Disclaimer: Not mine. Nopey nopey.

Ideas for more Sam/Castiel or limp!Sam would be very nice. Thank you to Valerie W for the prompt. :-)


Sam didn't stop to think of the consequences of his actions. He didn't think of the speeding metal crushing into him at thirty five miles per hour, he didn't think of him immanent death. He could think of nothing else but Jess.

The young woman gently brushed by Sam, a small smile on her face. Her wavy blonde hair blowing in the breeze. Sam had froze, eyes widening, his blood running cold.

She looked like Jess.

Dean's arm was on his shoulder. "Sammy? What's wrong?"

The words reached Sam as though they were under water. Muffled and far off.

She looked like Jess.

Looking back, Sam realized that has he slept the previous two nights, maybe his mind wouldn't have been so shot, maybe he would have not even noticed the beautiful blonde breeze by him, maybe he wouldn't have seen her step off the curb, oblivious to the car speeding towards her.

Sam didn't think, didn't look. He couldn't comprehend the consequences.

Sam stumbled out of Dean's concerned grip, throwing himself at the young woman. Throwing himself in front of the speeding car as he shoved her out of the way.

With a surprised cry, the woman fell to the pavement, out of harms way.

Sam could hear the horn blaring and he could hear Dean screaming his name. The headlights blinded him.


It was dark. Dark, but peaceful. Sam couldn't put a finger on where he was or what had caused him to arrive there but at the moment, the comforting silence was all he cared to comprehend. He couldn't feel his body, and it was almost like he was floating. Odd…but that was alright. It was dark and it was peaceful and Sam didn't care about anything else.

There was something else, though. Sam wanted nothing more than to enjoy the peace that had evaded him for so long but there was something else and Sam couldn't figure out what it was.

Wait…noises.

Soft noises were drifting towards Sam, growing more and more prominent by each passing second.

Annoying sounds. Sam thought to himself. Why do they want to take away the quiet?

Regardless of his want to remain at peace for eternity, the sounds were pulling him in. Pulling him away from the blessed darkness and into the blinding light.

Instantaneously, the dark was gone, the peace gone with it. He was standing on a busy street, lights and screams everywhere.

The street was familiar in a way Sam could not explain. He felt as thought he had been there before.

A large group of spectators stood on the sidewalks of the quaint little downtown street, tears in their eyes and hands over their mouths in shock. Mothers pressed their children's heads into their shoulders as if shielding them from a horrible sight.

Emergency vehicles filled the cobblestone street and a group of EMT's clustered around a fallen figure in the middle of the street.

Sam contemplated asking what was going on but for some odd reason, he knew that his question would not be heard. Strange.

Sam just wanted to return to the dark but oddly enough he was being drawn towards the medical technicians.

Sam walked over to the EMT's slowly. Police officers and spectators passed by him as if he was not there. Nobody stopped him when peered over the shoulder of one EMT to get a glimpse of their patient.

Sam's blood ran cold. His heart seemingly stopped, if it was even beating in the first place.

The sight of bloody and broken man on the hard ground floored him. No, this isn't happening…"

It was him.

Sam's body lay motionless in the middle of the ambulance workers. Blood and contusions seemingly everywhere. His left leg was twisted awkwardly and his right arm didn't look much better. A plastic tube snaked out of his mouth attached to a bag that was steadily being squeezed by one of the EMT's. Another EMT kneeled beside the body, performing chest compressions.

Sam stumbled back, falling hard onto the pavement but oddly feeling no pain.

"No…no…" He stuttered, gripping at his hair. This can't be happening.

Had he been breathing he would have began to hyperventilate. Shock of the highest degree coursed through him violently.

"Sammy! Let me go! Let me get to him!"

Sam head snapped up at the familiar voice. "Dean?"

Dean was being held back on the sidewalk by a police officer, fighting tooth and nail to reach his fallen brother in the road. "Let me go!" he screamed at the officer.

"Sir, please!" The officer plead. "Let the EMT's do their job."

Tears streaked Dean's pale face as he continued to fight against the officer, unable to break free.

"Dean." Sam whispered pulling his knees to his chest and burying his head in his knees, rocking back and forth. "It's okay. I'm here." He knew Dean couldn't hear him and it devastated him. He was watching himself die with no way to stop it.

"Sam."

Sam's head jerked up in surprise. Castiel sat beside him on the ground, a calm, serene look on his face.

"Castiel?" Sam questioned. The angel nodded, laying his hand on Sam's shoulder as if telling him everything would be okay. "Am I…" Sam stuttered. "Am I d-dead?"

