A/N: Oh my fucking god guys, it's been over a month. I'm so frecken sorry. I know, I'm a terrible person. *whimpers quietly* I've been neglecting my boys. But… hey, I'm here now. That's good… right? *hides as you guys glare at me* Ummm…. I love you?
Disclaimer: I own nothing. It's sad, yes, but I've accepted this fact.
Warnings: A bit of angst, but the ending is happy :D
Dedications: To Just Briana, who told me a few months ago that this was her favorite type of…. Plot? Is that the right word? Oh, what the fuck ever. I hope I got this right. And to apatexatropos, who totally made my day by messaging me last week 3 I'll reply to your last message soon sweetie :D *mutters about evil things keeping me busy*
It is happening again.
The churning in his stomach, the heat that seems to spread throughout his entire body, the shivers that seem to travel up and down his spine… His stomach is twisting itself into knots, and his brain is turning both hazy and clouded, leaving him unable to think clearly, unable to grasp at a single one of his wayward thoughts. All he can do is feel all these overwhelming sensations at once, in this one, timeless moment, the longing, the craving, the heat…. And it's all too much for him. It's driving him bloody insane.
Merlin, he feels so aroused.
This shouldn't be happening to him, not now, not again, not ever, dammit. He shouldn't want something so much, shouldn't crave someone's touch and their taste and their smell to the point of near insanity…. And yet he does, and it isn't bloody fair. He's lusting over something, someone, that he can't have. He's longing for the impossible.
He takes a deep breath, trying to calm his frazzled nerves, praying fervently that his hardening cock would soften, but….
Images begin swarming through his head, traitorous and yet so good, so perfect, so wanted, even when Sirius tries to tell himself that no, he does not want these things, does not want to see these things and have them affect him… not like this. That he shouldn't…. it never seems to matter how much he berates himself though. It does no good.
He begins to see different snap shots in his head, all so good and yet so incredibly bad, because they are doing nothing more than heightening his arousal. He sees images of Remus smiling, looking so happy and carefree and brilliantly youthful, no signs of the toll his curse takes out of him evident in the way he looks. A picture, clear as day in his mind, of Remus laughing, the werewolf's head thrown back and his neck bared… freckles and scars standing out in stark contrast against pale skin. He sees Remus reading, and studying, and working so hard on his school work, his face set in a look of absolute concentration so intense that Sirius' cock gives a painful throb in his jeans.
The dog animagus groans softly as he falls back onto his bed and unbuttons his jeans, pulling the zipper down slowly to release some of the pressure off of his hard, aching cock.
There's a small voice inside of his head, pleading with him, begging him really, not to do this, not to give in. But Sirius has tried to resist, and it hurts so much to, to not give into his desires and this longing ache that seems to imbed itself into his very soul.
He pulls down his underwear and wraps his hand around his already rock hard cock.
And this… this isn't what he wants. Not at all. He doesn't want to lay here, thinking off his best friend, and touching himself In hopes of getting off on those thoughts. He feels so goddamn dirty, so perverted, but as much as he has tried, Sirius can't stop. And Merlin…. has he tried.
Sirius bites his lip, tightening his grip around his cock ever so slightly, before allowing his eyes to fall shut. This is the best way, the very best, to go about doing this. With his eyes closed, Sirius can forget that he's in the dorm room on his own, doing something so…. not right. He can forget that what he's doing can count as a betrayal, or some sick, perverted fantasy.
When Sirius closes his eyes, he can actually imagine that Remus is here with him, and willingly touching him.
He moans quietly, beginning to stroke his cock at a tortuously slow pace. In his head, he sees Remus, and himself, lying on this same bed, completely naked, and the sight of Remus completely bear before him (even if it's not real. Dammit… he doesn't want to think about it not being real, not right now) makes his mouth water and his cock throb once more, precome leaking steadily from the slit.
Sirius groans, spreading his legs open wider, as wide as they can be spread with his jeans pushed down around his thighs, and rubs his thumb over the head of his cock as he strokes upward, spreading the moisture around and making his movements a bit easier.
"Oh Merlin," he mutters, titling his head back and frantically pushing his jeans down a bit more. This is… it's good. It feels so bloody good. But it's not enough. It's never enough.
He imagines Remus reaching down, and wrapping his hand around Sirius' cock, stroking it slowly, just as Sirius himself is. Remus (yes, not real. Never real. But dammit… for this moment Sirius needs to pretend that he is….) scrapes his nails along the side of Sirius' cock, causing Sirius to buck his hips up, a moan retching forth out of his throat.
