Listen To Words
"Or Can It Get Worse Part 2"
I made sure that Edward walked down the stairs to where everyone was first. There was no way I was going to put myself in that position. For some reason Edward sauntered down the stairs like he had no care in the world. I looked at all the faces in the front room of the house while standing at the foot of the stairs. Carlisle. Esme. Emmett. Alice. Rosalie. No Jasper. It doesn't surprise me he wasn't there though. He said he was gone. He must true to his word. I couldn't linger on Alice's face too long. It was a classic poker face but there was something else there. I couldn't put my finger on it, though.
"Well, I'm ready." Edward obnoxiously put his sunglasses on, grabbed my hand, and we walked out to the car. "Get in," he ordered me. He started the car and just leaned his head against the headrest as we waited for everyone else to get into their cars. Silence. It filled the car and all I could hear was the laughter from Emmett as he and Rosalie got into his Range Rover. At least they were having a fun time.
Slowly one by one we all pulled out of the driveway. Edward closely followed behind Emmett making me nervous. God forbid Emmett making a quick stop. I looked at his face and he seemed calm. Better than before.
I placed my hand on top of his, "You okay?"
Glancing at me, "Yeah, I'm fine. I really didn't mean to snap at you. It's just that they get on my nerves."
I nodded my head. They get on mine, too, Edward. They get on mine, too. I remembered what Alice said to Edward last night. About how he was depressed. I wanted to ask him about it but something in my head told me not to ask it, that it would only lead into an argument but of course I didn't listen.
"How did you feel the days you left?" The words floated in the air between us. Almost putting a damper on the mood. No, almost isn't the right word. Immediately was better suiting.
"I was sad." I waited for him to say more, but he didn't.
I pushed further, "Alice said you were depressed."
He exhaled noisily, "I wasn't depressed, Bella."
I wanted him to tell me how he felt. What he was thinking. He's not telling me anything. "Then how were you feeling? What were you thinking about?"
He was becoming irritated again. It was a sensitive topic, but I needed to know. "You really want to know, Bella?" I nodded my head. "I was going to divorce you. I planned on never speaking to you again. I didn't want to look at you. I didn't even want to think of you." He let those words sink in. He was right. I didn't want to hear what he said. But that didn't stop him. "But the night that honestly changed my mind was when I came over for dinner. Seeing you again just changed everything that I had thought out those previous days." He looked at me and kissed my hand. "But don't think that I didn't know that guy was there, Bella."
This conversation was like a plane with one working engine. It was just doomed from the start. I wish I hadn't talked to him about this in the first placed. I was uneasy. I stared out of my window. "I could see his body through the door." I didn't make an effort to say one word.
He was persistent, "Why'd you let him in?"
I inwardly groaned. Why, Bella? Why'd you have to ask him. But this conversation is needed. He needs answers just like I needed my answers. "He kind of barged in. I opened the door thinking it was you and there he was. Before I knew it, he was inside."
Finally after three streets, four turns, and two exits on the highway, yes I was counting, Edward broke the silence. "Are you happy, Bella?"
Am I happy? I'm ecstatic to be with him if that's what he means. "Happy as in…"
"Happy with me."
I was baffled. How could he…but then I remembered. I did have sex with another man. "I'm on cloud nine just being with you again." He glanced at me but then looked back at the road. We hit traffic on the highway and we were moving painstakingly slow. The vibe in the car wasn't the most comfortable.
His voice was soft, "Why does he look like me?" His question confused me more than the last one.
I looked at him. His voice was louder this time, "He looks just like me, Bella."
Staring at my hands I tried to come up with an answer. I vaguely remembered the night. Or at least the specifics, but I knew no matter how drunk I was I wouldn't sleep with some random guy. I didn't want to talk about why I slept with Jared, but I'd have to tell him sometime. How do I word my answer? "I thought he was you."
His eyes narrowed as he took in my answer. "I honestly thought he was you. I'm sorry Edward. I…"
If I was in his position it would be a blow to my ego. My own wife couldn't even tell the difference between me and another man. Me and another naked man. I hope this blows over soon. I can't take hurting Edward anymore. I just want to go home, go to sleep, and wake up from this nightmare.
Only if it was that easy.
