Sugar Coated Carnage
The trouble started on a Friday night at the Mitarashi Clan Tower, where Naruto and the girls were lounging about in the living room. Naruto was listening to music with Tayuya leaning on him with her head on his shoulder while Tenten and Kin were playing a game of BlazBlue on the Playstation 3 that they stole…I mean, borrowed without asking.
Despite keeping themselves preoccupied, Naruto and the three genetically altered girls could not shake the nagging sense of boredom that plagued them. And when they were bored, they were also cranky. And when a group of teenagers who had a variety of special (and destructive) abilities were bored and cranky, bad things happened.
And on top of all that, Anko was out of the village on an assassination mission, meaning that Naruto and the girls were bored, cranky…and unsupervised, which made it even worse.
Kin managed to beat Tenten in their game, to which the Dark Musician held out her hand, as if expecting something. "Pay up, Ten."
Tenten grumbled slightly before handing her sister a 500 yen coin. "Try not to spend it in one place, Kin."
Kin scoffed at that. "Yeah right. Even around here, the economy blows." The raven haired girl then turned to her other sister and boyfriend. "So, who want a shot?" Kin asked.
"I'd sure like a shot of…" Tayuya grumbled, but trailed off at the end.
"No thanks, Kin." Naruto replied.
Tenten then got up and stretched. "I'm going to go see what there is to eat, considering there's nothing else to do around here." With that, the Weapons Mistress made her way to the kitchen.
When Tenten entered the kitchen, she walked over to the refrigerator to see what they had to eat, which was not a lot. Just some leftover dango and sake which belonged to Anko. Tenten sighed as she was not in the mood for Dango and sake never really appealed to her and the others. There was also a sealed plastic bowl.
"Hmm? I wonder what this is?" Tenten thought aloud. As she reached for the container, something inside it moved.
"What the hell?" Tenten pulled her hand away as some…THING popped out of the top of the container. Tenten blinked at the creature, which blinked right back at her before opening its mouth, revealing rows of sharp looking teeth. The thing then let out a screech as it tried to pull itself out of the container.
Before that could happen, Tenten quickly slammed the refrigerator door and quickly created some metal bars with her powers and stuck them between the handles to keep the fridge locked. A moment later, something started banging from inside the fridge.
"Screw it. I'm not taking any chances." Tenten said as she started using her powers to generate some chains and wrapped them around the refrigerator tightly. The sound of the creature moving around inside could still be heard.
"Um, a little help in here!" Tenten called for her sisters and Naruto. A moment later, the others came into the kitchen.
"What's up, Ten?" Naruto asked, noticing Tenten's handiwork.
"That's what I'd like to know." The Weapons Mistress panted before turning towards Tayuya. "Tayuya, did you try to cook something again and put it in a plastic container in the refrigerator?"
"Yeah." Tayuya answered. "It was a Banana Cream Pie. Why?"
A dull THUMP from inside the refrigerator could suddenly be heard. "What the hell was that?" Kin asked.
"Tayuya's Banana Cream Pie…doing a damned good impersonation of one of those things from the 'Aliens' movies." Tenten replied before turning back to Tayuya. "Do I even want to know what you used to make that thing?"
"Hey I followed the recipe…well mostly." Tayuya admitted, which resulted in some looks from the others. "So I added a few extra things, so sue me!"
"Luckily for you, Tayuya, you don't have much to sue for." Kin quipped, resulting in a dirty look from the necromancess.
Another thump could be heard. This one a little stronger than the last. Even though she made them and knew they were indestructible, Tenten was starting to doubt that the bonds would hold. "Can we continue this later? Like after we get rid of this thing!" Tenten snapped.
About an hour and a half, a hole that was about ten feet deep, several bags of quick drying cement and a large boulder with some seals placed on it later, Naruto and the girls buried the refrigerator and its unnatural occupant in a clearing near the fence surrounding the forest.
"Well, that was an interesting way to kill some time." Naruto said when he and the girls got back to the tower.
"Tayuya, you are permanently banned from anything that remotely resembles food preparation!" Tenten said.
"Oh come on!" Tayuya snapped. "My cooking skills aren't that bad…aren't they?"
"Do you REALLY want us to answer that?" Kin asked.
