A/N: Got a 93 on my test, so I'm going to be sticking around on this website, hopefully for a long, long time!
"If you get drunk and vomit on me, I'll make sure you get home safely."- Flight of the Conchords
"They were very, very, friendly men."- Flight of the Conchords
Jasper stalked haggardly into his living room, which was in the process of being trashed. He was seriously regretting the party, even despite Ariana. Looking around at the damage, he spotted Maggie slumped against a wall. "Maggie, are you okay?" he asked worriedly, rushing to her side. She'd seemed stressed since the party began.
"Totally," she laughed. "This party rocks!" She hiccupped and leaned against him. "I think somebody spiked your punch."
"What?" he yelped, his eyes widening.
"Yeah, I had like three cups of it and ever since then, I've…" She stopped talking, clapping her hands above her to catch a bubble. He considered the possibilities of letting her wander around- the idea of a drunk Maggie was just a little hilarious… but it was a horrible thing to do. Funny, but horrible, so he gripped her elbow and began towing her away.
"Come on, you need to lie down," he said gently.
"Okies," she giggled.
"Where's Henry? Hey, nobody drink the punch, it's spiked!" As soon as he said it, an eager crowd converged around the punchbowl. He sighed, feeling that he should have expected it.
"This must be what Ke$ha feels like all the time," pondered Maggie.
"I guess," agreed Jasper, swerving her away from walking into the kitchen counter.
"Because your love, your love, your love is my drug!" she screeched. He shook his head.
"Please stop singing about drugs."
"Hey!" said the giant frog, jogging up to them. "Awesome party, bro. Whoa, what's with Winnock?"
"She's wasted," he groaned. "Who put alcohol in the punch?"
"I dunno," he shrugged, staring at Maggie. "Wait, did you say that the Enigmaggie is drunk?"
"I knew that nickname would catch on!"
"Jasper, make your stairs slow down!" whined Maggie.
"Alright, come on," he said, taking her arm and leading her carefully up the steps. "You need to just sleep this out." They'd reached the top of the stairs, and she was staring at him.
"Are you this hot when I'm sober?"
"What now?" he choked, his eyebrows flying upward. She was gazing at him with that look that he'd only ever seen on her face when she received her SAT scores.
"Take your shirt off!" she said petulantly. He gritted his teeth, rolling his eyes.
"Maggie," he said patiently, "you're really dru-" The rest of his words were swallowed as she swung towards him and smacked her lips against his. He seized up, awkward and unsure of what to do. She was hanging on him- he wanted to push her away, but he was afraid that if he didn't hold her up she would collapse. And while he tried to think of a plan that would spare both their feelings, she was still kissing him. Finally coming to a decision, he gripped her wrists firmly and held her out at arm's length.
"Let's do that again!" she gushed enthusiastically. Jasper cringed mentally. He did want to kiss her again, but she was pretty much delirious and more likely than not would not remember any of this tomorrow.
"Only is you can tell me the name of the bug Henry's chasing," he said, feeling like a police officer testing a tipsy driver. She frowned in concentration.
"Resk… resks…" She groaned. "It's a really hard word to say!"
"You need to rest," sighed Jasper.
"Fine, whatevs, Jazz," she sang in an extremely un-Maggie way. She stumbled towards his shut bedroom door and nudged one of the panels. It didn't open. "Your door is broken." Jasper huffed and moved in front of her, turning the door knob. Unfortunately, his room was already occupied.
"Dude!" yelled Jasper. "I thought you were looking for the speetle!"
"Uh…" said Henry. "I was! It was in Hunter's punch, so he could have swallowed it. I was checking for that."
"With your tongue?"
"Um," said Henry. "Um… hey, look, Rex is in the hallway!" He and Hunter dashed out of the room, leaving Jasper and Maggie alone in the room. Jasper stared after his cousin, shuddering.
"Hey…" said Maggie, realization dawning on her drunken expression. "I think they were kissing!"