Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars or KOTOR, they belong to George Lucas and Bioware and all that. I own my novel but that's a whole other deal.

This has major character deaths and dark side victory theme just to give you heads up.

I also don't really write fanfiction anymore, this is a salvaged piece from my laptop after chatting to a fellow KOTOR fan and needing to finish it.

It's a Terrible Thing To Fall

"It is such a quiet thing to fall... but far more terrible as to admit it." – Kreia/Darth Traya

Most sentients didn't come to this dive to talk to the bartender. The twi'lek found the human interesting- if not one of the bitterest sentients he had met. The spacer's bar here on the space station that orbited Kessel was not often visited by those allied to the Republic.

"Do you know what the dark side is?"

The bartender regarded his patron. Part of that whole Force thing... I don't buy into it

The human smiled bitterly. "Neither did I... people were bad because they were bad- not because of some shadow waiting for its chance"

Listening had always saved Jorga's life and he wasn't about to stop listening now. Besides most bragged here about some bounty they had collected or some wild exploit.

Moving aside the unfinished glass of Juma juice the human continued to talk. " Well, I saw the signs a parsec away with them but I was so caught up trying to figure out what the secret was, thought this person was someone I could trust and then they end up being the one person who could destroy everything you swore you would stop"

Picking up the glass again, the human knocked it back. She was, the twi'lek supposed beautiful for her race. Dark black hair, blue eyes and that sickly pale cream complexion that humans admired so much. And the Jedi robes and the lightsaber that made them stay back.

Ahh... a fellow Jedi?

"I wish" Her voice was tinged with regret. "I wish it had been... I could have fought anyone even Darth Malak rather than him" Breaking abruptly, Revan stepped away from the bar. As she walked past the pazzak tables she could hear the talk ... Manaan had fallen. Despite the arrogance of the Selkath, she didn't wish this upon them. The bluff had been called- if they had tried to destroy the kolto- the Sith would have set the planet's oceans on fire. And now the kolto lay in the hands of Malak.

Another victory for the Sith, led by the dark Jedi Knight Carth Onasi.

-Leviathan, Pre Fall-

"You didn't know...did you" Karath started to slowly chuckle as Carth looked frozen with a strange realization dawning on his face. Dana felt a chill and then saw the admiral pulling out a blaster. The Jedi acted before she thought and pushed Carth down feeling the burn from the blaster to her side.

Karath used the distraction to bolt down some escape hatch and Bastila crossed to them, determined to stall Carth who was inches from chasing after his former mentor. "No Carth, this is not the time"

Carth turned, anger and betrayal apparent. "He was telling the truth wasn't he... and you knew all this time!"

"Help here... might be a flesh wound but it bites" Dana put her hand to her side- the blaster shot had missed her stomach and was a nasty wound right near her hip- her stealth generator had partly melted as well. Pulling it off would be so much 'fun'.

Looking torn, Carth leaned down to check out her injury. "You know that would have only grazed my leg"

"You know you're lucky Karath didn't want you dead" Dana said sounding betrayed. And Carth felt torn between guilt and anger. Betrayed? She was Revan, the reason behind the war but she was Dana as well. That shot could have killed her- but she did it to protect him. Why would Darth Revan care whether or not he lived or died?

Bastila used what she knew of passing images and thoughts- aided by Carth's natural sensitivity... so he would get an idea of what the situation was- so he knew that he wasn't just talking to the Sith Lord Revan playing along. She needed him not to lose it, she had to get them away from the Leviathan before Darth Malak arrived.

He flashed her a look of anger at the invasion of his mind- and the lies. "Make me understand properly Bastila, make her understand what she really-" It wasn't for her benefit, it was so Carth could feel justified in his newfound hatred. He had a reason to distrust Dana-who-was-really-Darth-Revan and to not take chances on her.

"Not here Carth, I promise back on the ship I will explain everything to both of you" The unspoken 'If you don't I will' hung between the pair.

Bastila left them for a moment to clear the room ahead- the operations room that stood between them and the path to the hanger.

Carth reached down and laid a hand on his blaster as Dana or really, Revan stared out the portal into space. He knew the Dark Lord Revan was a threat to everything, and knew somehow he had to find the strength to stop Revan before she was a real threat again. Dana was just a programmed identity- Bastila as much showed him that, a lie that could come unravelled. Why was it so hard for him now to do what was right and necessary?

