A/N: By popular demand, a sneak peek into the mind of Edward up to this point in MOB! I insist you read Chapter 6 of MOB first or else it will spoil it a little ;) You might be a little surprised by this, and I'll warn you he's got a pretty foul mouthed inner monologue, esp when it comes to Bella with guys…lol.
My Sort of Sister
EPOV of Chapters 1-4 of My Other Brother
It's like she is an angel sent from heaven and at the same time she's a demon sent to torture me. Fate is so fucking cruel, that's all I can say.
I've spent the last eight years crazy about my own sister. Well, she's not REALLY my sister. In reality she's my step sister, and has been since we were ten.
The first time I ever saw her, I couldn't help but like her. I had to hate her a little though because she was part of that thing that was screwing up my life, the introduction of my 'wicked' stepmom and her two hellspawn. Yeah, I was an overdramatic prick, but I just couldn't handle it.
Emmett and I were like fucking burning grease and water. Put us together and we would explode and burn down the whole damn house. Bella, on the other hand, was sort of like a ghost, which pissed me off because I wanted a reason to fight with her, to make her miserable too, but she never would engage. I wanted to purge my rage, and Esme and her kids were the only targets I could think to focus on.
The day she burst out of her shell all spitfire and agony was the day I started to care about her. She got in my face, her skinny little arms flailing up at me and her brother, both several inches taller than her, and let us have it, calling us cry babies. Then she melted to the floor in a pile of tears and total sadness and my heart dropped to my feet. I felt so damn guilty it wasn't even funny. She was hurting too, we all were, and we were only making it worse for her.
Esme scooped her up and carried her away, leaving Emmett and me to feel like shit as we watched them leave. Once they were out of sight, Emmett turned back to me with sad eyes.
"She's always been like that. Really strong until she just can't handle anymore and then she just falls apart. I hate to say it, but that's not the first time I've made her cry like that. I really hope it's the last because that really sucks."
I sighed and nodded, looking at my scuffed tennis shoes. We stood in silence for a long time before I finally looked up to see Emmett brooding across the room. He looked up to lock eyes with me before wiping at his eye.
"Listen, My mom and your Dad seem to really love each other. I don't think this thing is going to go away. We're just making it all worse with the fighting and stuff. Do you think we could, like, call a truce or something?"
I took in a slow breath, my eyes drifting toward the staircase where my step mom and new sister had disappeared before looking back at Emmett. "Yeah, I think you're right."
He nodded before picking up his book bag and carrying it up the stairs with him. I went to grab my bag, and snatched Bella's Barbie back pack, carrying it up the stairs and sitting it outside her room before going to mine, leaving the door open so I could hear what was going on.
About an hour later, I heard Esme leave and got up to walk to the door. I glanced up and down the hallway before peeking through her cracked door to see her curled up on her bed with her back to me. I knocked softly and pushed the door open a little further as she turned toward me. I was a little surprised when she invited me in.
We had a five minute conversation that day, but it was the beginning of everything as I learned that there actually was another person on the planet that understood what I felt and could really sympathize with the things I had gone through. I had never hugged a girl before who wasn't my mom, but it felt right…actually, I really liked it.
I don't know why I started sleeping with my door open after that, but I just felt this need to keep an eye out for Bella. She was tough, but she was also fragile. Any little noise in the hall at night and I was wide awake and checking on her. I was never so glad that I had started that than when her nightmares started up a few months after the truce between me and Emmett.
I jumped up and ran to her door as I heard her scream followed by loud, heaving cries. I knocked quickly before pushing the door open to show her sitting up in her bed, hugging her teddy bear to her chest as she leaned over, gasping for air. I ran to her side and rubbed her back, not knowing what to do as I told her over and over that it would be okay.
Once she was able to talk again, she told me about her dream and how she sees her Dad get hit by the drunk driver's car every time. She said she'd had those dreams right after he died, but she hadn't had them since the wedding, until that night.
About once a week for the next year and a half, I would run in to her when she would wake up crying and climb on the bed with her. I held her in my arms until she finally went back to sleep and then I would quietly sneak back into my room. I was a little regretful when the dreams stopped the summer I turned thirteen, although in the overall scheme of things, it was probably a good thing, since that was when I hit puberty, and all my thoughts hit the gutter.
I was a fucked up mess for months after the boners started popping up on their own. Anything would set them off, but more often than I wanted to admit, Bella's presence would spark them. It was so very wrong, but she was constantly doing little things like licking circles around the edge of her ice cream cones before moving up in a spiral and then closing her mouth over the top to steal the curly tip, or twirling a red lollipop on her tongue. To her they were innocent actions, but for my disgusting horny brain, they were like porn. I couldn't look away, even though I knew I should.
