No Clue part 3
sequel to Lost then Found
Authors: Lady Sirona
Transcribed: by Lady Raven .net
Spoilers: Up to Becoming and Lost then Found
Rated NC17 but mostly anger, angst and verbal violence. Daddy's little girl isn't a baby anymore and Hank has to deal with that and the man she loves!
Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer do not belong to me. They are the property of Joss Whedon and the WB. I am using them purely for my own and everyone else's amusement. This is my own smut world where AIDS doesn't exist; If you do this at home use precautions!
Angel immediately went to her and sat next to her and tried to hug her, asking "What's wrong, baby?" Willow was livid and shaking her head hard, while Giles was stuttering and mad. "What's going on?"
Buffy was so angry she couldn't even speak. Her face was flushed and her hands were clenched in tight fists. Angel looked at Giles with a question in his eyes, but he too was beyond speech. Finally Buffy got it out. "Xander… Xander lied to me" She spit the words in an angry fury, and it was obvious she was so angry she couldn't continue.
Angel had seen Buffy angry at Xander before but never like this. "Who, Xander? About what? Xander lied to you Buffy? What did he lie about?"
Willow was in tears… "Buffy I'm so sorry. I never would have sent him… if I knew he was gonna… lie to you."
Oz was the only one who seemed calm enough to speak. Even he was angry on Willow's behalf. "That morning, when Buffy went to stop Acathla and to fight… Angelus...when Willow was in the hospital..." Angel looked at Oz and nodded. "She told Xander she was going to recurse you, and she sent him to tell Buffy to hold off until she knew if it worked..."
Hank sat down listening to the conversation. He was finally feeling that he was finally getting to be involved in the slayer things with Buffy. This was a major thing, and for once he wasn't being left out. Oz continued, "But he didn't tell her what Will was doing. He didn't tell her Willow was recursing you…"
"Oh god..." Angels mind ran over the options, had Buffy thought there was a way to save him, and what it would have really meant for her... "GOOD! I am glad he didn't tell her that Willow would try again. Had he did it, it could have ruined her fighting ability!"
Buffy was outraged at that thought. "WHAT?"
"Buffy, you would have died in the sword fight with Angelus if you had held back one little bit. He was done playing games, and he opening the gates of Hell. The games were over. He was going to kill you and bring you across." Angel was ashamed to have known precisely the horrible things Angelus had in mind for the diminutive Slayer.
"That isn't why Xander didn't tell me - and I would have fought my hardest anyway." She tried to get him and herself to understand. It was the betrayal.
"Buffy, if you had done any of the half-assed fighting you had done previously, you would have died." Angel tried to hold her but she was too angry and shrugged out of his embrace. Angel continued. "He was counting on you to not want to kill him, so he could kill you! I love you too much and know you too well. You would have held back. You would have died when he had you up against the wall and had disarmed you."
Slowly she turned her face to him, with a dangerous expression. In a slow voice she asked, "What did you just say?" Raw anger flowed off her. Gone was the teenage girl. There was The Slayer.
"I love you too much, and know you too well. You would have held back." Angel was well aware it was the Slayer he dealt with now. Angel drifted off wondering * what did I do? * He needed to make her realize… "Buffy, Angelus wasn't playing games anymore he fully intended to kill you." Angel finished, confused and lost looking back and forth between Buffy and Giles.
Giles tried to slow the Slayer from doing something stupid "Now Buffy, I'm sure he didn't mean that... it just slipped out in the passion of the moment." She looked at Giles with a look of raw anger.
"Not what I heard." Buffy was cold and calculating. For the first time in their relationship Angel felt a deep fear creeping in his veins. "Angelus wanted to kill me ever since I knocked his block off, after I blew up the Judge... and since when did I ever fight half-assed?" Her voice raised a slight notch with every word.
"Well, you didn't kill him when you had him in the mall... In the grave yard..." Angel began to list slowly. He thought back and realized he just told the Slayer she was a half assed fighter. Oh Shit.
