FIRST and foremost, I'd like to apologize in not updating for what feels like forever. I had been super busy with work since I did happen to get my second job at gamestop! which is awesome and all the guys I work with are pretty hot. So sorry!

ALSO: SUPERNATURAL IS COMING BACK ON SOON. Like this friday soon and guess what! I get to miss it cause of work. Hopefully it's put up for stream soon. either on cucira, tvduck or hell even cw. I can only hope!


You asked for it and you got it!

Though some of you said it would fill complete with just this chapter but i had thoughts of the next chapter possibly being of Dean and Castiel's first time... being intimate. And the beginnings of their relationships after moving on from Lucifer. So if you want that, just let me know and I'll work on that one next! Then the story really WILL be complete. lol.

Chapter called Lithium Confession which is taken by the two songs that slightly infulenced this chapter. "lithium" by Evanescence and "My confession" by Otep. Both songs are up on the playlist already.

This following chapter will change from Lucifer's pov and Castiel's.

Lucifer's point of view will be in first person in the beginning so you can grasp how his emotions and what he was going through. Kinda just like sympathy for the devil ep on season 5. You want to feel bad but then you remember who he is. so you don't.

Note: There will be abuse, substance abuse, sexual situations and whatnot.

To think it had been a couple of years since I last seen that psychitrist that made everything change. Made everything different. Made myself different. I wasn't always this way, but now it feels too good to let it go. Especially when I find someone like Castiel. I want to love him but I don't think I really know what love is anymore, but that's okay, I'll just pretend. Pretend as the emotions drain away when the drugs run through my system and make me a monster. I know I'm nothing but a shadow of the man I used to be. Wouldn't you feel empty when you witnessed the murder of your wife and child?

I know that doesn't excuse the terrible things I do. Terrible things I have done.

I have done many terrible things, but it's never hurt this bad doing it to the blue eyed young man that stares at me with such obiedence, fear, hate and some kind of twisted affection I managed to make him feel in his brain. Perhaps it was because of the connection we shared. The fact that both of us rebelled against our father's wishes. Though castiel more or less rebelled against his family and not so much his father. No, I didn't agree with my father on how he cared more about my brother Michael and Uriel than myself. I felt like the odd one out and I really cared about my father, maybe even loved him a little too much. My psychrist said I had a father complex. Maybe I do, did, whatever. Doesn't matter anymore, nothing does.

Castiel remembers the day he met Lucifer perfectly, it seemed too perfect to be honest. And everyone knows that when something's too good to be true. It usually is. This was no different. Castiel had been in the bookstore looking for some religious mythology books. He loved mythology but he was captivated by Angels and everything they stood for. When he wasn't watching where he was going, he knocked right into something hard. He lost is balance and almost fell down when a strong arm caught him and stopped him from doing so. Castiel had looked up to see a six foot one man with clean shaven blond hair, blue eyes that were more silver compared to Castiel's own blue eyes that resembled the ocean more than ice. Lucifer had smiled at him and spoke in a velvet soft voice that sent shivers running down Castiel's spine before he could stop himself.

" Gotta watch yourself, wouldn't want to hurt yourself or anything. " Lucifer had put on the charm, his laidback smirk of sureness.

Castiel had smiled lightly and spoke " Yes, Thank you for not letting me fall. "

" My pleasure... you wouldn't mind going for coffee? It's the least I could do since I almost ran you down. "

" Oh, it was my fault, I wasn't watching w- "

" Nonsense, it was all mine. Now how about that coffee. "

Really, Castiel should of known right then and there by how insistant and demanding the male's voice had gotten. Like no one ever told him no and Castiel wouldn't be his first to say no. That's what it felt like at the time but Castiel was naive, smiled sheepishly and agreed to coffee. Which started into regularly seeing the guy straight for almost two weeks and then boom, they were dating. Everything had seemed sweet. Lucifer would pick Castiel up after class, take him out, watch a movie, little things. Of course everything seemed to sort of change one night after being with Lucifer for two months. They had been kissing, touching, things were heating up and Castiel wasn't really ready for the next step. He was a virgin and he wasn't ashamed to admit it to most people. But Lucifer had always made him feel self-concious, he didn't know why. Regardless, Lucifer had asked the first time, but once Castiel said he wasn't ready, Lucifer got a little...insistant again.

" Castiel... you love me don't you? If you love me, you'll let me have this, have you.. I want you so much, don't you know how much I love you? " Castiel had been ready to say, no, he wanted to wait a little longer but his words got lost when he felt Lucifer start taking off Castiel's shirt and then his pants, Castiel really started to panic right there.

" Please?... I'm... I don't think I'm ready...please?... I do love you, so much, but- "

Castiel's words died in his mouth when Lucifer hit him, it wasn't a punch in the face, it was an open handed slap. Castiel was shocked. He had never been hit by anyone who said they had loved him, ever. Castiel didn't know what to do just right then and there. Sure, the logical thing was to shove the guy off him and storm out. But...he had been so happy those last two months... Everything was perfect. So.. maybe Castiel was in the wrong. Maybe Lucifer felt like he as suppose to be paid something in return for all the kindness he showed. Castiel was being rebuked for acting wrong. He nodded lightly in agreeing to Lucifer and let him do as he wish.

Lucifer wasn't a gentle nor a giving lover. He was selfish, rough and overall...horrible.