This, of course, led to a lot of guilt. By this point, she was firmly entrenched in our home and community as my sister. We were posed with our parents and brother in family portraits hanging above the mantle and on Christmas cards going out every holiday season. I cared about her. She was my best friend and I wanted to keep her safe, but I also wanted to do bad, bad things to her…things no brother should ever want to do to his sister. I felt like a disgusting monster.
I pushed it all back though, and was still there for her when she needed me. High school came, leaving all of us in the big school together. This was when things started to get really dicey. Life was getting harder for me at home as Bella turned fourteen and practically overnight sprouted the perkiest, fullest little breasts you could imagine. That summer, she also discovered a new fashion sense that led to very short shorts paired with spaghetti strap tank tops that pained me to no end.
We returned to school for our Sophomore year to the echo in the locker rooms of all the guys talking about how hot little Bella Swan got. My vision went red with jealousy and a sensation of possessiveness I never expected. Thankfully most people took it for the same brotherly fury as Emmett's when we both snapped on the room, me telling them to stop talking about our sister like that, while Emmett went on to threaten the manhood of any guy who dared even put a finger on our sister.
Oh fuck, if he'd had any clue to the things that sometimes went through my mind, he'd string me up by my balls in the sun and let the birds take care of me for him. I would have been so dead. Thank goodness I had the willpower and control to save myself from a painful death, but things were getting harder every day, and I mean that both figuratively and literally.
I had one saving grace that year though; Bella hadn't been the only one to develop over that summer. Emmett helped me train like crazy, determined that we both make Varsity football that season. Training with him both saved me from blue balls at the hands of our sister, but also helped to bulk me up a bit. I had a lean muscle layer everywhere that year, with a little extra bulk in my arms and shoulders, and it managed to grab the attention of quite a few of our classmates…and our classmates were VERY friendly.
By homecoming, I'd already managed to lose my V-card, quickly developing a rep for being a catch. It helped relieve the pressure, but it also made me ever more a monster as I more often than not fantasized about Bella when I was with one of those girls. I was a sick, sick bastard and I knew it.
The threat of Emmett and I were enough to keep most of the jackasses away from our Bella, but not all of them were smart enough to get the message. Enter Michael Newton…I've never wanted to murder someone so badly in my life than I did that douche. I didn't understand what Bella could possibly see in the mindless wonder. He wasn't even a good looking dude. He was geeky, awkward, and dumb as a box of rocks, so dumb in fact, that he waltzed right past the death threats and started dating her.
Every touch, every smile at that ass, every whispered word, they were all like fire in my chest. I absolutely hated seeing her with someone else like that. I couldn't have her because of our family situation, but it killed me to see her acting that way with anyone else either. It was just one more thing to add to the list that made me a selfish, evil fucker.
I kept my eyes on her all night at prom, making sure she was safe, my stomach boiling every time he'd hug her close and dance with her, nuzzling his nose in her hair and smiling like the cat that ate the damn canary. I suspected he had big plans for that night, but if I had any say, it wasn't going to happen.
My date, Lauren, was being a bit of a bitch about my divided attentions though, finally resorting to dry humping me on the dance floor to get my attention. I swear I only diverted my attention for five minutes, but it was five minutes too many. Before the song was over, Emmett was manhandling me, shouting about how Newton had Bella in his car.
We rushed out to the parking lot to find the car still there. I couldn't believe the jackass Angelfucker wasn't even going to take her somewhere else. He seriously thought he was going to take MY Bella's virginity in the back of his Dad's Camaro in the parking lot at prom? NO FUCKING WAY!
When Emmett yanked open the door, I about lost it, seeing Newton with is pants half down, lying on top of the Angel of my discontent. She was still fully clothed with her skirt hiked up to her waist. If Emmett hadn't yanked him off of her and about choked him to death, I would have done it myself. Selfish fucking bastard, he was never going near Bella again if I had anything to say about it.
I focused instead of taking care of Bella. I helped her pull her dress down and climb out of the car, tears streaming down her face. She was so humiliated and I hated that, but it was so much better than the alternative. If only fate had made things different. If I were allowed to be with Bella, I'd fucking worship her like the goddess she was, but that was impossible. Instead, I had to watch jackasses like Newton fumble all over her and miss the mark by a million miles.
Bella was pissy with us for a few days, but by graduation, she had chilled back out. Graduation was cool, and then soon after, she went off to summer camp. It was the first summer that we weren't going away at the same time. Normally I had football camp the same two weeks that she went off to her girl camp. I never really noticed how long that stretch was because I was busy too until that summer.
