JonaBee Fanfic

By: Jonakhensu and Weebee.

Hello, and welcome to Biogra... I mean JonaBee Fanfic. You remember me from such films... I mean, you may remember this fic from Jonakhensu's account. We finally decided to bite the bullet and move it to the common account. Why? Because I'm the god damned batma... wait, that's not right either, because we were bored, mostly. Now, if you'll excuse me before I start quoting Star Wars, that'd be great.

Please, if you haven't read it before, enjoy the story, and if you have read it before, there's no new content yet, but still, we hope you understad, and enjoy the story also.

Disclaimer: We no own. We no want arrested. We no want dead. We no want talk like Shampoo. We not get what we want.

And now, on with the show... and may the force be with you!

Chapter 1: There's Something About Sakaki.

The woman stood before the door to hell. It didn't look all that intimidating, simply a rice-paper and wood sliding door, a duck with a name emblazoned on it hanging from a nail in one of the cross-pieces, but the woman knew better. She ventured into the room every few days, when its resident had stayed up too late the night before doing one thing or the other, and it was her job to wake the sleeper.

Taking a slow, deep breath, the woman retrieved a small cloth from a well worn hook next to the infernal gate, slowly moving it up and tying it around her head. For a moment, one would assume it was a Hachimaki, but it was tied slightly lower, obscuring bright, slightly nervous blue eyes from view, a truly effective blindfold.

Reaching forward, the woman found the edge of the door through muscle memory, sliding it quietly to the side and walking into the room. As her slippered feet padded across to her goal, she felt something impact against her calf as it fell forward. She froze for a moment, but then smirked in satisfaction as she realized that she'd inadvertently booted one of the damned hell beasts half way across the room.

"They're only toys," she muttered to herself and then continued, stopping when her excellent spatial sense told her that she'd reached the edge of the bed. Reaching out, she briefly touched soft, yielding flesh before she moved upward to a shoulder and grasped. "Sakaki-chan, it's time to wake up!" she called, as jovially as she could, shaking the form of the teenaged girl who lay sprawled across the covers, another of the damned demons undoubtedly clutched in her arms.

"Mhmm?" The girl grumbled, trying to roll, but the woman had an iron grip on her shoulder, and she quickly stopped with another annoyed grunt.

"Your first day of high school starts today. Don't make me have to get you up the other way," the woman said, threateningly.

"I'm awake," the sprawled figure on the bed said softly, and the elder nodded, turning and walking out of the room.


About half an hour later, Sakaki came down the stairs in the front hallway, carefully drying the last of the water from her hair before tossing the towel into a laundry basket in the front linen closet. In the kitchen across the hall, her mother turned her head towards her and smiled. "Good morning, Sakaki-chan!"

"Good morning, Mother," Sakaki returned, stepping into the kitchen and observing the other with a steady look. "You do know you're still wearing the blindfold, right?"

"Oh, uh…" The older woman said, and there was the faintest hint of a blush on her cheeks as she hurriedly removed the garment, putting it in her pocket, and reaching up to tug subconsciously on the long plait she usually kept her hair in. "I forgot, sorry. Your bento is on the table over there, can you put it in the school bag yourself?"

Sakaki nodded, and headed over to pick up her Neko-Koneko emblazoned lunch box. She knew that cats bothered her mother, and it sort of made her feel bad about her own obsession with the things, but they were so cute… She shook her head, incidentally dispelling the blush that came from thoughts of cute things, and stuffed the bento into the larger briefcase.

Setting it back on the counter to pick up later, she shuffled over to the table, where her mother had already laid out two settings for a traditional Japanese breakfast.

"So, big day today, huh?" the older woman asked, as she sat across from her daughter. Sakaki merely nodded. "Hey, just be glad you aren't going to my old high school. Now there were some real nuts there…"

"Like the pineapple guy?" Sakaki asked, smiling slightly. She was sure that her mother had made some of those stories up to tease her as a kid, but they'd always been fun to listen to, especially as the older woman tried to patch up errors in the plots.

"Yeah, the pineapple guy," her mother confirmed. "I made sure that none of your teachers ever taught me when I enrolled you, though."