Before a verbal spat could begin (which could potentially lead to something more violent), Naruto stepped in. "So, we took care of a mutant food stuff, but we had to sacrifice our fridge in the process. But now we're back where we started…the four of us cooped up in this tower on a Friday night with nothing to do. So, it begs to question: what do we do now?"
"Well, provided we keep Tayuya away from cooking, we can see whatever else is in the kitchen to chow down on." Kin suggested.
"One more crack about my cooking, Kin, and you will not wake up tomorrow." Tayuya threatened.
A few minutes later, Naruto and the girls entered the kitchen yet again.
"Well, there's some microwavable stuff here." Naruto said. "Too bad the microwave's busted."
"Hey, don't look at me. I refuse to take the blame for that!" Tayuya snapped before angrily turning towards Tenten. "Something you'd like to share with us, TENTEN?"
"Squealer!" Tenten grunted. Naruto and Kin looked at her.
"What happened?" the Jinchuriki asked.
"So I used the microwave to heat up some weapon polish. How was I supposed to know the damn thing would blow up like that?" Tenten defended herself.
"I swear, they are the sweetest girls, at least to me anyway, and the loves of my life, but they CANNOT cook to save themselves." Naruto thought to himself.
"What was that, Naruto?" Tayuya snapped
"Nothing, dear!" Naruto quickly said, forgetting that Tayuya could read minds sometimes.
Before the redhead could inquire further, Kin spoke up. "Hey, look at this."
The others walked over to the raven haired girl, who pulled a couple of bottles out of a cabinet. "These were hidden behind a loose panel."
"What are those?" Naruto asked.
Kin looked at the label on one of the bottles. "Alcohol-free Daiquiri Mix, Cherry Flavor."
"Well, there's not much else to choose from." Tenten said. "Plus there's no alcohol in it, so I guess it's alright."
"So, who wants to do the honors?" Kin asked.
"I'll do it." Tayuya said, taking the bottle from her sister. The redhead opened the bottle and took a sip.
"Well? How is it?" Naruto asked
Tayuya licked her lips. "Sweet. Really sweet." She replied.
"Alright then." Kin said. She turned back to the cabinet to get some more bottles out. "Wow, Anko really has a hell of a selection here." When she turned back around, she noticed something different about Tayuya. "Uh, Tayuya? Are you alright?"
Naruto and Tenten looked at Tayuya to see that the redhead's eyes had widened considerable and she had a slightly manic smile on her face. "Am I alright? You bet your ass I'm alright! I've never felt better!" Tayuya said rather quickly. "Wow, this is some good shit! Anko's been holding out on us! You guys should try some! It's great!"
And with that, Tayuya brought the bottle to her lips and started to drink. The others just looked at the other bottles. "Well, when in Rome and that." Kin said as she, Naruto and Tenten each took a bottle of daiquiri mix and took a sip…and thus opened Pandora's Box or something pretty damned close to it, because a few moments later, they learned why Tayuya was suddenly so hyper.
Elsewhere, Kurenai and Asuma were relaxing in their living room while Kurenai read a book and Asuma rubbed her feet. "Ah, what a perfect evening." The ruby-eyed genjutsu mistress said as she sipped on a glass of red wine. "Just the both of us, some peace and quiet…and no Anko…or her daughters…or Naruto."
It wasn't that the two Jonin flat out hated Anko and her family. Far from it as a matter of fact. It's just after putting up with them at the Academy and bearing witness to their little rivalry with Sasuke and his fan club, they both needed a break from all the chaos that seemed to follow them wherever they went.
All of a sudden, there was a rapid knocking at the door. Where someone were normally knocks a few times at most, whoever was at the door was knocking nonstop, like a deranged woodpecker.
"Alright, alright! I'm coming." Kurenai said as she and Asuma made their way to the door. They opened the door to see, to both their surprise…and slight annoyance, Naruto, Kin, Tayuya and Tenten standing in the doorway. Before Kurenai or Asuma could say anything, they took notice of the fact that the four teens had particularly wild looks in their eyes and were sporting ear to ear smiles, which creeped Kurenai and Asuma out almost instantly.
"Um, hello Naruto, girls." Kurenai said, at least being polite.
"Hi Kurenai-Sensei! Hi Asuma-Sensei!" Tenten almost shouted very enthusiastically. "How are you doing? Lovely night, isn't it? Of course it is! Why wouldn't it be? The brunette somehow said in one breath very quickly. So quickly that the two Jonin almost didn't know what the girl said.
