Title: Trying to Fix a Broken Angel
Inspired by: A plot bunny I had when I awoke and then I thought how 12 stones "Running out of Pain" seemed fitting.
Rating: M for Non-Con, dark themes, Drug abuse, Abuse, Violence.
Summary: Castiel has been in an abusive relationship for too long. He's tried to walk away and it only made things worst. Will Dean Winchester come to his rescue or pretend he doesn't see the marks that Castiel can't cover up. Destiel Addict!Cas
A/n:So This is my first story that is kinda dark and revolving around very real and mature themes in this world. Dealing with a horrible relationship, being trapped in it. Where you feel the only way out is through death because your so broken that no one would want you anymore. It's not going to be overly graphic, I'm just having Castiel summerize most of what he's going through. I don't know if I'll actually write a part of when it's all happening. May or may not, depends on where the story demands to be taken. Cause my writing style kinda just goes with the flow at most times. Almost like the characters take over. Sorry if some parts are out of character, though im trying to mostly keep them in character. Especially when Castiel. Then again, who'd know how Cas would act when faced with something like this?
Anyways, a playlist has been made and put up on my profile with three songs so far. One for each chapter. I know I said before how i don't like to put a time limit/chapter limit on my stories. But this is one of the exceptions since it was meant as a one shot. The next Chapter whenever it is up will be darker and filled with some violence. I'm not for sure yet if I might just combine chapter 2 and three together so that it doesn't end up being short. We'll just have to wait and see.
As usual, I ask for reviews not demand them. It would be nice to know what you guys think. 8)
Sometimes Castiel didn't know what he did to deserve the mess he had gotten himself into. But then Lucifer would remind him again and again. Of how worthless he was, how no one would ever want him once he was through with him. Castiel hadn't even been sure that Lucifer had been his real name, probably young man had be naive as usual when he had first started dating the man. Everything seemed too special, too happy. Happiness never existed for too long when it came into his life.
But he had never expected this. To resort to drugs, the only thing that seemed to numb the pain he was feeling. Aside from the abuse, which was emotional, pyshical, verbal and sexual. He was trying desperately to keep his grades from slipping. He was a top student in all the classes he was majoring in. A's all across the board, but right now they were starting to slip into C's, his danger zone. He'd have to fix that, he'd have to fix everything. But first, he felt like he needed someone to fix him before he fully broke beyond repair.
To think that six months ago, everything seemed perfect. He had an awesome boyfriend who loved him and Castiel in return loved him back. Then two months later everything changed. Lucifer had got angry and Castiel was the closest thing to him...so he took it out on him. After the first time, he promised never again only for it to happen again and again. First fist flew, then words, pretty soon that wasn't enough.
Sexual abuse happened as well as the emotional turmoil he placed in Castiel's mind. Of how he'd never get any where, how no one would ever want him. How this was truely the only thing he was good at as he rammed inside of him causing him the upmost pain. He'd have bruises there later from the rough sex. But Castiel began to see the truth of how right Lucifer was. After this, no one would want him. He was a slut, a dirty waste of space. It was amazing that Castiel hadn't killed himself yet. Sure, the thoughts were there, but he knew his upbringing of how doing such a thing was one of the worst sins that'd send you straight to hell.
So Castiel's next best thing was getting pills, different types. He had pain pills, he had one to make him practically a robot to shut off any emotion he had and then he had adderlin for his studies. Besides being with the devil, his next biggest problem was getting sleep and food. Trying not to overdose seemed good too.
It was a new day and Castiel's classes had ended, now he was going to the library. He worked part time at the library on Wednsdays, fridays, saturdays and sundays. You can bet Lucifier complained about him coming home late those days when there were so many books to reshelf and he got punished for it. Today was friday, he'd try to get everything done ahead of time so he wouldn't get in trouble. God, when did it feel as if he was answering to a parent? Ugh, no, it wasn't even like that. His father had been nothing but loving, then he had to go missing. Regardless, today he was working with Dean Winchester, a great looking guy with these eyes so intense green, you'd think he knew everything just by having a staring contest with Castiel.
Maybe he did.
It didn't matter though, the guy never said anything besides the small hey. Then they went about their own business. Though today was different. Perhaps it was because Castiel was a complete idiot and took off his trench coat and scarf that had been hiding the hand mark on his neck. He got hot and forgot what Lucifer had done to him yesterday. Though he didn't know Dean had seen until he had been grabbed and led into german folklore which was one of the least occupied of all time. Right now it was abandoned. Castiel felt himself pressed up against the books. Perhaps Lucifer wasn't the only one that would take whatever they wanted from him. After all, this is what he was only good for, right? Castiel couldn't even look up at Dean, his head turning to the side to look away, letting Dean do whatever he wanted to. He felt Dean lay a hand on his neck gently, though that didn't stop Castiel from flinching.