I skulked around the house for two full days feeling absolutely lost. Ghosts of Bella were everywhere and I just couldn't handle it. Finally, on day three, Lauren came back from her family vacation and I basically spent the rest of the next week and a half on the beach with her and staying at her family's cabin, wishing it was Bella beside me, but appreciating Lauren's skills in the sack enough to at least pass the time without going nuts.
I got home the Friday before Bella was supposed to come home to find a package waiting for me on my bed along with five other envelopes. I walked across the room and opened the box, staring down at the really nice dark brown wooden box inside with a picture of mountains and a lake etched on the front. I pulled it out noticing it was hinged, and opened it to find a thick bunch of papers folded inside. I opened it slowly and read the ten pages of words from Bella.
I felt like a total shit. Since I wasn't at camp myself, I totally forgot that we always wrote letters back and forth to keep each other company. I hadn't sent her a single letter the whole time she was gone and she did this for me. I read her words, feeling worse and worse the more I read. They had taken a trip into the local Indian reservation and she had found this box and thought of me and the camping trips we took every year up to Lake Quinault. Ma and Dad tended to let us go and do our own thing while they spent the week celebrating their half anniversary. Emmett usually took Rose along and snuck off to spend alone time with his girl while Bella and I would hike and goof off. More than once, we rented jet skis and just had fun out on the lake for the day. They were always good trips for us, times when we were just Edward and Bella. And surprisingly enough, times when my hormones usually didn't get in the way quite as badly, not that I ever understood why. Toward the end of the bundle, she told me that she missed my letters, but recognized that I was probably busy with my girlfriend and that she missed me. She closed the letter with her typical x's and o's before quickly signing her name. I was such a total ass. I knew I had to make it up to her when she got home.
I moved to the side of my bed and pulled the box out from under the bed that sat next to my porn box. This one was a little different though. I smiled as I opened the flaps and dug through the piles of pictures and letters that we had sent back and forth throughout our years in camp, along with my favorite birthday cards, and other similar items.
I grabbed all the letters, organizing them a bit before tucking them into the box in sequential order, placing the letter she had just included on top after kissing the paper lightly. I sat the new wooden keepsake box at the bottom of my Bella box before gently layering the concert tee shirt from our trip to Seattle to see Seether the summer before. On top of that, I placed the pictures I had drawn of Bella and the few composition pages I had filled in with songs that I had written after being inspired by Bella.
Once they were settled, I finally rested the snapshots that I found myself looking through more and more frequently recently of our vacations the last couple of years to Acapulco and St. Maarten, along with a few of my other favorites of her just laughing or smiling on top, and closed the box again. I had been debating whether or not I should take them with me to school for a while, but in the end, I knew they would come with me. The porn, however, was going to get left behind with the exception of two or three of my favorite magazines and one video. I'd always have my laptop to check stuff out if I got desperate, and space was going to be at a premium.
Move in day was interesting. Other than the near miss when Bella almost found my Bella box, things went well. It was nice to hang with Bella all alone and chat while we were unpacking, even if the subject matter got a bit intense. I wasn't lying when I said all of that about how she deserved to be treated, I did however play down my own jealousy and my own desire to take care of her the way she deserves to be cared for. I was convinced no fucker be good enough, including me.
The first Friday after we were all settled, Bella ditched me when she was supposed to come back up for her part of the care package. I promised some friends I met in my music class that I would meet up for supper before I was supposed to come back to meet Emmett before we hit up a few of the parties on Greek row. We'd been hearing lots of stories about the awesome parties at SAE, always full of easy girls. Emmett was tied down, and happy to be, but he still liked the view from time to time. I, however, was ready to meet a new breed of females. Forks had some nice looking girls, but I'd heard college chicks were fuck hot. I was hoping I could maybe get a few numbers at the very least.
The dinner was fun. It was nice to get to spend time with other people who understood my passion for music. There was one girl in the group who kept eyeing me with particular interest. She was absolutely gorgeous, and blonde. Typically I went for brunettes more often than blondes, but just like with Lauren, I wasn't opposed to them. By the end of the meal, she had managed to shuffle around to sit beside me, introducing herself as Tanya Denali.
We ended up sharing a slice of cake as we talked about the course we shared. When the dinner was over, she invited me to join their group at a club across town. She looked really disappointed when I had to beg off. It was nice to have a connection beyond just the physical with someone besides Bella for a change. I had a feeling Tanya and I would end up spending some more quality time together down the road.
I rushed back to the dorm to pick up Emmett. He was on his own already because Rose had to run off to work at the campus bookstore. Jasper was there too and asked if we minded if he tagged along. We told him the more the merrier before heading out.
