Author's Note: This fic was specially and entirely made because of a song that always reminds me of the Noah's Ark Circus part, J'y Suis Jamais Alle, from Amelie OST. The song Joker listens to in this story is a beautiful accordian cover I found and which I recommend listening to. It possesses in itself a small reality break and happiness.
youtube DOT com / watch?v =izh3ty3k8jE (eliminate the spaces and substitute the DOT for . )
DISCLAIMER: I, HoshisamaValmor, do not own Kuroshitsuji.
It felt so amazingly good. So good he almost had no words to describe it properly no matter how many times it happened in a week. Every time was a new time and the feeling increased. The pure sense of happiness. After all the suffering each one of them had gone through for so long, those hours of show, the croud's attention, their fascination, their applause, were worth everything they might have experienced.
Joker felt so nostalgic on those times. Not nostalgic for the old days. No, a good nostalgy, of what had happened to their family and how they were blessed with that heavenly show in which no one cared if they weren't like everyone else. No one cared or even noticed if Beast had a porcelain-like leg, if Dagger had one himself, if Doll was forever desfigured, if Peter and Wendy were not children, if Snake was an abomination or if Jumbo was scary. No one cared if Joker had a prostetic skeleton arm. No, everyone praised them for their diferences, and it had been the first time for all of them that such a thing happened. How often does one get to be praised for being different? People no longer beated them, insulted them or abandoned them because they not like the others. People applaused them and greeted them because they were different.
For that, Joker could never betray Father. He gave them that happiness, the happiness of their family. He could never allow something bad to happen to the Baron, the debt would never be able to be settled, so he would do everything he asked for. Even if...
Joker threw those thoughts aside. Not now, it was not the time to think and feel sadness. It was their moment of happiness, the two hours worth living and entire life for.
He smiled widely when the family appeared outside, laughing and commenting the show they just finished. The night was beautiful, the moon shined its silvery light with full grace and the gentle breeze brought distant music with it.
Oh, the music. The beautiful nostalgic and almost bucolic music that someone played somewhere each night since they arrived to that city. Joker loved it, as much as he loved the song they learned when Father brought them in.
"Joker, what're you doin' there alone?" Doll asked, her beautiful rosary white outfit demonstrating her inner beauty, not the shattered exterior people used to focus on. Next to her, the more mature but still doll-like Beast stared at him with curiosity she did not like to reveal.
"He's happy about somethin' " Peter grinned wickedly, which made Joker's smile widen more, a rare and truely honest smile unlike his regular and constantly rehearsed one.
"One brilliant show we had, lads," he moved with extreme haste and got hold of Beast's hands without giving her time to react. "Let's celebrate life!"
Her crimson eyes widened in suprise and her face went red, and the next moment they were dancing throughout the yard on the back of their tents at the sound of the far away music, Joker guiding both in flourished and spontaneous spins like in some sort of childs' fairytale.
Doll and Wendy giggled and cheered them loudly, making Beast try to glare at them, but her beet red face didn't allow it to appear mad, instead it just looked rather funny. Even Dagger was smiling for her embarrasment while Joker turned her around in their improvised dance.
"What are you doing?" she questioned him roughly, only to meet Joker's smile once more.
"Celebrating life," he repeated. "We need to celebrate these moments, don't you think? Listen to that beautiful melody! Remember those claps, those smiles, that moon, this night, this moment, us!"
Joker was cheered by the others and Doll pulled Dagger to dance with her next to Beast and Joker. The shy knife-thrower reacted the same way Beast did, his face going red and trying to resist Doll's iron grip, but like Beast, he ended up following the white princess. Maybe both of them still felt uneasy with things such as dancing when they were used to not be able to walk freely. Or maybe it was because true happiness was something they never got totally used to no matter how much they tried. Those hours were special, appart from their normal lives, both old and new. Joker wanted them to live it as if it would be the last time, which could indeed be.
And Beast knew it. She knew Joker better than anyone else. Sometimes, she thought, better than himself. He carried a constant smile, but only on those nights his smile was real. Even with her, if it was not on those hours of show, his smile would not be true, it would be but a mask he wore to cover his constantly tormented self from the others, and probably from himself. There was no one that suffered as much as Joker because of what they did by the Baron's orders. Not only because he was the one to directly recieve them, but because he saw what became of the kidnapped children. Beast, Dagger, Doll and the others did not.
So he, more than any of them, wanted to enjoy the escape, the only break from real life they had and forget they were alive, and that their brothers were alive, because they murdered others. He just wanted to them to feel alive with no burden attached to it.
Beast smiled and felt a warmth inside her heart that was still felt foreign and strange to her. It appeared everytime Joker and her were together, but now that he had willingly approached her and hold her, smiled and danced with her, it was much more intense, making her heavy blush taint her face restlessly.
Jumbo, Peter and Wendy joined them as well after a while, only Snake stood by the sidelines as usual, but he enjoyed his happiness his own way.
They were not handicaped and wierd, they were not orphans and abandoned, they were not murderers and kidnappers. Right then, they were a family celebrating their existence as such like no other family could, because they hadn't been through what they had together. That bond and that celebration was worth having lived a life of suffering.
When the lonely accordian musician ended his personal celebration of happiness with the melody carried by the night wind, so ended their reality break and they moved silently throught the darkness towards the house the Baron had instructed them to attack.
Author's Note: Thank you for reading. Apologize for possible typo and grammar mistakes. Leave a review if you please.