Disclaimer: Nothing is mine…and my heart shall be broken once Ep7 is fully translated…
In the bedroom, two figures stood opposite one another, each staring the other in the eye. These two were Shannon and Kanon, servants for the Ushiromiya household, and love interests to two of the cousins. The night before, they had debated over an important issue—one that was a matter of the heart. And now, they had finally resolved to take care of it on this day.
"Nee-san," said Kanon, "today's the day, isn't it? The day where we tell Battler-sama the truth about...about us."
Shannon nodded. "Yes. It is time."
"Maria, promise you'll grow nice and big for me ten years from now, okay? The women in the Ushiromiya family have a long, honoured tradition of the double-D cup, and—"
"Ahem," said George as he, Battler, Jessica, and Maria stood in the rose garden, getting caught up with one another while the grown-ups went to the mansion, "Battler-kun, I don't think you should be teasing her in such a manner. Maria-chan, tell us more about Beatrice."
"Uu, Beatrice visits Maria every year!" said Maria excitedly. "And we sing songs and..."
Battler felt a slight tap on his shoulder. He turned around to see it was Kanon, looking quite serious. "Battler-sama," he said, "I must speak with you in private. It is an urgent matter."
Battler stepped aside, gesturing for his cousins to go ahead. "Yes, Kanon?" he said.
Kanon waited until the other cousins had gone ahead before he spoke: "Battler-sama...I have not seen you for many years, but now I feel it is time for me to tell you something very important about me and my sister."
"Shannon?" said Battler. "Oh yeah, she's the one with the impressive cow tits, ihihi!"
"Yes, about that," said Kanon, wondering for a moment if he should go through with this after all, but he forced himself to continue: "Nee-san and I have a special agreement with our employer: If I quit, nee-san quits. If nee-san leaves the island, I must also leave."
Battler blinked. "Hmm, that's a strange contractual obligation," he commented.
"There's more," said Kanon quickly. Now that he had started, he could not stop. He took a deep breath and said, "If nee-san pursues her love with George-sama, I cannot pursue my love for milady. And if I should ever be together with milady, nee-san cannot marry George-sama."
"Whoa, harsh," said Battler, "Why not? Is it because you're worried about the adults rejecting two romances with a servant? If so, just say to hell with them—forget what everyone else says and follow your love."
"No, I'm afraid it's more...complicated...than that," sighed Kanon, "Nee-san and I share the same bed."
Battler raised his eyebrows. "Whoa, uh...you must be...really, really close..." He gasped, "Wait...ah, I see now."
Kanon almost felt relieved that he possibly wouldn't have to disclose his secret after all—then Battler said: "You and Shannon are in love, aren't you?"
Kanon felt obligated to connect the palm of his hand with his forehead. "What?" said Battler. "Did I say something—"
Kanon realized he had no choice but to spell it out to him: "No, we are not in love. In fact, we exist to make the other unhappy and tell each other what we should or shouldn't do; if nee-san is in favour of something, I am against it. If nee-san is in doubt, I encourage that doubt."
Battler opened his mouth to say something, but Kanon went on: "We share the same clothing and in fact switch clothes quite frequently. We write in the same diary, we eat the same food, we eat off the same plate, we go to the bathroom together, we take showers together, we take baths together, we read the same books, we like the same music, we—"
He stopped upon noticing a curious habit: Over the past few seconds, Battler's right eye had suddenly started twitching. "Battler-sama, is something the matter?"
"Huh? Oh no, no, no, no," said Battler quickly, "Don't mind me, just—just go on with your heartfelt confession."
Kanon wondered if this was getting to be either too traumatizing or too confusing for Battler. In any event, he went on: "Nee-san and I share our feelings with one another, and no one else. We know of each other's dreams because we share one and the same dream: To be human. We love the same people. In fact, it could be said we are both bisexual."
"Oh, uh, good for you for coming out of the closet, ihihi," laughed Battler nervously, not liking where this was going.
"And it was milady who helped us realize the two sides of our sexuality," said Kanon bluntly.
"Wait," said Battler, now confused, "So…you're both in love with Jessica?"
Kanon nodded. "You could say that, yes."
Battler shrugged. "Eh, I figured she batted for one team or the other anyway, maybe even for both sides, ihihi!"
"And it was thanks to milady's help that we realized we are also both in love with George-sama," Kanon went on.
Battler blinked. "Say what now?"
"And yet," said Kanon, "there is another part of us that just might hold the smallest bit of feelings for you, Battler-sama."
Battler gulped, "Ah…thanks for sharing that, but…I like girls, so…"
"I figured you would say as much, Battler-sama," sighed Kanon, growing increasingly frustrated with Battler's ignorance. He paused. "I guess it is time I tell you upfront. Nee-san? You may come out."
Shannon came out from behind a nearby bush, walked over to Kanon, and stood next to him. And then they said, in unison:
"We are one and the same."
Battler blinked. "Huh?"
"I am Shannon, and I am Kanon," the pair continued to say, "I am the same as the other. Together, we are…Shkanon."
"WHAAAAAAAA?" cried out Battler in the meta-world. "What's going oooonnnnn?"
"What's the matter, Battler?" cackled Beato. "Don't you like this theory? I remember hearing you mutter something about a "Shkanon" theory in your sleep, about the possibility these two are one and the same. I'm just making this game a bit more…interesting, shall I say?"
"But—but—how can they be one and the same now?" blurted out Battler, feeling all too confused by this bizarre turn of events. "I just saw them both together! Each! Individual! Separate! From! One! Another!"
"Ah, but have you ever seen those two apart?" challenged Beato. "You've seen them together, yes, but never apart. And besides which, without love, it cannot be seen. Are you viewing this game with love, Ushiromiya Baaaattleeeer?"
Battler could take no more; he flung up from his chair and cried out with tears of frustration in his eyes, "DON'T FUCK WITH MEEEEEE; IT'S USELESS, IT'S ALL USELESS, UUUUUOOOAAAAAAGGGH!"
With that, he disappeared from the room, and Beato had herself a good laugh for ten minutes before deciding she had been a bit too harsh on Battler back there.
"Maybe I should go and get him back," she sighed, "And I wonder if I should tell him about the "Jessimaria" theory?"