We eventually got to the restaurant after Emmett took a few wrong turns. The car ride wasn't bad. We were both okay with the silence. Or from what I could tell we were both okay. Edward shut the car off and turned towards me. I placed my hand on his cheek. "I love you, even if you may think otherwise." We leaned towards each other and shared a kiss. All of a sudden loud banging from the driver side window broke us apart.
Emmett had his head smashed against the window, "We're here to eat food not each other's faces!"
I laughed at his goofiness. Edward yelled back, "Get your face off my window!"
Emmett left his face and we could see his tongue slowly coming out of his mouth. "No he is not." Edward quickly opened the door, knocking Emmett's nose.
"Damn, Edward! You always take things too far!" We stepped out of the car and I walked over to look at Emmett's face.
Edward defended himself, "No I don't. If you didn't lick my window, none of this would've happened." Edward took my hand and we walked into Macaroni Grill. "Plus, you're cleaning my window." Turns out Carlisle put us down for a reservation so we were able to be seated automatically. That's good because I haven't eaten since last night come to think of it.
I realized Alice rode with Carlisle and Esme rather than with Emmett and Rosalie. To be honest I didn't notice she was here until she sat diagonally across the table from me. She was oddly quiet. Emmett was on my left and Edward was sitting across from me. There was an empty seat next to me. I felt sort of ousted sitting next to an empty chair but Carlisle assured me that someone was coming. Esme didn't take one look at me since Edward and I last saw her. Neither did Alice. It's sort of okay but awkward at the same time. The small talk and chatter was sometimes disconnected since some of us weren't talking. I looked over at Edward and smiled at me. Apparently my discomfort was evident. He nudged my foot and cocked his head, silently asking me what's wrong. I slightly shook my head.
I'm still wishing the same thing.
I wish I never had sex with Jared.
But nothing will change.
I was in and out of the conversation. Mainly because I couldn't focus on it. I just kept thinking about Edward. And how he doesn't feel I'm happy to be with him. I don't want him to feel like he's not worth my time. I have to show him. Our waiter finally came and took our order. It was a young kid. Probably no older than nineteen. His eyes lingered on me longer than they should and it seemed the entire table noticed. I adjusted my blouse and fixed my hair hoping to get rid of the attention. Edward was busy on his phone texting someone so he wouldn't have known what happened.
My mood was so-and-so. I wasn't feeling the vibe around the table and I definitely wasn't feeling the glances from Esme. So maybe I looked completely uninterested with the conversation, but at this point I didn't care. I was over today. Stirring my iced tea was the only thing that captured my attention.
Edward's hand wrapped around my shoulders and he kissed my cheek. He snapped me out of my thoughts. I missed quite a few things such as Edward getting up to sit beside to me and Jasper sitting in front of me. I pulled what little energy I had left and devoted it to having a nice lunch with the ever so loved family.
Kenny, or at least that's what his name tag said, informed us that our food will be out in ten minutes. I looked at him wondering why someone would tell you ten minutes. Why not five?
"Thanks, man," Emmett answered. I took a sip of my drink. I think I'm going to need something stronger to get me through this lunch but I'm going to against my needs. I was tempted to call Kenny back and tell him to get the strongest drink back there, but I getting a drink would only instigate things.
Emmett turned towards me, "How you doing, Bella. I haven't heard much about you." Even though what he just said was a total lie. I admired the fact that he's trying to make conversation.
"I'm okay." I stopped talking. He continued to look at me expecting me to carry on.
His expression faltered and he leaned back from me, "Oh. That's good." I just nodded at him and drank some more of my tea. Rosalie, who was sitting across from him, gave him a questioning look and he just shrugged. Again I felt guilty. I shouldn't shut Emmett out just because I was having a really crappy day. He was just trying to help.
"Emmett," He turned towards me, "don't take it personally. I've had a really… unpleasant day. It has sucked beyond belief." He slowly nodded his head.
"Yeah, well you can't let that keep you down. Find something good and focus on that. That's what I do."
Let's see. Find something good about today. Nope. Couldn't find anything. Nice try though Emmett. I genuinely smiled at him.
Esme spoke to the entire table, "Does anyone have good news?"
The table was quiet as everyone looked around. Jasper scratched his nose. Alice shifted in her seat. No one talked.
"Well, here's something good," Carlisle replied, "Tanya is down for the week." Edward's face immediately lit up.
Carlisle nodded his head, "Yes, she called me I think last Wednesday. She has a nursing conference in Seattle so she won't be with us long, but she's down here this week. I think she's leaving this Sunday."