"Didn't kill him - but I hurt him damn good!" She laughed sourly at that. She had hurt him… but not as much as he had hurt her.
"Buffy, you had him cold in the Mall, stake in the hand. You should have killed him...you could have killed him cold… all you did was kick him in the balls." Angel winced at the memory of that, and crossed his legs with the memory of it. It still hurt at time to think of the pain that blow had inflicted. Every guy in the room flinched and crossed their legs at the thought of a ball shot out of a slayer...
"You're about to get another dose..." She growled at him. Call her fighting half assed.
Angel winced at the memory and the threat. "Buffy, please, I was in Angelus' head; I know what he was thinking." His skin crawled with what Angelus was thinking…
"All right - if you knew what he was thinking, why didn't he kill me all the times when he had the chance?" Anger flowed off her in waves.
"Fascination with you initially and because he liked to play with you. It was stimulating to bait and tease the Slayer and walk away from it. No vampire on record could claim to bait the slayer, and live like he was doing. Maybe his opinion flavored the memory... but you were capable of killing him for such a long time... you just couldn't do it because you loved me. He was going to use that against you in the end..."
Buffy started to crumble, and said, "I couldn't do it... every time I looked at him it ripped
my heart out..." Angel pulled her to him and held her as she cried. He knew she loved him. That must have hurt her more than anything.
Angel held her tightly and told her, "I know, baby. But what was worse, Angelus knew it too. He used it to his advantage. That final battle, he was going to use it to kill you and turn you. If you hadn't been prepared to kill him, you would have died and the world would now be in Hell."
Buffy looked off to the side out the window. "I would have let him." She finally admitted to herself. It pained her to know he would have won.
"I know, and dammit, so did Xander. He had Angelus' number from day one. I am thankful to the Gods that he lied to you." He held her gently as he stroked her hair. Gone was the angry Slayer, now only the heart broken girl remained.
"I thought it was because he was jealous of you." She murmured into his chest.
Angel conceded her point. "There may be a part of that, but more, I feel he was afraid you would falter if you thought there was any chance. That is the main reason I feel Xander lied to you." Her heart break for him was sad to see, and broke his heart. He couldn't believe his gift of her love.
"But, I could have… done…..something. Maybe kept him away from Acathala… or thought of another way… to close the vortex." She was flailing in her need to think there had been away to save her lover.
Angel knew there had been other rare and impossible hard to do options….but no one needed to know that they existed, especially here, now. "No, I do not see that there was any other way, except what was done. I had two hundred plus years to replay that scene in my mind Buffy, and trust me, in all the possible scenarios, the best one was what happened - believe me." He hated to lie to her, but he knew he lied to save her mind and her sanity.
"But what I did to you," she touched his chest where the sword went through him. "I hurt you so much..." Tears filled her eyes and leaked down her face.
"It had to be done Buffy. You had no choice. The world is more important that one 245 year old vampire. My punishment was only of my own design. Angelus pulled the sword opening the vortex. You had to close it using the blood of the body that opened the vortex. You had no choice. I know that." He held her close grateful she had found the power to stop Angelus. Thankful she hadn't allow Angelus to draw the world into Hell
Buffy slowly crumpled in his arms, saying, "Didn't want to-"
"-let you go." Angel finished. "I know baby. I know you didn't want to, you just had to. You sent me to Hell, but I came back. I will always come back as long as I am able to… I will never voluntary leave you. I learned the lesson of saying never. I heard you in hell when you said I told you I would never leave... I am here for as long as you want me."."
"Don't leave me again…" Buffy quoted softly, "Forever - that's the whole point..."
Angel held her. She remembered the dreams…"Baby, as long as I live and as long I have control of my life, I will be where you want me. If that is forever, then it is forever."
"It really was you in that dream…" She looked up at him surprised. The dreams had saved her life. Saved her from letting the next slayer be called and take over.
