Warning: Angst, sap, cursing, blood, spoilers, ect.

Disclaimer: I don't own Xenosaga.


Now that Canaan thinks about it, Rubedo never cries, not once.


Rubedo is easily pissed, in fact, he's seems to always be in a bad mood. And Canaan knows this very well.

Even without a mental bond, the realian knows when something's up, and he knows when the URTV would just cry.

But he knows better than to think that Jr would never cry. Whether it be because of his pride or not, he never cried, especially not after he turned 13...

But, the closest he could think of ever was when he had first encountered Albedo, who was holding MOMO, and the red-head wouldn't stop shaking. Or, at least according to chaos and Shion.

For a second there, the orange-head couldn't believe that this guy was a 26 year-old weapon. All he saw was the the same, 12 year-old kid he picked up, what was his name...


"That's not my name."

Canaan wasn't fazed by this in the slightest. After all, this was the daily occurrence, that the kid would snap and him and pout.

And he would always reply the same way.

"Yes, but you will always be that way in my eyes."

"Well, your eyes are screwy, after all," the grin was back on his face, "They are puny," Canaan's eyes narrowed further at this, but Rubedo seemed to always shake it off...

Well, that's how some of it was.

Although he slightly misses it, he doesn't mind watching him like this.

Watching from afar, from the window, Canaan can't walk outside, can't open the window...

He can't communicate with the outside. It was one of those windows where you can only see from one side,

He's chained and caged, and lost all of his sanity.

After all, what kind of realian has these... feelings?

The feelings and the wants, from protecting someone to the point where he would kill and sacrifice and...

Well, to the point where he would abandon his own mission. His own purpose of life.

He could imagine it now, how Rubedo would come to him, "Jeez, for a realian with surpassed emotions, you sure are emotional," with that cocky grin on his face.

And for once, he wouldn't mind it.

The orange-head realian held back a groan and thought about it, as he tried to block out the screams and the ever-so-babbling between an amused Voyager and a fiercely angry Virgil, the only time he had ever seen Rubedo cry wasn't too far back...

Or maybe, he lost track of time.

Back on track, it was a long time ago, back when he first picked him up, he saw dried tear marks on his tear-stained face, his eyes a burning red surrounding a broken ocean. He still wasn't crying, he would scream, but never cry.


Or, at least in front of someone.


For there was that one time he saw him cry, or at least he thought he did.

It must have been when he had killed Albedo... he saw a small red-head figure looking out the window, illuminated by the moon, he saw from the back.

Now, maybe he's more like Ziggy in the sense that he knew he shouldn't be there.

And at the same time, Canaan couldn't help but watch. Curiosity, was it called?

Watch as he saw a tear run down the cheek, a broken, heart-wrenching sound coming from the harmonica he was playing.

Almost as though he was a robot, making no sounds, no movements, and not a single thing could be directed that the male was there, more dead than a robot.

As though the harmonica was the only source that he was still alive...

"Cannan!" maybe he was going senile, he could swear that he was hearing the male now, a happy joyous sound instead, of his imagined, depressed one, and then, he felt a rough yank at his shoulders as a cold piece of metal hit his forehead, "Don't make me pull the trigger."

"I'm dead Rubedo, you can't kill me."

"Wanna test out that theory?" the pout and angry eyes were automatically replaced by a threatening grin.

"...We just met again and you are already intent on killing me. Which brings me to my next point, why are you here?"

"...Did dying get rid of your memory-banks? I'm here for the same reason you are," the male said, he seemed to be very calm about all this.

"...You're dead?"

"That took you what, a couple of minutes?" Jr sighed, shaking his head, "Honestly," and then he pointed at the black and blue testaments, "Do they ever shut up?" and to his joy, a very familiar white testament popped up, followed by Gaignun Kukai, and his face twisted into further mortification, "Oh gods."

And, for the first time Canaan remembers, he thinks that the tears were worth it.

That, if he can give the tears for these lively moments, he would do so...

And now that Canaan thinks about it, Rubedo always cried, for and from his little brothers, from his promises, and all that junk. Something a weapon didn't need.

But the only difference was that Jr wasn't a weapon. Best yet, he wasn't weak.

After all, tears aren't always the meaning of weak.