Rory is on top of the world except she's not happy.

Going back to Yale after falling out with her Lorelai and moving in with the Grandparents, she let them control her without realizing it until someone changed the prospective, an outsider of a certain Jess Mariano. He made her see that she was not being herself; the fun loving coffee addict that loves to study and learn new things.

Rory was turning into something she was not.

After Logan proposed to her Rory made a decision to say no. No Matter how much she stuck with him and how much she loves him there are things in life that Rory couldn't be, be the full time wife. It was just the feeling that you get when you're standing with the one that everything and everyone doesn't matter, when you're being embraced by them and you seem to have no senses which have been shut off because you are with them. There's other things that make them feel special from how they make you smile and laugh, they get how passionate you are about books and they mind the crazy idea's that you come with.

With Dean Forrester it was the first boyfriend feeling where you feel safe in his arms and nothing can get through to you because you have this first time feeling you go through with every other relationship and it never went away with him. Dean was the likable guy that your mother approved and the rest of your silly little town. I was expected to be with him because that was the right thing to do.

The Jess Mariano came along he made me feel this thing. This forbidden love where he was not the good option because he's the bad boy that was sent to this small town by his mother from New York and everybody judged him saying he was trouble. When he left without such as a goodbye Rory couldn't get him out of her head, Rory was falling for him. Then he started to become a permanent fixture where he turned up at the wrong times to shout at her when she wasn't being herself.

Dean was back in the picture because he was safe after being heartbroken but it didn't work out and it didn't have much of a flow with their schedules and he broke it off because he felt threatened to be with her. Dean was her first everything.

Then Logan Hutzburger the casual dater that Rory thought she could be but it didn't work out because Rory's always been the girlfriend type. Logan decided to have a go at the boyfriend and girlfriend thing but there was something in the back of his mind where he was having trouble with. He thought once he purposed Rory would do whatever but she just wanted to be Rory Gilmore before taking someone else's name. This gave her the opportunity for the Barack Obama trail to make friends and allies in the business.

During that time Luke and Lorelai had started to work on their relationship and got married when Rory came back to Stars Hollow. Lorelai was beautiful in her dress as Rory was the maid of honour, April was a bridesmaid and GiGi was the flower Girl. Whereas Christopher kept a safe distance and he finally saw that Lorelai can be happy without him.

It was a short ceremony which the town attended and others including Jess.

Lorelai found out she was pregnant the night of the wedding so Rory stayed for the rest of the year while Lorelai went through the pregnancy. When the kids were born in June, Luke gave Rory the honour of naming one of the twins, Logan and Jack.

After a few weeks Rory applied to go to grad school at Harvard for another 3 years when she turned 28 she decided to move to New York for a better chance at being a journalist. When Rory finished the master's Degree with top honour's she applied for a job straight away in the New York Times. Rory only has the time to see the family and new brothers only on special occasions.

Rory still has a coffee and Danish each morning which hasn't changed but she's toned down the amount of coffee consumption. Reading massive amount of books which she has toned down because of all the work demands, the only time for her to read a book is when she's doing outside jobs and researching articles.

The dating part didn't happen for a while Rory was mostly working all the time so that spare time was rare. The last guy she remembered was in Harvard with a guy named Miles we didn't have this connection that I had with all my other boyfriends so we parted when we graduated and some other dates that didn't go anywhere beyond the 1st and 2nd.

Rory arrived back at the apartment which was located on the top of the building near Manhattan. She opened the door and took her coat off first and hung it up in the closet before bending down to pick up the morning mail.

Rory had to leave early for a big story about Obama re-electing himself thanks to her connections with his assistant she got a private interview with him. One piece of post that stood out from the rest, it was a medium sized package.

Walking into the sitting room Rory sat down on the couch; the HD telly sat in front across the room along with her video set and DVD player with her long line of DVD's and video sat messy in the corner. Glancing over she had to remind herself to clean that up later.

Getting curious on what the large packet contained Rory opened it recognising the small handwriting she tilted the package and something slipped out. Setting her keys down on the coffee table she picked up a little note it read 'Dear Rory this is for you Love Jess' it was DVD

"Huh" Rory haven't seen Jess since Luke and Mum's wedding and again at her Harvard Graduation which was 2 years ago when she sent an invite.