Emmett pumped his fist in the air, "Time to party!" Edward laughed in response. I, personally, was confused, perplexed, puzzled, baffled, and downright befuddled on who this Tanya was. I've never heard of her. Ever. Not even when I was just friends with Edward. I kept looking between Edward and Emmett.
"Who is Tanya?"
In no time Edward and Emmett started talking to me about whom she was, but I couldn't understand a single word they were saying. They were finishing each other's sentences, jumping to other topics, and just plain annoying.
I threw my hands up in the air, "Okay! Okay! I get it!"
Carlisle laughed, "She's a close family friend, Bella."
"Oh, okay." I smiled but as my eyes met with Esme's, it faded. She was cautiously watching me. What is this woman's problem?
Edward clued me in as well, "She's really cool, Bella. I'm sure you two will get along."
I hope we'll get along. I've never met or even heard of this chick. I mentally shook my head. If Edward says we'll get along, we will. Stop being so pessimistic, lighten up and put your best foot forward.
I smiled up at Edward, "Then I can't wait to meet her."
Esme stirred her drink, "Edward and Tanya have been friends for over…" she tapped her chin, "How long, Edward?"
"Eh…well since I was a kid."
Esme looked into my eyes, "They're really close, Bella. I'm surprised Edward hasn't told you about her. Why haven't you told her about Tanya?"
He shrugged his shoulders, "Time, I guess. After high school ended we just grew apart."
Was he that oblivious to Esme's pestering?
Emmett spoke up, "Yeah, I remember when I left. All communication stopped. That's when the 'T Double E' became 'TE'. You guys kicked me out of my own group." Emmett jokingly glared at Edward. Edward causally shook it off.
Curiously looking at Edward's face I wondered how close he and Tanya actually were. Did we getting together pull him way from her? Does he miss her? Esme and Emmett made it seem like they were best friends not close friends.
Our food arrived and the rest of the dinner was pleasant, even with Esme's subtle downplays on our relationship. Once we got into the car my mood was ten thousand times better. Edward seemed happier, too.
"How are you feeling?" I asked him.
His eyes stayed on the road, "As in?"
"Happy, but I should really be asking about how you feel."
I cocked my head, "Why?"
"You seemed out of it in there. What's up?"
Finally, I can express how I really feel. I can tell him how his mom is slowly eating away at my patience. How she's meticulously planning the downfall of our marriage, but then something in the back of my head stopped me. I realized I can't continue to undermine the relationships he has with his family. I've done enough. I told myself that I don't show him that I love him and now is my turning point. I am going to accept his mother no matter how many times she takes a hit at me, I'm going to accept his two-faced sister who has been nothing but a fake, and I'm going to accept the other important woman in his life, Tanya, no matter how she is because that is what a wife should do. That is what I'm going to do.
"Bella? Hello?" Maybe my pep talk took a little bit longer than I thought.
"I was just thinking about our talk in the car, but I'm fine now because we're ok."
He didn't say anything back. He just continued to drive so I decided to make some conversation.
"So we're going back to the house?"
He glanced my way, "Yeah, I mean, do you not want to?"
My heart dropped a little. Even after everything that's happened he still wants to stay? Why? I just don't get it.
"I don't understand, just two hours ago you said you couldn't stand being there and now you want to stay?"
"It's complicated, Bella."
I involuntarily squinted my eyes, "Complicated."
"You heard Carlisle, Tanya's here. I haven't seen her in probably five years, Bella."
"I know and I have no problem with you seeing her. She can come over to our house, for all I care, as long as you're there, too."
"Ok then we can go back to the house tonight."
I beamed with victory and turned my face out to my window.
"I know you smiling over there," He playfully grabbed my chin and then laced his finger in between mine. "It is going to be nice to be in our own bed again." He smirked.
"It'll be nice to have our own privacy again,"
When all of us returned to the house everyone seemed to disperse.
I grabbed Edward's hand, "Come on, let's pack." He hesitated.
"Don't look at me like that." He smiled, "I have to go to work to check on something."
"Do you have to?"
He drew me into him, "Yes I have to, but I'll be back around eight and we can pack then."
Eight? The number seemed to float around my mind and postpone time. He honestly expects me to be in this house, with no car, for four hours.
"How about I just pack our stuff?"
