Alright, part four. It's a bit choppy and was originally posted on LJ as part of part three (redundant sounding, I'm aware) but I felt it should be split. You know, Shizuo's POV in one part, Izaya's in the next one. It's all about my obsessive need to evenness and symmetry.

Ahahah, I was really excited to get to write something about Izaya's family in this chapter because even though I know he's said in the anime that he had a normal family aside for their naming habits, I still feel like something weird had to have happened there.

Anyway, happy reading~


Izaya doesn't see anything.

Doesn't see the cars or the pedestrians or cracks in the pavement and more than once he falls or crashes into something and tastes blood.

He doesn't know what he's doing, he's not in control and he hates it. He's never seen Shizuo so angry in his life. Nothing he'd done before had ever made that boy's eyes glow like they were possessed, like they really would murder him.

The thing that makes Shizuo so thrilling was how he always managed to surprise Izaya. No matter what, Shizuo would always do something unexpected.

And Izaya, as loathe as he would ever be to admit it, was a bit afraid. A bit happy too.

Because what he was expecting was that he and Shizuo would resume their little game like normal when he returned to school after the New Years break, having sufficiently proved that anything beyond occasional groping was way out of Izaya's emotional reach. By completely disappearing with no indication of anything, that should be clear even to someone with Shizuo's brain capabilities.

To show how little he cared, how little Shizuo meant to him. How in control he was, how much better he was.

Because he could feel it coming, feel the winds changing, as it were, with the way Shizuo's hands would linger just a bit too long on his thin hips or how Shizuo would watch him, really watch him, with a strange look in his eyes Izaya had never seen on anyone else before.

He needed to leave before things got hard.

Just, he was not expecting Shizuo to actually look for him. To get that angry over him. And it made him happy, inexplicably happy.

And try and he might to ignore it, there was a little pang in his heart at how Shizuo found him.

About how that might be the end of their... thing and it was his fault, about how he fucked up.

And the thing that surprised him was how much he'd miss it. How deep the sinking feeling in his stomach was and how there was nothing he could do about it.

Because Shizuo never does what he wants him to do and so he knows that whatever happens is not up to him, not really. There's no point in trying, it's over, completely finished and suddenly he wants to puke and he tells himself it's because of all the running but he knows he could have stopped a long time ago, Shizuo's gone.

He always was shit at lying to himself.

So he doesn't stop running. When he sees a wall he jumps it, he's getting better at Pakour and he's steadily getting his rhythm back, weaving around people, strollers, park benches.

He can't go home, not right now, since for the past two years he had made his family think he'd been going to cram school with the money he earned from his nonexistent early morning delivery route, though he is tempted just to see if they notice the blood on his face.

They probably wouldn't and he can't really blame them, though he does just the same.

He's been avoiding his family since he was little, roughly the time they stopped noticing him completely. His mother has since moved on, back to Russia where she was born and his father remarried; had two new shiny twin daughters who don't remind him of anyone he once loved and now would very much like to see fall off a building.

They don't even have five chairs at the dining table, just four, one for every real member of the family and not the awkward misfit ghost who sometimes comes home to do laundry or sleep.

Izaya's been crashing on people's couches for as long as he could remember, usually girls who have crushes on him, and other times old men's hotel rooms or the occasional park bench.

It pays to be suave, after all, and good looking, too, and he can keep up this lifestyle as long as he has to, since he likes talking, likes sneaking into the seedy gay bars in Kabukichou, likes getting girls to do everything he asks them to do, no matter what.

Because it's easy and he's good at it and it benefits him.

At least most of the time.

="=

Izaya keeps running until he finds a public restroom in some park in Ikebukuro. There are public baths around but he chooses not to go to them, too many people, too much everything.

And, the thing is, he knows this bathroom, knows the creepy old men who cruise there, knows where his parent's home is from where he is standing. He remembered watching people go in and out of it as a child when he played in that park, being more interested in what they were doing than lumpy piles of sand and dribbling infants.

When he sees someone scrawled a dick on the mirror with a marker he smiles until his eyes focus on his face.

The blood has caked down his chin and his eyes have these dark brown rings around them. He looks terrible, feels terrible, his hair is greasy from the sweat of running and sticks to his face in clumps. He is overcome with the urge to puke again, that's always been a problem with him, stress vomiting, and eventually he succumbs to it, throwing up into one of the sinks.

Then he quietly, methodically washes all the blood off his face with the cold water from the taps.

He looks better now, completely colorless except for his eyes, even his lips are white.

And he can't help but wonder what Shizuo's doing now, what will happen when, and it really is a question of when; not if, Shizuo finds him. What can he say, what can he say.

His mind is blank, he has no words, he cannot tell the truth, would rather be punched over and over and over again than tell Shizuo anything, answer any of his questions and he thinks maybe Shizuo would rather hurt him than listen to his answers, anyhow.

For once he really doesn't know what to do and he hates it.


my Uncle Sol
had a skunk farm but
the skunks caught cold and
died and so
my Uncle Sol imitated the
sunks in a subtle manner

or by drowning himself in the watertank

ee cummings nobody loses all the time


So, I mean, I know you might have been thinking that Izaya's departure would be more suspenseful or something but really I did it for the symmetry. Like, in the first chapter Shizuo up and disappears when the relationship initially changes because he doesn't really know what to think and so when the relationship changes again, or when Izaya senses it's about the change again he bolts because that, I think, would be really scary for him.

Y'know, to trust someone, even a little bit with a part of him.

Or, I could be completely daft, that's pretty likely too.

Oh hey, just out of curiosity, how old do you think I am?