Esa Chica

V: When You Fuck Up

Riku couldn't tear his eyes away from the bonfire, though why exactly Axel had started one was anyone's guess. It wasn't even dark out yet, the sun barely disappearing behind the trees. The redhead didn't seem to care though, and instead threw more sticks into the roaring fire. "I'm craving roasted marshmallows," Axel suddenly said, pulling a bag out from behind the log he was sitting on. They'd been perched on said logs for a long time, but for the life of him, Riku couldn't recall exactly what they'd talked about. It had been as usual with Axel, a lot of this, that and a shit ton of nonsense and fuckery. Riku raised an eyebrow, but still accepted the little skewer his friend handed him. When in the hell did the redhead get all this?

"Pregnant?" Riku joked as he stabbed the fluffy white cylinder onto the pointed stick, then jabbing it into the fire. It took only a few seconds, and slowly the marshmallow began to turn a soft, golden brown, the perfect time for Riku to pull it out. Axel kept his in much longer, and the silver haired man looked over to find it was because his friend was staring at him.

"Don't even joke about that," Axel said seriously, before breaking out into a huge grin as he pulled the charred marshmallow out of the fire. Riku waited, wondering if the redhead would eat it and when he did, the man gagged.

"Ew, you're so fucking disgusting!" Riku poked at his cooling marshmallow trying not to look at Axel. He knew his friend too well, and if he were to look up...The man cast a quick glance at his friend to find him staring back, his mouth open and filled with a mixture of white and black goop. "Stop it!" The man shouted, shutting his eyes and ripping his roasted sugar pillow off the skewer. Riku shoved the marshmallow in his mouth, chewing it up quickly and opening his mouth for Axel to see. When Riku opened his eyes, he saw Axel just watching like it was nothing, mouth still hanging open.

Axel choked on his laughter and marshmallow not being able to keep staring into his friend's face, both of them waiting for the other to finally swallow their food. Riku grinned, some sort of pride for beating his friend in their twisted game making him feel good about himself. He swallowed his marshmallow before laughing. "You guys are really killing braincells over here, huh?" The voice came from behind and Riku turned, spotting Roxas, the blonde smirking at him before moving over to stand by Axel's side. The redhead stood up quickly, stretching before jabbing another marshmallow into the fire. Riku didn't even see when he'd prepared himself another one.

"We're just roasting some marshmallows, want one love?" Axel pulled the burning sugar out of the fire and blew on it before offering the thing to the blonde. Roxas looked down at it, as if the thing was poisoned. He surprised the other man by biting it right off the skewer, all while watching Axel with hungry eyes. Riku turned away from the two, because he already knew where this was going.

He looked out across the lake, wondering when Sora would be coming over. They were supposed to go out for their third date, and Riku thought it would be funny to humor Sora's idea about the cliché dates. Yes, meaning they'd go see a movie. In all honesty, he had expected her to come with her cousin, but that obviously didn't happen.

He glanced at his wrist watch, wondering if the brunette girl was late and found that she was, by a full 20 minutes. Even if the couple behind him were too quiet for his liking, he turned anyway, because he wanted to ask Roxas where Sora was. He wasn't afraid that she wasn't going to come, he just wanted to make sure she was alright. Yeah, that was it. "Was Sora heading over here?" He asked the question before actually seeing Roxas and Axel. It was too late when he noticed the blonde's mouth was busy gluing itself to Axel's using the melted marshmallow as their paste.

After a few seconds, Roxas pulled away and licked off the last of the marshmallow, sending Riku an apologetic look. "Oh, uh, yeah, she was just getting ready," The blonde shrugged, wiping the corners of his mouth with his sleeve before Axel tugged him away, wishing Riku the best of luck on his third date. With a wave, the couple was gone, the cabin door slamming loudly.

And then there was one, Riku thought as he stared up towards the sky, not really sure what he was looking for. The sun had gone down a little more now, but at least the fire lit up enough space around him. The one thing Riku didn't like about being alone in complete silence, was the fact that he'd think too much. His mind couldn't ever shut up it seemed, constantly running over things and over looking everything. The quiet of the lake wasn't helping either, it seemed everyone had either gone out to the town (probably to catch the movie) or decided to stay in for the evening. He couldn't really say it was strange for Sora to be this late, after all this was only the third date, so how should he even know? But something just felt off to him.

