Title: The Boxer Theory
Spoilers: None except for TPPP in some way...
Word Count: 677
Disclaimer: If I owned any of this I would be working on a real script and I wouldn't be allowed to post this here...sigh
A/N: This turned out weird in my mind...it doesn't really have a point of view so I guess it kind of reads like an episode, where the audience doesn't know what the characters are thinking. I am also unhappy about the ending but there you go.
"Remind me again why you think this is doing me a favour?" Sheldon grumbled as Penny kept him moving forwards with a firm hand on his back. They were currently walking through the carefully arranged aisles of Wal-mart, the Sheldon-approved department store for underpants.
"Sweetie, women like their men in boxers. And if you want to 'procreate' at some point in your life, this will help you. So you might as well get used to it now." Penny answered him tonelessly. She brightened. "Plus, underwear shopping is fun!"
Sheldon sighed. "First of all, boxers hardly give the same support thus lowering the statistics of procreation being possible. While a large percentage of the population might wear them, I hardly see the appeal of the freedom of movement for my testicles. Furthermore, the bunching of the extra fabric adds to uncomfortableness while sitting and after standing up."
Penny glared up at him. "That fertility statement of yours is completely false. The myth is that briefs reduce your sperm count and that is untrue anyways." Penny smirked. "That's right, moonpie. I did my research before coming here with you."
Sheldon's eyes pierced into her and he huffed. "Secondly, I do not think shopping for undergarments 'fun'. It seems pointless to point out, but you are a woman and enjoy different activities. Plus, women have more choice in undergarments. There are bras and panties, different colours, styles, matching bra, padded bra, and lace—"
"Okay, I get it!" interrupted Penny. She stared at him incredulously. "And how do you know so much about bras and panties?"
"Observation. You recall that time two years ago, after I had banished you from the apartment and you retaliated by the villainous act of disrupting my Saturday Night at 8:15 Laundry routine? After which, I placed all of your clothes on the telephone wires and suggested you play Panty Piñata?" Sheldon smirked.
"Right. Whatever," sighed Penny. "Anyway, boxers offer up lots of choices because they come in several different patterns."
"Penny, I will tell you now as to prevent arguments later. I will, under no circumstances, purchase boxers with happy faces or little red hearts."
"What about big red hearts?" Penny smiled innocently up at him. Sheldon glared as a response,
"Ooo! Sweetie, look! They match your pyjamas!" Penny grabbed a package of six boxers, all different colours of plaid including red, blue, green, blue-green, red-black and red-blue combinations. "This way it even fits into your weird OCD-ness. A pair for each day!"
Sheldon's eyes brightened at the idea. He took them from Penny. "Yes, I can definitely see this as a possibility. This way they will be worn equally and fall into my organizational chart with ease." He looked at the package more closely. "They are even one hundred percent cotton. However, I do foresee one problem."
Penny sighed. "And what is it, Sheldon?"
"There are only six pairs for seven days of the week."
"Okay, that's okay." Penny looked at the racks of boxers finally spotting something red. She grabbed the package. "How about these? They would be perfect for Anything-Can-Happen Thursday now that it's every Thursday!"
Sheldon looked them over. "Acceptable."
"So how are you coping with the bunching, Sheldon?" Penny figured that after a week, Sheldon should be pretty used to wearing them.
"I believe I have finally grown accustomed to them and they are relatively comfortable now." Sheldon smiled at her. "Thank you for finally convincing me."
"Convincing you of what?" Howard demanded.
"None of your business," said Sheldon standing up. As he walked away, his shirt was slightly above his pants showing some red material that had bunched up above his pants.
Howard snorted. "Sheldon, are you wearing The Flash boxers?"
Sheldon turned to give him his arrogant condescending look. "Of course, Wolowitz. Today is Anything-Can-Happen Thursday so I am wearing one of my pairs from the DC universe package. Penny picked them out. It turns out that she is quite knowledgeable in that area."
Penny grinned happily at Sheldon as the other guys sputtered and stared.