"Carth, I want to...thank you"

The republic soldier paused, his hand tightening over the blaster. "For what R- Dana?"

She frowned slightly to herself at whatever he had almost said but let it go. Dana turned and Carth made sure his hand looked relaxed and unthreatening. "For being here for me... someone I can trust with my life... the one person in our group who doesn't look at me like I have a swirling destiny or am some all amazing figure"

Guilt crept up on him despite the betrayals.

Dana continued on, oblivious."I mean, half the time I am so confused and I haven't a clue if I'm doing the right thing and somehow you always know- you watch out for me better than I do myself...when we started this, it was just some paid Republic trip that kept me from getting busted for that spice run" Dana smiled, shaking her head. " But you made me care- made me realize how important this whole war is and I can't imagine having done any of this without you"

Carth, not for the first time wished untold pain and death on Saul Karath and he wished he could have killed him this time. Killed Karath before he could destroy him again and destroy someone he had sworn to protect. What had the Jedi done, what had they been thinking to play with people's lives... and Carth couldn't lie to her any longer. "What Saul told me... it's what the Jedi were hiding from us and it has everything to do with you"

Dana nodded, almost scared. "It's bad isn't it... whatever this is... it's changed everything"

"Not ...how I feel" Carth tucked the blaster away. "I'm not going to lie and say it will be something that's going to be easy to get over... for either of us... but I will find a way..." And that was a promise- and everything inside him told Carth that it hadn't been a lie on her end... that it had only been Bastila and the damnable Jedi. And for that he hated them- because it was going to break her.

Dana smiled as Bastila returned. "The room is clear, come" she said briefly and Carth questioned his mental health when a part of him was glad this would come out badly for Bastila Shan. All the times they had all been put at risk such as Korriban... what if someone there had known Revan? She had played a fool's game with all their lives. And Dana despite teasing Bastila and being difficult on purpose... had still trusted Bastila, sometimes over him.

He helped Dana up and the three companions made their way down the corridor. A red gleam had settled over everything and Carth felt an ominous churning in his gut. It clearly wasn't his imagination as he felt Dana tense and moved to lean on the wall and Bastila snapped her lightsaber blade on.

The blast doors opened and Darth Malak strolled through. Carth barely heard Bastila say the name and he pulled out his blaster to fire at Malak- who sent a Force Wave sending Carth to the ground.

"I hope you weren't thinking on leaving so soon Bastila. I've spent far too much energy hunting down you and your companions to let you get away from me now"

The Dark Lord of the Sith then turned towards Dana, and Carth was worried for her. Darth Malak knew the truth, after all he had been the one to try and kill his Sith master.

"I would say vengeance spurred this reunion, but I know that my former Master's mind no longer truly exists"

Dana frowned. "What the hell are you talking about?"

Malak laughed. "Of course you don't know... how could Revan's... shadow know what she once was" The sith lord was enjoying this moment. His superiority over 'her'. How many times had she driven him down, power itself? And now to look at this shadow and exact what in life Malak had wished to on Revan? It was a reward beyond any other.

He lazily froze Bastila and Carth- and sent Force Lightning coursing through her.

Dana screamed, clutching her side and almost crawling backwards. Malak advanced leaning down.

"Yes... you knew something wasn't right, deep down you always knew this to be true" The woman shook her head and Malak was cruelly delighted at the sight of tears. He forced visions upon her, her own new memories... and the image of her former self.

Breaking her was like breaking a child with a truth of reality they were not ready for. The Council had erred indeed by handing her back to him.

Malak gestured and Revan found herself being invisibly raised to stand. Malak raised his lightsaber. "I am the Master of the Sith now and you will become my apprentice... face me Revan, if you dare"

A side door opened and Malak vanished. Dana moved to Bastila and Carth, attempting to break the stasis that held them in place but she couldn't. She felt her legs give and she kneeled on the ground for a moment...overwhelmed.

-Dana... Revan, you have to fight.- Bastila spoke to her through their bond.

Its true isn't it, you and the Council... it's all just a lie.

-Revan I wanted to tell you but the Council forbid it, they knew you could never truly be her again but they were afraid you would embrace the Dark Side if you knew.-

...why doesn't he just want me dead?

