Draco was sitting in one of the many leather chairs in his sitting room... The seat encased him, it's blackness absorbed him and enveloped him within itself. His eyes stared into the fire as his mind began to wander. He started to think about his son, who had long moved out, and his wife, who had grown old and frail over the years. Finally, his mind passed over the topic of Harry, his old lover from the years he was in school.
The pale eyelids closed over the gray stormy eyes as his random thought of Harry turned into an all out daydream of the boy... His mind traveled back in time, it was to a time when things were good and they were happy together. He and Harry were in the empty classroom again, their bodies pressed together and their lips mashing together as if they would never see one another ever again.
Harry's lips pressed against Draco's collar bone as he unbuttoned the pale boy's shirt, Draco's hands were on Harry's hips. Small whimpers and moans escaped from Draco's lips and Harry just smirked against the pallid skin in which he was kissing. His hands moved from unbuttoning Draco's shirt to working on the boy's belt, it opened rather quickly.
Draco pushed Harry back and started to vigorously unbutton Harry's shirt and pants, just as Harry had done to him, only Draco's movement were much more rough. The boys connected once more at the lips before exploring one anothers bodies in almost every way possible...
Aside from the physical love that Draco felt for the other boy, he was emotionally attached to Harry. Even though he and Harry hadn't spoken in well over thirty years, he still had a deep attachment and was absolutely in love with the boy... He had been since as long as he can remember, in fact he couldn't even remember the exact date he fell in love, the feeling was always present and had been for Merlin knows how long.
"Draco?" Astoria beckoned, she sounded as if she was a few rooms away, though that could have been just the way her voice sounded...
"Yes, dear?" Draco called back, his voice was strong despite his age.
"I'm going to bed... Will you be up shortly?" Astoria sounded closer now, as if she was standing in the doorway to the sitting room.
"Yes, I'll be there soon, dear." Draco said, his eyes still closed.
"I love you." She said, her voice was slow... She seemed to be assuring not only Draco, but herself, that she loved the pale man in the leather chair.
"I love you, too." Draco said, his tone was flat. He knew that he didn't love her, he knew that she knew as well, he had no one to convince.
With that, Astoria went up to bed and left Draco alone in the sitting room once more... Draco's eyes opened and focused on the fire once more, the flames danced and twisted in front of him. He closed his eyes and went back to the depths of his mind where he imagined himself back with Harry and back when his life wasn't a very large and intricate lie.
The mental image of himself with Harry faded and his wife's face appeared... His mind traced over the years he had spent with her and what had happened in the long period of time. He loved his wife, he was sure of it. He had to love her, it may have been in a very unhealthy way, but he loved her none the less and that's all that counted. His love for his wife was odd, he liked her enough to marry her and impregnate her, but he wasn't attached enough for it to hurt if something were to happen to her.
Draco's life passed before his eyes, the only really interesting time was when he was at Hogwarts or when he had his son. Any time spent with his wife wasn't love filled and joyous. He loved his son, Scorpius, but not like he could love Harry or should love his wife. Draco sighed, he loved almost no one in this entire world other than a man who hates him and his own son... His son wasn't even around often either, he was off in some other place doing what he did at The Ministry. Scorpius was either did a completely behind-the-desk job, or his days were filled with in-action and in-the-field experiences. It had to be one extreme or the other, no in between with this boy. He was just like his father in that aspect...
Draco's eyes opened, the fire was dying, and so he let it. As the fire became just a pile of embers, they glowed and crackled as Draco left the room... He ended up in his study, his fingers dragging over the spins of books as he paced past his bookcases. Finally, he stopped in front a photo album disguised as a very boring and old book of Charms.
The pale hands gripped the book's spine and pulled it from the shelf, it was dusty and falling apart... Draco opened it, the first photo was one of himself with his son. He was wearing a suit, just as always, and his son was wearing his Hogwarts uniform and it was the first day of school of Scorpius' first year. The boy looked scared and excited all at once, Draco must have been telling the boy to 'suck it up and be a man' because his pale face was contorted into a very harsh face. The image moved and shown his mouth moving and the boy's face staying practically the same, there were others in the background but they didn't matter.