"Thanks," Sakaki nodded, and then began eating. At home she often ate quickly, especially when she was a little late, as she was now, so the bowl was empty in several seconds, rather than the minutes she preferred. Standing, she picked up her briefcase and started for the door.

"Good luck at school!" her mother said, waving to her as she exited. Calling after her, she added, "And remember, if someone tries to force you to cut your hair, it's alright to punch him out!"

She nodded, and waved back.

As her daughter exited the house, the woman sighed, brushing one hand through her long, red hair. "She's a good kid," she muttered, then frowned. "But why does she have to like those damned c… c…. cats so much?" Ranma Kuonji griped, with a shudder.


Perry, dodge, sweep, turn, jump, sweep, land, roll, perry, sweep, sweep, dodge, flip. Ranma smiled in satisfaction as she landed on her feet, her weapon falling neatly into her hands. Flourishing it like a certain samurai wanna-be she'd once known, she smiled around the living room of her mid-sized home, the floors and tables sparkling almost as much as they would if Kasumi Tendo herself had cleaned them.

Fifteen years ago, if you had told her that she would be using her formidable martial arts skills by wielding a broom, she would have laughed in your face, or directed you towards Shinosuke. Now, though, she very rarely had the chance to fight real opponents who weren't pure novices, and the cleaning of the house using martial arts moves was about as close as she could get.

Sighing, the red haired woman put aside her weapon, an old and kind of dinged up looking push broom, in the main hall closet and looked out the small window in the front door. Since it was the first day of school, all of her own classes at the Dojo were canceled. "Maybe I can go see the Ol' Ghoul about something to do?" she pondered, distracted.

Taking her gaze from the sunny street, she wandered towards the kitchen to get something to eat before doing anything else. Just as she was about to reach for the refrigerator door, the phone rang. "Damn it," she muttered, scooping up the device, which was bolted to the wall next to the kitchen door. "Kuonji Residence."

"Hey, Ranma, is that you?" It was Ryoga's voice, and he sounded kind of depressed. This was quite unusual for him now-a-days, since he'd sounded like he was on happy pills ever since he'd married Akari.

"Yeah, it's me, what's wrong?" the redhead asked, worriedly. "Someone kidnap Akari?"

"Wha… Of course not!" Ryoga thundered. "What would make you think… oh, right, it's you. No, that's not what happened. Listen, is Sakaki there?"

"No, she's at school… what's going on?" Ranma was now much more worried.

Ryoga sighed quietly, seeming to collect his thoughts. He could hear that Ranma had been getting steadily more worried since the conversation began, and at the moment he didn't need an overprotective mother. "She's not in danger, or anything, but I just found out something I figure you should know."

"Yeah?" Ranma asked, now much more impatient than worried.

"A couple days ago, Ino turned into a pig," Ryoga said, deadpan.

"She… what?"

"She turned into a pig. I called Cologne, and she told me that it's supposed to be very rare, but apparently curses are able to pass down to children," the Lost Boy explained, sounding as though someone had shot his daughter, rather than cursed her.

"Damn, I… I'm real sorry to hear that," the redheaded martial artist said, unsure of what to say. "I'm guessing she isn't too happy, especially with what the other girls in school called her."

"Yeah, she's been chucking things at me every time she sees me for the past day and a half," Ryoga explained. "But there's a reason I called you, she turned into a little black pig, a male one. Apparently, when the curse is passed down, it's the exact form. I thought I should warn you, just in case…"

Ranma went pale. "Y… yeah, thanks," she stammered quickly. "I guess that means I'm gunna have to talk to Sakaki."

"Yeah," Ryoga said, and then there was a loud thud. "At least she probably won't keep throwing valuable sumo pig trophies at you."

Ranma winced. "You do remember what I have to tell her, right?" she drawled, sarcastically.

"Oh yeah… good luck on that!" the lost boy said hurriedly and then hung up.

"Jerk," Ranma muttered to the uncaring dial tone, and hung up her own phone.


"I hate you!" Ryoga sighed. The girl had a reason to be so mad. After all, on top of her sense of direction, that was yet another curse he'd given her, but it was getting pretty hard to take.

"I wish she would stop that." He muttered, sourly.

