Okay, I'm gonna try another one- shot. I made this because of a needed distraction during my exam week. Hahaha.
I will post the next chapter for Choices soon. I hope. Just be patient please, okay?
So anyway, here's one possibility of what Jesse thought during that night when Suze came home (in Haunted) with blisters and burns on her feet. And it's also a few days after their first kiss…
How could you do this to yourself, Susannah?
Why did you not just call me? I could have helped you come home safely. I would have carried you if you asked. You could have spared yourself and your feet from those burns.
You are such a stubborn person, querida.
And even though I may have been avoiding you these past few days after that time, I would always help you no matter what.
Perhaps, more than what is necessary at times.
I walked over to your bed and sat next to your sleeping form. You were sleeping peacefully. Maybe you will have a dreamless sleep tonight. After what I am certain was an eventful day, at least you can now rest.
I placed one of my hands on top of yours. You look so vulnerable when you sleep, querida. It is not like your usual self. You always show to others that you are strong. It is only when you sleep that you let your guard down. Your lips were slightly parted, a habit, I noticed, that you do after an exhausting day. A day that usually involved your unusual yet precious gift.
If only I could tell you how I feel, Susannah.
But I cannot. I should not. It is not right. It is not fair to you.
I should apologize, querida, for kissing you that day. I am sorry for taking advantage of you at that time. You told me you did not want to talk, that you were exhausted, but I was so caught in the moment that I gave in to my long-time temptation. It was so selfish of me.
But even if I apologize, querida, it will only be half-meant.
How can I say sorry when what I feel is otherwise?
I have never been the one to be selfish, Susannah. I would like to think that you know me enough to discern that I am not that kind of person. It has never been in my blood. But when it comes to you…
You are different, querida. It is not because you the first one who has ever spoken to me in the last century and a half. No. it is because you are the most bravest, strongest, and most beautiful person I have ever had the chance to meet.
Even if I would tell you that you are more beautiful than Maria, I know that you will not believe me. But you are, querida, inside and out. That is your most endearing quality. You are more beautiful than Maria could ever have been.
But you have your flaws too, Susannah. I know that you may think that you are strong enough to handle everything on your own, but you still need someone. There are a lot of people around you who are willing to help you. You are not alone in this world.
Because I know for a fact, that you will always have me.
I have never cursed or questioned my birth in this world. But ever since I have known you, how many time have I wished, have I bargained, have I pleaded that I be born into another time? Into your time, Susannah?
Perhaps then, things would be different.
Perhaps then, we could be the way I know we could be. As normal persons.
You stirred slightly and mumbled something softly. I leaned forward, trying to catch any word you have said. But you went right back to sleep, you breath grazing my cheek. I raised my hand and pushed back a lock of hair behind your ear. My hand remained on your neck as I pressed my lips to your temple. Something I have done a couple of times now when I know that you were fully asleep. But tonight, I lingered there longer than what should have been.
An indulgence. Forgive me.
But I can never let you know, querida. For your sake. You have to move on with your life. And maybe, sometime, meet someone who will accept you… Love you.
I sighed, pulling away.
I'm sorry, querida, if it has to be this way. I'm sorry if I have to act rough, uninterested, and uncaring at times, like the way I dropped you on your bed earlier. But it is more for your own good than mine, querida. Trust me. I know that I have hurt, angered, and annoyed you many times before, and I ask forgiveness for that.
I'm sorry if I cannot be the man I would want to be for you. I am sorry if I can only be the ghost who shares your room.
But if there is any way, some way, I could be the man who could give you everything you need and want, be the man to hold you, be the man who could grow old with you, I would do it. If I have to live a thousand more years as a ghost, just to live one lifetime with you as a living man, I would do it, Susannah. That is how much I love you.
Yes, querida, I love you with all my heart, soul, and being.
And that is something I am not sorry about.
So, do you like it?
Reviews would be nice. Appreciated and welcomed as always.
Thanks for reading!