Little House on the Greek Prairie
I don't own Xena or breast implants
Thanks for reading
After a couple days journey the four found a small village east of Thebes. It so happened there was a cottage there that was available. Joxer saw it and said, "That's just perfect."
Gabrielle replied with a smile, "Yes that would work for you both Joxer." Xena replied jokingly reassuring, "Yup, I'd live there if I wasn't so busy being the warrior princess. Now we just need to find the person who owns it."
Sure enough there was a rough man there walking along. Xena asked with a smile, "Who owns this cottage?"
The rough man said gruffly, "I do. What of it?"
Xena replied, "My friend here Joxer wants to buy it for him and his little daughter."
The man leaned down to look at the girl as she made a face and ran behind Joxer. He then said, "15,000 Dinars."
Xena replied with an eyebrow, "Isn't that steep?"
The man replied dryly, "Inflationary fucking times."
Joxer said in severe irritation, "Hey! Watch your mouth!"
The man said, "What are you going to about it?" He then shoved Joxer. Xena grabbed the man and slammed him to the dirt. She rolled him over and yanked his arm back.
Xena asked tauntingly, "Now what do you say?"
The man replied in pain, "I'm sorry."
Xena then asked, "How much is the house?"
He said, "12,500." Xena yanked. He screamed out, "10,000."
Xena said as she continued to pull on the arm, "Come on now, I think you can go lower."
He shouted in pain, "9,000."
Xena replied with a raised eyebrow, "Now you're trying to make me mad."
He said painfully, "5,000, that's the price I bought it for."
Xena said, "About the discount for being rude, I think you and drop a few hundred, you know to show you're a good business man who realizes what how hurtful it can be to be rude."
He said, "Ok, ok, four thousand. Please no more!" Xena looked at Joxer who shook his head in agreement.
Xena then said, "No money down, he pays at least 1,500 by the end of this year, 1,500 by the end of next year and the final thousand a year from then."
He said, "Surely you don't expect me to except that?" She yanked one more time. He said, "Ok, deal."
Xena then asked, "Are you going to harass him at all when I leave, cause you know I'll be back."
He replied, "No, I'll leave him in peace, just let me go." Xena released his arm.
He then got up and shook Joxer's hand to cement the dead. Xena stared the man down. Catching Xena's eyes he said, "Sorry about my foul mouth."
The little girl kicked him in the leg and said, "You should have taught you better than that."
After giving Joxer the keys, he left dejected as he held his aching shoulder.
The four of them entered the cottage. It was dusty and filled with cobwebs and so much other junk. Gabrielle said with a roll of the eyes, "He wanted 15,000 for this?"
Xena replied with a smile, "Why do you think I almost pulled his shoulder out of socket."
Gabrielle caught sight of a broken chair as she said, "Maybe you should have."
Joxer looked at the bed, "I think I was better off in the woods."
Xena stated enthusiastically, "Nothing some spit and polish won't cure."
Gabrielle replied, "And maybe a bonfire."
Xena said popping her knuckles, "Ok let's get to work."
Amerielle said, "Me too?"
Xena gazed into the little girl's green eyes as she said, "Of course you. No one gets an out on this one." Xena picked up a rag and handed to Amerielle. She said, "Get the low cobwebs and don't touch any with spiders in them." Amerielle went right off to work.
Five hours later. Bones cracked. Amerielle had fallen asleep on a bed which was just cleaned. Gabrielle's face was black and her hair was filled with cobwebs. Joxer was brown with dust while his clothes were soaked with sweat. Xena was remarkably somewhat clean considering she was front and center on all the work. Joxer suddenly sneezed, not paying attention at who just walked in front of him. He opened his eyes to a fist coming from Xena who had dusty snot on her face.
Moments later Joxer came too as Xena helped him to his feet. Xena said, "Well that's a start. Come Joxer, you're going to help me fetch some water for a bath. Gabrielle, you stay here with Amerielle. Find something constructive to do." Gabrielle replied in kind, "Ha!"