Next to him, his loving wife sighed. "She just needs time," she comforted. "I'm sure she'll get over it eventually." At Ryoga's dubious look, she smiled slightly. "You wanted to kill Saotome-san for so long, and now you two are the best of friends, remember?"

"Yeah, but I don't want my daughter to try to kill me," the Lost Boy grumbled, and then he perked up. "Maybe if I remove myself for a while, and you talk to her…"

Akari frowned at him. "Where are you going this time?"

"Well, I could go over to Ranma's, maybe… I haven't seen him in over a year, and a spar could be nice," Ryoga pondered.

Akari continued frowning for a few seconds more, but then relented as she heard Ino stomping around upstairs and the skittering of her guide-pig's attempts to keep up. "You will get her to drive you home, right?"

"Yes, dear." Ryoga said, nodding.

"All right, then enjoy your training trip. I'll try and reason with Ino." Akari said, and kissed Ryoga on the cheek.

"You're the most wonderful woman in the world." Ryoga said, with a big goofy grin. Akari just blushed for a moment before walking off to find her husband's pack and umbrella.


Ranma Kuonji pulled her small sub-compact to a stop in front of the house, climbing out to see that the mail had already been carried in, which was a pretty good indication that Sakaki had gotten home before her. She'd gone out to hit things... very hard... for several hours over at the Tendo place, but now she had to deal with the fact that she would have to tell her daughter a secret that had been kept quite well for years. Now her daughter, the most important thing in her life, was going to find out something that could, no WOULD, completely shatter her world view.

Walking to the door and into the main hall, she flinched at the massive pile of fur covered abominations that now faced her. "Great, she got more," she muttered, irritably. It was the perfect end to a perfect day, really. "Sakaki-chan, I'm home!" She called, her voice echoing through the mostly empty hallway.

"Welcome home." Sakaki returned, from the kitchen where she was watching water boil in a large pot on the stove.

"So, what are we having?" Ranma asked, walking in and peering down into the bubbling, steamy mass.

"Ramen," Sakaki returned. "Elder Cologne's insisting that I have to learn to cook if I want to work at the Cafe on weekends."

Ranma nodded, then stared off into space for several minutes, tapping her foot against the wall. She opened her mouth several times, and then closed it with a click, as if searching for the right words to say. "Um, Sakaki, we, erm, we have to talk about something..." she started reluctantly.

Sakaki, of course, was no help in getting the conversation going, as she alternated looking between her nervously fidgeting mother and the pot full of noodles. Honestly, at times like this Ranma wondered who was raising whom.

"After you're done, come to the living room," she finally decided, sounding more confident. Turning, she headed upstairs to dig out a few very well hidden, and rather old photo albums. These had only been opened a few times since Sakaki was young, when Ranma needed to remember what once she was. It was also one of the few things that had allowed Ranma and her husband to stay together as long as they had.

Sakakki looked after the disappearing form of her mother for a few moments, then blinked a few times and resumed cooking. Once the noodles were ready, she carefully poured out the servings into two bowls, which she carried into the living room. Regardless of what her mother wanted, she would want to eat before the ramen cooled.

By the time she'd entered, her mother was already sitting at the table, several large books or albums stacked beside her. Looking at them curiously, Sakaki set the two bowls down, along with their chopsticks. They would still be there when the food was gone, so there was no use worrying about them until then.

Ranma picked up her own chopsticks and scooped up a large amount of noodles, slurping at them loudly. "Hey, these are pretty good, Sakaki-chan," she complimented.

"Thank you," the girl returned, and the two sat in silence for several minutes, the only sounds being those of the chopsticks clicking against the bowls and the slurping of enjoyment. After they were done, however, Ranma placed her chopsticks down and stared at Sakaki for a moment.

"I... have some homework to do." The girl said, motioning to stand.

"No, Sakaki, stay here," Ranma ordered, and then opened her mouth to talk. "There's something... that your father and I probably should have told you earlier..." she started faltering uncertainly towards the end.

"Um, Mom, we had this talk in class last year..." Sakaki said, her face turning a little red, though this time it was definitely not due to the presence of something cute. 'Oh no, she even had pictures,' she thought, horrified. She had heard about these talks in the locker room at school; rumor was that, after hearing one, the recipient would be scarred for life.

