I have never, don't and never will use heroin, so sorry if it's kinda vague. Anyway, I was going through a bit of a depressed period when I got the idea for this. I hope it's not too bad and that you enjoy it. I'm going to try to write more of this, but it might take a long time because of schoolwork and all that other shit. Anywho, enjoy!


"Uryu, we need to talk." The words were cold and sad, not the usual more loving tone Ichigo used when talking to his black-haired classmate. His chocolate eyes were slightly darker than usual, also lacking any sparkle. Uryu looked up at the tan, orange-haired teen, "What is it, Ichigo? Is something wrong?" He said with a worried expression. A moment of silence, the words that followed like peircing, cold knives made of ice.

"Uryu..." Ichigo began, turning his gaze to the ground on his right, "I'm done. I can't do this anymore. We're over." He said, a fake strength in his voice. The cinnamon-skinned student didn't want to see the look on the paler teen's face. He already knew what look had taken over the other's usually calm features. Shock, terror, sadness, all mixing with desperation as Uryu fell to his knees, grabbing Ichigo's hand.

"N-no... Y-you're kidding, right? This is all a joke... It's not actually happening..." Uryu said, his voice high with hysteria, his body shaking like a leaf in a hurricane. He looked up at the other teen, his saphire eyes wide and welling with tears, fear clear in the deep blue oceans of his irises. The orange-haired male pulled his hand out of the grasp of the two thin, pale hands holding it and he turned his back to the bespectacled student.

"I'm serious, Uryu."


"We're over." The words, sharper than any sword, stabbed through Uryu's chest, making his breath catch in his throat and the tears spill out of his eyes. His entire body was now still, he felt paralyzed. His saphire eyes forced to watch the other's back as he walked away, leaving the shattered teen alone. Uryu's body was numb except for the burning pain that spread from his chest throughout his limbs.

He shot up in bed, clutching his pale, bare chest. Silvery moonlight filtering in through the window, filling the room with just enough light to see the outline of the furniture. Sweat beaded on his face, down his neck, and on his chest, his midnight colored hair stuck to his skin from the moisture. His breathing was heavy and his chest burned with pain. Even after two and a half years, Uryu still had nightmares of that day, it's events playing over and over in his mind. Uryu's navy eyes shut tightly as he rested his elbows on his legs, his palms on his forehead with his long fingers in his dark hair. The pain was back again. He opened his eyes and looked at his arms, the small scars from needles visible on the smooth skin. For a moment, the memory of how the heroin had made him feel, and the accompanying urge to do it again coursed through his body. The black-haired man snapped his eyes shut again, shaking his head, trying to forget the urge. He was shaking again, not from fear, but instead, from anger. A glass that had been on the nightstand next to him shattered as he threw it at the opposite wall, his teeth clenched together. After a few moments of calming down, he felt droplets running down his cheeks. Though the same thing happened every night, crying still felt completely foreign to him. The black-haired man turned to the small table at his bedside, picking up his glasses and putting them on, then looking at the glowing red digital clock.

3:56 A.M... He thought with a sigh. He didn't have to get up until 8:30, then he'd get ready for work. He worked from 9 to about 7:30, depending on the day. His job was simple, he worked at a book store, mostly just stocking shelves and doing odd jobs around the shop. From there, he went to his second job. He only worked from 8 to 9 at an autoshop, doing some cleaning around the garage and helping with some of the mechanics.

Four hours... Uryu thought, If I try to sleep... I'll wake up like this again... His eyes shut and a few more salty tears were squeezed from his eyes. The light faded, clouds drifting in front of the moon, and he pushed his glasses up, folding the sheets back and getting out of the bed. When his bare feet felt the cool hard wood floors, it sent a chill up his legs and back, and he realized that it was indeed cold in his room. Being dressed in only boxers made the room feel even more like ice than it was, causing goosebumbs to raise on his pale skin. He walked over to his dresser, getting out flannel pants and a flannel shirt. As he put on the shirt, he looked over at the mirror and a flashback from his time with Ichigo played in his head.