Shaking his head, "No, we have to tell my mom and dad that we're leaving tonight."
He was right. If this family situation was to get any better it would have to start now. With communication.
I tried to step back away from him but he held me against him, "You're not mad at me are you?"
"Mad? No, but I wish you didn't have to go, you know?"
"Yea, I know," He kissed my forehead and ran upstairs.
My time alone starts now. I could either twiddle my fingers and toes or do something the least productive. I eventually made my way out the backyard. Swimming would be great but of course I don't have a bathing suit. Only if I had my car, but a car would leave me too much temptation to escape. I sat on the edge, took of my heels, and dipped my feet into the water. A smile appeared on my face. Edward and I are back together. It's like a chant that makes my heart race.
"I have a bathing suit that you can use. Well, you left it here one summer."
My splashing feet froze as Alice spoke. I cautiously answered, "I wasn't planning on getting in," I turned around to look at her, "Thank you, though." I stared back at the water.
I heard her sit on the lounge chair near me. I assumed she was thinking. Of course I was thinking positive, she could be planning on kicking me in and drowning me but that idea is crazy.
Her voice was barely a whisper, "I'm sorry."
My eyes scrunched up, "What?"
"I'm sorry, Bella." I looked at her to see if she was shitting me. She wasn't. She was sincere, apologetic.
"Why are you saying this to me?"
"I've been thinking." She laughed darkly to herself, "I've been thinking a lot this past day."
I turned my attention to the stone waterfall.
"I had no right to interfere with you and Edward's relationship. It was infantile, insecure and I want to say I'm sorry."
Then there was silence. I didn't know how to take Alice apologizing to me. I didn't know what say, to feel, or even really to think. She caught me off guard.
"You're probably wondering why I am saying this and well," she paused, "Edward and I were always close, he's my twin, and well when he met you he automatically gravitated towards you. I felt abandoned to say the least. I didn't mean to conspire against, Bella. I didn't plan on being fake with you. I don't even remember when I stopped liking you and started hating you. I just felt left out in the dust by him."
"Why are you telling me this? Why not him?"
"Because he wants me and you to get along. He said he'd pick you over me due to my past breakouts."
He said he pick me over his sister? I slowly shook my head. He shouldn't be alienating himself away from his family for me. I need to patch things up with everyone. Alice's words clicked in my head.
"You're only talking to me so he'll talk to you again?" That's twisted.
Alice immediately backtracked, "No! I mean I care for Edward, and who Edward cares about, I care about, too."
I took my legs out of the water and stood up. Alice stood as well and handed me a towel that was placed behind her. "I figured you would need it."
I tentatively reached for the towel and dried off my legs. "Thanks." She sat down. I finally became conscious of what Alice and I have in common in this very moment. We're both trying to regain back the trust and love from the same man, except she has another man she has to worry about.
"I'm sorry about you and Jasper. If I hadn't-"
She cut me short, "No, Bella, don't take the blame. What he told me was true. I only have myself to blame on how things went down these past few days. This week, even."
I picked at the towel and thought. I tried to comprehend the fact that Alice had actually hated me all this time. "So from when to when were you being fake, Alice?"
Her head snapped towards me, "What do you mean?"
"My wedding, the engagement party, or just now; was it all fake?"
Her eyes softened, "No, Bella. It was real. I was genuinely happy for you guys. I am genuinely happy for you guys. You guys getting back together shows that anything can happen really," she mumbled the last part. "I'm sorry for what I said to you. Those words should've never come out of my mouth let alone enter my thoughts. It was the little sister inside of me that was speaking, that believed no one was good enough to have her brother, when really it should've been the woman inside of me accepting what was happening. We all have to grow up sometime, right?" She chuckled to herself as she stood up. "I hope I made some sort of sense, Bella." She started to walk away.
Each step that she took, my mind tugged at me. I couldn't let her walk away thinking that I didn't accept her. "Alice, wait." She halted in front of the door, "I promised Edward that I'd accept him and everyone that is a part of his life is a part of mine. Plus I'd really love to go for a swim."
A small smile crept on her face and she opened the door, "Come on up, Bella."
Her room was almost exactly how I remembered it. A cute but sophisticated theme of violet, black and white fitted her personality. I could tell subtle differences, though. She had gotten an armoire to fit more of her clothes but as I looked closely most of was filled with Jasper's clothes. As I made the realization, I could see more of his stuff in the room. His guitar, his shoes, jackets, shirts, hats. Everywhere.
