even listed on Tvtropes! Oh yeah, thanks for the help Dio." Dio smirked, as did his stand.
Deadpool looked around, then got off Edward's head. Edward was now unconscious, his face streaked with tears and shit. Deadpool looked at the spectacle, and suddenly a cross-shaped vein popped up on his temple. "GREEEEEEEEEN-HAAAAAAAAIRRRRRRRRED GUUUUUUUUUUUUY!" Hazama tried to stifle his mad cackling and nearly failed, managing to get another troll in the bag. Edward Troll Count: 106.
Deadpool started to vent his rage on his surroundings, particularly on Edward. Soon, there was a new clearing in the forest, with Edward buried with only his ankles and feet above the ground. Deadpool stomped angrily as he exited the forest, muttering angrily to himself. "Damn no good green haired Michael Jackson impersonator stealing my crowning moment of awesome, taking my credit. One day I oughta… Oh well, at least I managed to get some fun outta this excursion this time. Looks like I won't have to sue you after all, author guy!"
"No sweat. It's fun trolling Eddie. It's the only reason I started this fic."
"Yeah, I know. I'm gonna have to take you up on the offer of those tickets, though! Gimme a call when it's time!" As he finished the sentence, Deadpool thumbed his belt buckle and zapped out of existence.
A/N: Well, that's it for Deadpool's cameo. I guess this would be the equivalent of an omake chapter, but due to a lack of public opinion on who should be the next guest star, I would like to ask you all to choose between either Dante or Wesker. Please let me know. Please.