"Hey, Uryu, you're cold." Ichigo chuckled as he watched the bespectacled teen snuggle closer, pulling the sheets up higher and trying to get as close to the warm tan skin of his boyfriend. The two teens were in just their boxers, under the sheets of Ichigo's bed on a cold December day. Uryu's saphire eyes met the chocolate ones of the orange haired student and he shivered. A chuckle rose in Ichigo's throat and he got out of the warm twin sized bed, walking over to the chest of drawers and pulling out a set of flannel pajamas. The cinnamon-skinned teen pulled on the pajama pants, then motioned for his classmate to come over to him. The black-haired male got up, shivering and walked over to his boyfriend, wrapping his thin, pale arms around the other's darker waist, trying to get warm. Ichigo draped the shirt over Uryu's back then had the other male put his arms in the sleeves of the shirt, then began to button the small clear fasteners of the shirt on his friend. The paler teen watched as Ichigo's tan fingers quickly fastened every button on the shirt, his navy eyes watching the other's hands and then shifting up to see his classmate's face drawing closer and closer to his own. Soon, their lips met and Ichigo instantly deepened the kiss, his arms snaking around the thinner male's waist, pulling him closer. As they drew apart, Uryu smiled softly and the brown eyed man said,"Any warmer?" The man with the midnight colored hair chuckled, saying, "Much better," with a smile. The two shared another kiss, which led to another, which brought them to the bed. They lay there, in eachother's arms, sharing kisses and tangling their legs together. And then, Ichigo looked into the dark eyes of his boyfriend and whispered...

Uryu shook his head, forming fists with his hands, one slamming down loudly on the hard wood of the dresser. His breathing was heavy and he was feeling the searing pain in his chest grow larger. A moment passed and he pulled on the pants, walking out to the living room and turning on the tv while passing to the kitchen for some food, taking note that the garbage was full and needed to be taken out.

Why now? Why do I have to remember all this now... It all just makes me want to... He opened the door to the main hallway and walked down to the dumpster with a bag of trash. As he threw the bag into the large metal container, he saw something on the ground. A syringe. The urge to pick it up and put it to use came over him like a tidal wave, crashing down around him. He managed to resist it though, he walked back to the apartment, feeling a small, cold, wet drop on his nose. Looking up, he saw a few white flakes falling from the sky.

Snow? It's November... He thought as he held out his hands to catch the flakes.

The next three and a half hours passed quickly, and then he got ready for work. When he looked out the window, he noticed that it hadn't just been a small snow shower, it had coated everything in a blanket of white. As he headed out of the house for work, he grabbed an umbrella. Walking to the bookstore at which he worked was a peacefull time for him, and when he got there, the owner had already made some hot coffee for the employees. The owner was a very nice woman, she actually cared about her employees and her shop. After getting some coffee, he walked into the back room, checking the new shipment of books and then stocking them on the shelves. It was busy today, by 10:15 they'd already had about 30 customers, which for a small locally own bookstore was indeed good. His lunch break quickly approached and he ate alone. Upon returning to the store, he was asked to man the check out and he did so. The rest of the day flew by, nothing very eventfull happening untill about 7:20, when out of the corner of his eye, Uryu saw a tan man with bright orange hair walk past the shop. Saphire eyes widened behind thin rectangular glasses at the sight of the man walking past the window.

No way... No, it's not him, it can't be... Uryu thought to himself, trying to stop the memories of Ichigo from coming back. The man vanished out of sight as he turned the corner and the pale man sighed in reliefe. But the thought that the one who had shattered his life was back was still in his mind, always pushing itself into his thoughts. The black-haired male left for the garage after locking up the shop. It had started snowing again, covering the filthy world with a pure white blanket. He trudged through the unplowed parkinglot of the autoshop, finally getting to the door and walking in. He found that all but a few of the mechanics had already left for home, fearing that the weather would effect their commute. Shedding his jacket and scarf, Uryu made his way over to a coworker who was working on the engine of a large silver truck.

"Hey, you need any help with that?" The bespectacle man asked as he rolled up the sleeves of his black shirt. The muscular man working on the truck looked up and nodded. The two got along well, they almost never argued and they worked well together. They finished making the needed repairs on the vehicle in about half an hour and when they closed the hood of the truck, the mechanic turned to his coworker, wiping his hands on a rag.