"Huh?" Ranma asked, and then something seemed to dawn upon her. "Ack! That's not what I meant!" she backpedaled hurriedly. "NO, it's nothing like that, it's just... Sakaki, I'm not your mother."

Sakaki jerked back in shock. "I'm adopted?" she exclaimed.

Ranma stopped for a moment, then lowered her head onto the table, making a loud \thud/ before returning to a sitting position. "Not what I meant," she sighed. "Look, this story is really hard to tell, but... you know about the curses some of my friends and family have, right?"

Sakaki just nodded.

"Well, I've got one. Erm, sort of technically I HAD one, since the curse magic was totally destroyed a little while before you were born, but the person who destroyed the curse made sure I was in my alternate form when he did it," the older woman explained.

Sakaki sat and thought about what had just been explained for a few moments, her mouth working up and down as though she were a cow, chewing on its cud. 'I'm not adopted, and Mom's not Mom, and she had a curse that was... stuck? And...' She blinked, once, and Ranma would swear later that it was audible. "You're joking, right? You kidnapped me from that guy who locked you?"

Ranma facefaulted, and then, for the briefest moment, saw an image of Sakaki, kerchief tied under her nose, charging across the rooftops with a bag full of men's undergarments. "Never, EVER suggest that old bastard had children," she snarled, vehemently. "No, Sakaki, I didn't kidnap you, I'm your father."

"What about Dad?" Sakaki asked.

"Ukyo is a woman, she was my fiancee. We got married about a year and a half before I was locked, and she took off on the road about three years after." Ranma looked off into the distance for a moment, her eyes clouded. "Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if it hadn't happened, but..." She shook her head. "Anyways, Ukyo dressed like a guy a lot, in fact she spent ten years doing it before you were born." She shrugged, "Guess she just got too used to it to stop."

Sakaki reached across the table, picking up one of the photo albums that was resting by her mother's elbow, and flipped it open silently. It was clear why the images in the albums weren't in the common family ones downstairs, the ones that showed her first steps and their various trips to the beach, as the first page that she flipped to showed an image of the person she knew as her father, in a quite clearly female wedding Kimono, sitting next to a black haired man with his hair tied back in a pigtail. The rest of the pages were filled with similar images, all containing the man with the black pigtail.

"So, why did you tell me this now?" she finally asked, putting down the album she had been leafing through, and hoping that there would be no more large shocks tonight.

"I got a call from Ryoga this morning, and apparently, his daughter somehow inherited his curse. I was afraid that the same thing could happen to you, and that you wouldn't be prepared for it." Ranma said, somewhat unsettled at how casually her daughter was taking this so far.

"So... I'm going to turn into a girl," Sakaki deadpanned, and Ranma noted a shadow of her own smirk on the girl's lips.

"Not exactly; Ryoga said that it's an exact copy of the person's original cursed form, so..." Ranma trailed off, and then offered a single Polaroid pulled from the family's main albums, this one showing her, as she'd looked in her youth, in her "Boy" swimsuit, mugging for the camera next to Akane.

The look that crossed Sakaki's face when she took the photo was... indescribable, and scary all at once. "I... think I'm going to go and do that homework now," she said, standing and holding the photo close to her chest.

"...All right," Ranma said, deciding that, if her daughter wanted to deal with it this way, rather than tossing things at her own head, it was probably better all around. Several minutes later, however, when she heard a squeal of "How CUUUTE!" From Sakaki's bedroom, she started to wonder if that was such a good idea.


Sakaki sat listening to the lecture while looking out the window, perfecting her inadvertent Rei Ayanami impression. At the moment, it was almost at the level where GAINAX would start pursuing legal action. That was, of course, except for the water filled bucket that was resting at her side, and in which her arm was sunk up to the elbow. Her hand was already quite pruned, but she refused to miss her first opportunity to have a cuter form by letting the hand dry. She would switch hands, but Sakaki had never gotten the hang of writing with her left hand, even after all of the lessons she had endured.