"I tried to reach you several times in dreams... once in a cemetery about Jenny,"
Buffy's eyes opened wide, "Once we watched the sunset on the beach, sometimes your own guilt would override the dream like the one at the Bronze. I tried to ease your guilt, but you would have none of it." Buffy looked stunned as he said, "I came to you in a lot of dreams, Buffy... not that I want to discuss them *all* of them here," clearly implying he knew of her erotic ones of him also.
That registered, and Buffy looked at him slyly and added, "I know."
Angel whispered, "I love you. Baby, please, for all of us, let it go with Xander. He did what needed to be done, and for it I am thankful. He saved your life, when I couldn't protect you."
Buffy wrapped her arms around his neck. "For you." She wanted to rend Xander from limb to limb… but if Angel wanted him forgiven… then she would forgive him.
"Yes for me. Let it go." He sighed into her hair. Angel gave her a sly grin and told her, "I need to know the irritating little bastard is there protecting you when I can't."
The whole group chuckled at that description of Xander. Buffy told Angel, "If you can forgive me - then I can forgive him... What I did to you was much worse."
"There was nothing to forgive, but if you need it, I forgive you." Angel whispered into her hair
"But I don't know if I can forgive myself." She moaned as she leaned into his embrace.
Hank stared at the interchange, amazed at the maturity of Angel. To have been sent to hell, for over two hundred years, and to still forgive and love the one who sent you… my God.
"Then if you won't forgive yourself for you, will you forgive yourself for me?" He whispered huskily in her ear, "Will you do that for me?" His voice was low and husky. The passion in his voice was plain to all and making Hank plainly uncomfortable
Buffy said, "I don't think I'm the one who has to," and looked at Giles sadly.
Angel looked at Giles, confused and sad. "I have my own guilt here, both for Jenny and the torture Angelus put you through Giles. I am sorry…" he drifted off… at a loss at how to apologize to a man whose life he ruined.
"I know that it wasn't you." Giles said quietly. He avoided looking at his Slayer in the arms of the man whose body, while under a demon's control, killed Jenny.
"But it doesn't make it any easier, seeing me with Buffy now." Angel said softly. He knew he couldn't have been as tolerant to the man's whose body had killed Buffy. He didn't know how Giles did it
Giles admitted reluctantly, "No, it doesn't." Joyce walked up behind Giles and put her arm around him in mute quiet support. "But you love her. For her, I will accept it." Hank stared at Joyce, then Giles and back, he picked it up. His wife is involved with his daughters' Watcher!
"Thank you. It is more than I deserve."
Buffy said to Giles, "I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you, or her."
Xander came back in with containers that he carried to the kitchen and then came into the living room trying to stay away from everyone.
"I would have done the same thing had it been reversed." Giles admitted. If it had been Jenny who had been possessed and killed angel… he would have accepted her back. He knew this.
"I know." Buffy said softly.
"So where is this bastard Angelus now?" Hank wanted to know this bastard was dead. He wanted to know that he couldn't hurt his little girl anymore. He had obviously devastated this collection of Warriors of Light.
"Don't think you really want to know, Dad." Buffy said quietly. She didn't want to tell him about THAT.
"Yes, I want to know, if this bastard can come back and hurt you. I want to know." Hank insisted.
Buffy sighed. "I don't know if he can come back." She prayed with every fiber of her being he couldn't. Everyone in the room mirrored her heartfelt prayer.
Angel saw he had to comment. "I was recursed. When the curse worked, without the vengeance clause. Angelus is where is belongs, locked inside of me." Angel told Hank slowly. Hank turned and looked at Angel.
Hank stared in shock and building horror. "You still carry Angelus inside you?" The monster who tried to kill his baby girl, killed the Watcher's girlfriend and tried to destroy the world was locked in Angel?
"Yes, I do. He will be with me as long as I exist." Angel told Hank quietly and then whispered to Buffy, "He needed to know, baby." She held him tight and nodded her head in agreement.