The next photo was much nicer, it was of him and his wife on their wedding day. They were having their first dance as a couple and Astoria was in a traditional white gown while Draco was in his black robes. The photo showed the couple moving and swaying with the music, both were looking into each others eyes and seemed to be truly in love with one another. Draco looked at the moving photo, it was that single picture that proved to him that he did love his wife... He loved her, he really did, but not like he loved Harry.
The next photo was one that Draco had taken himself, and it was of Harry. The boy was laying sprawled on Draco's bed and was fast asleep. The moving picture shown Harry's deep breaths as he slept and the sun cascading over his bare back. His shoulder blades caused shadows down his back, and his arms tucked up under the pillow. The photo was beautiful, the angle was perfect, and it caught Harry in a perfect moment of peace and tranquility. Draco loved this boy, he loved him with every fiber of his being and always will. The love he felt for the boy hadn't faded nor wavered through the years, and for that Draco was proud; he wasn't even sure if he loved his wife.
Within the next photo held the past that Draco clung near and dear to. This shot was particularly important to Draco; it was of Harry and himself. They were on a bed together and Draco was laying on Harry's chest and both boys were looking up into the camera. Their smiles were wide and toothy, it showed the real happiness that the pair had once shared... Their eyes darted from the camera to one another and then they kissed. Their kiss was deep and loving, after the kiss the pair just looked into each others eyes and then back to the camera as they began to smile once more.
Draco slid into a chair, the image really shook him up. He knew how much he loved Harry, but had forgotten how much Harry loved him back... That love was from so long ago that it faded in Draco's heart and he long forgotten it. Perhaps it wasn't entirely gone, though. Perhaps Harry still had a smidgen of love for Draco, even if it was just enough to not hate him. Now that the thought was in his mind, he ran with it.
Perhaps Harry was just mad that evening? It has been over thirty years, he must have cooled down by now. Harry had a family now, though, just as Draco does... This made things far more complicated. Neither of them could just up and leave their entire lives, it would be far too hard. Draco wasn't attached to his wife, but he loved his son more than anything and he could never do that to the boy.
Draco rose from the chair and headed towards his desk. He pulled out a quill and parchment, and he began to write. The words fell from his mind to the paper.
I need to speak to you, in person. It's been thirty years and I'm tired of it being like this.
I'm sorry for what happened, but I need to explain... Please give me a chance.
His stormy eyes read the words over and over, finding fault at every syllable... He hated the letter, but it was exactly what he needed. He needed it to be pleading and slightly demanding in order to get Harry to do as he wanted. His pale hands rolled the parchment into a tube and tied it to his owl, Amaranth. The great bird spread it's wings and took flight out into the darkness of night... Draco stood and watched as it flew into the distance.
Draco slumped back into his chair and slowly dozed until he was completely asleep. He slept badly, he was still dressed in his suit and in a chair. His neck was positioned awkwardly and his back curved uncomfortably. He woke the next morning, he was stiff and still tired, he expected the owl to be here but alas it wasn't.
"Draco, dear?" Astoria called into the study.
"Mm?" Draco mumbled, he was far too tired and it was far too early to deal with this.
"It's almost eleven, would you like breakfast?" Astoria asked, their house elf stood behind her.
"Please." Draco said, his previous thought about it being too early was mentally retracted. "I'll have coffee and perhaps some toast. Thank you." He nodded and the house elf disappeared from the doorway.
"Are you feeling alright?" Astoria walked into the study, her eyes looking at Draco as if he was about to pass out. "You're looking rather pale."
"Aren't I always?" Draco said sarcastically and cocked a brow at his wife. She frowned and sighed, he had obviously hurt her feelings and so she left.
Draco walked into the kitchen, he smelt the ever familiar scent of coffee as it bombarded his nostrils. He paced through the kitchen and into the dining room where his food wait. Draco sat at the long wooden table and sipped his coffee between bites of toast. He really wasn't hungry, but he had to keep his mind off of the owl that he sent out last night... He would have to stay busy all day.
After finishing his toast and coffee Draco went upstairs to shower, shave and dress for the day. After his morning routine was finished he walked downstairs and went back into his study... He stood at the window, his eyes narrowed and examining every inch of sky that he could see. His owl was no where in sight and that fact bothered Draco to no extent.