As Xena and Joxer walked out Xena said, "You handled Gabrielle well I see."
Joxer replied, "It wasn't easy."
Xena said as she began to fill a bucket with water, "Gabrielle's been feeling a great big hole in her since Hope had to die. She really wants to have something to fill that hole. It could have been a child; it could have been something else. But the child is that extra reminder of what she went through with Hope."
Joxer replied, "Hardest part was chasing her away. I would love to have her any way I can get her."
Xena replied as she filled a second bucket, "But you recognized that the way you would have got her was harmful to the both of you. Joxer I'm proud of you. I've never known you to be this sensitive before."
Joxer replied, "Well I've always been a sensitive guy you know."
Xena said, "Joxer, shut up. Don't do that stuff. Just be you. Not what you think everyone wants to be. Here, think of it like this. I want you to be a father to that child. I want you to be yourself and I want you to be happy."
Joxer replied, "I'll try."
Xena raised an eyebrow, "There is no try. You either will or you won't. And if you won't I'm going to kick your ass."
Joxer said, "I will."
Xena then said, "good, now help me the damn water since you've been staring at me fill the buckets."
Joxer said, "Oh." He went right to helping her.
Two days later. Joxer, Gabrielle, Xena, and Amerielle stood outside the cottage. Gabrielle said, "Wow, now Joxer you have for yourself a real place to raise a child. This is wonderful."
Joxer replied happly, "I know. Thank you guys for helping me out."
Xena replied tauntingly, "Anything to get you out of our hair."
Joxer looked at the ground sad. Xena slapped him on the back, "It was a joke. C'mon Joxer. I don't mean it."
Joxer then asked smiling, "How do you really feel about me?"
Xena said, "You are a true friend and a wonderful father."
Gabrielle then added, "And you're a good man too. Don't worry Joxer. Something good is coming your way."
Then a voice said, "Hey, are you all new here?"
They all turned around, including the little girl. Joxer caught the sight of a tall brown haired woman in villager get up. She asked, "Which one of you is his wife?"
Xena said, "Neither, we are family here to help him get set up with his daughter in his new home."
Gabrielle added, "And we are on our way out so he can get settled in." They weren't going to leave actually, just get out of the way, hang outside of the village a few days to see he got settled well.
The woman said, "Oh, who's the mother then?"
Joxer replied, "She passed." The woman said as Xena and Gabrielle walked past her, "Oh my, I'm sorry to hear that. I'm Danielle."
Joxer was about to reply but Amerielle said, "That's my dad, he's Joxer the Mighty." Amerielle was about to sing the Joxer the Mighty song but Joxer tapped her on the shoulder to stop her.
Joxer was trying to ask her to come over for dinner. But he couldn't. He was too nervous. The silence became an awkward one as he stared at her. Amerielle knowing that she had to act quickly to save this chance said, "Do you want to come over for dinner. Daddy gets shy around girls, but I'm sure he'd be happy to have you over."
She elbowed him in the hip as he said, "Yea, come on over. We'll put something together."
Danielle said, "I've got to take care of a few things, then I'll be right over."
Xena and Gabrielle observed out of sight. Gabrielle said, "Joxer is going to be fine."
Xena then said, "With Amerielle to help him out, I'm sure he'll do well."
Gabrielle said, "She has done wonders on him. It's amazing isn't it?"
Xena replied, "I always knew he was a good man."
Gabrielle asked, "Well why didn't you take him if you knew."
Xena replied, "What, me and Joxer? You must be smoking. Didn't pick up any of that opium on the way back from India did ya?"
Gabrielle replied, "Nope."
Xena said, "Well, lets go. Joxer is going to be a happy man."
Gabrielle replied, "Are we going to come back here soon?" Xena replied, "Sure, I want to twist that guys arm a little more, maybe save Joxer some more money. Besides I want to acquire some for him, help get him ahead start."
Gabrielle replied, "You think you can get that man to lower his price anymore?"
Xena replied, "I have many skills."
AN: The alternative ending is available by email request. PM me if you wanna see it.