Xander was trying to hide, but Cordy was bitching at him. Angel didn't catch the argument, and with the way they argue all the time, he could really care less…
"Xander..." Angel called the teen's attention to himself with a slight growl in his voice.
Xander looked like a deer caught in the headlights, and said, "Uh oh..." Angel looked mean and formidable. Hank was glad he wasn't the one on the vampire's shit list. "You owe me an apology."
Frantically Xander looked around. "I think I should be somewhere...else… that is not here."
As Xander started babbling, Angel added, "Come on I won't hurt you. Just tell me the truth... why did you lie to Buffy?"
Xander got mad and blurted out: "Because Angelus deserved to die for what he did to Miss Calendar, Buffy, Giles and Willow. If Buffy knew, she would have waited too long, and she'd be dead and we'd all be alone in Hell right now... and now I think I'm gonna book while it's still daylight." He started to get up and was stopped by Angel's next comment.
"I knew that was your reasoning... Thank you for doing it, Xander." Angel held her tight as he addressed the teen. "She would have died if you had told her... Angelus was counting on her not wanting to kill him, so he could kill and turn her."
Xander looked sadly at Buffy and said, "If I had known the spell would work..."
Buffy hated to, but she promised Angel. "It's me who should be apologizing to you...I'm sorry. You got pulled into something that could have gotten you - could have gotten you ALL - killed. The blame belongs at my feet..."
Angel hugged Buffy tighter as Willow said, "Buffy, we are all here because we chose to be here."
"He could have killed you Will. That would have destroyed me." Tears slid down her face with the horrible remembrance if Jenny's death.
Willow laughed. "Yeah, and we can get killed by getting hit by a bus too, or by a drive by shooting if that should ever happen here - or choking on my mothers' chicken salad." Buffy started to laugh a little as Willow continued, "We all can die, and will all die eventually of old age if nothing else - Angel excluded." The hacker nodded to the immortal.
Oz added a wry comment to the conversation, glad it was getting away from blame and guilt. "I'm putting my money on your mom's chicken salad. It's not that bad if you remember to pick out the bones first."
Angel shook his head. "Remind me never to eat this chicken salad stuff you're talking about - ugh."
Cordelia who had kept her mouth shut most of the conversations finally piped in. "So OK - are we like back to the normal level of weirdness now or what?" She looked around at the slayerettes and taking in Hank the new addition.
Angel snickered. "Normal level of weirdness I guess, you're grossing me out with the thought of bones in the food." Angel hid his face in Buffy's hair. He was too hungry to face the idea of bones….
Xander scoffed. "Like your liquid diet is appetizing to us?"
Angel laughed. "Hey I am stuck with my diet… sorry... plus, food was real food in the 1700's, god knows what you guys are eating."
Buffy slowly turned in his arms and pulled his head down so she could whisper in his ear, "What do I taste like...?" Finishing it with a little lick to his ear.
The question brought up thoughts and reactions he wasn't prepared to deal with. "Ahha ahahah ahaha-" The usually unflappable vampire was at a loss for words and his body's reaction was hard against her back
Buffy felt the response to her question pushing against her, before Angel said "I have been up too long in the daylight, I need to get into the dark. Nice meeting you Mr. Summers." He nodded quickly to the rest, and escaped up the stairs.
Buffy watched him go, and giggled, "I love it when he does that." Willow, Cordelia and Joyce started to chuckle while the guys were oblivious as to what happened. Buffy slowly walked to her dad, who looked down at her and smiled. "I know this is a lot. Can you handle this Dad?"
Hank smiled at her. "Yes, yes I can. I can see he loves you very much. I think his uniqueness will benefit you a lot." He stopped remembering Angels comment on Slayer life expectancy. "Promise me Buffy, you will always accept their help I know it is hard, you and I are much alike."
"Unique. That's a new one." Buffy laughed. "Well, sounds better than condition. Which sounds better than freak. I'll try Dad... We can talk about everything later, when we don't have an audience... maybe on my next visit?" She looked up at him with impish eyes.