Draco's eyes stopped searching the skies for his jet black owl, instead they focused on the assortment of knickknacks around his study... There were books, pictures, a few large grandfather clocks, multiple tables, many chairs, a metal globe, and a multitude of things he collected from his travels throughout the magic world.
"Hoo...Hoo..." Draco turned, his black owl was perched on the windowsill of his study. It stood their valiantly and looked to be very vicious.
"Ah, here you are Amaranth." Draco walked over to the bird and took the parchment from it's beak.
5pm today at The Three Broomsticks.
Draco looked at the simple six word sentence... This small sentence meant everything to him. It meant forgiveness, the prospect of love, an escape and even freedom from the chains of guilt. Draco looked at the clock, it was about four thirty in the afternoon now, he had to leave soon or else he would be late. With that, he grabbed his broom and flew out and into Hogsmeade...
The pale man dressed almost entirely in black except for his dark green vest under his black robes got off of his broom and walked into the crowded pub. His eyes adjusted to the dim and smokey atmosphere, it smelt of ash and alcohol and looked as musty as ever. His gray eyes scanned over the room, they looked at every face until finally seeing the pair of green eyes he still recognized... They were a dark forest green, but as bright as ever. Draco walked over to where Harry was sitting and sat down as well, he was across from the dark haired boy.
"Draco." Harry said. His voice had gotten deeper and somewhat raspier, but he still said Draco the same way he had back in school.
"Harry." Draco said back. Their eyes stayed locked, neither man blinked... They just stared at one another until the waitress came buy.
"What can I get 'ya?" She asked, her gaze shifted from Harry to Draco and back to Harry.
"Firewhiskey." Draco ordered. The woman just nodded and looked at Harry.
"Make that two." Harry said, and with that the woman left to prepare their drinks. Harry turned his attention back to Draco with his brow was cocked... The silence between the pair was awkward and getting far worse.
"I'm sorry." Draco said finally. His gaze lowed and he looked at the wooden table... He wished the drinks would arrive, then he would have something to distract from the awkwardness.
Harry just gaped at the man before him... Draco had gone from stone solid and rigid to almost vulnerable in a matter of seconds. Those simple words, that small two word phrase, the two syllable sentence had Draco in a most odd state.
"I know." Harry nodded. He wasn't ready to forgive Draco for what had happened, but he was willing to hear the man's side of the story. "So you wanted to explain what happened that night?"
And so he did... Draco told Harry about how he was practically thrown into having to assassinate Dumbledore, how if he didn't he and his family would have been murdered, that Voldemort assigned the job to him specifically and how he loved Harry. Draco told the bespectacled man how he loved him and that he didn't tell Harry for the fear of hurting him and losing him forever...
"I'm sorry, Harry. You have to understand that I'm sorry for what happened, but we can't go back." Draco shook his head and took a swig of firewhiskey, the drinks had come while he was explaining.
"I know." Harry took a swig of his own bottle of the liquor. "We'll just have to move forward... I don't forgive you, but I understand what you said." Harry nodded as the hot alcohol ran down his throat.
"T-thank you." Draco nodded back and finished his firewhiskey in a rather large gulp.
After both had finished their alcohol, the awkward silence had come up again... Both men just stared at one another, just staring and breathing. Harry's eyes seemed to search Draco's, and Draco's seemed to just stare blankly.
"Let's get out of here." Harry said finally. He stood and pulled his coat on, then waited for Draco to do the same. "This place is a bit of a hell hole."
"Where are we going?" Draco asked. He hadn't planned on their meeting to be anywhere but the pub... He felt insecure and annoyed at not knowing and secretly he hated Harry for not telling him right away.
"You'll see." Harry said as he walked out of the bar, Draco in tow. This response irked Draco even deeper, he wanted to know where they were going and he wanted to know right this instant.
"Well, I want to know." Draco sped up so he was walking right next to Harry. Their eyes met, Harry's was a light green that glowed slightly and Draco's an intense gray that pierced the very soul of anyone they came in contact with.