No preperation at all, though Castiel was a virgin and didn't know what to expect...didn't know anything. He was just too damn innocent for his own good. He yelped in pain, feeling the large intrusion at his backside when he was on his stomach, forced to stare at the headboard of the bed.

" Shut up. " Lucifer said sternly. Castiel complied and bit down on the pillow to muffle his screams of pain as his body tried to allow and get Lucifer used to it. Lucifer laid a small kiss on the back of Castiel's neck which relaxed him slightly, but then Lucifer seemed to discover that it was slightly easier going in and out and decided it was time to really make use of Castiel's body. Starting with almost withdrawing and slamming all the way in making a loud sound of their bodies smacking together. That caused Castiel to flinch and let out a groan that was purely based on pain. There was no room for any kind of pleasure. Not that it mattered, even after their first time and their second, third, forth. By the fifth time, Castiel had grown accustom to how Lucifer had sex and tried to get off because honestly, he hadn't climax besides bringing himself to it before ever meeting the man thrusting in and out. So Castiel thought he'd take matters into his own hands once again. Though Lucifer saw what he was doing and made a disapproving voice. " Castiel, you know better, you don't cum unless I say so, and I don't, so don't even bother. "

Castiel stopped himself from even trying to get hard right then and there, nodding softly and turning his head to just let Lucifer do whatever he wanted. This didn't seem to please Lucifer either. Which was odd because clearly the man didn't object the first four times of Castiel just fully surrending and becoming a fuck toy. Lucifer slapped Castiel's backside hard. That was punishment, Lucifer spoke in a deadly whisper. " I want to hear you enjoy this, want to hear you scream my name. " So naturally to avoid any further abuse, Castiel did as he was told. " Went to your library today, saw the prettest fucking guy there, little older than you, gorgeous green eyes, dirty blond...couldn't help but think about fucking him, using him. He looks a little strong though, then again I always loved a challenge when it comes to breaking in someone. What to you say? Should I start moving on to Dean. " Castiel couldn't help himself. Despite hardly ever talking to the man he worked along side with, he one] wouldn't wish this on anyone when it didn't need to happen, when it was his choice practically. two] He'd give his life for Dean Winchester. He couldn't help but be attracted to the man, looks, personality. Though he saw most of the personality thrown at other people, it was still nice to see. Especially since he could see through the bravado and practically see the man's pure soul. No, he wouldn't let Dean be broken and become a victim. Never.

" No. I'll do what you want. " Castiel whispered, then he opened himself further, making it easier to slip in, to go deeper. After a couple of seconds he let out a moan. Castiel should of been an actor. He was convincing enough to get Lucifer's rocks off twice that night.

The next morning, Lucifer had apologized for hitting him. Though not about their intmacy. Appearantly what he experienced was just how Lucifer was in bed. He'd have to grow to liking it, to somehow finding a fondness for it. He didn't think that he could. That first little slap, he knew it wasn't going to just end there. But when he came home late from all the reshelving he had to do... Lucifer was not pleased.

" Your out being a little whore aren't you? Fucking around with that guy I saw... I know he's pretty, I should have him. Want me to? You don't deserve him. "

" Lucifer, I didn't do anything, we were there putting books a-" Castiel didn't get to finish his sentence as he watched in fear the bigger male moving towards him and shoving him against the wall with force. " What gives you the right to think your opinions matter? What you say means nothing, words from a useless bitch. You listen to what I say and will do what I say. Do I make myself clear? " Castiel nodded, but with a punch to his gut, it wasn't good enough for his boyfriend.

" I SAID, do I make myself clear? " Castiel wet his dry cracked lips and muttered a 'yes sir' before being thrown down on to the floor and being kicked repeatedly. That had been his first trip to the hospital where he suffered one broken rib and two fractured ones along with a few bruises all along his abdomen. Lucifer's story to which Castiel stuck to had been he lost his footing and fell down the stairs. The nurse didn't say anything, it wasn't her place to say anything. But she gave Castiel extra care when Lucifer had left and told him that he had to do something eventually or that man would kill him. Castiel never said anything back in response. He had learned his lesson, he'd be a good boy.

Though skipping a whole week of going to work at the library for recovery was hell. The nurse didn't want to discharge him to be with Lucifer so fast, but after three days she couldn't keep him any longer. Lucifer had decided to be a little more gentle when it came to letting out his anger. Gentle as in fucking him rough, at least getting one use out of him. When he returned back to working at the library, he took a wrong breath of air and winced at the pain in his stomach. Thankfully he didn't have too much internal damage once the rib reset, but it still hurt like hell. He felt eyes on him, questioning eyes filled with concern when he met the face of Dean Winchester. Castiel looked away quickly, he wouldn't involve that man, couldn't. Lucifer would hurt him like he was hurting Castiel, he couldn't allow that. Dean saw the hurt written all over the stranger that he wanted to help but didn't know how. He walked over towards him and laid a hand on his shoulder, gripping it a little tighter than he had to, but making sure to not cause harm. He whispered softly into Cas' ear.

" You come to me when you've had enough, when you want out. When your tired of being degraded, pushed around, used and abused. You come to me and I'll be there for you Cas. " Dean patted the shoulder he had held on to and moved away to get stuff done so Castiel wouldn't be home late like last week...

Review please! and let me know if you want one last extra chapter of Dean and Castiel's first time/the beginnings of their relationship. Ask and you shall receive.