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Disclaimer: Assassin's Creed and all of its characters are property of UbiSoft. I do not profit from it, apart from getting entertainment from doing my fanfiction and improving on my language and writing skills. Also, all events and characters are purely fictitious and any similarities to people or events in real life are purely coincidental.

Fandom: Assassin's Creed, Assassin's Creed 2

Author: Heian Edenwood
Co-Author: Smilebot

Beta-Reader: -

Listening to: -

(Crack) Pairings: EzioxLeonardo, AltairxMalik

Warnings: Extreme sap, extreme OOC Altair

Author's Note: So bot and I were joking about sap and these 3 pieces popped up. It was so horrendously sappy that we couldn't get past the third. D:

Summary: Oh shiz.

1. Barf Percentage: 30%

Malik lay on the ground, panting lightly as he basked in the afterglow of his orgasm. Peering up shyly through his lashes, he gazed in wonderment at the man before him.

"Altair," he breathed, "my heart is yours."

"As is mine."

2. Barf Percentage: 40%

Ezio sighed in adoration. "Oh, my love, my heart beats for you like the fluttering of a hummingbird."

3. Barf Percentage: 2000%

Altair stared in awe at the man and the gift presented before him.

Grasping the mewling kitten into his hand Altair looked Malik with tears of joy in his eyes, "For me?"

Scuffing his foot abashedly on the ground, Malik replied, "Yes..."

Squealing like a rabid fangirl, Altair squealed some more and glomped the rafiq, "Oh! It is kawaii!^#%^#^^%DVSDVCCSCC"