By the Mighty Lu Bu
What would I do if owned Xena? Aside from a movie I can think of other things. Hmm
Like playing twister, lol
AN: There has a been a lot of fuss about whether Xena and Gabrielle are lovers. Some say they are, some say they aren't. But what if one of them were interested and the other wasn't.
AN 2: This story by no means defines my actual belief concerning this idea, but rather my attempt to explore an alternative idea.
Gabrielle caught herself watching Xena bathe again. She shook her head to get it out of her mind. No she wasn't this way, she thought as her long blonde hair brushed in her face.
But the warrior just always got her attention. In the beginning it was childlike obsession. Xena was a hero and Gabrielle admired her a lot. Gabrielle could remember wanting to be like her, and even wanting to be her.
But as she got older she had discovered herself again. She was who she was. But she still loved the warrior deeply. As a friend. Course these days it seemed to be more than a friend.
She longed for the woman's touch on a daily basis. It was like a charge running through her. But Gabrielle tried to shake that thought.
Her interest didn't mean that she didn't love Perdicas when he was alive. She had loved him very deeply, and greatly mourned for him with his loss.
But does that mean she couldn't love another like that? A woman perhaps? Gabrielle couldn't answer all these thoughts as the dark haired woman approached from the river looking as radiant as ever as she was drying her air.
Gabrielle turned her eyes quickly not wanting the warrior to notice her stare. Xena would call her fool, she felt. Gabrielle even feared that Xena would leave her behind if she told her. That would have been more than she could bare.
Xena felt for the bard as she walked out of the river with her hair drying. She had noticed the bards stares. Xena loved her of course, but Xena just didn't swing that way. For Xena, Gabrielle was like a sister. She just couldn't imagine doing that with her sister, or any woman really.
Sure Xena had flirted and used her sexual power to great affect with women, but that was always to gain an advantage. She didn't want to lead Gabrielle on like that. Especially since it just shy of a year since Perdicas had died.
Xena had first suspected what she was now sure was true back when they met Ulysses. Xena caught the look out of the corner of her eye that Gabrielle had gave that man. It wasn't a friendly look to be sure. Xena felt that was almost territorial.
Xena knew that people can't help who they fall in love with, and by no means was she willing to leave Gabrielle behind, as it was something that Gabrielle often felt and feared.
Xena couldn't bare to be without the bard. But Xena couldn't be with her the way she felt Gabrielle wanted her. Xena knew she needed to talk to her friend. Make it easier for her. Xena dreaded the idea as it would hurt Gabrielle a lot. But what must be done, must be done.
Gabrielle thought more about Xena. At times she dreamt of her. She had fallen head over heels for this woman. This tall dark woman who could best any man. Gabrielle wanted more than anything to be with Xena but she was so afraid that Xena would hate her for it.
Think that it's strange of her. Gabrielle couldn't help being this way. It wasn't a decision. It happened. She didn't wake up one morning and decide to feel these feeling for the dark haired woman.
Xena touched Gabrielle's shoulder as it sent subtle shockwaves through Gabrielle's body. She kept the feeling subdued as best as she could so Xena wouldn't detect it. She thought she had managed to hide it from Xena, but at times she wondered if the perceptive woman knew the truth. She tried not to think about the idea.
Xena saw the bard's slightest twitch with the contact they had. It wasn't a surprise, but rather a physical reaction, she knew that of course but she put it out her mind as she said, "We need to get going. I want to be at Thessaloniki in a couple days."
Xena felt it as Gabrielle put her hand on Xena's own. Gabrielle looked up slightly avoiding Xena's eyes as she replied, "I know, I'll be ready shortly." The warrior nodded as she knew she wanted to talk to her tonight if possible.
Later on, Gabrielle rode behind Xena as they were in a hurry. A note from a friend of Xena had said something about an emergency and Xena wanted to get there in a hurry. Gabrielle gladly took the opportunity to hold onto Xena as the rode hard across Thessaly on their way to Thessaloniki.
Gabrielle rested her head on Xena's back listing to her heart and feeling her breath. Gabrielle could do this forever as she smiled.
