In the swallowing blackness of midnight, the young blonde crept down the hallway, moonlight reflecting off her silken tresses as if they were mirrors; no one would be up at this hour of the night, leaving the calculating mind of a one Misa Amane the only one awake in the Yagami household. Light, her crazy fuck of a boyfriend, had been foolish enough to let her stay the night, offering to sleep on the couch so that she might sleep the stormy night away in his own bed. But it was Light's chivalry that cost him dearly, the model mused, slinking through the house with the deadly grace of a wild jungle cat—

"Really? Are you fucking serious?" Misa-Misa groaned, running a manicured hand through her carefully styled hair, disheveling the bangs and causing long strands of golden silk to fall into her ocean blue eyes— "Okay, stop. Just stop. First off, I don't need to be introduced with descriptions out the ass. Just a simple 'she walked down the hallway' would suffice."

Well, pardon the narrator for trying to be in-depth and explain to the readers the full vastness of your godlike beauty and poise.

"Ass kissing will get you nowhere."


"Second of all, it's one in the afternoon. The sun's shining, the birds are chirping, the neighbor's dogs are most likely screwing each other senseless in their backyard. It's daytime."

Now look what you've done, you've gone and gotten the narrator all irritated. She was trying to make it dramatic for the entertainment of the readers.

"Well, it didn't really work. Besides, 'calculating mind,' someone 'slinking through the house with the deadly grace of a wild jungle cat?' You've got the wrong blond, sister; you're describing Mello."

"Leave me the fuck out of this, bitch!" said 'wrong blond' called from some non-descript location that the narrator's been sworn to secrecy not to give out, or at least she won't divulge said info if she values her pathetic, underused life. Besides, anyone in their right or wrong mind wouldn't dare bother the easily-agitated Mafia boss while he was busy 'spending time' with his 'best friend' Matt. "I will shoot you if you don't shut up."

Now now, Mihael, calm your tight, leather-clad, highly sought after ass down and take a few breaths. Remember, the narrator is a very accepting girl and will love you no matter if you're gay or straight. You can let your feelings show for dear Matt, and don't be afraid to ldkjfoeiaofuejflarhraeuroi—

Dreadfully sorry about that, but the narrator had to duck quickly to avoid having her brains blasted out by the gun-toting epitome of sex on legs. SEE MELLO, A COMPLIMENT!


Misa-Misa non-stealthily made her way toward the room of Sayu Yagami, Light's younger sister and Misa-Misa's current love interest. Knocking on the door, as any polite, civilized human being would do, she patiently waited for the lovable brunette to open it and allow the pigtailed blonde access to her living quarters. Once inside, Sayu closed the door and sat next to her idol on her bed, the combined weight of both girls causing the bed to sink a fraction as the springs creaked.

"Are you implying that we're fat?" the younger girl asked sheepishly, unconsciously holding her stomach as if to hide what small amount of lard may be visible, if it were there at all.

No, the narrator was not implying anything of the sort, just informing readers what the scene looked like. No need to worry, Sayu, you look great, which is better than what can be said about the narrator.

"Oh, okay. Thanks, I guess."


"So, Misa-Misa, is there any reason you wanted to hang out with me today?"

"Oh, no real reason, just thought you could use some girl time; plus, I needed to get away from Light for a little bit," Misa-Misa replied, blowing a piece of hair out of her eyes. Resting her hands on her knees, she leaned forward and closed her eyes, smiling cutely. "'Sides, you never seem to get visitors around here! Light's always so busy holed up in his room, which doesn't leave him any time to hang out with me, and I think you're much cooler to spend time with than him."

The brunette's eyes lit up like the Fourth of July. "R-Really?" she squeaked, cheeks turning an adorable shade of pink as Misa-Misa nodded. Sayu shot forward to capture the blonde in a rib-crushing hug, nuzzling into her chest as the older girl rubbed her back, grinning victoriously.

Over the course of the next few weeks, the platonic relationship between Sayu Yagami and Misa-Misa Amane grew to that of the awkward 'more than friends' stage of life, quickly morphing into undeniably romantic feelings toward one another. When Sayu came to Misa-Misa one night and flat out said that she wanted to be more than just friends, the model wasn't shocked at all; instead, she took the younger's face gently in her hands and kissed her tenderly, withdrawing but a second or two later. She was shocked, however, when Sayu wrapped her thin arms around her neck and kissed her back.

Now, a few more weeks after the beautiful 'first kiss' event of a relationship, Misa-Misa was having trouble keeping something so wonderful from Light, so she absolved to texting him and telling him to meet her at the café on the corner of whatever goddamn street was closest (the narrator can't give you the exact location, because alas, she is American and has never traveled to Japan). He agreed, also sending back that he had something pressing to share with her as well.

When the two arrived, they picked a table in the back, sitting across from one another while the air filled with tension so thick you could cut it with a knife and serve it well-done with a side of mashed potatoes and corn. Misa-Misa sipped her coffee warily, ever so often glancing over at Light to find him doing the same; finally, after some amount of time, she cleared her throat and set her coffee down. "Light," she started, folding her hands on the table, "I have something important that I need to tell you."

"Same here," he responded, stirring his drink absently while assessing the blonde's body language. "You first?"

"You first."

"Er, same time, then?"

"Fine with me." After a few seconds that felt like hours, they blurted out what they had to say, simultaneously. "I'm gay and seeing your sister."

"I'm gay and seeing L."

Both blinked, staring at each other silently before bursting out laughing and nearly knocking their coffees over in the process. The laughing fit continued for quite a while, partly because they found it damn hilarious that they both hid a similar secret from each other, and partly because the narrator is busy laughing her sorry ass off and can't type.

Once the narrator regained the ability to function coherently, Light wiped a tear of mirth from his eye and breathed deeply, drinking his slowly cooling coffee. "Wow, that was unexpected," he offered, leaning back in his chair and flipping his hair.

Miles away, ten-thousand fangirls just keeled over.

"I'll say," Misa-Misa agreed, brushing some hair behind her ear and grinning stupidly at her kindabutnotreally boyfriend. "Well, at least it resolved the tension we'd been having for the last couple of months."

"I'll say."

After both had finished their coffee, they left together, walking the streets side-by-side and laughing about life, altogether enjoying their out-of-character day.

Somewhere in England, Mello and Matt were making out in a closet.

Author's Note: Huzzah! This piece of utter shit is finally done!

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