They were in the middle of an English lesson, that seemed to have something to do with photon torpedoes and linguine, though Sakaki might just have been hearing it wrong. No, that was just Tomo giving an answer. Sakaki had decided, early the first day, that Tomo was, at best, an idiot, and at worst a Kuno. She wasn't really sure what "Kunos" were, but her mother spoke of their stupidity and narrow mindedness with such venom that they had to be pretty bad. "I'm sorry, Sensei, I forgot my homework and was just saying gibberish. I move that my punishment be standing in the halls." Without giving the teacher time to respond, she rushed over to the door and grabbed the water buckets, happily saying to herself, "I've always wanted to do this." That was her intention, at least. It would have helped if there was actually more than one bucket there. "Hey, where's the other bucket," Tomo whined.

All eyes in the class turned to Sakaki for several moments, before she reluctantly took her hand from the water. "Can I have it back when you're done?" she asked, simply.

"Um, Sure thing!" Tomo said brightly, charging across the room, and incidentally almost running down Chiyo in the process, to retrieve the errant vessel. Once the buckets were in hand, she stepped out of the room and slammed the door closed with her foot.

It should be noted that Yukari-sensei had been shouting, "That's not really necessary, you know!"

Within five minutes of Tomo's egress, the monologue began. "Heh, I'm so lucky to have forgotten my homework today. Wh-whoa, these are kind of heavy. Agh! My arms are burning! Oh no! I dropped the buckets! There's water everywhere; help me, Sensei!"

"Oh, shut up!" Yukari shouted. "One more outburst like this and you're going to the principal's office!"

In the classroom, Sakaki looked up at Tomo's exclamation and let out a soft sigh. "My water..."


"So, what do you think, maybe she slit her wrist or something," Tomo speculated, hanging off of the back of Yomi's chair.

"Hmm?" The taller girl asked, irritably glaring at her friend.

"I mean Sakaki, c'mon, you have to have noticed that she's had her hand stuck in a bucket for over a week!" the darker haired girl exclaimed.

"It's her business, maybe she's trying a new diet or something?" Yomi offered.

"You and your diets! No, that can't be it, or you'd have done it already! It's got to be something else. Maybe... Maybe..." Tomo lapsed into several moments of deep thought, before she burst out, "Maybe she's turned into a plant monster! That's it, she's a plant monster and she's gotta keep her hand in there or she'll die from lack of nutrients, or something."

"No way, Sakaki-san's way too cool for that!" a voice from behind the two yelled, but when Tomo turned to see who it was, everyone was sitting and eating lunch normally.

"Well, that's not important, it's weird, that's all." The hyper girl continued.

"And like I said, none of our business," Yomi returned, and picked up a book she'd been reading before she was interrupted.

"Maybe," Tomo decided, "but I'm going to find out anyway!"

"This is a bad idea!" Yomi warned, but was, as usual, ignored.

Stalking like a large, predatory cat, Tomo made her way over to Sakaki, using anything available for cover. "You do know I can see you, right?" the larger girl asked, as Tomo crouched behind the desk in front of her.

"Gyah!" Tomo shouted as she jumped forward, knocking over a number of desks and sending water flying from the bucket that Sakaki had left sitting by her chair, and soaking everyone nearby.

The room went dead silent for a moment, half of the people, those for whom any view of Sakaki was blocked by Tomo sprawled out on top of her, were silently praying for the smaller girl's life. The other half, however, had their mouths gaping for a far different reason.

Chiyo, being the youngest, was the first to react to the strange situation, walking over and kneeling next to the two. Looking down into Sakaki's blue eyes, she poked her in the forehead. "Hmm..." she muttered, reaching back and picking up some of the red hair that was splayed out across the floor. "Wow, that was neat!" she finally exclaimed, "how did you do it?"

"How did I..." Sakaki said, while Tomo lay, immobile, atop her. Hearing a slightly higher than usual voice coming from her throat, her eyes widened. "It... finally happened?" she asked, and then moved in a blur. Tomo seemed to hang in mid-air for a second before falling to the ground with a thud, as Sakaki started skipping around the room, giggling like an idiot.

"Did I..." Yomi stuttered, unbelieving.

"Wh..." was all Yukari could get out, as one of the students in the back of the class was crying, for some reason. Snapping back to something close to reality, she ordered, "Tomo, principal, now!" Then, stopping to consider, "And whoever you are, skipping around the class, you go too!"