"Well, that's really the last thing that needed to be worked on today. I'm gonna get goin'. You should head home as well, before the weather gets too bad." The short brunette man said as he stode towards the door, grabbing his jacket and hat, and putting both on. Uryu nodded, pulling on his jacket and wrapping the long scarf around his neck. The workers said their goodbyes and went their seperate ways, Uryu walking home as the other man drove back to his family. It was a very cold night, the last friday in November and the snow was falling steadilly. As he walked back to his apartment, he recalled the many nights, nights just like this one, he'd spent out on the streets, too drugged up to care if he froze to death. He'd spent his worst nights out on the streets he now walked, nights where all he did was shoot heroin into his veins to counter the unbelieveable pain he suffered from. His gaze shifted from the snowy ground to what was infront of him. Underneath a street light stood a man, not recognizable from the current distance, but as he continued towards the mysterious man, his saphire eyes focused on the his bright orange hair, his tan skin, and the same chocolate eyes that Uryu knew to be Ichigo's. Eyes growing wider behind his silver glasses as he drew nearer the man standing in the yellowish light.

"...Hello... Uryu," the voice from his nightmares, the same voice from all the memories rang clearly through the silence of the snowy winter night, stopping the black-haired man dead in his tracks. He blinked, his navy eyes still wide and fixed on the familiar male standing before him.

"N-no..." He whispered, pausing for a moment, then choking out the name that had haunted him for so long.


Ichigo smiled the same smile from before and he walked over to the frozen midnight-haired male. Something inside Uryu snapped and he looked away, saying quietly, "Stop... Don't come any closer. J-just leave me alone." He quickly started walking, almost running from the other man. He didn't want to see him again. Though it was true that the feelings from their earlier years never left the thin, pale man's heart, he didn't want to see Ichigo ever again. Ichigo, however, followed him, chasing him back to the apartment.

"Hey, I want to talk to you." HIs former lover yelled out.

"Stop following me, Ichigo. I don't ever want to see you again." Uryu snapped back, he could feel dropletts on his cheeks, not from melting snow, but tears. His fists clenched as he reached the main door. The brown-eyed man yelled to him, "Uryu, stop, I just want to talk to you!" and he reached a tan hand out to grab the other's thin shoulder. In a moment, crying saphire eyes met the gaze of determined chocolate ones, and Uryu grabbed his own black hair.

"Just go away! Please! I don't want to see you again!" He yelled between muffled sobs and he fell to his knees, hiding his face with his arms, continuing, "Please... Just leave me alone..." There he sat, in the middle of the cold silence of a winter night, on his knees, crying, broken once again by the one who was supposed to complete him. Ichigo let his hand fall to his side, realizing that it was going to take a lot of work to get his former boyfriend to trust him again. He looked at the crying man and then drew closer to him, gently wrapping his arms around the other male and lifting him up off the cold, hard ground.

"Let's get you inside... You'll catch a cold if you stay out here..." The tan man said softly, his voice warm and caring as he carried the man with the gem-like eyes to the apartment, getting him safely inside the warm house, closing the door after and making his way to the bedroom. He layed down with the broken man, comforting him, trying to silence his tears and lull him to sleep.

I'll have to tell him tomorrow... But for now, it's best to let him sleep... Ichigo thought as he gently kissed the pale forehead of the sleeping male, then got up and changed the other into his pajamas and climbed back under the covers with Uryu.

It'd been three days since the breakup and Uryu wasn't handling it well at all. He felt nothing but a burning pain in his chest, and he would do anything to make it stop. It was late that night, around maybe 11 and he was wandering the streets aimlessly, searching for something to ease his pain. That's when he first tried heroin. He wasn't sure at first, but he was so desperate to forget that he didn't care anymore and he took that needle, pushed it into his arm, and injected the drug into his blood. His saphire eyes widened then his lids slid halfway shut as the heroin coursed through his veins. His mind began to feel hazy and he let his head roll back slightly, his black hair falling back. His body went numb for a few moments and the pain was gone.

