Author's note: So this is a kind of follow up/outtake to Consequences. I have one more planned chapter for that story and then I'll start on the next, something along the lines of First Impressions and Quality Time as little Abby meets and spends time with the people in Jim and Marissa's lives.
For those of you who haven't read Consequences, you don't really need to, to read this. Just know that Jim accidentally knocked up a woman on his crew named Marissa shortly after the Narada incident and they now have a daughter named Abby. Of course, if you want to read it I wouldn't protest. ;-)
Disclaimer: I don't own anything relating to Star Trek, Chris Pine, Karl Urban, Zachary Quinto, et al. Marissa and Abby are of my own invention, but Marissa was inspired by TalesFromTheSpockSide's Hero – check it out, it's awesome!
Also, this is very much rated Mature, despite the innocence of this chapter. It's about sex folks!
Five times Jim wondered if he'd ever have sex, and the one time Marissa screwed him silly.
Jim was jealous of his daughter.
He was man enough to admit it - he was pea green with envy.
He loved her. He did. He loved everything about her five week old little soul.
He loved her bright blue eyes, so similar to his own; her fuzzy brown hair; her pert little nose that reminded him of Marissa. He loved her tiny hands and her tiny feet and her tiny, protruding frog-like belly. He even loved her increasingly smelly diapers and the sound of her plaintive cries when she was hungry or wet or just plain out of sorts.
He loved everything about her; could watch her for hours, even if she was just sleeping.
And he was jealous as hell.
He was jealous of the amount of attention Marissa lavished on their daughter and how little attention he was getting as a result. There were times when it was like Marissa was still pregnant. Abby was always with her and they never seemed to have any time together – alone.
Five days after giving birth Marissa had been requested to help another ship with a touchy contact situation via subspace. Adding that in with the follow up contacts from Cloral and a project she had been working on with Aja Killian and Marissa had very little down time. She insisted on keeping Abby with her, usually in a sling. If Jim was off duty he'd watch Abby, at least until she was hungry and then he'd have to call for Marissa anyway. Seeing Marissa's face light up when she came into their rooms always made him feel good, except now it wasn't for him it was for their child.
It was petty and childish, but he couldn't help it. He was jealous.
The rational side of him understood the demands of motherhood and the attraction of their wonderful, amazing, perfect child. Who wouldn't be at the beck and call of such an awesome little girl?
He and Marissa had agreed long before Abby was even born that they didn't want to put her in the Enterprise's childcare facility right away. The daycare was top notch and Jim and Marissa had chatted with Daugherty and Simmons who ran it. They'd seen first hand how much the handful of Enterprise children were loved and nurtured there. They just weren't ready to give up Abby for even a few hours. Between the two of them, with an hour or two break here and there with help from McCoy and once from Uhura, they'd taken care of Abby all on their own. Well, it was mostly Marissa, after all Jim didn't have mammary glands, but he helped out when and where he could.
He understood intellectually that Abby came first, that Marissa's job was important, and that he – and his needs - ranked a lowly third. They just hadn't found a balance yet, he consoled himself. Not with Abby needing to be fed every couple hours, twenty-four hours a day. They also hadn't expected Starfleet to request that Marissa consult on a contact mission so soon after giving birth, though Starfleet didn't know that little detail.
They'd debated telling Starfleet that she was on maternity leave, but hadn't really wanted to open that can of worms, so to speak. Maternity leave and inquiries regarding her subsequent partner and child would raise too many questions, questions they refused to lie about, but neither of them trusted the Admiralty at the moment to tell the truth, so they carried on as if nothing had changed. The last thing they needed was for Abby's birth to become fodder for the rumor mill that was finally dying down regarding Jim's life and past.
So, Marissa was busy being a full time, sleep deprived new mom and working full time consulting with the Perseus regarding their contact with Novartium 12, as well as working on her other projects. Jim was busy being Captain and occasional host to various diplomats, as well as being a sleep deprived new dad. He did try to help Marissa out as much as possible, especially at night, but there really wasn't a hell of a lot he could do except change diapers and be a baby shuttle service to and from the crib.
So he was jealous that Abby got most of Marissa's attention. It wasn't that Marissa was ignoring him. She still reached for him whenever he entered their rooms, even if Abby was feeding or sleeping in her arms. She always hugged and kissed him if her hands were free. She would snuggle up against him with a contented sigh after he'd taken Abby back to her crib after a night time feeding. But all the hugs and the kisses and the cuddles, as much as he enjoyed them and looked forward to them, were too… chaste and he was finding himself more and more dissatisfied and frustrated.
He'd tried initiating steamier kisses, running his hands over her back and bottom in ways that he knew she liked – her breasts were definitely off limits for now – and Marissa had responded with a contented hum, if not her usual shimmy of interest, but when he pulled back he'd seen the tiredness in her eyes and he'd feel guilty. She had so much on her plate; she didn't need to deal with his needs, too; needs that he could take care of during his morning shower. It shouldn't matter that taking care of himself was nowhere near as satisfying. He was a grown man. He could tough it out. It was just that he not only missed the sex. He missed the sex with Marissa.
So, instead of dragging her off to bed to have his wicked way with her, he'd lead her to bed, tuck her in and pull her into his arms, relishing her closeness as she dropped into an exhausted sleep within minutes of lying down. After all, Abby was born just over five weeks ago; this constant state of exhaustion they were both feeling couldn't last, right?
So, yeah; Jim was jealous of his daughter. Her birth was the most amazing thing to happen to him in his entire life and he wouldn't change a thing, but… he didn't want to be overdramatic about it, but there were times when he wondered if he'd ever have sex again.