Sirius whimpers softly, getting both his jeans and his underwear down around his knees, before reaching down with his other hand and gripping one of his tight balls, rolling it along the palm of his hand before he grips it between his forefinger and thumb and squeezes, just a little.
His hips shoot up again, his cock sliding forward in his tightly clenched fist, before he begins wanking off faster, sliding his fist up and down his cock at an alarming rate, twisting and stroking and squeezing the life out of himself.
And in his head, it's still Remus doing all of these things to him.
He cries out, thrashing wildly upon the bed as the images in his head get clearer, more intense somehow, and suddenly he can actually smell Remus, can feel the heat of his body so close to his own, and yet still not close enough… never close enough…. He takes his hand off of his balls, his other hand still ruthlessly stroking his cock, and reaches down lower, circling his own entrance with one clammy, sweat covered finger.
"Remus," Sirius groans, voice hoarse and filled with longing.
A second later, his eyes snap open as he hears a soft, startled gasps, one that he knows did not come from himself or from the person in his imagination.
And Sirius' world comes crashing around him and he sees Remus standing at the foot of his bed, eyes wide and mouth hanging open as the tawny haired boy looks at his dark haired friend.
S..Sirius," Remus stammers, looking as if he's unable to say anything else.
"Oh god," Sirius whimpers, fumbling around for the blanket that he had so carelessly shoved down to the foot of the bed earlier. "Oh god… Remus…" he whimpers, covering himself hastily. "I'm so… I'm sorry."
"Sirius," Remus says again, quietly.
Sirius shakes his head, feeling tears form in his eyes. This… this wasn't supposed to happen. This was never supposes to happen. Remus was never… he was never supposes to find out about this. For fuck's sakes, he was never supposed to see this, to see Sirius like this. And it's just not fair at all, because Sirius is embarrassed, and ashamed, and so terrified because now, he may lose Remus. But still, he's so fucking hard, because Remus is right here now, so fucking beautiful and real and perfect, and Sirius can't think straight, not at all, with his cock brushing up against his stomach every time he moves.
"I'm sorry," he says, once again, turning miserable eyes upwards to stare into Remus' own eyes, knowing that he at least owed the werewolf that much.
"What for," Remus asks, coming forward slowly.
"I…." Sirius begins, a bit confused, but Remus cuts him off.
"Are you sorry that you can never get a locking spell quite right, so I walked in on you?" Remus' lips quirk upwards. "I'm not."
"Wha…." Sirius asks, sitting up a little in his confusion.
Remus goes on, as if he hadn't heard the other boy. "Are you sorry that you forgot to put a silencing spell on the room, so I could practically hear you all the way down in the Common Room," Remus' smile grows. "I'm not."
"Are you fucking making fun of me," Sirius accuses, outraged. He didn't think Remus could be so cruel.
Remus ignores him once more, coming to sit beside the dog animagus on the bed. "Are you sorry that I saw you naked? Oh Sirius…." the werewolf whispers, placing a gentle hand on Sirius' pale should. "I most definitely am not."
"Remus," Sirius asks hesitantly, still confused and not quite believing… no, Remus could never mean…..
"I hope you're not sorry that you were thinking of me," Remus says, smiling softly as he trails his hand upwards to cup Sirius' face. "Because I do it to."
"You think of yourself while you wank," Sirius asks, still not thinking clearly, still not understanding, as he leans into the other boy's touch.
Remus laughs softly. "No Sirius. I'm not quite that egotistic. But I think of you," he says, leaning forward just a bit.
Sirius blinks. "You do?"
"Uh huh," Remus says, grinning suddenly.
"Well that's good than," Sirius says.
Remus laughs again as he brushes his lips over Sirius'. "Yes. I'm beginning to think that it is. Now…" he says, a bit mischievously. "Let me help you with this." His free hand sneaks below the covers to wrap around Sirius' still hard cock.
Sirius groans, his mind going blank once more, and he really can't do anything to protest.
Not that he wants to.
He pulls Remus down over him and captures his lips in a fierce, achingly hot kiss.
A/N: Oh my god, I'm so happy. This is the first thing I've written I over a month that wasn't for school, and I think it came out ok. What about you all?
Now, I know I have things to update *hides again* Just be patient with me. I'm so flippin stressed half the time, and my writing just doesn't want…. It's been…. difficult. So… patience, please.
Oh... and I forgot, so I had to come back and add this, but what do you guys think of me changing my username? see, over at LJ I'm Siriuslyshy, and even though I don't post anything there, I think I may, eventually. So I thought it;d be simpilar if my names matched, but do you all think it'd be confusing, since you already know me by notsoinnocentfangirl? Let me know *grins*
Now anyways, I hope you all liked this little oneshot.