He gave a frustrated sigh, glaring at the cup of coffee he was brewing. The idiot had been in his house for over an hour and would not shut up.
"What now, Adachi?"
He heard a nervous chuckle behind him. Not a good sign. "Well, sir, uh...can you help me out of these?"
As soon as he turned around he instantly regretted it. Adachi was sitting at the kitchen table wearing that dopey smile of his while sheepishly raising his hands. He had put handcuffs on himself.
"Yeah? Whaddya need my help for? Figure it out yourself." Dojima turned back around, planning on tuning Adachi out and drinking in peace. Too bad that wouldn't happen.
"Well, you see, sir, I've never actually used these before."
"Nope. Not even while in the city. I've always been the coffee boy, the only time I've really seen them in use is when the higher ups book the baddies and in the police academy movies."
"What the hell, Adachi!"
"I'm sorry, sir! I thought it would be easier to get out of them! Then again, the police do use them to apprehend criminals, so I guess it's supposed to be like that, huh?"
Dojima wore a face that clearly said he couldn't even begin to comprehend the levels of stupidity his subordinate possessed, though the expression wasn't exactly rare. "Well, do you have the key?"
"The key...? Oh, right! I think it's in my left back pocket."
He thinks? "Your left or my left?"
He took a moment to consider which pocket that would be from his stance before walking over to help Adachi. He reached into the pocket, moving his hand around to locate the handcuff key. Nothing aside from his cheap cellphone.
"It's not there."
Adachi looked genuinely surprised. "Eh, it's not? Try the other one."
Dojima reached his hand into the other pocket. Again, nothing. "Not in this one either. What about the front pockets?"
"Nope, it's definitely not in those. I stopped using those pockets because I always used to lose things in them. Pretty smart, huh?" He gave a smile that seemed to say how proud he was of his genius problem-solving, probably to put more credibility in his statement. All it really did was make Dojima want to punch him in the face.
Of course. Of fucking course.
"Where did you last have them?"
"If I knew that I wouldn't have lost them! Really, Dojima-san. Even though you're an ace detective you really say some foolish things!" The good-natured laugh that followed did nothing to soften the blow. He was still being laughed at by that idiot!
"Well where have you been, Adachi?" Dojima ground out, jaw set in a menacing scowl.
It then hit him, rather belatedly, exactly where Adachi had been. Everywhere. His subordinate had all but ransacked his house, exploration cut short when Dojima discovered him rifling through his medicine cabinet.
"I was in Nanako-chan's room for a while. Maybe it's in there?"
When the hell had he gone in there? "Okay, let's check in there then." His ever-present frown remained as he trudged behind Adachi in route for his daughter's room, Adachi's eyes lighting up signaling rare brain activity.
"Oh, I had looked in the dresser! Maybe it fell-" SLAM. Adachi snatched his injured hands away, leaving Dojima to completely close the drawer with the most frightening expression on his face. "S-sir...!"
"You check under the bed, dumbass. I'll check here."
"So mean, Dojima-san," Adachi muttered under his breath, rubbing his sore fingers and not too keen on sustaining more damage.
Thus, the search for the dumbass' handcuff key began.
"Daddy, we're home!" Nanako called, the quiet closing of the front door telling him that his nephew was home as well. Finally, something to be happy about.
"Hey, Nanako, how was school?" Dojima asked, anger dissipating slightly when his daughter rushed to him and gave him a loving embrace.
Nanako's eyes danced with joy, a childish gleam shining through. "It was great! I got 100% on my spelling test and Ken-chan got back from his vacation! He also invited me to play at his house tomorrow. Can I, Dad, can I?" Nanako giggled and hugged her father tighter when he gave his consent, her glee obvious. "Yay!"
Cracking a smile only fitting of a doting father he released Nanako, standing up and fixing his gaze on Souji. "How about you, Souji? Anything interesting happen to you?" Dojima watched him with minor confusion as his nephew's unfocused eyes flickered up and down, appearing to mentally consider his options of reply. A fucking weird kid, but he was his sister's son nonetheless.
"Nothing in particular," Souji informed him quietly, his eyes now focused and staring at Dojima, a neutral expression adorning his face.
Adachi emerged from the mentioned boy's room a moment later, a missed step down the staircase almost causing him to fall flat on his face at the landing. "Oh! Hey Nanako-chan, Souji. Back from school?"
"Yep!" Nanako chirped, her standard polite smile claiming her mouth. "It's nice to see you! But, uhm...why are you wearing handcuffs?"
Dojima's frown returned full force, the reminder putting a damper on his good mood. He sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose in an attempt to quell his growing headache.
"It's a funny story, actually-"
"This idiot lost the damned key to his handcuffs."
"Well, when you put it like that it makes me sound stupid," Adachi whined, a sour look replacing his grin.
"That's because you are stupid!" Adachi couldn't help cringing a little as his superior hollered at him, frown lines creasing with his eyebrows.
A continuation of his lecture was cut short as Nanako stepped in, determined to preserve the peace. "Maybe big bro and I could help you find them! It'll go faster if we all work together, right?" Souji gave a nod in confirmation, agreeing (as always) with his cousin.
For the umpteenth time that day, Dojima sighed. "Alright, let's get to work."
An hour and twenty-three minutes later found the Dojima family plus Adachi standing in the living room area, their sweep through the house fruitless.
"Sooo...no one found the key?"
"Hmm. Are you sure we checked everywhere? Did you check Nanako-chan's dresser fully-"
"Right. Sorry, Dojima-san." Adachi shuffled awkwardly, tapping his hands against the front of his hips in an idle gesture, freezing with a slightly perturbed look on his face. "Well, I guess we can go to the station and see if they have a copy...Huh...?" Tap tap tap. "Hmm, I wonder what that is?" Adachi wondered aloud, clumsily reaching a cuffed hand into one of his front pockets. Suddenly Adachi's eyes were filled with joy, pulling a small object out of his pocket.
No way, that CAN'T be the...
"Look sir, I found the key! Isn't this great?" Once again that moronic laughter filled the room, completely oblivious to the storm raging within Dojima's mind. "Geez, I can't believe I had it the whole time! Man, I guess I really am an idiot! Isn't that funny, Dojima-san?...D-Dojima-san?"