"Here it is. Do you think it will fit?"
"Yeah, I may be a little fit fuller,"
"Well, I'll let you change. I'm going to find Rosalie and then we can all get into the pool."
She left and her room was quiet. Reflecting on our last conversation, I can honestly say she's trying. I don't know if I can trust her though. She was ridiculous the last time she spoke or even the times before that. I'll keep my distance. I placed my bikini top on and, oh my goodness, my breasts were going to fall out. I guess in a good way?
Someone knocked on my door, "Are you changed?" Then someone burst in. Rosalie. She was wearing a black metallic one piece that exposed her stomach and back. She stopped in her tracks.
"Well I'll be. Look at this hot momma." I self-consciously placed my hand over my shoulder covering the top half of my body.
Alice stepped around her, "Wow, Bella you have definitely filled out."
We walked back out the pool and Alice turned on the fountains and lights. It looked beautiful out here. The sun was starting to set. Although it was a little chilly, she assured us that the water was heated.
Rosalie walked over on top of the stone waterfall, "This water better be warm, Cullen."
Alice laughed as she dived into the water.
Walking away to set the towels down she said, "I'm so dead." In seconds Rosalie shot up from under the water shivering and yelling.
"What the fuck? It's freezing in here!"
Alice burst out laughing, "And? I didn't tell you to go jump in the water."
Rosalie got out of the water and it was like a movie. The way the water dripped off her was almost erotic. My self-esteem took another hit. She quickly snatched Alice and she threw both of them in the water. I flinched from the cold water droplets that hit my skin. It was amusing to see the two of them fighting. They were like best friends. That made me think again. Who is Rosalie?
"Bella, come in the water!" Rosalie waved me in.
I stepped to the edge of the stone, "Are you sure it's warm?"
She laughed, "Just come in!"
I jumped in and my body was welcomed by the calming warm water. We swam for awhile talking about each other's lives, what we do for a living. It was nice to have a chat with girls. Something I haven't been able to do in awhile.
I decided to ask Rosalie, "Who are you anyways?"
She adjusted her top and scrunched her eyebrows, "What?"
"I mean, who are you? I've never met you before,"
Alice swam over to us, "You've met her before. Remember at the party? We all had drinks at the bar before we left."
That night. "Sorry, I don't remember much from that night."
Rosalie snorted, "Well you were drunk off your rocker, but I'm Emmett's girlfriend."
I danced inside. So she's not single. She's not here for Edward. "Wow. I thought you had a thing for Edward with what happened earlier today."
She laughed, "I'm sorry about that. I can totally understand how you felt. It looked…"
"Wha-What happened?" Alice, clueless, looked around.
"Bella walked in to me giving Edward a massage. Nothing to worry about, really." A smile spread on her face, "But if I were you I'd be worried about another girl." Alice playfully hit Rosalie's arm.
"Don't say it like that."
My eyes darted between the two of them, "Who?"
Alice floated to the shallow end and sat down in the water, "Tanya, but really, Bella, don't be worried."
Rosalie and I followed her, "Why should I be worried? They're friends, right?"
Rosalie mumbled, "Friends with benefits," Alice shot daggers at Rosalie. "I'm just kidding. Let's just say that Tanya is more of a guys' girl."
A guys' girl.
"So I shouldn't be worried?"
Alice turned towards me, "Honestly, Bella? He's married to you. Why would he give up those jugs for some ugly blonde?" She jokingly laughed. I tried to laugh but my mind was racing. What if Tanya could pull Edward away from me?
Rosalie came up beside me, "Don't worry about it. I've met her before, she isn't all that."
"Has she and Edward dated?"
Alice looked up in thought, "Probably back in high school or something. Maybe middle school? I don't remember."
"Oh." So this Tanya could be Edward's ex. Edward's ex that has the heart of the whole family. What did I get myself into?
"Why are you so threatened by her?" I looked up at Rosalie. "You haven't even met her. Don't worry about her until she's physically here. If she's not physically here, she technically doesn't exist. Therefore you have no problems."
I slightly smiled, "True, but I told Edward that she could come over anytime."
Both their smiles faded, "Well then she'll probably spend every waking moment with Edward. That's what she did when she came to visit Emmett." Rosalie patted me on the back, "Good luck, chickie. Do you guys want to watch a movie? It'll pass time."