"Uh, that's great." Asuma said. "So, is there something the four of you need?"
"Oh nothing at all, Asuma-Sensei." Naruto said quickly. "You see, we were a little bored over at the tower, so we decided to drop by and pay a visit to two of our favorite Jonin in the whole wide world!"
Since they were talking pretty fast, Asuma and Kurenai thought that the four teens were hiding something or were up to something. "Okay, what's going on?" Kurenai said.
"Nothing's going on." Kin said. "We're just out and about, trying to have a good time on a Friday night."
"Yeah!" Tayuya added. "Because we certainly feel good, especially after we found these great drinks in our kitchen."
"WHAT?" Asuma yelped, his trademark cigarette fell from his mouth.
"What drinks?" Kurenai snapped.
"Oh yeah, that's right!" Kin said as she pulled a glass bottle from seemingly out of nowhere. "These drinks!"
Kurenai snatched the mostly empty bottle from the raven haired girl's hand. "Alcohol-Free Daiquiri Mix? You drank this stuff?" The genjutsu mistress almost yelled in horror.
"Wait a second! Did you say DRINKS? As in more than just one?" Asuma shouted.
"How many of these things did you all have?" Kurenai asked, although she was dreading the answer.
"Oh we had about two bottles each." Tenten said as if it were the most normal thing on the planet. At this, Asuma and Kurenai paled considerably.
"Oh dear god!" Asuma said in a tone that implied that he was more than a little afraid of what he just learned. He then looked to Kurenai. "We have to get them calmed down…NOW!"
But before either Jonin could do anything, the four teens spoke up. "Well, we gotta be going!" Naruto said.
"Yep. We just wanted to say hi. Be seeing you!" Tenten said and with that, the four teenagers took off like bullets down the street while laughing like maniacs, leaving two very shocked Jonin just standing in their doorway.
"Should we go after them?" Asuma asked.
"NO!" Kurenai snapped. "And if anyone asks, we don't know them!"
The next day
Anko was about ten minutes away from the entrance to the village when she noticed several plumes of smoke reaching up towards the sky.
"What the hell?" The Dragon Mistress said to herself as she sped up and reached the main entrance of the village within minutes.
"Whoa. I must've missed a hell of a party." Anko said as she looked around at the widespread destruction around her.
"Hello Anko." The purple haired woman turned to see a very haggard looking Kakashi stagger towards her. The cycloptic Jonin looked like he had seen far better days as he clothes were ruffled and cut in several places and his silver hair was a mess.
"Uh, Kakashi? Are you alright? You don't look so good." Anko said, feeling more than a little nervous at the glare that the Copy-Nin was giving her.
"I just came here to personally inform you that the Hokage want to have a word with you. Several of them actually."
"With me?" Anko asked. "What does all this have to do with…me?" Realization suddenly dawned on Anko. "Oh no." She groaned. "What did they do this time…besides the obvious?"
A few minutes later, Anko arrived at the Hokage Building. "Have a seat, Anko." Sarutobi said. He didn't sound angry, but the Special Jonin got the idea that the old man wasn't too pleased.
"Okay, let's get this over with." Anko sighed. "What did they do?"
Sarutobi placed a newspaper in front of Anko. "According to this, a little bit everything."
Anko picked up the newspaper and looked at some of the headlines. "Biggest disaster since the Kyuubi." There were also some pictures of some building being either utterly destroyed or vandalized. There was also some pictures of people in rather humiliating positions, such as Sasuke hanging by his underwear on a flag pole, Mizuki passed out on a street with make-up and marker scribbles all over him, Kakashi openly weeping before a small bonfire, which looked like it was made of a small pile of Icha-Icha books. As horrible as it was, Anko actually had to try hard to suppress the laughter that threatened to come out of her mouth.
"Take a look at page three for something truly unique." The Hokage said as he looked out the window at the village. Anko did so and what she saw made almost made her eyes pop out of her head.
"What the hell? Konaha Cemetery becomes Club Dead as the dead awaken and did the Congo?" Anko exclaimed.
"Yes." The Hokage said in a strangely calm voice. "Some eyewitnesses have reported hearing strange flute music in the area and the next thing anyone knew, the dead rose from their graves and started a Congo line. I have also received reports that they broke out into the Can-Can."
