Some random thoughts I had after reading the summary for iHire an Idiot. Seddie, of course. This is terrible and my way of procrastinating on my other stories, but go ahead:


iHire an Idiot

One (seemingly normal) iCarly day, Sam Puckett walked in to the studio. "Yo, yo, yo!"

"Hey, Sam," Carly greeted warmly, shooting her best friend a smile.

Freddie looked at her for a second. "Hi, Sam. Look who is late…again."

"When am I not late?" Sam tossed her bag to the ground, and took her place beside Carly. "Hey, tech dork, how long till the show starts?"

"Five minutes," Freddie informed her, rolling his eyes. "You have no respect for me, do you?"

"Of course not!" Sam flashed him a sweet smile and pulled a mirror out of Carly's bag. "Hey, Carls, can I use this? Thanks."

Carly just sighed. Finally, it was time for the show to begin.

"In five, four, three, two…" Freddie began.

Smiling, Carly introduced herself first. "I'm Carly."

"And I'm Sam!" Sam finished, beaming. "And that's our geeky tech dork, Freddie, who never says the one during the countdown."

"I have good reason for that, Sam," Freddie told her patiently. "When you begin-"

Sam cut him off. "Don't care. Anyway, it's time for our new segment, iTalk to Fans!"

"We're gonna pick one lucky iCarly viewer for us to talk to on webcam!" Carly cheered, grinning from ear to ear.

"Pick one, Freddork!" Sam commanded.

Rolling his eyes again, Freddie pulled one up. "Okay…here's Cort, from right here in Seattle." He clicked on the person.

A boy about their age came onto the screen, with green eyes, dark brown hair and pale skin. The boy looked like a bit of a dork. "Hello, I'm Cort."

Carly, Freddie and Sam all glanced at each other. "Uh, we know."

"Yes, I forgot," Cort snorted. "Anyway, I know who you children are. Carly, Freddie and Sam?"

"Yeah, that's us," Sam smirked. "So, whaddya want, Dork? Oops, I meant Cort."

"Sam," Freddie shot her a warning look.

Sam threw up her hands. "It was a slip of the tongue, Fredturd. Whoops! I meant Fredward. See, did it again."

Freddie felt like slamming his camcorder down on the shelf, but being Freddie, he set it down gently. "You know what, Puckett?"

Sam, who enjoyed seeing Freddie get all feisty, just grinned. "What, Benson?"

"Um…" Freddie couldn't think of anything to say. "You're lazy."

"I know," She told him.

"You're annoying!" He exclaimed.

"Noted," Sam nodded. "But, remember, you're more annoying, and no girl will ever love you." She got closer to him. "Even Carly."

"You know, I got over Carly a long time ago," Freddie informed her.

"Oh yeah?" Sam smirked at him. "Then why is your messenger status still Love is like quicksand…easy to fall into, hard to get out of?"

"What if it wasn't about Carly?" Freddie asked.

Sam scowled. "Who's the unlucky victim this time?"

"Why do you wanna know, Puckett?" He growled.

"To laugh at you, duh," Sam said matter-of-factly.

Freddie's face went dead serious. "You know what, Puckett?"

"What, Freddo?" Her tough face didn't waver, even after seeing how dead serious he was.

"I'm done!" He yelled. "I'm done with all of this. All you ever do is insult me, and frankly, I'm tired of it."

"Frankly?" Sam snickered.

"I'm serious, Puckett," Freddie informed her.

Carly finally spoke up. "Freddie…."

"Carly, we can still be friends, but I'm tired of this thing insulting me all the time," He motioned to Sam. "Goodbye."

The room fell silent as Freddie stalked out the door, leaving the two co-hosts (and a speechless Cort, who was still watching) to stand there awkwardly.

"Sorry about that little…blowup," Carly apologized.

Without missing a beat, Sam offered, "Hey, Cort, you're good with tech stuff, right?"

"Yeah, I suppose," The dorky boy said cautiously.

"How would you like a position on iCarly?" Sam asked.

The room fell silent.

iHaI iHaI iHaI

The next week, on iCarly, Carly walked in with Sam and Cort in tow.