Figuring it was probably the fact that he'd been sitting in front of this bonfire for 2 hours with Axel, that had his body feeling strange, he pulled himself off the log and began the task of putting out the flames. It wasn't that hard, considering there was sand all over the place, but it was more work than he'd like. It didn't help that Axel never re-filled the sand bucket, so Riku always had to take care of that. Anything to kill the time though, right? He thought to himself, going out to fill the bucket again and throwing more sand on the already-doused fire.

As he worked at gathering sand in the bucket for the third time, deciding to leave it ready for the next bonfire, his mind wandered back home. He could picture his family in his head, all of them crowded in the living room watching TV. His mother would be the one with the remote, obviously, while everyone else sat around, chatting loudly to one another. It would be like he wasn't even gone, none of them even noticing.

He never joined them for their regular TV nights, mostly because all his brothers treated him like crap and he hated Mexican soap operas, which was all they'd watch. So, that could be the reason why no one would notice his lack of presence. That and the fact that Riku was at least 80% sure they hated his guts. It wasn't his fault he thought those shows were all much too repetitive. He'd admit to watching a Colombian drama, but that was about tits and money, and it had a pretty good plot.

Still, Riku would watch this over at Axel's, of course, because at home he'd never even see the television. He was glad not to be home, because even if it felt strange to not care about your family, that's just how he felt. For a more pleasant thought, he remembered the times he went over to Axel's for some family television. Thinking back, the silver haired man had no idea how he even followed the story with Axel there, chirping in his ear the entire time, asking him to translate or just doing it himself.

Oh boy, was that ever entertaining. Axel's impression of a girl is awful, the redhead could never pass off as a female and that thought had Riku laughing, until the image of Sora popped up in his mind and he stopped. Quickly, the voices of his brothers all came flooding in, making snide comments on Sora's good impressions. God, how he really disliked those men, all of them. It made him angry how they all thought they could run his life, just because they're older. Riku didn't have a father, nor did he ever need one.

The man groaned, thinking of his family always put him in a bad mood. He looked towards the lake, waiting to see the image of Sora zooming across the dark waters, but everything was still. Tossing the filled bucket by the fire pit, he began pacing.

Oh yeah, it had gotten a little darker out, meaning Sora was even later now. If only he could see her naked or something, then all these crazy thoughts would end. He really wanted her to be a girl, because he really freaking liked her. Yeah, if she wasn't female he wouldn't hurt her or anything, he wasn't that type of guy but it would really break his heart and send him into some serious porn watching binges. He'd have to cleanse himself for kissing a dude and finding another man that ridiculously attractive.

Riku stopped telling time in hours but instead by how late Sora was. Glancing down at his watch for the fifth time in what felt like an hour, he saw Sora was now 45 minutes late. The t-shirt he'd decided to wear was doing nothing to keep him warm, so with a sigh he made his way towards the cabin to grab himself a sweater, heck, he had enough time. If Sora showed up while he was inside, he figured she could definitely wait. As he was climbing the steps, it occurred to him how dangerous it was to walk in when Axel and Roxas were alone in the cabin, but a light breeze blew by, caressing his arms with it's chilling touch and he realized he was actually getting too cold to care.

He took a deep breath before making his way in, spotting the living room and kitchen completely empty (Thank God) and with silent foot steps he walked towards the hallway. There was a strange clanking sound, that made the man stop, straining to hear what it was. It sounded like metal scraping against metal. Not what he expected, and even weirder still was that it wasn't coming from Axel's room. The silver haired man walked up to the redhead's door and leaned his head against it, listening for sounds but none came. Fear coiled in the pit of his stomach when he turned towards his door, and heard the sounds much clearer there.

Riku would never know why he opened the door so silently, and he'd never know why he stayed so quiet either. If asked about this situation later on in life, he'd deny it. In fact, he'd definitely take this whole memory with him to the grave.

There on his bed, was Roxas on his knees, ass up in the air and wrists handcuffed to the bedpost. The blonde's hair was sticking to his flushed face with sweat, his mouth simply hanging open as he panted deeply, every now and then moaning as Axel thrust into him harder. Riku's mouth went dry, and he was yelling at himself (mentally, of course), telling his legs to turn and get him the hell out of there but he couldn't move. He was rooted to the ground, his eyes drinking in the sight.

It was when the front of his shorts began to tent that he felt horrified and realized he really needed to get out of the cabin, that very instant, but still he fucking couldn't. Axel's hand slid underneath Roxas and Riku felt like a perverted freak as he watched his friend grab hold of the blonde's erection. Riku's gaze made contact with Roxas', the tiny man finally opening his eyes and they both let out a startled shout.

