A/N: Love to reviewers and Countess Black

I have no idea how this happened. I came back and...well, once the fire was out and everyone had stopped crying, this was the end result. I'm in no way being menaced right now, as the wand digging into my ribs is 'encouragement' and not a threat. And Bellatrix says the cat will be returned unharmed as soon as this goes up...

Silence-verse. At bare minimum, you'll need to read 'Flowers and Dust' chapter three, for this to make sense, and the other 'A Very...' series as well. Especially 'A Very Death Eater Meeting' as it explains why Bellatrix has no indoor voice.

(Lucius Malfoy kindly provided his commentary on things, in parenthesis).

I AM HIS MOST FAITHFUL! (Like any of you expected this to start any differently.)

I AM USING THE MUGGLE'S TAPPING THING TO SPEAK DIRECTLY TO MY ADORING FANS. (Trixie, do stop yelling. Otherwise, they'll think you mean ringing in the ears).

WHY WOULD THEY THINK THAT? (I'm sure I wouldn't know. But, really, I'm getting a headache.)

FI-fine. But if they can't hear me, it's your fault. (I can live with that. Truly, I can.)

Once there was a beautiful and clever Death Eater. ( My, how thrilling. Tell me, is her name 'Bellatrix', perhaps?)

Shut up, Malfoy. Anyhow, this Death Eater discovered a plot against her Master and went at once to report it, shoving past her useless husband, puling jellyfish of a brother in law, and sweet little sister, who'd always had terrible taste in men.

(Don't mention 'taste' and 'men' in the sentence, Bellatrix, or I'll be forced to comment on certain people's predilection for bes-)

SHUT UP. I NEVER. She bowed and told her Master everything she'd discovered. He was most appreciative, and pointed out how much smarter she was than everyone. They were all jealous, especially stupid Malfoy.

(I am cut to the quick, surely.)

HOPE YOU ARE THEN.

(What did we say about yelling, Bellatrix? Cissy, love, if you're reading, we really ought to switch to decaffeinated.)

I'LL YELL IF I WANT TO. The Dark Lord was so grateful and happy it made Him realise how wonderful the Death Eater was, and they (Redacted, for all our sanity's sake. Oh, and Cissy, you look radiant today, darling.)

Did you just compliment my sister without seeing her?

(Yes.)

How does that work?

( She always look radiant.)

Hmmph. Suck up.

(You're just jealous Narcissa hasn't needed to...go to the dogs, shall we say?)

I NEVER LET GREYBACK LIE WITH ME!

(I never said you did.)

DAMN YOU!

(You know I'm right, Trixie.)

AVADA KE-GIVE THAT BACK! HAVE YOU NO RESPECT FOR THE FOURTH WALL?

*A/N: Not if it means you'll kill each other.*

(Thank you, Madea.)

*A/N: Any time, sir. Could we get back to things, though? It's bad form for me to overtly step in mid story. And let's try for a semblance of plot, okay?*

RIGHT. OUT YOU GO, THEN.

(Well, Bellatrix, what shall we do now?)

DOESN'T THAT IDIOT MUGGLE KNOW I ALREADY DID THE PLOT?

(She's as stunned by your perspicacity as I am, sister in law.)

EXCELLENT.

(Pardon?)

THERE'S A SEQUEL.