Spencer greeted, "Hey, Carls. Yo, Sam and…you're not Freddie."

"No, I'm not," Cort extended a hand. "My name is Corteous Railes."

"Corteous?" Spencer made a face. "Doesn't that mean polite?"

"No, my dear Spencer, that is courteous," Cort bowed slightly. "You may call me Cort though."

From behind the socially awkward teen, Carly and Sam face-palmed simultaneously. "Dude…"

"This guy is even dorkier than Freddie!" Spencer exclaimed. Seeing the glares directed at him from Carly and Sam, he quickly corrected, "I mean…um…he's totally normal!" Spencer winked at Carly and Sam behind Cort's back, and they both groaned.

"We're going upstairs, Spence," Carly told him.

"Wait, where's Freddie?" Spencer asked, but the three teens had already turned and begun to ascend the stairs. "Is he sick? What's going on…okay, bye!"

On the way upstairs, Sam and Carly were having a secret discussion.

"I can't believe that Freddie's quit iCarly!" Carly whined.

Sam frowned slightly. "I know. He's ignored me all week at school. At least he still talks to you."

"Wait," Carly gave her a look. "You make him sound like you want him to talk to you. I thought you hated him?"

"I do, Carls," Sam made a face. "Me? Care about that nub? You must be joking."

Carly gave her a I-know-you're-lying-look. "You care about Freddie."

"NO!" Sam yelped. Carly rolled her eyes in disbelief, so finally Sam replied in defeat, "Yes, I do. But don't tell him that, it'll go to his already over-inflated nub head."

"You want him back," Carly sang.

"Now, Carls, I wouldn't go that far," Sam patted her shoulder. "I can care about him and not want him back on the show at the same time, ya know?"

"We'll see," Carly told her.

Sam shook her head. "Nah, you'll see. This'll be the best iCarly ever without that dork here to mess things up."

iHaI iHaI iHaI

"That was the worst iCarly ever," Carly complained.

Sam, who for once was not downing her smoothie, just moaned. "Okay, I've gotta admit it now, Carls. We. Need. The. Dork. Back."

"I'm too depressed to even rub it in your face," Carly moaned.

"I can't believe that Cort shoved the camera in my arms and spent half the show talking about tech stuff," Sam grumbled. "So much worse than Tech Time with Freddie."

Carly's eyes suddenly lit up. "Sam, I know how to get Freddie back?"

"How?" Sam played aimlessly with her straw. "He hates me, remember?"

"You have to talk to him!" Carly shrieked.

Sam dropped her smoothie. "What?"

"You have to talk to him," Carly told her. "He's mad at you, not me."

"Can't you just talk to him, Carly?" Sam pleaded.

Carly crossed her arms stubbornly. "Fine. But if he doesn't come back for me, then you're talking to him."

iHaI iHaI iHaI

"Hey, Freddie," Carly said sweetly as she approached him in the hallway between their apartments. "Wanna come over?"

"Is Sam there?" Freddie grimaced as he said her name.

"No," Carly giggled.

Freddie nodded. "Fine, then."

Carly pulled him inside, slammed the door and then yelled, "Why did you quit iCarly?"

"Because of Sam, you know that," Freddie told her emotionlessly.

Carly rolled her eyes. "But why now? Her constant teasing you has never bothered you before."

Freddie sighed. "I changed, Carls. I grew a backbone. People change, you know."

"Oh, and by the way, who are you in love with?" Carly asked.

Freddie groaned. "Can we just not talk about it?"

"No, we can't just not talk about it," Carly told him, getting a little mad. This could help her figure out why he really quit iCarly.

Freddie made up an excuse. "But my mom's waiting for me to-"

"I don't care. Are you in love?" Carly stared at him. She'd also grown a backbone.

Freddie stared at her, not wanting to answer. He directed his gaze to the fresh chicken pot pie sitting on the table. "So… what was in that chicken pot pie? I mean, I know 'chicken' obviously, but what other-"

Carly cut him off again. "Are you in love or not?"

Freddie paused, then sighed, giving up. "Yes."

