September 15 my hospital room
I've been in the hospital now for a month. Brint has stopped questioning for a week. I'm glad he's stopped, but now I feel uncertain of what it was for in the first place. When I was talking to him, all those memories he made me talk about, only brought pain to my heart. Having to go over the bike ride, my mother's death, my real identity, and mostly how much I missed Amy. During one of our sessions when we talked about her, I felt happy remembering her, but then became upset with the fact that I couldn't see her again. I wish I was back in Monument downing one of her "Numbers" with her. I've been trying to forget about her and stop torturing myself. I've also been thinking about my parents' death. I can still see the car accident when my mother died. I still don't know how my father died, but I can't help think it's my fault. I wish I would've died instead of them. I now remember my "aunt". The woman my mother always talked to over the phone on her "special phone hour". I wonder what she looks like. I wonder if she knows what I look like. Maybe one day I'll go out and look for her. I really want to meet someone in my family who's still alive. I hope she's alive. I'm getting nauseous and my head hurts. I'll finish writing when I feel better. End.
September 22 my hospital room
I know I haven't been writing for a while. My headache got worse and I've been throwing up a lot. I'm feeling a lot better today. I haven't thrown up in 24 hours and my head feels clear enough for me to write. Last time I wrote, I was talking about finding Martha, my aunt. I don't know anything about her. I don't know where to begin to look for her. I don't know what state or country she's in. She's a puzzle to be solved with missing pieces. I'll worry about her later. My mind keeps dwelling on Amy. I can't stop thinking about her. She's a stain in my mind that I can't make go away. I'm too in love with her. I miss everything about her. Her personality, her "Numbers", her smile, I even miss her calling me "Ace". I wish I would've told her how I felt before I left Monument. I wish I would've made a move. Maybe I should've kissed her goodbye. I really want to see her again, but I cant leave the hospital. Should I sneak out and go back to Monument for a day or two? Should I stay here so I won't get in trouble? I'm so lost and confused. I don't know what to do. I may've been lost before, but now, it's ridiculous. I can't think straight anymore. I think I am really literally my mind! I need to calm down before I… Too late. I just threw up again. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'll go see one of the doctors here for them to check me out. Maybe they can give me something that will help with my headaches and nausea. I'll stop here before I throw up on my notebook. End.
November 3 The Emergency Room
I've been in a coma for almost two months. When I went to see one of the doctors, I passed out in the hall. Brint found me and took me to the ER. When I woke up yesterday, he was the first person I saw. He told me what happened. He told me I have to stay in here for a few more days before walking around. They don't know what's wrong with me. They've done tests, but found nothing. Two months in a coma and no one knows why. Sometimes I wonder what's wrong with the world. Ever since I woke up, I've had no headaches and I haven't thrown up. I need to write down my thoughts before they're lost in my mind forever, or at least until someone starts questioning me about my life again. I think I know why I'm throwing up and having these massive headaches. Going through my memories about painful things are messing me up inside. I think I may have a case of mild anxiety. Reflecting on all the bad things in my life are bad for me. I need to start thinking about all the good things in my life. All the good things that have happened. I when I first got my bike. It was on my tenth birthday. My dad came home late that day. My mother made my favorite things for dinner, ravioli with garlic breadsticks. My dad got home just in time for the cake. I blew out my candles and made a wish. I wished that we would always be this happy. As you know, that wish didn't come true. After we ate cake together, my dad said he had a surprise for me. He made me close my eyes. He led me into the garage. When I opened my eyes, I saw it. my very own bike. I had always wanted one, but my parents always said we didn't have the money. I had what I had always wanted for years and I have my parents to thank for it. I'm feeling sleepy. I'll retire for the night and continue writing tomorrow. End.
November 4 The ER
I made due on my promise to continue writing today. I feel like writing about the dream I had last night. It was the first good dream I've had in months. It was about me and Amy. I know I need to stop talking about her, but this dream is something I want to remember.
It was a Friday afternoon. School was out and Amy and I just pulled another "Number". With this one, it was the old Ding-Dong-Ditch. We just it four blocks of houses in my neighborhood. My neighbors know me as a quiet kid, so they don't suspect it was me. Amy and I went to the roof a building because Amy said she wanted to show me something. When we got to the top, we saw the sunset over the horizon. In Monument, it was rare to see one this beautiful. We sat on a bench and just watched as the sun slowly started to go down. Amy turned and looked at me with her beautiful blue eyes and flashed her brilliant smile. I smiled back at her. We leaned in and our lips met. The kiss was simple and sweet. We broke apart and smiled at each other again. We noticed how late it got and decided to head home. I decided to walk Amy home just to spend a little more time with her. We walked to her house holding hands the whole way. When we got to her house, she kissed my cheek and said goodnight. I said it back and went home.
It was great. The dream felt so real. I wanted it to be real. I love Amy. I'll never know if she loves me back. My headache just came back. My theory was right. When I think of anything bad, I get headaches and nausea. When I think of good things, I'm perfectly fine. I need to rest for a while. I'll write again when I'm up to it. End.
November 30 My deathbed
The doctors told me I don't have much longer to live. They say because of all the vomiting and migraines, part of my brain has been shut down. With the last of my strength and brain, I'm writing my last journal entry. This will be the last time I will reflect on my life. All, the good, the bad, and the confusing. I'm also saying goodbye to all the people I'll miss in this lifetime and say hello to the ones I'll meet in the next. Goodbye to Brint, who's somewhat helped me with my past. Making me lay my past out in front of me really made me realize more about myself that I never knew. Goodbye to Arthur, who told me who stole my bike and where to find him. And last but not least, goodbye to Amy, the love of my life. The first and last person I ever fell in love with. I hope one day you will find this notebook and read about all the things I thought about you. I love you, Amy. And I always will. Mom, dad, and everyone else I never knew, I'll see you soon. I'll see you all soon. This is my last word before I go. We'll all be together as one. End. Forever.