That was what unstuck Riku and he ran, completely forgetting about his sweater and the entire reason for even wanting one. He ran straight outside, and across the front of the cabin, right past the marshmallow bag and sand bucket, not stopping until he was knee deep in the lake and his shoes filled with water and sand. His eyes were wide but he wasn't seeing anything in front of him, his ears filled with nothing but the sounds of his own frantic breathing. All that was playing back in his head was Axel and Roxas fucking each other on his bed. It had scarred him so deeply, he didn't care about using the word 'fuck' to describe it either.

He noticed he was shaking when he looked down at himself, his hands trembling as he placed them over the bulge forming at the front of his shorts. What in God's name was wrong with him? This was not how he should be reacting. In fact, he shouldn't give a crap...but if he shouldn't care, then why was his heart pounding and his dick hard?

He couldn't find anything, anything at all to explain what was going on with his body. He also wasn't about to lie to himself either and try to blame it on the fact that Roxas looks a lot like a girl while being rammed from behind. Fuck, fuck, fuck. He needed to stop thinking about the whole thing, he needed to erase it from his memory and then it would all be over and done with. The blonde would probably never bring it up, and he'd never say anything either.

Sadly, this would do him no good, because at the end of the night, he knew he'd still remember getting hard thanks to watching two guys go at it. He just didn't understand why? Why God, why? The thought that made his stomach twist with nausea was one that involved his brothers. He could only imagine what would happen if they'd ever know about this...but they wouldn't, unless they'd acquired some sort of psychic abilities while he was gone.

His heart was still pounding in his chest as he stepped further into the water, and it scared him that not even the freezing lake calmed him down. He walked further out, until he was up to his waist, cold tremors running through his body, his teeth chattering every now and then. When he thought how nice it would be to have a sweater, he remembered that if he could have gotten his sweater, he probably wouldn't be standing in the cold lake. He could feel the skin on his legs prickling, the sensation of pins and needles would eventually drive him crazy, he hated it but at least he wasn't pitching a tent anymore.

Why didn't he leave right away, as soon as he saw Roxas naked? Why did he just stand there watching, for fuck sakes?

The sounds of a Ski doo cut off his thoughts and he looked up from the water in front of him, spotting Sora finally making her way over. If only she would have been on time, then none of this would ever have happened. The girl stopped right away, catching sight of Riku standing in the water, staring out at nothing. The water swished around her as she jumped off the back of her ski and made her way over. "Riku? Are you alright?" Her hair was held away from her face by a thin, black head band leaving nothing in the way of her piercing stare.

"Huh? Oh...yeah, I'm fine," The silver haired man shook his head, turning before making his way back to the shore. Sora followed after him silently, though he knew she was probably wondering why he'd been standing in the water. Still, she didn't ask anything, instead pulling the ski doo along behind her. "You're rather late," Riku blurted out, with nothing better to say and scrambling for anything to help him forget what had happened a few minutes ago.

"Yeah, I'm really sorry about that," Sora stood in front of him, and this was when the man finally realized she wasn't in a t-shirt and board shorts. Instead, she was wearing a loose, cut-off shirt, her tiny belly button (the piercing there made him feel a strange comfort for some reason, maybe because he know men just did not get those) and flat, tanned stomach exposed and again, those tiny jean shorts. If she would have been anyone else, Riku would have been furious but for some reason, he didn't care. He was just glad she had shown up (and dressed like that!), because even if he wouldn't admit it, he had been worried she was going to ditch him.

"It's cool...so, ready to watch that movie?" Riku grinned widely at the girl when her eyes went round, before she began to laugh.

"Oh yeah, third corny date, here we come!" The girl cheered enthusiastically as they began to walk, Riku chuckling quietly to himself. His feet felt strange, the water swishing around in his shoes and his shorts were stuck to him and dripping wet, but it was okay. They'd dry eventually, right? Even if they didn't, he was sure Sora would take his mind off it. For some reason, tonight, she looked better than ever before

The movie was awful, from the first seconds, so Riku instinctively turned to face Sora, only to find the girl already looking at him, a playful smile on her lips. "The movie isn't even past the beginning credits and you want to make-out?" Riku whispered quietly, and watched the girl bite her lip, stifling a few giggles as she nodded her head and leaned forward. The anticipation buzzed in his veins as he closed the cap between them, pulling her face closer right away, wanting to get right to the good stuff. Sora complied easily, opening her mouth and letting Riku taste her sweet tongue. The man was in heaven, really, nothing could have been better than this...except maybe actually having sex with the girl, but that was for later. Right now, this was good enough.