We watch Hitched. It was an enjoyable comedic romantic movie. It was oddly what I needed to take my mind off of Tanya. Which reminds me, Edward is supposed to be back by now. Alice was silently crying as she ranted about how stupid Alex was. My mind faded as I tried to think of the time.
"Alice, what times is it?"
She stopped talking and looked at her phone, "A quarter to nine, but listen if Alex didn't take her to Ellis Island…"
I stopped listening. A quarter to nine? Edward should be home by now. He did say eight. I mumbled something to them and quickly made my way upstairs to Alice's room where my phone was.
No new messages.
I stared, mystified, at my phone imagining where Edward could be. Should I call him?
No. he's probably caught up at work.
What if something happened?
Maybe I should just check?
No, give him his space.
I placed my phone back on the dresser and stepped back. I must have been so focused on the phone that I didn't hear Rosalie calling my name.
My body jumped. "Um…yes, I'm fine."
She stared at me doubtfully. "Are you sure you're fine?"
I fessed up, "Edward was supposed to be back an hour ago."
She stared at me as I looked back at her, "And?"
I suddenly felt stupid again, "…and I was thinking of calling him?"
She snickered, "Grow a backbone girl. He's not here, so what?"
"Well…" I struggled to speak, "he promised me that we were going to leave tonight."
"Do you not want to stay here?"
This is coming out wrong, "No, well, yes. I mean, I don't even have clothes for tonight let alone tomorrow. I don't have my car."
Rosalie placed her hands on my shoulders, "Stop freaking out. I can take you over to your house if you really want me to."
"No, it's okay. I'll just call him." I grabbed my phone and we went back into the family room where Alice was sitting on the couch.
Rosalie informed Alice, "Edward's gone AWAL. Bella's going to find out what's up."
"Don't say it like that, Rosalie." I dialed his number.
"Edward Cullen is unavailable right now, but it'd be great if you leave your name and number and-"
I hung up.
Rosalie's eyes were sympathetic, "Call again, maybe he didn't hear it?"
He must have not heard it three more times. The fourth time I called, the call was ignored.
I put my head in my hands. I felt Alice place her arms around me, "Bella, you can't let this get to you. He could be in a meeting. He said the business was growing."
"I know he's at work and you guys are right. This shouldn't be getting to me. Rosalie, can you take me home?"
Alice froze looking at me, "You're leaving just like that?"
Rosalie held a hand out for Alice, "No, I'm just taking her home for her to get her car. You're coming, too."
"Well, we'll help you pack."
Within half an hour, we were out of the house. Anything and everything about Edward was running through my mind. I couldn't understand why he had ignored my calls.
"So this is where Edward and Bella Cullen live." She pulled into our driveway and parked near the front door.
We walked upstairs and I was happy that I had cleaned the house before Edward came over. Placing my bags on the bed Rosalie walked into my side of the closet, "Damn."
"I know, she has tons of clothes," Alice followed in after Rosalie. I could follow them. We could go over all of my dresses, blouses, skirts, shoes, and sandals. But I sat on the bed lost in a train of thought. I'm sure Edward will notice I'm gone. Then he'll call and ask where I am. I took the clothes out of my bag and placed them in the hamper. I saw clothes of Edward's in there from last week. Might as well do some laundry. Some more time passed, and I asked if Alice and Rosalie would like to stay. I made them food and we all ate. I enjoyed hanging out with them. It was calming, careless, almost as if I was a teenager again. I could say anything and they would understand.
When we finished our food, Alice made her way to the family room. "Want to watch something?"
Rosalie piped up, "As long as we're not watching Lifetime, I'm good." She turned towards me, "Never watch Lifetime with her. It's a death wish."
I laughed as Alice pouted, "Mimi's First Time is the best movie ever, though."
"No Lifetime." Rosalie was stern. As she flipped through the channels, I looked at the overhead clock.
10:41. Nothing from Edward.
I can't let this get to me. It's probably nothing, "What's so bad about that movie?" Might as well enjoy myself. Rosalie was right. So what if Edward wasn't here?
Rosalie glared at Alice, "She's convinced that the girl, Mimi, looks just like me."
Alice laughed, flipping through more channels, "She seriously looks like a brown haired younger version of Rosalie."
Rosalie rolled her eyes, "Whatever."