"Stop being pushy, you'll see soon enough." Harry said, he went back to searching for the place he and Draco were going. To be honest, he didn't even know where they were going... He just didn't tell Draco this because he knew how much it bothered him. There wasn't a whole lot that Harry remembered from when they were together, but the lack of knowledge was one thing that really got under that pale skin.
"Fine." Draco whined... He was starting to doubt Harry's knowledge of where they were going. It wasn't unlike the boy to just see as you go along, it was one of the things Draco remembered from when they were together in school.
The pair walked in the cold air of winter time, it nipped at their exposed flesh as they trekked through Hogsmeade. Both just walking, Harry was examining ever store front and building for a sign for an inn or a hostel. The air was getting cooler by the second, the wind was picking up as well. Finally Harry just gave up on finding a place and just shoved Draco into an empty alley way.
"I knew it! You had no idea where we were going!" Draco said, his finger pointed right into Harry's face.
"Oh, shut up." Harry said, his eyes rolled and his lips connected with Draco's. Draco was caught entirely by surprise, he hadn't in a billion years expected Harry to kiss him after what happened.
"S-stop." Draco said after Harry pulled away.
"I thought you wanted this." Harry said, his voice rang with disappointment.
"I do." Draco nodded. "I just can't do this. You don't want this, we can't do this, this is not going to work out. We both have families we have to support, we can't just up and leave." Draco shook his head. Tears stung his eyes, he felt the fat drops roll down his cheeks. This had to be the hardest decision of his life.
"I love you and you just push me away." Harry shook his head. "I want this, and you want this. How wrong could it be?"
"We can't just leave our families-our lives- behind like this. It's been too long, it won't work." Draco closed his eyes and sighed. He loved Harry, with every part of his being, and he had to let the man go. Draco loved Harry enough to realize that it wouldn't work, it would only cause more pain.
"You don't love me. You lied to me then, and you lied to me now." Harry's tone had grown increasingly dark, and he spoke through barred teeth. "I can't believe I listened to you."
"I love you, Harry, I do. I just know this won't work and I can't stand hurting you anymore." Draco's tears started to roll down his cheeks more quickly now.
"I-I..." Harry was speechless. He loved Draco, he couldn't be away from him any longer... It had already been far too long, and now Draco wanted to break it all off? "We can't-you can't." Harry shook his head.
"I'm sorry." Draco said before turning to leave the dirty alley way. Each step was like a knife stabbing into his back. "I'm sorry and I love you." Draco turned back and said. His face was wet and his eyes bloodshot from the crying.
"I love you too." Harry said back, it came out as barely a whisper. He leaned against the stone wall of the alley way, his eyes closed and tears running down his face. He had lost the love of his life.
With that, Draco was gone and left Harry alone in the alley way. It was for the best... Draco loved Harry too much for things to get serious and then fall apart, they hadn't talked for thirty years and it would be far too difficult, plus they both had families that they had to support. It was as if the universe was all out against their relationship and there was nothing they could do but accept it.
Draco and Harry went on with their lives, as if nothing had happened between them both on that day and in their school days. They lived miserably and stayed with the partners that they didn't love... Draco saw it as a punishment for ruining things back in school, Harry saw it as just cruel fate. Either way, both had made the hardest decision of their lives; to stay apart and go back to their lives-back to their lies. Both Draco and Harry knew that getting back together would be far to difficult, far too dangerous and far too much for them to handle.
Though after that day, the pair never even shared a word, not even a hello. The years of separation before that day ruined all possibility for them to have a relationship, but once Harry died, Draco followed less than a week later. It was as if they were together all the while, emotionally attached, and once one was gone the other couldn't bare to hang on.
And that, sir or ma'am, is the epilogue. It is the very end, the very very end. I originally wanted to make it all happy and whatnot, but decided against it... Happy is far too hard to write, and a sad ending seemed to fit better. I hope it didn't make too many people sad...
Anyway, I was also planning on having a big fat chapter just about the story itself and basically just being an author's note, but I don't think that will happen. I'm too lazy and I think this story has gone on long enough, no?
Well, just so you know, I plan on writing a Sirius/Remus fanfic soon, and I already have the plot for it so be ready for another story!
Thanks to everyone who read this, you all mean the world to me!