A/n: I got the idea for this from reading stories done in the same style over in the LOTR section. Some of them were freaking hilarious! And right now, I like writing one shots, more specifically humour/parody ones. Most of these I will nots... contain Spirit. Guess who my favourite Joe is? And also, I have like three chapter stories I have to update soon, so... I'm getting distracted... Also, I hope no one of homosexuality finds number four insulting, it's not meant to be insulting.

Disclaimer: I own no Joe, Cobra Commander, Cobra Villain, Kung-fu Fighting the song, nor do I support the use of drugs. Drugs, bad. Cookies, good.

1. I will not sing "Kung-fu Fighting" when two ninjas are fighting.

The sound of metal clashing sounded through out the Cobra building. Two ninja were playing a deadly game of cat and mouse.

Snake Eyes landed in the hallway, a deep gash in his thigh slowing his movements. He turned towards Storm Shadow, and gripped the hilt of his remaining ninjaken. Storm Shadow charged at him, and the two began their battle.

At this time, the Dreadnoks conveniently strolled in, and saw the two ninja. Instead of helping Storm Shadow, they began singing.

"Everbody was Kung-fu Fighting!"

2. I will not ask Heavy Duty if I can borrow his steroids.

"Yo! HD!" Heavy Duty set the supplies he was moving down, and glanced at the grinning Tunnel Rat.

"Hey TR. What ya grinnin' about?" asked Heavy Duty resting his elbow on top of the supplies box.

"Well, I was wonderin', if I could borrow some..." The red haired male looked around shiftily.

"Borrow what? Spit it out."

"Can I borrow your steroids?"

"I don't do drugs! Get back here!"

3. I will not give Billy pedicures.

Spirit walked down the hallway searching for Billy. He stopped just outside of Kamakura's room when he heard a strange cry.

"Hold him still Jinx!" said Kamakura, his voice slightly higher pitched than it normally was. This struck Spirit as odd. Who was the ninja apprentices trying to hold still?

Once again the strange cry was heard, and Spirit began to grow more and more suspicious. He opened the door and let out a strangled cry of shock.

Jinx and Kamakura looked up at Spirit in what looked like a mixture of shock, surprise, and fear. Billy let out an undignified squeak of anger, and flew up and over to Spirit and landed on his shoulder, freshly painted pink talons, digging into Spirit's shoulder.

"Don't get mad Spirit..."

4. I will not ask Spirit if he's gay.

Duke had recently noticed that Billy's talons were pink, and that two ninja apprentices had been quick to flee the room whenever Spirit entered the room. He came up with two hypothesises, but couldn't decide which one to believe.

One, Jinx and Kamakura had given had given Billy a pedicure, and were now fearing the wrath of a certain Native American tracker.

Or, two, Spirit had painted Billy's talons, to ease everyone into him actually being gay, and either he came out of the closet to Jinx and Kamakura, causing them to feel awkward, or they had walked in and saw... Homosexual acts of love.

A door slammed, alerting him to the fleeing of two ninja apprentices, and the entering of the team's tracker.

"Spirit are you gay?" The room went silent, and all eyes were on Hi-Tech who had asked the question on Duke's mind, and showed no fear.

Even Heavy Duty was impressed with Hi-Tech's courage.

Or stupidity.

Spirit's eye twitched and Billy flew off of his shoulder and landed on a table, across the room. Hi-Tech gulped.

(This scene has been removed for extreme violence, swearing, yelling, freaking out, two scarred ninja apprentices, and a nerd, that now knows, Spirit is not gay. He's dead sure of it.)

A/n: I'm too lazy to type of number five, but I'll give you a hint. It involves a mad Long Range. Now let me now what you think!