The Hotness

Avatar Crack!fic by: A J

For Machete227's Crack!fic Challenge

Standard Disclaimer Applies

Author's note: I hope I'm up to this; Seven crack!fic one-shots in as many days. For full details, please see Machete227's author page. To anyone else trying this as well, Lots of luck! Catch ya on the flipside, A J. On with the story …


Dear Diary,

Life in Ba Sing Se can't get any worse. The Firenation took over the city, my boss was arrested, and my (I'd hoped soon-to-be) boyfriend Lee turned out to be the Fire Prince Zuko! Now I'm stuck running the tea shop all on my own, all profits above our overhead costs go straight to paying for Mushi's imprisonment costs, and I just heard that the Prince's girlfriend was here too. She's some dreary aristocrat with a fetish for pointy objects and no sense of humor apparently, though, so he's welcome to her, the jerk! Agni, break's over, Diary. More later.


Dear Diary,

The city was liberated last night, by our returning king and a bunch of old benders from all around the world! Well, they weren't ALL old. There was this really cute guy with them, only about thirty, I'd guess, REALLY good with a sword. And he was with Mushi! I hope he introduces us. More later, Diary.

Dear Diary,

Spirit of the Avatar, Mushi's not Mushi, he's the Dragon of the West, IROH! My uncle Chen told me all about fighting him back during the siege. He said Iroh DEFinitely lived up to his title. Iroh DID introduce his cute friend. His name is Piandow, and he's one of the greatest swordmasters there is. He's young and hot and kinda shy, too. When Mushi … I mean Iroh, told him my name, and I gave him the smile I reserve for my kind of guy, he blushed and stammered worse than Zuko Lee did. I hope to see him again tomorrow. More later, good night, Diary.

Dear Diary,

Mushiroh told us today that until all the Firenation troops were out of the city, he and Piandao would be staying. I'm making my special crawfish dumplings tonight for dinner for them both, but I secretly asked Mushiroh to leave me and Piandao alone after the tea shop closes. He laughed and agreed with a huge grin! I think he has plans of his own, too, which works even better. Then I'll invite Master Piandao to my apartment after dinner. Oops, breaktime's over! Gotta go, Diary. Wish me luck!


Fat ran in to the healer's tents in the second ring of Ba Sing Se with the last of his decorum fraying. "Master Piandao, forgive me! I came as soon as I heard!" He knelt by his Sifu's cot, breathless.

"Quite alright, Fat. Please, relax. I'd like to introduce someone to you." Piandao motioned with his unbandaged arm to a young lady sitting on his other side. 'My savior, Jin Lin." Fat noticed for the first time that she was holding the hand of Piandao's broken left arm, and both were smiling dreamily at each other whenever they weren't actively addressing someone else. "Jin, this is my loyal valet, Yao Chun Fat."

"Ni hao, master Fat," Jin said demurely, with a bow.

"Ni hao, miss Jin," he replied distractedly, still assessing his master's many wounds. "Piandao, were these all inflicted during the retaking of the city?" Aside from his arm, Piandao sported a bandage about his head, a brace on his right shoulder, and a cast on that side's leg.

"Ah … actually, no …" Piandao said, with a grimace. He smiled up at Jin. "I was taking dinner with my lovely companion here when the lemurbat who travels with the Avatar arrived to deliver a message to our host, General Iroh. Unfortunately, he arrived at the same time as a messenger hawk from the Bei Fongs did, and in the ensuing melee between the two animals, I stepped on the lemur's tale while trying to restrain the hawk, and fell off the balcony. I came to with this most beautiful of guardian spirits watching over me."

"Goodness!" Fat blurted. He sat back, and took a longer look around them. That's when he noticed the occupant of the next cot over. "Er, master Piandao, isn't that master Pakku, from the Northern Watertribe?" Fat vaguely remembered him from their journey there several years ago, when Piandao was inducted into the White Lotus Society.

"Yes …" his boss sighed.

"What happened to him?" Fat couldn't help but ask. Pakku was almost completely covered in bandages, from head to toe. Only his face was visible.

"The Dragon of the West," Piandao smirked.

"Pardon me, sir, but … I thought we were allies," Fat managed finally, while Jin chuckled merrily.

"We are," Piandao replied. "Iroh did that when he found out Pakku let Hama take off with Bumi."

"I … see …" Fat stood finally, much calmer than when he'd entered. "I shall see to our lodgings, for the time being, then."

"Oh, there's no need for that," Jin said, hurriedly standing as well. She hadn't missed the small cartful of luggage Fat had left by the door when he'd arrived. "I have plenty of room at my place, now that I'm not playing hostess to a family of refugees. As soon as Lord Zuko declared the war over, my boarders went home to Omashu." She gave Piandao's hand an extra squeeze, and with a parting smile, led Fat out to the city's circular concourse, already smoothed over again from the King's actions during the liberation. "This way, master Fat." He followed her bemusedly through the streets of Ba Sing Se for several blocks. As she led him up the stairs to her mid-ring apartment, she turned to him with a grin.

"So, what is master Piandao's favorite fruit, Fat? We never did get to our dessert …"


Author's note two: Well, there you have it. Not as detail-heavy as I would have liked to make it, but it is a one-shot with a deadline, so, enjoy. If enough reviewers clamor for a longer version, I'll be tempted to write a longer chaptered version. Until then, don't fall off the high side, A J.