Dana forced herself to stand. She wasn't Dana Varos-Celes, not really, Dana was a lie and she was Revan. Even if she couldn't remember it, she was Darth Revan and the dark Lord of the Force forsaken Sith.

-Because- Bastila seemed to be searching for the right way to phrase it. -See it like this, if I were his former Master and could be her in mind again he would destroy me, Battle Meditation or not. Since you cannot be that Revan, I believe Malak intends to turn you so you can be used against the Jedi and the Republic. You still possess the same power she did, Revan's charisma and natural ability in battle-

"What if he comes back to attack you both?" Dana finally asked, aloud this time.

-I am working on freeing Carth and myself... you must stall Malak long enough that we can help you and all escape-

There was a lie, in that and Revan brushed it aside moving gingerly forward and through into the maze of blast doors. Revan reached out with her senses but it was no good. The Dark Side was clouding her senses and blocking out everything else.

Some of the doors refused to open as others moved at her mere presence. Revan moved to go back towards Carth and Bastila when another blast door slid open. Malak. Revan barely got a few hits in before the lightsaber was ripped from her grip telekinetically. Her hand went to her throat as it tightened and she choked finding it hard to draw breath.

He was toying with her- Revan realized in horror, there was nothing she could do to save herself or Carth and Bastila-

A yellow double bladed lightsaber flew through the air and Malak barely had time to bring his saber up to block it. Revan fell to the ground the pressure released.

"Foolish child... you think you can use your sense of self sacrifice to save Revan here, both of you are now mine-" Malak's word were interrupted as a concussive blast sent him flying backwards and into the wall stunned from a grenade.

Carth Onasi moved forward and picked up Revan's lightsaber. "Bastila... protect her... save the Republic" He dashed forward before either of the Jedi could react, igniting the pale blue blade and driving it into the door mechanism. The blast doors slammed shut as Revan moved forward to try and stop him. Bastila pulled her back.

"We can't just leave him... please"

Bastila shook her head. "We can't... we have to go now Revan otherwise his sacrifice will have been for nothing, come!" It was a testament to how much her mind, emotions had been shaken that the Force command worked at all.

Once she had them on the ship, Bastila sent Canderous to the turrets and ran for the cockpit. The blasts from the fighters sent shockwaves through the ship. She had been such a fool. And her premonition had come true. For not being able to help Revan enough... there had been a price.

As the hyperspace wake begun, Bastila found the jolt nowhere near as turbulent as her mind. Carth had taken her place. Bastila had intended to sacrifice her own life to save them both. But her plan had backfired- Malak had realized what her intentions were and had Carth not done what he had, they wouldn't have escaped.

And as she heard the others begin to ask Revan where Carth was, Bastila stood up feeling dread. The coordinates were set- it was time to face them.

"Carth is lost to us... he trapped himself with Malak so that we could escape"

Revan snorted and seemed to not regret it although the small movement had caused her pain. "So that the Jedi Princess and Darth Revan could escape... bad trade off"

Everyone was staring now and Mission was the first to speak up. "Darth Revan- is that some kind of joke?"

Bastila took a step after Revan and was taken aback by the look in Revan's eyes when she turned around. Hurt. "When Malak and Karath get through, Carth doesn't deserve this... I wish it had been you"

On board her small cramped ship, Revan stared out into space. "I wish I could take it back, by the force Bastila, I wish I could take it back"

Temple Summit, Lehon (Unknown World)

Forgiving Bastila had taken a long time for Revan and on Manaan it had happened after the last piece of the Star Map had been found. Revan glanced over at Bastila as they moved through towards the summit of the temple. The younger woman was as tired as she was. They might be wanted alive by Malak but one could hardly tell by the Sith who seemed just as interested in cutting them into pieces as capturing them. And Jolee had no such defence and Juhani would have had no such relief if she had come. They had been left Juhani with the Ebon Hawk and the others- it would have been stupid to leave everyone else defenceless as they tackled turning off the energy field that had crashed them here.

Revan could see a figure waiting for them, basked in the bright light so intense she couldn't see who it was. But she could sense something familiar through the force and Bastila and Jolee stiffened besides her snapping on their lightsabers.