Hank hugged her tightly and whispered in her ear, "When he gets his nerves up and proposes to you, I don't want to be the last to know OK?" before he let her go. He knew he would ad well as he knew she would say yes, as well as he knew the sun woukd irse n the morning.
Buffy said, in a voice only he could hear, "Well then, I'll let you be the first," smiling a
little. Hank smiled and nodded as he walked out to head for his home in LA. For the first time since he had found out about the Slayer stuff, he felt good.
Giles sighed. It had been a long and emotionally draining time. "I think I will be going, it has been a long day," starting to rise and collect his things.
The others nod as Willow came up to Buffy and told her, "I am glad he's back. I will like to really see you smile again, that was the other spell I did... but we didn't know if it worked... you know when I told you of the spells I did when you returned? I wanted to, you were so sad without him."
"Thanks to you, Will. So I have you to thank for giving him back to me." Buffy grabbed her in a tight hug. "Thank you - you will never know what it means to me."
Willow laughed. "Well, Oz and I are going on a real date so we'll see ya." They left leaving an uncomfortable Xander.
Xander walked up as Oz and Willow left. "I am sorry I lied to you Buffy, but I really felt I needed to."
"It's OK, but please, no more snide remarks, OK?" Buffy put her arms out and hugged him…
Xander looked insulted. "Me, without snide remarks?"
Buffy laughed a little, and said, "All right - but if he beats you half to death because of
another Dead Boy, I won't stop him!"
Xander laughed "OK. There is some blood in the fridge, better get it to him before your mom thinks its V8."
Buffy laughed at the vision of her mother running into the blood in the refrigerator. "No kidding."
Cordelia said, "A real date…sounds like a plan... come on dork boy." Xander took that chance to run off with Cordelia
Buffy smiled to herself as she mumbled "I think I've got a date myself..." anticipating finding Angel nude in her bed in her room.
Joyce looked at Buffy, seeing the look in her eye. "He looked worn out baby - don't kill him," as she walked away, leaving Buffy to stare after her mother in shock.
Buffy roused herself out of her shock and turned to Giles who was leaving. "Thank you..."
Giles was confused. "For what Buffy?"
She hung her head. She hated that she got her love back from Hell, yet Jenny was still dead. "For not hating me."
"I told you before Buffy, I do not hate you." Giles sighed. She could be the most exasperating pain in the ass… but he didn't hate her. "I love you Buffy. You're important to me."
Buffy decided to take the bull by the horns. "Well then, how about for loving me enough to accept him again...?" He looked out the window. She all ways asked for the hard stuff without even thinking. He took a deep sigh and then nodded. She decided in for an ounce... in for a pound. "Why don't you go find my mom?" She smiled knowingly when Giles looked up at her startled. "What - think I didn't notice?"
Giles tried miserably to look unaffected as he asked "Notice what?"
Buffy smiled at her Watcher. "I want you to be happy. You deserve it after what I did... and so does she."
Giles looked at her, anger flashing in his eyes. "Are offering me your mother as a consolation prize?"
Buffy was surprised. "No - never a consolation. I can never give you back what was lost..." Buffy looked down.
Giles looked at his Slayer. He knew she would never forgive herself for not killing Angelus in enough time to save Jenny. "I know. I am sorry, that was rude."
Buffy looked at him with tears in her eyes. "Jenny loved you Giles-…. I never wanted to take that away from you."
Giles agreed with her sadly. "I know. I loved her too, and we may have had wonderful things together but that was not to be."
Buffy looked at him. "I want you to be happy. Besides - Mom thinks you're cute. Think she went outside… why don't you go check?"
"Oh. OK. I will see you… later..." He started to wander off in search of Joyce.
Buffy muttered, "Much, much later," as she went to the fridge and took out one container of blood. She thought about it and took another one, before heading up the stairs with a smile on her face.
She walked into the darkened room to see Angel sprawled on her bed, nude deep in sleep and the smile widened on her face.
No more sequels to this one!