Xena knew what Gabrielle was doing. While she didn't mind the bards display of affection, however Xena knew it wasn't right for her to be led on like this. Xena was going to tell her tonight. She just hoped that Gabrielle didn't want to leave her for it. She didn't know it she could withstand it. But the truth was she just couldn't love Gabrielle in that way. Plain and simple.
Gabrielle had noticed that Xena was strangely quiet as she kind of stared into the fire. Gabrielle wondered what was bothering her. She hoped it was nothing to serious.
Then Xena with some difficulty in her voice finally said, "Gabrielle." The bard's green eyes shot in Xena's direction as Xena continued. "um, there is something we should talk about."
Gabrielle innocently replied, "What is it Xena?"
Xena could feel this just get harder as she stated, "Um, Gabrielle how long have we been together?"
Gabrielle replied curious as to Xena's intent, "Beginning our third year. Why?"
Xena still debating on how to proceed, decided a more direct approach, "How do you feel about me?"
Gabrielle was taken aback by the question, did she suspect? Surely not, must be one her self doubting moments, "Xena you are wonderful and you've done great things for people." Xena cut her off, "Not that. I mean you?"
Gabrielle continued, "You are the best friend I've ever had. You've always been there for me, I couldn't bare to lose you."
Xena replied, "Is that all?" Gabrielle shot Xena a strange look, she does suspect. Nah, must be something else.
Gabrielle replied, "You are very special to me Xena. The worst thing in the world would be for you to ever leave me."
Xena looked down on the ground. Xena knew Gabrielle wasn't going to admit to it. So Xena was going to have to break the news, "I've seen the way you look at me. I've felt your tremors."
Gabrielle looked down self conscious all of a sudden, she couldn't help but to think that Xena was about to send her away. Gabrielle, having been outed by the warrior decided to admit to it.
Gabrielle replied with tears coming out of her eyes, "I love you Xena. Not just as a friend or a sister. But something more. I love you a lot, you're my whole world. Please don't send me away, I'll just pretend that I don't."
Xena replied trying to reassure the fearful bard, "Don't fight what you are Gabrielle. I'm not going to send you away or make you pretend that you don't feel this way." Gabrielle was looking at Xena intently thinking for a moment that Xena might have felt the same way.
Xena continued, "But, I'm sorry Gabrielle." Before Xena could continue the bard lowered her head. Even in the darkness Xena could see the tear fall from her face and onto the ground. Xena had just broken her heart.
For Xena seeing Gabrielle broken hearted broke her own heart. Made Xena shed a single tear down the left side of her face. Xena then said, "I'm sorry that I hurt you Gabrielle but I can't."
Gabrielle was awhirl with emotions. Self doubts and uncertainties, sadness and loss. Her head was swirling but she finally went with one feeling knowing the dark haired too well she finally said, "I know. I know you don't. Somewhere deep down I felt it. I just have to live with it."
Xena replied warmly, "I'm not going to leave you, this is just one more thing about you. That's all. It don't change my love for you. Nothing could."
There was a moment of silence as they both stared at the fire. Then finally Xena said, "I'm going to sleep." Xena got up and laid down on her animal skin blanket and wrapped her self up. Gabrielle however remained by the fireplace.
Then Xena looked up, "You can still sleep by me, you know." Gabrielle looked at Xena from afar. Xena continued, "Come over here." Gabrielle got up and walked towards her, laying down next to the woman she loved. Sure she would always have a special love for the dark haired woman, but it would sadly and always be unrequited.
Gabrielle turned and said, "I love you Xena." Xena knew that Gabrielle had meant as a whole, not just her love that Gabrielle had for Xena. Xena replied in kind, "I love you too."
Gabrielle nestled up close to Xena like she had almost ever night they had been together, even before she felt these feeling that she had felt for the woman. Nothing was going to change, Xena and Gabrielle were determined that they would stay together no matter what, and that included no matter what feelings one might have.
Course Gabrielle could hope that one day Xena would feel the same way about her as she did for Xena. One day, perhaps. After all, Gabrielle didn't feel the way she felt for Xena overnight.