After three episodes of Cake Boss and an episode of Big Cat Diary, Rosalie and Alice called it a night.
Rosalie stood up, "I'm sorry, Bella, but this 'Wait for Edward' plan is cutting into my beauty sleep. Call us when he gets home?"
I stared at the black screen of the TV. It's nearly one in the morning and Edward isn't here.
Sighing, "Thanks, you guys. Really."
I let them out the house and slowly closed the door. The small click echoed in the empty house. Loneliness, we meet again, dear friend. Making my way to the kitchen table, I thought about how I really don't have friends. It's almost as if when I met Edward I ditched all the friends I had in college and replaced them with Edward. I wonder if that's how it was for him. No, he has friends. He hangs out with them all the time, we go to their parties, weddings. I place my hands on my head.
I need to get a life.
Outside of Edward.
Of course this thinking could be brought on by the sudden ditching of Edward but everything happens for a reason. I'll call him one more time.
There was loud music in the background and people screaming, "Hello?"
Loud static filled my ears and I heard a woman's voice calling Edward's name. She said something that caused him to laugh. "Hello?"
I tried speaking up, "Edward, where are you?"
Again he didn't answer. It was clearly evident that this conversation was going nowhere.
"Bella? I'm sorry…came in…before I…we went…I'm…call…I…she's…over…"
My eyes fluttered as I attempted to comprehend the mangled sentence. The music was so loud that his voice was drowned out at times.
Edward yelled louder, "Bella, I can't hear you!"
"No shit, Sherlock!" I honestly meant to say that in my head.
I was frustrated, "Edward, you call me when you actually give a crap, okay?"
More static and mangled voices, "What?"
I hung up. What the hell? The only thing this so-called conversation did was make me mad. Mad because my husband who was supposedly working is at some freaking bar when he should've been home five hours ago. I stormed up to our room and I slammed the door. Needles to say I did it just for the heck of it because his ears were been flooded by stupid rave music. I threw back the covers, popped inside, and I let myself stew in the bed waiting for him to return. As my anger subsided my body succumbed to the sleep that washed over me.
Two short hours later, I was jolted awake by the alarm going off. My body tensed and immediately relaxed as I remembered it was Edward. Groggily, I turned to the alarm clock to the see the time and instantly I wanted to smash it.
Freaking three in the morning. I made an effort to remember that I'm a good wife. An understanding wife. A livid wife who wants some answers. There's no reason that he should be coming home at basically four in the morning without giving me some sort of heads up. I flew down the stairs but halted as I heard him talking to someone. A girl someone. If this is some sick way of getting back at me…
The girl's voice rang through the house, "It looks stellar in here! Looks like I taught someone well."
Think again, chick, 'cause I designed most of the house. From the wall colors, to the floors, and even to light switch plates so hit me with your next best shot. Edward's voice was faint as he mumbled something in response.
"She did? Oh, is she here?" I heard the moving of some bags and then Edward exhaling.
"Why do you have all this shit anyways?" Laughing she softly said something. This was my time. My grand entrance was now.
"What the hell, Edward?" His eyes snapped at me as I walked up to him and a busty blonde. I looked her up and down. She was wearing low-rise jeans with a white tank top. Her breasts were practically spilling out of her shirt and I highly doubt they're even in her bra.
"Bella, don't be mad…"
I perched an eyebrow, "Don't be mad? Okay, I'll try to be calm when I'm just now seeing my husband nearly six hours after he said he'd be back. I mean, what do you even do during that time?"
He walked up to me and placed his hands on my arms, "Bella, listen to me. I'm sorry I didn't call you. I got wrapped in with things at work…" His voice was hushed so the busty blonde couldn't hear him.
I raised my voice, "Really at work, huh? Well it was nice of you to tell me that you were going to be late. I'm so glad that you didn't mind leaving me at your parent's house without any fucking way home. I am so glad that you were thinking tonight, Edward. What happened to 'Let's tell my parents that we're leaving tonight'?" The entire time he was saying my name over and over again but I wasn't having it. Finally he shook me making me stop yelling. I stared at him as he frantically looking between my eyes.
"Bella, I'm trying to tell what happened. Can you just listen?" He was visibly frustrated, as well.
Good so we're now on the same page, "No. How about next time, when you want to come home in the wee hours of the morning, you do it without bringing home some random girl?"