"But you promised," Carly reminded him. "You said you wouldn't fall in love with me as long as-"

Freddie cut her off. "I didn't say I was in love with you."

Carly stared at him, confused. "What?"

"I'm not in love with you," Freddie sighed. "I haven't been for a while now."

Carly's eyebrows shot up. "What? Why?" It suddenly became clear to her then. "You're in love with Sam, aren't you?"

Freddie's face heated up. "I never said that-"

"Freddie," Carly told him. "You're a horrible liar."

"Fine," he groaned. "I love Sam, okay? But you can't tell her, she'd rip my head off- and I left because I couldn't take it anymore, you know?"

Carly patted his arm in a comforting manner. "Freddie, you have to talk to Sam."

"I can't, Carly," He moaned into a pillow. "She doesn't feel the same way."

"I'm going to get her," Carly sang. "And you're gonna stay here and not move."

"Fine," Freddie told her as she dashed out the door.

iHaI iHaI iHaI

"Carly, what are you doing?" Sam wondered as she allowed Carly to drag her through the hall. Once they arrived at Carly's apartment, Sam's eyes grew huge and she hesitated. "Carly…"

"It's okay, Sam," Freddie offered her a tentative smile. "I'm not too mad anymore."

Sam stepped in, slipping back into the normal Sam. "You stupid dork, why'd you quit iCarly? We had to hire that idiot Cort-"

"I know you did," Freddie frowned at her. "Aren't you gonna apologize for what you did-"

"Apologize?" Sam raised an eyebrow. "Sam Puckett doesn't apologize."

"Well, if Sam Puckett really hurts someone then the right thing to do is to apologize-" Freddie yelled back.

"Well, if Freddie Benson wasn't such a dork then maybe Sam Puckett wouldn't have to hurt him all the time," Sam retorted.

Carly rolled her eyes. "You guys are so obvious." She then elbowed Sam a little. "Go get him, Sammy."

Sam stared at her. "What?"

"You're so obviously in love with each other," Carly told them.

"What? No!" They both denied it.

"Sure," Carly sighed. "That's why Freddie told me today that he's in love with you. And I have evidence, too, a recording-"

"YOU RECORDED IT?" Freddie turned red.

Sam's face turned red. "So you admit it, dork?"

"What?" Freddie challenged.

"That you're in love with Mama?" Sam raised an eyebrow.

Freddie took a step closer. "Maybe I am."

"Well, maybe I am too," Sam grinned.

"In love with yourself?" Freddie questioned.

"Don't start with me," Sam replied, but then took a step closer and broke the distance between them.

iHaI iHaI iHaI

"Sorry, looks like you're not needed anymore," Freddie told Cort.

Cort looked upset. "I thought you two ladies told me that this would be a permanent position."

"Well, we thought so at the time," Sam explained. Glancing down at her and Freddie's entwined hands, she continued, "Now that me and the dork made up-"

"Made up?" Carly laughed. "More like made out!"

Sam and Freddie both turned red. Sam growled, "Carly! You're not supposed to speak of it-"

"Well, everyone can tell," Carly glanced down at their hands.

Cort scowled. "Now you took Sam too, you cretin?"

Sam chortled. "You like me?"

"NO," Cort protested. "I just… well, I suppose it doesn't matter seeing as I'm not needed here anymore. Farewell, iCarly cretin. Have a nice time with your silly little webshow that I am no longer affiliated with."

"And I'm glad," Sam muttered. Looking up at Freddie's wondering face, Sam added, "Seriously, that dork was worse than you are!"

"Is that a compliment?" Freddie asked her.

Sam shrugged. "You could take it either way, I guess. Anyway… know…I don't really say this, but I'm a little bit glad you're back and that nub is gone."

"Wow, Sam," Freddie raised his eyebrows. "That was….nice."

"Do you want a mouthful of fist, Fredward?" Sam held up her fist. "Cause you know I'd be more than happy to…" Suddenly, she was cut off by Freddie kissing her.

Carly just rolled her eyes. "You guys are so weird."

I think it was a bit OOC, but oh well

Hope you guys liked it! Read and Review! I actually kinda think Cort is funny…