She couldn't snap hers on even as the figure ignited his lightsaber, a crimson that burned in the light. "Carth, you're alive!" Revan exclaimed, a warm happiness inside being held at bay by a dark foreboding and she ignored it.

Carth was different and that didn't just mean the dark robes on him that matched the ones of any of the dark Jedi they had faced. He smiled and it was a cold smile that seemed to hold something for only her and Revan didn't understand why something dropped inside of her. "I was fortunate Revan you have no idea what's happened for me"

"I know what's happened to you" Bastila interrupted and she sent a message through the bond she and Revan shared and it was a plea for forgiveness. "You've turned to the dark side Carth and that is far from fortunate"

Their other companion agreed and in typical fashion Jolee didn't even sound shocked as Revan was. How could Carth even turn to the dark side when he wasn't a Jedi? "He always had a strong touch of the force my dear and Malak has twisted that and his dark desire for revenge" Jolee answered her unspoken question.

"The dark lord gave me Saul Karath" Carth acknowledged the truth and Revan couldn't turn on her lightsaber even as he advanced and Bastila and Jolee took on defensive stances. "I couldn't understand back then but I needed to kill him Revan, you know that it was all I had once, my revenge... I thought Malak was displeased with Saul and he wanted him to suffer before he killed me" A twisted pleasure showed up on Carth's face and Revan could tell something had broken through that revenge. By giving Carth Onasi the one thing that they would never let him do to blacken his soul, Carth had fallen. He didn't say it but Revan had known it from the start that revenge against Saul Karath would be the end of Carth Onasi.

She wasn't one for tears and Revan tried not to cry now even as the man she loved betrayed everything they stood for. Carth Onasi believed in the Republic or he had believed in it. In saving his son from the dark side and Revan had to save him from it now. "He didn't do you a favour Carth, don't you see that you've become?"

"Become what Revan, powerful, seen the Republic for the fools who let Telos burn, I will deliver a new stability to the galaxy, a new peace"

"Do you even hear yourself?" Revan asked, horrified at what she was hearing. "Carth, this isn't you talking, it's the dark side... please!"

Bastila was ashen and the waves of guilt that poured off her were apparent to everyone. Carth had taken her place and her fall, he hadn't the training to resist Malak and the dark side "Revan, he's been taken by the dark side- it twists you up until you are a mockery of everything you stand for, remember?" Forever the teacher and Revan felt her own lightsaber turn on as Carth lunged them and it was a battle between them all.

Their hearts weren't in it and Revan could barely use her lightsaber terrified that she could kill Carth and Carth was holding back in a small way but he didn't seem to mind hurting any of them creating a storm through the force and hurling them back into the floor.

It was Bastila who was keeping Revan going through their bond and her strength was all that helped Revan keep fighting Carth. If they lost- the energy field from the temple wouldn't go down and the Republic would crash and everything would be for nothing.

Someone came from behind Jolee and the old man raised his green lightsaber barely in time to save himself from Darth Malak's savage blow and Revan eagerly slipped from the her confrontation with Carth to aid Jolee against Malak and soon it was only her against Malak. The sith lord who had turned Carth Onasi to the dark side and Revan worked hard to keep her emotions under check as Malak taunted her. Malak wanted her to embrace the dark side and revenge, revenge for turning Carth would only lead her to the dark side.

The entire world consisted of her battle where every move could result in the end for both of them and Revan realized after his red lightsaber took part of her braid that she was losing to him again and she barely had seconds to check on Jolee and Bastila.

They were faring better than her and Revan didn't think to spend longer on them and Carth when the dark lord of the Sith tried to take her lightsaber and end it. There was no way she could give in to the dark side and Revan almost wished for death because it would be easier than living with what was happening.

And then a white hot shot of terror ran through her force bond and an intense pain shot through her stomach and Revan spun to Bastila, her fight with Malak forgotten.

For a moment Carth showed humanity and sadness and Jolee wasn't taking advantage of the break in Carth's attack. A dark apprentice had went to join Carth and had tried to run through the weaker Jedi to overwhelm Bastila and had gotten the last hope of the Republic instead.

Revan's lightsaber fell from her grasp and Malak didn't stop her as she ran for Bastila, throwing the apprentice back with a force wave.

