My arms are a broken battlefield. Scars criss-cross their way up to my armpits, my legs are the same. Ugly, so ugly, they scream at me. I flinch when I remember the bite of the blade, though the reason why has been long forgotten the feeling is still there; but the sense of pleasure has been replaced by the feeling of disgust. Why? That word echoes like a gun shot in my almost silent mind. I wear jeans and long sleeves to cover up the ugliness. I try to remember if I was ever happy. I don't recall a time when I ever was. Isn't that sad? I am so young and my life has been crippled with pain, and loss, and sadness. I hate silence. It is the time my mind likes to travel back to those taboo memories. I don't know why but my mind dives right back in like ripping the stitches off of my cuts. Stop! I scream it in my head over and over, but my mind is to stubborn to listen to me and it runs through the dry grasslands of my memories holding a can of gasoline, throwing it on everything and then it drops the match, igniting everything, not burning it away but burning it deeper into my mind. My scarred and broken body crumples to the floor, folding in on itself. I want to escape this terrible reality that I am living. There is nothing left for me here. I have wants and dreams and hopes! I want to be someone. Most off all I want to be happy. I want to lay out in the sun in shorts and a tank top and let the sun soak into every fiber of my being and light every molecule from the inside out. I want to be dazzling! I want to be happy! I am bound and gagged by this choice, but it wasn't a choice. I promise you it wasn't. It was the only way out.
When I look in the mirror I see a beautiful young woman, her face isn't marred by the same scars that the rest of her body is. Her hair is long and wavy and brown like chocolate. A creamy complexion and freckles that pepper my nose. Oh, but my eyes, green as pine but swirled with brown and honey, they reflect the horrors of my past. When I would use to look into my eyes they showed a broken and scared little girl, now they show a strong, gorgeous young adult. Oh how I promise to live up to my eyes! I do! I don't want to be in pain anymore. I want a life, I want to be able to shed my skin like a snake because I have grown out of it is no longer me. I want my cocoon to break open so I can spread my wings and fly like a butterfly! I want to be somebody! I will be somebody!