We meandered through campus until we got to the SAE house. Jasper said that the dude who lived across the hall had been talking about it all day and said it was the place to be after ten. We walked in with smiles as we saw the place was jumping. There were hot chicks EVERYWHERE. It was like punani heaven. We walked through the house, checking out the half wasted chicks dancing all over the place, their tight little skirts barely hiding their assets.
We cruised past the keg, grabbing some brewskies before moving to check out the action around the room. There were a ton of hot chicks here, but one in particular caught my attention. She had a big Neanderthal attached to her back, but the second he stepped away, I'd swoop in and work my charm. I suppressed a groan as I watched her move, her tight little body swaying in the short, tight black dress with sexy as hell black boots hugging her legs up past her knees. Her long dark hair was swinging over her shoulder, blocking her face from me, but I didn't need to see it to know she was going to be hot as hell.
I was just about to elbow Emmett and point her out when I caught sight of the small girl dancing next to her. I knew that sprite and it was just about that time that realization hit, my heart thundering in my chest as my eyes grew wide. The dark hair shifted slightly as the girl with the smokin' hot body turned to say something to the sprite revealing what I had only just figured out. Emmett saw what I had, instantly going into full anger mode while I was still in shock. With a yell, he crushed his cup in his hand and threw it across the room, hitting the side of a dude's head, who then fell over into a floor lamp, knocking it over with a loud clang.
Alice, Bella's roommate, looked up at us with big eyes before resting her hand on Bella's arm. The dude she was dancing with moved his gaze from her ass, which he'd been ogling quite openly, to look our way, and he had the audacity to smile. My vision went crimson as I followed Emmett across the floor. Emmett pinned the jackass to the wall like a rag doll as I grabbed Bella's hand and drug her out of the house, wanting nothing more than to get her out of the eye line of all the guys who had been staring at my Bella, my Angel the whole time she danced with the giant asshole.
Jasper took Alice's hand and led her out, standing with her to the side and talking quietly as I placed Bella in the car and paced while tugging at my hair. I was warring with myself, shocked that I hadn't recognized Bella sooner. It scared me more than a little that I was so ready to just use Bella because of how she looked. I was getting out of control. Suddenly, I was struck with the startling realization that I was treating the sisters of other guys the exact way I was afraid some guy was going to treat Bella. It was like a major wake up call.
I paused in my realization in time to realize Bella was crying. I rushed to her side to soothe her and was totally taken by surprise by the anger in her eyes. Then I screwed up even worse by spouting off my stupid mouth. I basically called her a slut, and I didn't mean to, but I just didn't want her being confused with those other girls, even if I now saw there was very little difference. They all meant something to someone. They all deserved respect, even if they didn't act like it.
She surprised the shit out of me when she pushed me down and stormed away. I watched in amazement as her hips swayed determinedly as she stomped away. She was surprisingly graceful in the tall heeled boots considering she was tipsy. I hopped up and chased after her, trying to make her understand and not willing to let her go off on her own. It was a total fucking mess from beginning to end.
She was pissed as hell as we rode back to the dorm. She didn't even look at us as she slammed the door in our faces. I waited a while, trying to find some words, any words to reach her. I hesitantly sent her a text, my heart aching at her reply. She said she would forgive us, but not tonight. I sent a reply begging her to talk to me, but I watched the phone all night for a response that never came.
Jasper came in sometime before dawn all happy as shit, it made me want to puke. Emmett and I both spent the next two days trying every way we could think to get Bella to talk to us. We even suckered Jasper into calling Alice to be a go between. That backfired big time, only resulting in Bella calling all pissed off to tell us to back the hell off.
Sunday night, Emmett lost all patience, conning Rose into getting us face time with Bella's RA. Emmett made up some bullshit excuse about worrying she might be getting depressed and wanted to make sure she was safe, basically hinting Bella was suicidal, which she had never been a day in her life as far as I knew.
I was hesitant as I followed him into her room, closing the door behind me. The first thing I noticed after how tired Bella looked was how she was trying to kill me with her tiny plaid pajama shorts and white cotton tank top with no bra. It wasn't like she was expecting us, but still…DAYUM…I had to concentrate. I focused on the floor and listened as they talked. The only time I looked up was when Bella mentioned transferring if we didn't back off. The thought alone made me sick. I definitely didn't want that.
Bella and Emmett talked things out before he left me alone with Bella. We talked about our shit and I struggled with my self control as she snuggled up to me, pressing her soft body into me, and hugging me tightly. I cinched my eyes closed and thought of dead kittens and bloated dead people to try to push back my body's reactions. It worked, but only just.
I felt okay about us when I left her room that night, but I never could have expected what was to come and how it would eventually change our relationship forever.