Rory picked the DVD from the floor and stood to walk over to the TV and slipping it in the DVD player, it came on immediately Jess's dark hair and warm eyes filled her vision. Jess was sitting on the sofa from what she could see the apartment was new.

"Hey Rory" Jess said smiling.

Rory looked down at the floor and smiled.

Jess licked his lips before talking again "I thought this DVD idea might be a good, a little while ago I was watching this film where this guy committed suicide and the only thing left of him was a video he made for his wife and kids but relax I'm not killing myself don't rush to the phone or nothing so"

Rory looked back up and he continued "anyway the reason for this is because I owe you loads of explanations on why I do the things I do" Jess explained.

Rory leaned back against the sofa "better late than never" she mumbled.

"I was a messed up 17 years old kid who's life wasn't going the way I planned by falling in with the wrong crowd which lead me to move to stars hollow

"I let down my mother, Luke and most of all you I broke your heart when I left without saying nothing about what I was doing I lied to you many times including the night where you invited me to have dinner with your grandmother I didn't get hit by a football it was a swan" Jess said.

Rory raised an eyebrow and laughed.

Jess shook his head "honestly I'm being serious so don't laugh Ror" he explained "it seriously attacked me when I was reading by the embankment" he laughed "and when I said I was fine with school I really wasn't I was failing and I was so scared to tell you. Everybody was right to tell you that I was no good for you I was afraid that if you knew you might actually might believe them and shut me out. The guy you see behind closed doors is the opposite person that I pretended to be.

"That day on the bus I could have told you everything, I did call you like I promised on your graduation day at Chilton I had every word planned out in my head to say congratulations and tell you how sorry I was over and over again you didn't deserve to be my girlfriend at the time that I was messed up.

"My father turned up prior to me leaving I know where I get my DNA from, me and my dad Jimmy are one in the same we have the tendency to run away from our problems when they get too hard to handle, he left me on the day that I started school because he was afraid"

Rory breathed out licking her lips.

Jess smiled "I was such a inconsiderate jerk to you, to tell you my feelings and drive off without waiting for a answer and then after a few months when I asked you to drop everything for me I was messed up I didn't exactly go that far, I just drove and I have no idea why I did what I did I was supposed to ask for your forgiveness I think I needed you to be with me for a while, I tried to push you to come which I should of not I think I needed closure I'm sorry for the times I left and returned hoping to get something out of it" Jess paused.

Rory waited for him to continue she wiped the single tear that escaped and shuffled to the end of the sofa.

"I'm a published writer because of you telling me not to give up on my dream that I didn't have before if I can write a book about my feelings then I should have no trouble voicing my soul out to you"

Jess scratched the back of his head "You dated that Logan jerk it wasn't the Rory I fell in love if I hadn't a go at you the way you did. You would still be living with your grandparents house and not talking to your mother, the Rory I knew wouldn't of done that to her best friend, you're the good kid where you would punish yourself for acting the way you did…Lorelai was so worried she called me the one person she hates and she called me begging to talk sense into you so I did I owed her that much and to you"

"When you went back to Yale I thought you got over me but then you kissed me at truncheon sending me mixed signals how could you do that Rory? I just got used to the fact I was never going to get you in the end, that me and you were going to be finished and be the awkward friends…I promised myself I wasn't going to look weak…but I felt at peace at Luke's wedding day when we sat in the town square talking to each other before I screwed everything up"

"okay enough about that" Jess waved his hand "I've just finished my latest novel which I have been working at for 3 years just writing stuff when I felt like it it's not the way I would imagine my childhood and biography…it's named 'Rory' hope you don't mind but I want you to read the first draft. I've sent you a copy I need your opinion, I don't know if the ends right I also given you my return address to send it back. If you open the first page I've put a dedication on it"

Rory reached over and grabbed the DVD remote and pressed the pause button. Rory leaned over and picked up the envelope and reached inside to take out a pad of paper; on the front cover it read 'Rory. By Jess Mariano' pressing the play button again Jess started to talk again she read along with him.