Revan knelt on the ground, holding up Bastila and she tried to send energy through their bond to keep her alive, to keep Bastila alive. "Why isn't it working – you saved me, the dark lord Revan, I should be able to save you!"

She heard a crashing in the background and Revan knew the energy field was going down. Jolee.

"I saved you Revan...I truly did it for you, not the Council" Bastila was slipping away, yet she pushed through with the force and put Malak, Carth and his dark Jedi into a stasis. "Go Revan"

"What for?" Revan asked and she looked at Carth, frozen and then at Bastila. "What's left to fight for?"

"For you"

Revan rarely set foot on any planet too long and Telos was harder than most to walk upon and she tried not to think about how much she didn't want to face Dustil Onasi anymore than she did his father. Bastila's death had condemned them, the Republic had suffered massive losses at the Star Forge despite managing to destroy it. Malak had shipyards ready for such an occasion and with a tactical marvel such as the former Republic captain and no Bastila it was only a matter of time before the Republic lost.

Not that the Jedi Council had cared and Revan entered the restoration zone with a heavy heart and she turned on the lightsaber for comfort, double bladed with a golden beam. All she had left of her friend and teacher.

They sent her on useless missions- frustrated that Revan was not the all powerful Jedi they had wanted. She had the Force, was literally its heart but she couldn't bring herself to care about being the consummate Jedi Knight any longer. She didn't have the heart to use it and the Council was disgusted. All but Vrook who had taken pity on her for some odd reason and she supposed it didn't hurt that it was the first time she had shown him she wasn't Darth Revan or a tool for them to use.

She was only a neophyte Padawan after all.

Revan found Dustil deep inside the restoration zone and she found herself sitting next to him as the former Sith student observed his homeworld returning to life. "It's strange- Father was fighting to save me from the Sith and he became one himself"

"He didn't mean to and it's my fault" Revan wasn't talking about how she was the former Sith Lord. Carth had been obsessed with revenge and his hatred for Saul Karath from before the first day she had known him and he hadn't cared about living. Until he had made that promise and Revan hadn't seen him since Lehon.

"Father chose his own path and I saw it on Korriban when you and my father rescued me" Dustil shook his head. "I would try but I know the temptation would be too great, you know it"

"When you care so much it becomes hate and passion" Revan smirked half heartedly. "Family ties are fraught with powerful emotions and love is even worse, we are the last two people who should be around him" Revan regarded Dustil. "Do you think we helped him fall?"

Dustil laughed but it was a sad laugh that spoke of his loss, his mother and Selene and what he had thought was right. "No but he'll help us fall- you know my father will find you and me"

"Running isn't an option much longer" Revan agreed and took of her long boots and felt the grass and ground with her toes as it started to rain. "Telos is beautiful"

"You had no part- she had no part, I was taught in the Academy that it was Darth Malak through Admiral Karath that attacked Telos"

Revan knew and she got the message behind it, she was forgiven and if the Carth Onasi she had once known could see his son now, she knew he would have been proud of Dustil letting go of his anger and hate.

Before he had fallen.

Dustil moved on from Telos and Revan stayed. She knew it was stupid and that the Jedi Council would give her hell over it but she couldn't bring herself to run any longer from the man she had loved. Let Carth Onasi kill her and be done with it when she wouldn't turn and Revan needed the quiet solace that Telos brought.

She helped the Ithorians stop Czerka from trying to set up on Telos and it brought memories back from Tatooine. She had been there with Bastila and Carth after fooling the Czerka representative into thinking the Sandpeople were dead. Using the Force for a few extra credits had brought condemnation from Bastila and rare approval from Carth who had been as disgusted with Czerka as she had been.

It was only right to protect the planet Carth loved so much from them and Revan lived simply, in an apartment in the newly formed Citadel. She hid her face with the cowl of her Jedi robe and was known only as the Jedi who helped and then melted into the scenery.

Revan wasn't surprised when despite her best efforts the Sith arrived and the soldiers flooded the Citadel rather than attacking it and Telos from space. She fought as many Sith soldiers as she could slashing with Bastila's blade and Revan was surrounded when Carth finally showed himself.

At the temple his visage had been yet to become damaged from the dark side, Carth's warm brown eyes were now a sickly, evil yellow and veins lined his pale face and his beard didn't do enough to cover his now gray lips. "Were you even trying Beautiful?"