His eyes fluttered open as the gray light of a cloudy winter's morning filled the room. He felt warm, unusally warm. As he looked behind him, he saw a full head of bright orange hair that slightly hung down into the now closed chocolate brown eyes of his previous lover. For a short moment, Uryu felt like he had before his life was shattered in to a million pieces. He felt good, safe, normal, and then all the memories of the last two and a half years came flooding back. His saphire eyes widened and he jolted up, tearing away from the other man that lay in his bed. The pale skinned man sat on the edge of the small bed, elbows on his knees and palms over his eyes.

This isn't happening... He's not really here, he can't be... He thought, his mind racing. A quick glance to the side proved that it actually was happening, that Ichigo was actually there, in Uryu's bed. He muttered a swear and turned his gaze to the wood floor.

What do I do now? I'm so confused. I don't want him to be here, he'll just end up hurting me again. But at the same time, I don't want him to leave me right now... I like having him be here. Ugh, I'm so confused... The bespectacled man thought. He didn't know what to do. As he began to stand up, he felt fingers wrap around his wrist, holding him back. A whispered "Wait... Stay here for a second. I have to talk to you," came from the cinnamon-skinned man laying in the bed. Uryu turned his head slightly, his face was still hidden from his ex.

"What is there to talk about?" He said softly, sadly. The bed shifted and he felt Ichigo's body move closer to his own.

"There's a lot I want to talk to you about. First off, I feel I owe you an explaination... for what I did two and a half years ago." The orange-haired man began, "I know you probably don't want to hear about it, but I need to tell you. My father and sisters were starting to act a bit... different around me. I noticed it early and was trying to just ignore it, but then, one day, Yuzu and Karin asked me a question. Two days later my dad asked me the same question."

"What was it that they asked you?"

"They asked me, 'Are you gay?' At the time, I didn't know what to do. I didn't want them to see me any differently than they did, and I lied to them, telling them, 'No, I'm not gay.' I was scared. I didn't want to tell them. I was afraid of what they'd think of me." Ichigo explained in a hushed voice. As he listened to the reason for the life-shattering break up, Uryu only became enraged. His life had been torn apart because Ichigo didn't have the balls to tell his family he was gay. He spun around, eyes furious and fixed on Ichigo's.

"So you're telling me that my entire life was destroyed because you didn't have the guts to tell your family about your sexuality? Are you fuckin kidding me? Do you know what I've been through the last two and a half years?" Uryu yelled, his saphire eyes starting to well with tears of frustration. "My life has been a living hell and it's all because you were afraid your family wouldn't accept you for who you are? They're your family, they'll accept you no matter what!" Ichigo knew he had to do something to calm down the other male, but he didn't know what. He knew that words wouldn't help any, what else could he do?

"After you left, my life fell apart! I couldn't find anything that'd stop the pain, untill I started doing heroin! My grades plummeted after that and then my father kicked me out! I spent one and a half years in rehab, and I'm still reminded every day of my God damn stupidity! Nothing will ever erase what I've done, what you've made me do! There's no way to get rid of these damn scars!" He continued yelling as he held his arms out, the small scars showing lighter than the rest of his pale skin. Ichigo reached out, his strong hands grasping the thin man's upper arms and drawing him closer.

"Ichigo, because of you, my entire life went to h-" Uryu was cut off by the other man's soft lips that were now pressing against his own. He tried to pull away, but the effort was useless, Ichigo was stronger than he was. Tears streamed down the bespectacled man's cheeks, as the kiss continued his efforts to resist became less and less, by the end, he had given up. The two pulled away, and the saphire-eyed male looked into the chocolate brown eyes of the man before him.

"If you think you can just come back into my life and have me back, you're mistaken... If you want to be back in my life, you have to help me, never hurt me again. You need to help me rebuild the bonds that you made me break. And make sure that when I do die, there are reasons for people to miss me. I'm not saying that I trust you, I don't. I don't trust you at all. There's always going to be a hint of doubt because of what you put me through." Uryu said as he pulled away from the other man, finally able to break the other's grip on his arms. Icihgo smiled softly, and whispered, "Okay. I can live with that."

Hope you liked it, Chapter two will be posted as soon as possible, (even though that might mean late next month v.v,,) Thanks for reading!

~K-chan Nishikawa