Anko got a vivid image of a bunch of zombies pulling off several dance numbers and almost broke out into laughter…but the look on the Hokage's face stopped her
"According to Asuma and Kurenai, Naruto and your daughters have ingested several bottles of this." Sarutobi said as he pulled out an empty bottle. Anko looked at the bottle for a second and then visibly paled as she recognized what it was and what it once held.
"Oh no! They got into the daiquiri mixes!" Anko groaned, putting her face into her hands. "I knew I should've hid those damn things better."
"Yes and that's among the things I want to ask you about." The Hokage said. "Now, there was no alcohol in the mixes your charges drank, yet they caused more havoc and destruction than Rock Lee could ever hope to do after a single drink of sake. So what I want know is what's the story?"
"Well, Lord Hokage, it's like this. You see, due to the…changes that reptilian bastard, Orochimaru, did to the girls, their tolerance for…certain things is practically non-existent." Anko explained.
"And one of those certain things is sugar, am I correct?" Sarutobi said.
"Yes. For them, a small dose of concentrated sugar is about the same as about six cups of Espresso, a bottle of sake and a shot of tequila." Anko sighed, to which Sarutobi's eyes widened.
"As far as Naruto goes." Anko continued. "He has the same thing. As far as I can tell, it's because of the Kyuubi…or maybe it's genetic, I don't know." She noticed the old man was rubbing his temples. "Look, I'll take full responsibility for this and I'll have them out here to help with the clean-up."
"No, no. That won't be necessary, Anko. All that I ask is that you keep a better eye on Naruto and your daughters…and for the love of all that's sacred keep them away from anything that has sugar in it!" Sarutobi replied.
"Yes, my lord." Anko said as she bowed and left the room.
Once outside, the Dragon Mistress took off for the Forest of Death, wondering if there was even a forest left. When she reached the fence surrounding the forest, Anko was mildly surprised to see only one section had torn apart from the inside. As she made her way through the forest, Anko noticed a rather large boulder with a thick rope and numerous charms and seals placed on it.
"I don't wanna know. I don't wanna know." Anko muttered to herself as she pressed on.
Eventually, Anko reached the tower, which she was shocked to see that it was still standing, although some of the trees around the area looked burnt. When she finally reached the living area, Anko's jaw nearly hit the ground.
It looked like a tornado had gone through the place. Anko checked her room to see that it was exactly the way she left it. The Dragon Mistress heard some soft snoring coming from Naruto's room and sure enough, there they all were, sound asleep. Naruto was laying in the middle of his bed with Kin on his left, Tenten on his right and Tayuya lying down on top of them. They were all still dressed…to an extent anyway. Naruto was in his boxer shorts, while the girls were in their bras and panties.
"How cute." Anko said to herself. "It almost makes me sorry I have to end such a tender moment…almost." With that, Anko walked over to the window and pulled the curtains open, sending sunlight into the room. The effect was fairly academic.
"AHHH! Holy shit!" Tenten yelped as she tried to shield her eyes. The others groaned and let out various curses as they tried to cover their eyes.
"Good morning everyone." Anko said in a sickeningly sweet voice before her expression turned serious. "Now as much as I would like to hear your versions of what the hell happened while I was gone, I have a sneaking suspicion I'm better off not knowing."
"Well that's great, Anko-Sensei." Naruto said as he clutched his throbbing head. "Because to tell you the truth, the details are a bit fuzzy right now."
"I just want to know one thing: a very good reason why I shouldn't give the four of you the mother of all training sessions right now." Anko growled.
The four teenagers just looked at each other before Tayuya spoke up. "We made sure to save a few bottles of daiquiri mix for you and we stole some pretty expensive sake that you like."
Anko just stared at her daughters and their boyfriend for a long moment before she apparently let whatever was on her mind drop.
"Fair enough." The Dragon Mistress said as she made her way towards the door. "However I do expect the four of you to clean the place up. It's more of a pigsty than usual."
Anko left the room, leaving the four teenagers to breathe a huge sigh of relief. "We got off SO easy." Tenten sighed.
A moment later, Anko's angry voice could be heard from the kitchen.
"WHERE THE HELL'S THE REFRIDGERATOR?"