Castiel shook his head. "Not yet, Sam, but your weakened body is failing."

As if giving Sam an example, a violent jolt went through him and with a gasp of shock, he saw his body in the road convulse upward as an EMT delivered a shock from a defibrillator. The machine monitoring his pulse attached to his prone body continued to flat line. An EMT continued chest compressions as another injected something into his arm.

"Can't…can't you do something?" Sam asked Castiel brokenly. Dean continued to yell and argue with his captor on the other side of the street.

Castiel shook his head. "It is up to you now, Sam." He replied. "You must find the will to survive."

Sam looked confused. "The will to survive? But I do want to survive. I don't wanna die!"

Castiel mouth twitched upward in a sad smile. "You are tired, Sam."

Sam was still confused. He trembled as another shock was delivered to his body in the road. Castiel gently patted Sam's back, comforting him.

"I don't know what you mean." Sam whispered. "What do you mean, I'm tired?"

Castiel continued to gently run Sam's back as he hunched over, his head in his knees. "You are tired." He repeated. "You have been through much in the past few months and your spirit is tired. You may not see it now, but you don't feel the will to go on."

Sam swallowed. "I…I'm just sick of failing. I want to win for once. I want things to go well for once. No matter how hard me and Dean try, we still can't find a way to defeat Lucifer and I'm sick of it! But I don't wanna die!"

"You may not want to die but unconsciously, you yearn for your suffering to end. You know that death will accomplish that need."

Sam nodded. He did want it to end. He wanted to be happy for once, for Dean to be happy.

"Maybe you're right. Maybe Dean will be better off without me."

Castiel shook his head firmly. "That, Sam Winchester, is not at all true. I believe you know that. Dean could not go on without you."

Through tear clouded eyes, Sam glanced up at his older brother. Dean had ceased fighting to get to Sam and now sat in a similar position that Sam did. His legs curled up towards his chest, his chin resting on his knees. His eyes held unshed tears and a deeply buried look of anguish flickered across his expressionless face. The officer that previously held him back, now rubbed Dean's back sympathetically.

"Please, Sammy." Dean whispered, burying his head in his knees. "Please don't leave me." He began to rock back and forth. "Please…please…please, Sammy."

Sam wanted his own suffering to end. He wanted to sleep and to never wake up. His spirit was crippled from his multiple failures at redeeming himself of his sins. He didn't want to face the cold, hateful looks that the angels gave him anymore. He didn't want to see the disappointment and sadness in Dean's eyes. He wanted Dean to be happy, to live a normal "apple pie" life, free of his burdensome brother.

He began to let himself drift away but a firm hand clutched his upper arm, tethering him down.

"Think, Sam!" Castiel ordered, his hands clutching both sides of Sam's face. Hazel eyes met. "Before you give up, think!"

Sam raised an eyebrow in confusion. "He'll be better off." Sam murmured. "He can live his life without having to worry about me."

"You are foolish, Sam." Castiel reprimanded. "If you believe that without you, Dean will be happy, you are sorely mistaken."

"Dean has lost you before, Sam." Castiel continued. "And you know that he did not fare well, yet you believe that leaving him now will yield different results?"

Sam shrugged. 'It's different now. I've done so much and I've cause him so much pain. He will be better off in the long run."

"Again, you are wrong." Castiel claimed. "You both are unable to function without the other. No matter what you have done, Dean still considers you his brother and still loves you as he did the day you were born. Dean would be devastated and lost if you were to die, Sam."

"I don't know if I can agree with you, Castiel." Sam replied.

Castiel frowned. "Seeing your brother suffer has no effect on you?" he gestured to Dean's broken form on the sidewalk.

"Please, Sammy." Dean continued to mumble. "Please, please, please."

Sam had never seen his brother so broken. Not even after their father had died. Could Dean possibly be that upset? How could he be so upset when Sam had caused so much pain?

"Pain that does not even come close to comparing to the pain of your death." Castiel whispered, responding to words Sam had not spoken.

Sam blinked.

"You have little time, Sam." Castiel urged. "You must make your decision."

Sam wanted it to end, he really did but it wasn't about him. It was about Dean and Sam was tired of causing Dean pain. He knew Castiel would not lie to him but a deep nagging feeling that he was wrong ate away at him. He imagined how great it would be for it to all be over.

No. It's not about me. It's about Dean.

Castiel smiled, he knew of Sam's decision without Sam verbalizing it.

The heart monitor still blared a flat line and the EMT placed the defibrillator paddles back on Sam's bare chest.

"Clear!"


The quiet was gone, the peace was gone.

