Crazy Love

Avatar Crack!fic by: A J

For Machete227's Crack!fic Challenge

Standard Disclaimer Applies

Author's note: I hope I'm up to this; Seven crack!fic one-shots in as many days. For full details, please see Machete227's author page. To anyone else trying this as well, Lots of luck! Catch ya on the flipside, A J. On with the story …


Piandao saw to Hama's 'release' within a fortnight. He knew that the White Lotus Society would need her help in Ba Sing Se, especially after Iroh's imprisonment. With unflinching coaching, he drilled a cover identity into her stubborn head, and took off with his 'mother-in-law' on the Day of Black Sun to escort her to a family reunion. Their route was long and circuitous, but they eventually met up with his allies just before the arrival of Sozin's Comet.


Pakku and Jeong Jeong arrived just in time to watch Bumi's anticlimactic escape. As the dust settled, Iroh rode up behind them on his old ostrichhorse. Shaking his head, he watched as the old coot smashed the final trebuchet emplacement off the outer wall, and earthsurfed down to meet them.

"Showoff," the Dragon of the West chuckled, as Bumi took his hat out of a back pocket, popped it back into shape, and donned it.

"And why shouldn't I be?" Bumi replied. "It's my city."

"Shall we?" Jeong Jeong said. He gestured to the road leading to Ba Sing Se the Firenation had obligingly repaved for them. They set off, and a mile down the road, Bumi started humming to himself. Soon, the others had joined in, though only the Omashuan knew the original tune. Three days later, they were all ready to strangle him. It was the ONLY song he apparently knew. Aang had taught it to him as a kid. The young airbender had called it 'The song that never ends.' Bumi wondered if Aang still sang it sometimes.


The kids caught up with them just outside the Serpent's Pass, and knowing of Katara's role in Hama's recent re-arrest, Piandao wisely had her hide in his tent. The heartfelt reunion of Iroh and Zuko got to them all, even stony Pakku, who softened visibly, and proceeded to tell Sokka and Katara about his visit to see their Gran-gran. With their advice, the younger generation left to deal with Ozai and Azula, leaving the White Lotus elders to deal with the occupied Earthkindom city.

They were just enjoying the view of the outer wall while Iroh and Jeong Jeong got acclimated to the power-increase from the Comet when more unexpected help arrived. King Kuei came ambling up with his bear Bosco, waving merrily. He told them that Jun had sent him from their new favorite smoothie bar when she found out about the mission.

Piandao and Iroh conferred on where the King could help best, while Bumi approached him from the off side of the bear.

"So, what's a smoothie?"

"Oh, it's a wonderful drink, invented by a juice vendor in the small town of Eyu Chengzhen! It's fruit, juice, ice, and yogurt, all mixed together. I'll have to find a way to bring it to the city once she's free again." Bumi puckered his lips for a minute, then smiled.

"I know that town; southern edge of the swamp country, right?" Kuei nodded. "Have to stop there on my way home. How's about it, Hama? Care to go for a drink after all the excitement's over?" He waggled his eyebrows at her suggestively.

"You'll have to take up any later travel plans with my son-in-law," she growled, glaring at Piandao. She gave a sigh. "It does sound lovely, though."

"It's a date!" Bumi cackled, and strutted off to his target entrance to the city, humming his favorite song again.


They acquitted themselves as only the superbly trained can, with style. Ba Sing Se was free within the night of the Comet's passing, and Iroh, Jeong Jeong, and Piandao saw to the surrendering Firenation troops' dispersement. At some point during the battle, Hama had ended up working alongside Pakku, and had told him afterwards it was 'just like old times down south', and the two had ended up talking about his new wife Kanna. Bumi and Kuei had basically taken opposite sides of the city, and inspired by Toph, had basically quaked to the center of town, trapping troops and toppling tanks as they went. Now, the four non-firebenders met in King Kuei's audience chamber, resting and watching Bosco eat a while cartful of cabbages an anonymous vendor had lost in the confusion of the night.

"So … how about that drink?" Bumi asked Hama, waggling his eyebrows. He'd lost his hat at some point during the fighting, some enemy bender had singed his beard to just under his collarbone, and she could see the amazing figure he still maintained at the ripe old age of a hundred and thirteen under the remaining half of his ornate robes. Glancing around, and not seeing her otherwise over-attentive jailor Piandao, she grinned back, blushing and patting her hair back into place.

"Why certainly, your majesty!" she answered. Standing, the two made obeisance to Kuei, and waved farewell to Pakku. "Tell Kanna I said hi!" Hama said, as she and Bumi beat a hasty and surreptitious retreat from Ba Sing Se on a quest for smoothies, arm in arm.


Author's note two: Stay tuned for the immediate sequel tomorrow, and find out how Piandao takes the news. (Is it just me, or am I having WAY too much fun with these things?) ;D Don't get caught in the landslide, A J.