So this would have been up yesterday but my little brother (who just turned 7) came into my room with two plastic hockey sticks and said "Hey Mercedez, I got these and I thought that maybe we could play hockey like Big Time Rush!" How could I pass up an offer like that? Just for the record I totally won both games because I am the champion! lol But this is the last chapter and sorry it's not very long :( but I have alot of stuff that I could have said that I'm saving for the sequel! Enjoy this and pretty please review! =D
Whoever said "time heals everything" was an idiot. As much as the boys wanted to say nothing was different they couldn't. It would be a lie, because things had defiantly changed.
They were more open with each other. Logan got the courage to tell them all about his past. None of the other homes he could remember were nearly as horrible as his final one, but it had hardly been a pleasant experience either, shuffled from house to house, nothing to call his own except a trash bag full of clothes he dragged between houses. The talks helped Logan get more in touch with his emotions, let him vent so he didn't end up exploding. He began to see that his friends and parents did want him.
But it also meant more tears, more heart breaks, more burdens on his friends that he hated himself for placing. The truth was a beautiful and terrible thing. The truth allowed Logan to be free for the first time in ten years. He didn't spend every minute worrying about someone would finding out about his secret. He could relax because there was nothing to hide anymore. But he was also contaminating his friends spirits, making them depressed, sad, spreading like a malignant tumor intent on poisoning everything in sight. They always said they didn't mind, that they wanted to do this for him, but Logan found himself apologizing about it constantly, beating himself up about it. He beat himself up about a lot of things.
Time passes though, even when it seems impossible. We try not to let the anguish consume us, but battle on instead. Logan had never tried harder than anything to be happy with his friends. Of coarse he was always happy when he was with them, but now he wasn't burdened with a secret to big for him. He didn't have to be strong through everything. Logan realized there were some situations that you could stand up and let it hit you, but where you must brace yourself for the attack with a shield and armor. His friends were his armor. They were what shielded him from the reminders and difficulties of everyday life.
He still found it hard to open up, just because he was doing it more didn't make it any easier. He was terrified to let people to close, so he ended up shutting a lot of people out. The world wasn't as understanding or sympathetic as his friends, so he didn't flaunt his story, didn't become a poster child for child abuse. No one knew about it except his parents and friends. Logan liked it best that way. He had always been more of a suffer in silence type, too much attention just complicated things.
The nightmares still kept Logan up at night, but now he could go to his friends and tell them about it. Countless night would go by consisting of all four boys around Logan's bed just talking after Logan had woken up in a cold sweat, thanking god the dream wasn't real, because he could have sworn he was down in that basement again, begging for him to just stop, but every time Logan woke up his friends were right there comforting him. Plus, it was no use to dwell on dreams and forget to live.
Maybe one day he would be able put it all behind him, but as much as Logan wanted to believe that he knew that an experience like his didn't go away, didn't leave him. He could forget about it for a few care-free hours spent with Carlos, James, and Kendall, but then as if on cue it would pop up again. He could be laughing and happy, but it was always in the back of his mind, influencing his decisions, spreading fear and uncertainty, making him second guess every decision he ever made.
Despite how good things were going, Logan knew he was never going to be ok, He would always be carrying a weight too heavy for him around on his back. Crushing him when he grew to tried to keep the charade up. His friends would try and lessen the load, but sometimes no matter how hard you try, the scars just won't fade away.
So yeah, that's the end! I knew from the moment I started this story that this was how it was going to end. I feel like my other BTR stories have ended with promises of everything being ok and them going back to normal, but I genuinly don't think Logan could ever be 100% fine after what he went through. So that's why it's so angsty! *END RANT*
I'm gonna miss this story! But I got the sequel so I won't be missing it that much yet! Speaking of the sequel it will be up (at the absolute earliest) about the 14th, maybe. I'm seeing Spring Awakening on the 12th and want to actually see it before I post the sequel in case I want to change somethings. =) Love you all! Everyone who has read, reviewed, or added this to favorite/alerts you ROCK! Don't ever change!