Sora threw her arms around Riku, tangling her fingers in his hair and giving it a light tug, pulling their faces apart for a few seconds. "You've been eager, huh?" His reply was simply attacking her lips again, kissing the breath right from her lungs. The man's hand wandered, landing on the girl's smooth thigh but she didn't move, instead, she let Riku run his hand along the soft skin, savoring every inch. Much too soon his fingers met denim, but he moved over it quickly, resting his palm against her waist. It was when Sora pulled his face even closer, her tongue pushing against his with more force that he realized she'd slowly dominated their kiss. For the first time in his life, Riku was being kissed, instead of the other way around. Sora's hands moved from his hair and down his chest, the man staying still, enjoying the girl's touches. It surprised him how sexy he found this, because he'd always figured he liked being the leader in all his fooling around, but this was a nice change.

Maybe 'cause you're such a girl, the voice of his brothers came back sharply, and it made him want to scream. Even when he was kissing Sora this shit would be happening? He wasn't sure how much more he'd be able to take, before he'd snap and simply ask Sora her gender. That was not something Riku wanted to happen, in fact, he wanted to avoid it at all costs. Axel could have been right all those years in high school, calling him an 'abnormal paranoid freak'. To think, it all started when Axel saw that stupid Invader Zim magnet in Riku's locker and had laughed for half the freaking day about how fitting it was. But Axel was stupid, right? He didn't even know the meaning of paranoid...

He was brought back to reality when Sora stopped kissing him, pulling away to stare at his face through the dark. The movie screen had gone dark too with a scene, so it was almost impossible to see the brunette's face. "Are you okay Riku? You seem a little off tonight," There was worry lacing the girl's tone and the silver haired man didn't know what to reply. The feeling of Sora moving further away made his stomach clench. What if he was wrong, and she was a girl then he'd ruin everything because of this stupid worry and probably regret it for the rest of his life.

But what if you're right? What then? The voice didn't belong to any of his brothers. Instead, it was his own voice and right away he answered himself. He'd simply tell her it wouldn't work out, she's a great...uh...person and all but he likes girls. He's always liked girls. It just made him sad to think if he was right, this would all end. Sora really was quite amazing, and if she did turn out to be a guy...Riku stopped the thought right there. Once was alright, twice was a slip up, but almost admitting finding a guy attractive three times was inexcusable. He felt sick when he realized that no matter how many times he told himself it was wrong, he still knew, deep down, that he thought Sora was fucking sexy as hell. He'd never admit this. Never.

All these thoughts were messing with his head too much. He felt off, and he blamed it all on being mentally scarred from seeing his best friend have sex. He knew it was a horrible lie,(that didn't scar him, you don't get boners from scarring experiences) but Sora didn't. "Yeah, it's just I walked in on Axel and Roxas and I don't want it to be awkward, I've just been thinking about it 'cause I hate those kinds of situations." As soon as the words left his mouth, he knew they were all lies. Or well, it wasn't the entire reason but he comforted himself with the thought that it was at least half the reason. At least 50% of what he told her, was the truth. He did hate awkward moments.

Sora sent him a sympathetic look and he felt bad for lying to her, but no matter how bad he felt, he'd never confess about his real reason for being so out of it. If only he hadn't gotten a hard on, he could have simply denied everything. He could have deluded himself into thinking that once he actually knew for sure that Sora was a guy, he'd stopping finding the girl so damn attractive.

But he did get the hard on, and what could he even blame that on? He hadn't been thinking about anything, no, he'd been quite focused on what was happening on his bed. God, what was fucking happening to him? First the thought that if Sora were a dude, she'd still be hot and now that stiffy? He didn't want to believe that gayness was contagious, but maybe he'd be willing to convince himself that it was. He had been spending a lot of time with Axel...

No, trying to even make himself believe something so stupid was ludicrous. He'd rather be gay than that ignorant. He'd been friends with Axel for a really long time, and never had anything like this happened. If anything was wrong with the man, it was his own fault but someone just doesn't turn gay over night, of that he was certain. The man's entire life he'd been straight, and very damn straight at that, so that being said...let the question be asked once again. What the hell was going on with him?

He blinked, realizing Sora was still staring at him curiously. "You wanna go rest at my place 'til Roxas comes back?" She whispered quietly, but Riku quickly shook his head. He needed to stop being an idiot, if Sora was a guy, she would have told him before all this right? It would be completely pointless to go on three dates with someone if you know it wouldn't work out. At least, that's the way Riku thought, and he hoped everyone else did too.