" To My Uncle Luke for the trouble that I got you in don't doubt that you failed, to the crazy people of Stars Hollow along with the girl that I thank for me being where I am today, I love you Rory Gilmore and I'm not going to stopYou've opened my eyes to the world that is called my miserable life you might not be in it but I will always remember your perfect blue eyes filled with joy when you see the real me. Rory I love you" Jess stopped and sniffled and the screen went blue signalling the end of the DVD.

I opened the pages I read the first paragraph of Chapter One out loud "As she flipped her hair and placed it behind her ear she smiled at me her blue eyes shone as if there was no problem in the world she wore a white cardigan with red embroidery on the edges and around the button and black trousers. She made me feel welcome with her collection of books and I know it sounds cheesy but I had a feeling that this is the kind of girl I could fall in love with"

Rory breathed out as my tears stained the paper below me she made a small sob and continued to read trying so hard not to break down 'I tried to pick up the pieces of my broken heart that he caused I tried everything to take the pain away trying to pack my mind so that I didn't have to think about the niggling sensation' Logan seemed to be the reason to help her out to ease the heart ache.

Rory POV

Many more hours I sat on the edge of the sofa sobbing to myself reading the book Jess had written about all the small things about his childhood up until the point where he came to Stars Hollow.

The next coming chapters explained all the small stunts he did in the Hollow to stealing the gnome; Practical joke outside Doosie's, annoying Dean, taking the bracelet that Dean got me, at the basket auction, many other ways of getting me to be his girlfriend during that time the things he was thinking about over the summer when I was at Washington and he didn't get anything from me so after a while he didn't expect it with everything that he did those immature things he did from not going to school and failing; Kyle's party when he walked away and he knew how helpless I was in the many situations he put us in.

The time on the bus he didn't want me to go without an explanation and thought what was the point when I was going to hate him anyway.

Telling me what he did while I was at Yale following his father to California and the talk he had with him his dad about letting him crash at his place for a while.

What he had thought about what to do after I said I didn't want to go with him.

So when Luke went to his horrible apartment out of stars hollow about Liz's and TJ's wedding also having a fight with his mother hubby on his stag night.

So during those two years I didn't see him he applied to go to community college in Philadelphia for a English lit class getting the ground work on writing and how he met Matt who works at truncheon books they gave him a job and a place to stay.

Telling them halfway through classes that he was writing a book and asking them to read the draft that's when The Suspect was born. By using every waking hour that he could while working at the publishing house with also going to college with the extra other hours which was spend on writing.

Also the time where Luke passed on my invitation to him about turning up at my graduation from Harvard, what he thought about being overwhelmed by the sudden feeling he knew shouldn't exist.

Throughout the book I didn't see any girlfriend names only the names of his Dad's Girlfriend, the coffee lady down the road he also mentioned sleeping with girls he didn't know of their names.

It was a crap ending a great book with a crap ending

"Maybe after a while the pain will start to ebb away while I fill my life with writing and meaningless one night stands, one day I'll be able to finally move on, with my life it's like a road I don't know where it leads but there's one thing I want is to see those bright blue eyes …"

What sort of ending was that, the book has so much heart… Jess's heart she glanced at the clock it read '2:55am' don't know this bubbling inside of me that I had a urge to stand up picking up my keys blindly clutching the novel.

I felt a force to walk bravely walk to the car I didn't know why but it felt a like a force pushing me to drive she heard Jess was living in New York it was a surprise to realise how close we are to each other I looked up at the building it's was better upgrade to small space in truncheon I go and walk to the door a women came out the front.

"Excuse me does a Jess Mariano live here?"

The women opened the door "Top floor"

"Thank you"

I ran up the stairs without thinking the pull was too strong for me to control I finally reached the top I looked to my left and there was an elevator I laughed to myself and continued to the only door taking a deep breath she tapped on the door wiping the fallen tears still clutching the papers under my arm.

The door swung open.

"Hi" I said looking into the warm eyes once again

"Wow Rory" Jess Mariano gasped standing in the doorway with a pair of sweats and a white vest top on he leaned on the door frame he opened the door wider so that she could step in.

She sniffed "I need my say"

TBC…