Voldemort, the Dark Lord, master of the Death Eaters, was lying naked in a grassy, moonlit field somewhere outside of London, his bony body surprisingly muscular in the soft light. Nagini, his pet snake, curled around him like a boa, hiding his private parts. Voldemort lay there, bemused, scarlet eyes wide. Tomorrow will be the day... he whispered to Nagini, who slithered contentedly on top of her master. A slight breeze broke the peaceful scene, and in a cloud of black smoke, Bellatrix Lestrange Apparated in, wearing a black, lacy corset and panties, hair artfully disheveled, and smiling wickedly at her Lord.

"My Lord," said Bellatrix, "How lovely to see you here... can you get the snake out of here?"

"Fine, Bellatrix, fine..." muttered Voldemort, levitating Nagini up and away from the field into an abandoned farmhouse. "So, what did you come here in your underwear for, Lestrange?" Voldemort looked at Bellatrix curiously, as if he had never seen a woman in lingerie before.

"I thought I would come cheer you up, my Lord... and I know just how..." Slowly, Bellatrix ripped open her bodice, revealing two supple mounds of breast, one tattooed with the Dark Mark. Almost silently, Voldemort began to moan. "What was that, my Lord? You want to see more?" Bellatrix laughed naughtily. She peeled off her panties gently, revealing her nearly hairless pubic area, and laid down next to Voldemort on the moonlit grass.

"Bellatrix..." Voldemort uttered out of the corner of his mouth. He had never seen her naked before, and neither had she. She noticed his one-eyed trouser snake was, well, magically carved into the form of a snake, and blushed.

"Are you ready, my Lord?" Bellatrix purred, peppering the Dark Lord's torso with kisses.

"Yes..." Voldemort sighed. Bellatrix climbed on top of her Lord, and kissed him hard on his mouth. Voldemort began to let himself in her, moaning with pleasure.

"Oh, my Lord..." Bellatrix moaned. "Oh, my Lord... Oh, my Lord..." Voldemort unleashed his passion inside his most faithful Death Eater, and the air was ripped by a sound that cannot be replicated. (They say the sound of Voldemort having an orgasm is so terrifying the mere mention of it kills puppies. Almost immediately after he unleashed his passion, the final barks of 10,000 Muggle-owned area dogs were heard.) Bellatrix continued kissing Voldemort, and he kissed her back. She stroked his pale white torso gently, and rolled over back onto her own back, next to her Lord.

"My God, Bellatrix..." Voldemort began, "that was...divine..."

"I just KNEW you would love that, my Lord..." Bellatrix said, kissing Voldemort's upper arm and neck gently.

"Bellatrix Lestrange..." Voldemort sighed.

"Yes, my Lord?" Bellatrix smiled and looked longingly at her master's snake-like face. Voldemort shuddered, and stretched his arms out onto the grass behind him, and for the first time in his life, uttered three words he had never used before.