He was left with an odd, uncomfortable feeling. His whole body ached and felt weighed down. He wanted to move, to stretch his aching muscles, but he couldn't.

An annoying beeping noise entered his ears and he wanted to open his eyes to see what it was but his eyes were seemingly glued shut.

The most he could bring himself to do was groan, and he did.

The sound of a chair scraping across the floor followed by hurried footsteps reached him and a hand found him, squeezing slightly.

"You in there, Sammy?" Dean's voice asked. He sounded tired yet relieved. "Come on Sasquatch, open those eyes." He was bordering on begging.

His eyes became slightly less glued and he found the strength to gently peel them open. He was greeted with the sight of Dean leaning over him, concern etched in his features. A smile broke free when Dean saw Sam's eyes open.

"Hey, buddy." He whispered, unable to contain his beaming smile. "How ya feeling?"

Sam swallowed and looked around. The familiar scene of a hospital room met him. He was propped up in the bed, his left leg bound in a lumpy cast and elevated slightly and his arm was also bound in a cast and secured to his chest by a sling. IV tubing ran down his arms and the heart monitor next to his bed read off a steady heartbeat.

"What happened?" He croaked as Dean nearly bounced with excitement at seeing Sam awake.

"Same old thing." Dean grinned, still expressing some underlying concern. "You decided to play hero and nearly got yourself killed in the process."

Sam blinked, confused as he struggled to remember.

.Dean's arm was on his shoulder. "Sammy? What's wrong?"

The words reached Sam as though they were under water. Muffled and far off.

She looked like Jess.

Sam didn't think, didn't look. He couldn't comprehend the consequences….

.Sam's body lay motionless in the middle of the ambulance workers. Blood and contusions seemingly everywhere. His left leg was twisted awkwardly and his right arm didn't look much better. A plastic tube snaked out of his mouth attached to a bag that was steadily being squeezed by one of the EMT's. Another EMT kneeled beside the body, performing chest compressions….

.…"Sam."

Sam's head jerked up in surprise. Castiel sat beside him on the ground, a calm, serene look on his face.

"Castiel?" Sam questioned. The angel nodded, laying his hand on Sam's shoulder as if telling him everything would be okay. "Am I…" Sam stuttered. "Am I d-dead?"

Castiel shook his head. "Not yet, Sam, but your weakened body is failing."…

…"Please, Sammy." Dean whispered, burying his head in his knees. "Please don't leave me." He began to rock back and forth. "Please…please…please, Sammy."….

."You are foolish, Sam." Castiel reprimanded. "If you believe that without you, Dean will be happy, you are sorely mistaken."….

It all came flooding back like a tidal wave. Standing over his own body with Castiel, almost letting go. He shuddered at the thought. How could he have come so close to letting go?

"Oh." Was his only reply.

Dean smiled, pushing Sam's bangs back. "I'mma tell you right now, Sammy. You ever do that to me again and I'll kill you myself. Got it?"

Sam nodded, still reeling from his near death experience. Wow.

Sam smiled slightly. "Guess you won't be getting rid of me that easy." He rasped.

"There's not much that can bring down a Winchester." Dean replied as he grinned back. Sam couldn't help but agree.

Around two in the morning the following night, Sam lay sleeping in his bed while Dean was sprawled out in the reclining chair besides Sam's bed.

Sam awoke to a gentle presence beside him. He knew instantly it wasn't Dean or a doctor and his eyes snapped open in surprise.

"My apologies." Castiel whispered. "I didn't mean to startle you."

"It's alright." Sam whispered back, making sure he didn't wake the snoring Dean on the other side of his bed.

He had been hoping Castiel would stop by sometime soon. He had to tell him thank you.

"I just wanted to say thank you." Sam whispered. "I don't know what I was thinking, thanks for bringing me back to my senses."

Castiel smiled, his hand coming to rest upon Sam's bruised cheek. "The world is not ready to lose Sam Winchester." He replied, smiling slightly.

Sam didn't exactly think the world needed him but Castiel had shown him that Dean did and he was ever so grateful for Castiel pulling him back from the edge.

"Thank you." He repeated. He didn't think he could say it enough.

Castiel held up his hand. "There is no need to thank me, Sam. You gathered the strength to return, not I."

"I wouldn't have been able to do it if it wasn't for you." Sam replied yawning. Castiel smiled, gripping Sam's uninjured hand.

"Rest now, Sam." He whispered, patting Sam's shoulder gently. "Pride yourself in the fact that you and only you pulled yourself from the darkness to return to your brother. He would be devastated without you."

As Sam's eyes drifted closed, Castiel continued. "Dean could not go on without you…and neither could I."


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