The flirting, once a comforting gesture now stung and it came across through his feelings. Passion and hatred intertwined. He wanted her and it was to Revan's shame that she still loved him. "Not really Flyboy but then did you expect me to?"

Carth chuckled and unlike his son he seemed quite content to take something from this and it was a good thing to him to have her where he wanted her. "You never change Revan"

"But you have and I still love you despite everything you've done" Revan had to try for the past and Bastila, she had to try for the Republic and Dustil. She had to try for her paranoid pilot who had gotten lost in the darkness. "I'm not sure if you love anything now but I know that there's some part of you that I can see, that believes in the Republic, in hope, mercy and love that can hear me"

"A puppet of Council that will change when I turn you, you don't see that I can reach the darkness inside you that's meant to be" Carth walked towards her and she turned off the lightsaber. The was no point in trying anything when she couldn't bring herself to kill him. "Hope and mercy are useless-"

"And love?" Revan asked defiantly as he raised a hand to caress her cheek. "Or is love for me useless, love for your son, love for Morgana's memory?" There had been a time Revan hadn't thought herself worthy to even use the name of the woman who Carth had loved and lost because of Karath and the Sith. Indirectly because of her. Now Revan was prepared to do anything to reach the light that was still inside of him and for a second she hoped when Carth hesitated, something akin to regret in his once handsome features.

He then kissed her and Revan felt the dark side tug at her and she recoiled at it. Carth refused to let her go, holding her painfully by the shoulders. Her hopes crashed.

"The Jedi Council lied to you Revan, you can still love with the Dark Side, I still love you and that passion is more than any of their vaunted values... they used you and would send you to your death, all you have to do is listen to me, that's all I ask" Carth wasn't demanding and for just a moment it was like the old days.

The old days though were long gone and for Bastila Shan, the third voice that would have been there she couldn't give in. "I won't betray the Republic and I won't betray the person you used to be Carth" Revan bowed her head. "I'm sorry, but I won't join you in the darkness you have given into no matter what you say"

"It's the only way Revan, for you and me, you have to take this path"

The conversation had been so light that Revan hadn't seen it coming, she hadn't seen the invisible grip on her throat and force lightning that Carth used to incapacitate her and she could feel his resignation through her pain. He didn't want to do this but to him it was right- Malak had twisted him so much that this had been the only outcome and Revan welcomed oblivion.

If only it had stayed.

Darth Malak was dead. Revan wasn't sure when it had happened but she could sense he was gone from back on Telos and everyone granted Carth respect as only a Sith Lord would have commanded and she didn't understand how Carth could have killed Malak until he told her how. The force bond hadn't died with Bastila, it had found a new connection. Revan's power had given Carth the strength he needed.

Revan was a glorified prisoner and she spent her hours alone in the new Sith Lord's quarters, refusing to touch him when Carth came to her and she realized it came from the pride that Bastila had taught her. She wouldn't have even the smallest comfort knowing that she would be responsible in a way for the fall of the Light.

Killing herself wasn't an option, Carth made sure of it and Revan fought against the dark side every day in her purgatory- surely a punishment for her past as Darth Revan.

The council tried to send a strike team and Revan helped them best she could, she after all couldn't kill the man she had loved but they could stop him.

Carth had killed them all and Revan had felt it and screamed for him to stop. He wasn't Carth Onasi truly anymore and she was something to be possessed and the real Carth grew dimmer with every day.

The dark side twists you up inside and turns you into a mockery of everything you once stood for.

It would be so easy to fall with nothing left to stand for but Revan couldn't fall because she couldn't betray Carth Onasi. She had made a promise a long time ago that she wasn't Saul that she would never betray the Republic and she would stick to it.

And the mockery of Carth Onasi kept her safe, for its promise to protect her.

The End

I know it's dark and honestly it came out like that despite what I had planned- I think as an answer to most DSF Revan stories where Revan forces Carth to the dark side and the whole Carth getting caught instead of Bastila. Because if Carth had been given Karath and had believed he was going to die anyway, without Bastila or Revan to stop him it would have turned out so this is sort of an inverse fic.

Thanks for reading and reviews are always appreciated.

- Allison