"No, no...Sorry...let's continue," He leaned towards the girl again but she shook her head, stopping him with two soft finger tips against his lips.

"The moods gone...let's just watch the movie," Sora turned silently and Riku suddenly felt the shifting in the atmosphere. Something was wrong, something was definitely wrong and he realized that maybe he wasn't the only one thinking about stuff. He just wished he knew what had been going through Sora's mind.

The thought that something wasn't right, was only set in stone when they left the theater and Sora began to walk at a brisk pace. Riku remained silent, mostly waiting to see if she'd say anything, but the brunette seemed intent on staying quiet all the way back to the cabin. He had fallen behind, and decided to slow down on purpose. He wanted to drink in the sight of that ass while he still wasn't 100% sure what Sora was. He could always look back and blame it all on not knowing, but he prayed harder each time the thought popped up that that wasn't the case.

The man grabbed the girl's arm, stopping her in the middle of the path that would lead them out of the town and into the camp grounds. He couldn't just let her leave angry at him. Even if she was a dude, she was still a pretty chill person. After all, she liked Chuck Norris. But god damn it, she wasn't a man. Sora was a girl. Riku was attracted to her because of she was a girl. He knew a girl when he saw one, after all. "What's wrong?" Riku could see a deep sadness swirling around behind Sora's eyes and she looked down towards the ground. It hurt him to see her look like that.

"I don't think we should go on anymore dates," The silver haired man almost couldn't believe it when he heard thunder rolling in the distance, that shit just didn't happen in real life. He blinked a few times, not really understanding exactly what brought all this on. Everything had been fine, up until they stopped making out. It was in that moment that something felt different between the two, and the man didn't like it. He could feel the way Sora was putting distance, her face all serious lines and no smile graced her lips. It made him feel so crushed, and he really didn't like the thought that he'd possibly fallen quite hard for her in such a short amount of time.

"What? Why?" Riku furrowed his eyebrows together and Sora just shook her head.

"We...we wouldn't work out in the end, you know? I live too far, you wanna be a pilot," Nothing the girl was saying was making sense, and Riku sent her a look telling her all that. She ripped her eyes away quickly, almost looking like she couldn't stand the sight of him. What the fuck happened? Riku was so confused, and it was making him so angry. He quickly wondered if maybe she could read thoughts, and had been offended by everything he spent half their date thinking about. He almost felt scared until he reminded himself that normal people weren't psychic.

"You aren't making any sense," He told her, crossing his arms in front of his chest and this only seemed to exasperate the girl. She let out a heavy sigh, pulling the head band out before biting her bottom lip.

"I just realized what I want, and that isn't a relationship...I'm sorry."

"You couldn't have told me that two dates ago, instead of stringing me along this whole time?" Riku knew he was being nasty, but he couldn't help himself. He felt a little like an idiot, when he thought of how ahead of himself he'd gotten. Thinking of giving her his cellphone number and imagining seeing her in the winter. The girl didn't even wanted a relationship...he should have known, really. Sora was too good for him. He was an idiot and didn't deserve her anyway. Instead of enjoying her company, he spent it worry about her gender. God, the more he thought about it, the stupider it made him feel. All this only made him even angrier and he felt like he'd reach his boiling point too soon.

"Look, I just realized it okay...I'm sorry." The girl didn't say anything else, she turned on her heel and took off running down the path but Riku didn't go after her. She didn't want him to.

He was still confused to be honest. It didn't make sense to him, how they could be making out one second and then Sora deciding she doesn't want a relationship the next. He couldn't fight off the feeling that maybe he'd fucked up somehow, but unless Sora really did read his mind, he couldn't see how. Whatever, it was only three dates and she hadn't even given him a hand job or anything. He could find a girl back home, it wasn't the end of the world. He could find himself a nice busty chick, one with an ass ten times better than Sora's, and this time he'd know he was courting a girl for sure.

But if he could do all that, how come he felt so damn miserable?


A/N: Wow...For some reason I thought this story had so much more chapters. Dear goodness, I had really lost all hope for this at one point.
Then I tried but it just didn't feel right. I had half a chapter sort of written, but I didn't really like that thinking back, so now I'm kind of glad it got erased when my computer crashed.
I like this one much more, and it brings you all to the climax(sorta)
This isn't gonna be a 40 chaptered fic, that's for sure n_n'

Thank you all for reading, I love everyone ' 3 '

-Sharmander