" Don't do that. " Castiel obeyed immediately. He knew better now, he wouldn't, he had learned, he would be better now.
Dean's finger's slid down the bruising hand mark on his neck, then Dean glanced around to make sure no one was around before lifting Cas' shirt to reveal more bruises, he sucked in a breath. He quickly pulled it down and glanced at the guy. Dean knew he had never said anything to Castiel before, besides the usual hey. But to see someone so special to be in so much pain like this. It wasn't right. Dean had seen all the changes that had went though Castiel. How he was the most social awkward young man who scored good grades.
Dean had also seen the guy that would pick him up, some blond bastard that looked to be at least five years older. Castiel had seemed happy enough for the first two months they were together, then Dean saw the change on day. Castiel had become withdrawn from the world, bags under his eyes from lost sleep. Dean even saw Cas popping pills when the younger man didn't think he saw. Dean came back from his thoughts when he felt Castiel press into him and whisper softly.
" Just take whatever you want from me, I'll be good, I promise... Just... Don't hurt me please. "
Dean couldn't believe what he was hearing, what had that bastard done to him? Dean placed his hand on Castiel's face, the younger man didn't flinch this time. Probably because I told him not too...geez, way to go Dean. Dean thought to himself softly as he made Castiel face him, look into his eyes. There was so much pain there in those blue eyes. Dean felt compelled to take it all away. He was that type of guy, he couldn't help it. He had a hero within him, wanting to save the day and make everything okay. Maybe he got it from his Dad. The guy was a firefighter after all, that was how he had met his wife. She had been trapped in the fire trying to save some ladies children but got trapped herself. John had saved Mary and then they fell in love.
" Cas, everything's going to be okay. I'll make sure. "
Castiel didn't believe him. No one made little promises like that for nothing, they always wanted something in return. Castiel blinked softly before replying, almost void of any emotion except that underlying pain that was always there. " What do you want in return? " Dean's brows furrowed in confusion. Castiel took it as he was deciding what he wanted. The younger man of twenty five took the intiontive and pressed his body closer, they were at the perfect height to where they're groins were pressed against each other. He felt Dean gasp in surprise. But Dean released the hold he had on him, moving away an inch or so as if he had been burned.
" I don't need anything in return Cas... Don't do that. "
" You don't want me?.. " Lucifer had been right, no one had wanted him. No one ever will, he was damaged goods.
" It's not that, I, urm, well, I do want you, just... not like this. " Dean said softly, there. He admitted it. He had a crush on the guy for God knows how long but had been too afraid to admit it. Now he had to wait until Castiel had gotten with some loser who thought abuse was the only way to keep Castiel trapped there with him. Dean would show him that wasn't true, he'd show him that he was special. Castiel chanced glancing into the older man's eyes. Castiel didn't believe him, he didn't want him like this? Like what? Damaged? Self-conscious? " Prove it. " Cas licked his dry lips, which he noticed caught Dean's attention. Dean licked his own lips slowly and spoke in a low husky voice. " Prove what?... "
Castiel let out a breath he hadn't realize he had been holding. " That you want me... "
" Fine. " Dean said a little roughly. That was okay, Rough was all Castiel knew. But Dean's kiss was anything but rough, it was soft, gentle and it honestly scared the shit out of Castiel. Kisses weren't like this, not even when Lucifier had been beating him. Those first two months of happiness were not filled with kisses like this. Lucifer's kisses had always been rough and even then they drew blood sometimes. But this... it felt so gentle and soft that it hurt. Not pyshically of course...but it caused a tear to run down his face. Dean broke away slowly, watching the tear and wiped it away with his thumb. " I didn't hurt you, did I?... " Dean asked confused, he had been gentle, right? It felt gentle, maybe it wasn't?
" No, no, you didn't at all... That's why.. I'm.. feeling this way. No one's treated me this way before.. " Castiel whispered softly. It was true. Lucifer had sadly been the only man he allowed in and look what happened. Castiel would be amazed if he could ever fully trust himself with another person due to all the damage that Lucifer had dealt to him. " Well, now someone has and I'll always be there for you. "
" You shouldn't make promises you can't keep, Dean... " Castiel's voice spoke of defeat. He knew this wouldn't actually go anywhere. It just couldn't, it seem illogical. Perhaps he was dreaming of a heaven and a saviour that would come to rescue him. Then he'd wake up and know he was up against Satan and his hell. "This one... I'm going to keep, now come on, we better get these books put away so we can not leave late tonight. " Though Dean knew they wouldn't probably get out of here on time anyways. Something in his gut told him that was an extremely bad thing and he should follow Cas home. The last thing he wanted was hearing on the news tomorrow morning of Castiel being found dead thanks to his dick of a boyfriend.