Ms. Busty Blonde was awkwardly standing there with her hands in her back pockets peeking at me.
"Bella, that's Tanya." His voice was low but sharp. The words sliced me across the face making me gasp at the realization. "I got wrapped up with things at work, but then she called asking to meet up. I'm sorry, I lost track of time."
Shitty me stood there looking between Edward and Tanya. She walked up to Edward and placed one hand on his shoulder and the other on her chest. "I'm sorry I dragged him away. It's just I haven't seen him in so long." She breathlessly laughed.
I put on a fake smile, "Oh Tanya, don't take the entire blame. It takes two to tango." I swiftly turned around and made my way to the stairs. Halfway up I turned to them, "Oh one more thing. I'm assuming since you have bags you're going to be staying here so make yourself at home. I'm sure Edward will show you around." I stormed up the stairs and slammed the door. This time I'm sure he heard it.
I was fuming. Fuming while sitting in my dark bedroom. I shouldn't be like this right now. This is stupid. I shouldn't be mad, but I am. He just brings her without calling me acting like she's a bag of fresh peaches. Does he expect me to be all happy that the first day of us being back home together gets to be shared with his ex-girlfriend? If he does he's got another thing coming because I'm not. I'm neither happy nor satisfied how tonight has gone. We're supposed to be progressing but this 'friend' is not going to help. I sat there for a good thirty minutes before the door flew open and slammed shut.
"Bella." He was enraged.
But no matter how mad he was I didn't acknowledge him.
"Bella, look at me." I continued to stare at the mirror in front of our bed. He placed himself in front of my eyes. "What the hell is your problem?"
"I don't know. Where's your friend?" I cocked my head at him.
"You're really going to have a stupid attitude about this?"
Stupid attitude, huh? "I think I asked a normal question."
He stared at me, "She's sleeping."
I stared back at him. A staring match. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen. I sarcastically smiled as he exhaled loudly, "What is your problem, Bella?"
Whoa. Déjà vu. "I think I've stated what was wrong. You said you'd be back at eight. It's four in the morning, Edward. What were you even doing with her?"
His mouth parted as he paced across the room, "You doubt me now? If you remember I never did anything with someone else, Bella." His voice escalated.
It was a low blow. He got what he wanted: To hurt my feelings. My emotions amplified, "You're going to call me out on that? How many times do I have to say it, Edward? I had sex with him. I did. If you want me to say I enjoyed it, I can't, because I don't remember. I don't know what else you want from me." My lip quivered as I looked at him. I don't know how I can prove to him that it was a mistake. I can't take back what I've done, but he doesn't have to shove it in my face. A tear escaped my eye and I turned away from him. We both stood in silence.
He softly spoke, "I got off of work at nine. Tanya called me saying she was in town and that she wanted to grab a bite. I forgot that you were at my parents' house. We ate, walked in Seattle, saw a movie, we went to a local bar. I'm sorry I forgot about you. It's just that I got wrapped up. I'm sorry."
I couldn't speak. I felt guilty to say the least. Guilty because here I am thinking he's out with some other girl and I'm the one that cheated on him. This isn't going to work with it hanging over my head. Shaking my head I wiped my eyes.
He spoke louder, "I know it's not the best way to introduce her to you but I was hoping you'd understand." His words hung in the air around me but not once did they enter my ears. I made my way to the bed and slipped under the covers. He sighed heavily and slammed the bathroom door shut. Water poured down my face now that I was alone. Sleeping with Jared has ruined everything. Me, Edward, our relationship, my job status. It may have taken a long time but I think I'm starting to realize that the situation is beyond repair. Edward eventually came out of the bathroom and into the bed. Awkward couldn't even describe how it felt. Seconds felt like hours as he tried to get comfortable. I was facing away from him towards the window, staring at it. Almost trying to imagine what the outside looks like right now. I was lost in my imagination until I felt warmth on my back. Slowly his hand crept around my waste and his body slid up behind mine. I could feel his breath on my neck.
"I'm sorry," His voice was barely a whisper.
My eyes stayed on the window, "I've had a long day, Edward." I pushed his hand off of my body and scooted closer to the edge of the bed.
I cut him off, "Honestly it's not you, it's me."
He stayed quiet for awhile. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Good question. What is it supposed to mean? My words could mean anything. I didn't know what they meant. I didn't even know what they were implying. And for some odd reason, I don't think I wanted to know.