Deidara Gets a Haircut

A/N: This is not meant to offend any Deidara Fans out there. Please enjoy and review? :3 Okaythankyoubye.

Deidara had no missions while all his Akatsuki members have gone out doing business he had no care for. Days could get painfully boring when there was nothing to do. Deidara stirred his cup of coffee in slow spirals when he heard footsteps.

"KAKUZU! How many fucking times do I have to tell you to BACK OFF when I am fucking trying to kill our FUCKING ENEMY?" hollered Hidan, apparently enraged. Kakuzu followed closely behind muttering under his breath.

"Hidan, you were clearly about to do something stupid. Why can't you plan a simple strategy before fighting? Any strategy is better than charging right at him!" Kakuzu countered. Deidara sighed as he returned his attention to his hot caffeinated drink.

"Look, you fucking bastard, our ENEMY got the fuck AWAY!" Hidan suddenly spun around to point an intimidating finger at Kakuzu. Kakuzu stared back with a disinterested look, and with that they resigned to individual rooms. Deidara took his cup of coffee and went into his room.

He placed the cup next to his laptop. The device was rare and only acquirable by the rich. The word 'internet' was understood to Deidara that it was an application of some sort to connect to the rest of the world. His fingers tapped on the individual keys, slowly making out the phrase "Deidara is" onto a search engine.

Thousands of links and websites came popping up, mostly with outrageous titles. 'Deidara is gay!' said one; 'Deidara is a Barbie girl' said another. Shocked and hurt, Deidara ran down the page to find ridiculous searches implying he was a transvestite. The laptop was shut off. Deidara left the room. Then, silence.

Hidan had apparently calmed down from his anger episode. Thinking it'd be an excellent idea to find himself something to drink before his religious ritual, he strolled into the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator to find heaven shining at him. He chugged down orange juice right from the carton, something Konan had nagged about for ages. In the midst of downing the beverage, he heard low muffles from behind him. Hidan nearly choked on his drink when he saw a dark shadow huddled in the corner of the kitchen.

"Everyone thinks I'm a girl, hn," whispered the figure. Fuck, thought Hidan, some transvestite made their way into our hideout. I'm gunna have to fuck this shit up myself. The figure twitched then, and its blonde hair flipped up to show a pathetic Deidara crying miserably. "Oh it's terrible, Hidan! They think I'm a girl! Even after my wonderful exhibition of artistic value, they still think I'm a tranny!"

"Okay, princess, stop crying or I'll chop your balls off," threatened Hidan. Deidara stopped the weeping immediately.

"Fuck, what the hell has gone into you, sissy?"

"The- in-ternet… barbie- gay – WHY DO PEOPLE THINK I'M GAY?"

Hidan pondered over this for a minute. To put things clearly, he wasn't sure either. Then again, Hidan was never quite sure about anything. He eyed Deidara closely. The nails, he wondered, could it be the nails? No, no, he shook his head, that'd make me gay, and I'm fucking sexy to males and females all around… The dress? Wait, that's a cloak. I'm wearing one too…

Things became too confusing for Hidan, who immediately called Kakuzu out. It was quite amazing the way Kakuzu can point things out the instant he sees a problem. Perhaps this was one of the very few reasons why Hidan respected him. Just a little bit. A very tiny little bit.

"Eyes, hair, makeup," said Kakuzu, "Now shut up and let me get on with my work."

"You're not gunna help this little girl?" Hidan inquired.

"Waste of time, like your rituals," Kakuzu said as he disappeared into the room.

"I think he mentioned your fucking hair," Hidan muttered after trying to process what Kakuzu had said. Sheesh, I am not gunna touch this nasty fucker's hair, he told himself. Hidan threw the empty juice carton aside and walked out. Deidara stopped him abruptly.

"Hidan, you've got to help me, hn," begged Deidara. Irritated, Hidan turned around.

"Aww, Deidara-chan needs my help! What will I get in return, my little Deidara-chan?" he asked with sarcasm.

Deidara made many offers: free lunch for a week, free back-rubs, free explosive sculptures, he even offered to make a life-size explosive clay sculpture of Hidan. Hidan rejected all his proposals and began to walk away when suddenly Deidara said, "I'll let you touch my hand mouths, hn."

"What?" Hidan asked, suddenly perking up.

"I'll let you touch one of these things, hn," Deidara replied, holding up a hand and exposing the mouth. Hidan smiled. He had always wondered how the mouths worked and whether they actually felt like mouths.

"Firstly, we'll have to get you a haircut at Toni&Guy," Hidan suggested. Deidara shook his head and informed him, "Can't. Kakuzu froze my credit card account and took my wallet from me, hn. It's to 'save unnecessary costs.' He's taken your wallet too, hn. You're a big spender, according to him."

"Then I shall have to cut your hair myself!" declared Hidan confidently. What am I thinking? Don't you worry, all I have to do is borrow a pair of scissors from Sasori and we'll be ready to start. The pair entered Sasori's studio in search of a pair of scissors. Kakuzu stood by his door, watching them.

"Idiots."

To be continued…