Vampire Diaries Voicemails

Summary: Ever wondered what TVD characters said on their voicemail? Read this to find out!

Chapter 1

Stefan: Hello, you have reached Stefan. I can't come to the phone now because I'm either making out with my deliciously hot girlfriend Elena or I'm out in the woods hunting little woodland creatures. Please leave a message after the beep and I'll get back to you! -beep-

Damon: Hello you have reached 180-sexy ass vampire. I'm not answering because I'm either A) ignoring you. B) Trying to steal Stefan's girlfriend from him, or C) Killing people. If you are a hot sorority girl, then please leave your name, number, the place and area plus your address where you reside and I will get back to you momentarily. Cheers. Oh and if this is my brother or Alaric calling about another vampire attack, I didn't do it so stop calling this number and go make yourselves useful and screw a squirrel! Have a nice day. -beep-

Elena: Hi this is Elena. I'm not available to talk right now. If you are calling about some sort of animal attack, press one. If you are my loving boyfriend Stefan, then press two. If this is Damon, hang up! -beep-

Jeremy: Hi, this is depressed emo boy Jeremy. I'm not available to talk at the moment because I'm hanging out with my stoned girlfriend Vicki or I'm getting into another fight with Tyler. Please leave a message after the beep and I'll try to get back to you, that is, if I'm not too stoned or high. -beep-

Tyler: Hi this is Tyler. I'm not at the phone because my uncle Mason thought it would be appropriate to put me in anger management. I DO NOT NEED ANGER MANAGEMENT CLASS I AM PERFECTLY FINE! *sounds of something breaking could be heard and the phone disconnected*

Caroline: Hi! This is Caroline! I'm not at the phone right now but if you are a good looking guy looking for a good rime then please leave your name, number, address, and what you would like to do on our date. Oh and if this is Damon calling, go jump off of a bridge and never call me again you -beep- *phone stopped recording message*

Jenna: Hello this is Jenna. Yes this is Jenna, that sad poor girl who got roped in taking care of two teenage delinquents. My life sucks. So if you want to make it better then please leave your name, phone number, and I'll get back to you. Now if you excuse me I have to go back and to Alaric, my amazing hot boyfriend with girlfriend issues. -beep-

Alaric: Hello this is the amazing hot boyfriend Alaric with girlfriend issues. Apparently my wife "died" but turns out she was turned into a bigger bitch then she already was. Oh well, she's out of my life now and I can focus on my new whore Jenna. Oh yeah, leave your name and number and I'll get back to you later. -beep-

Katherine: Hello, you have reached Katherine. I'm probably not answering because one, I'm out having fun with my latest meal, I'm playing games with the Salvatore brother, or two, I'm trying to figure out if leaving this message is necessary since I'm going to kill you very soon. So please tell me everything about yourself, where you live, what you look like and your address and I'll kill you later. Have a lovely day! -beep-

Bonnie: Hello, this is Bonnie. I am not able to come to the phone right now due to vampires running amuck in my town or I'm over at Elena's having a sleepover. Either that, or Damon has finally killed me. So please leave your number and I'll get back to you soon! -beep-

A/N: Haha ok this idea was completely random and came out of absolutely nowhere but I had to write it. Hoped you enjoyed and if you have any requests foe other characters to be added then please let me know! :D Reviews make me happy!