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-Helga Pataki is finally on the Internet. 10 minutes ago

-Wall Info Photos Video +

-What's on your mind?

-Recent Activity:

- "." Helga wrote on Phoebe Heyerdahl's Wall.

- "." Olga wrote on Helga's Wall: "BABY SISTER, I MISS YOU!"

- + Helga is now friends with Phoebe Heyerdahl.

- + Helga joined Facebook.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Write something about yourself.

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Networks: Hillwood High '11

Siblings: Olga Pataki

-About Me - Basic Info:
-Sex: Female
-Hometown: Hillwood
-Interested in: Men
-Looking For: Friendship
-Helga is Single
-Activities: Baseball, school, friends,
-Like Pages:
Baseball at Gerald Field, Big Bob's Electronics, The Pier, Dinoland, Slausen's Ice Cream Parlor, Monkey Man, Wearing Pink, and 10 other pages.
-Music: Everything except rap or country. Or Ronnie Matthews.
-Books: Moby Dick, Harry Potter series
any and all Zombie movies, Back To the Future trilogy
Yo, Ernest!, Pop Daddy, St. Pete Beach, Crab Catchers, ZH2's I Adore The 90's, 48

News Feed (300+)

+ Helga Pataki is now friends with Gerald Johansen, Herald Berman, Arnold Shortman and 20 other people.

Gerald Johansen- Helga Pataki: You've upgraded to cyberbullying now too?
-Harold Berman, Wolfgang and 4 others like this.
Helga Pataki: Shut up, Tall Hair Boy!
Gerald Johansen: Make me!
2 people like this comment
Phoebe Heyerdahl:
Please, stop it, both of you!

Arnold Shortman is now in a relationship with Lila Sawyer.
-Gerald Johansen likes this.
Helga Pataki: Since when?
Rhonda Wellington Lloyd: OMG! I knew it!
-Nadine likes this.
Haven't you been together since the beginning of the year?
Stinky Peterson:
I reckon Arnold's been courtin' Miss Lila since fourth grade.
-Arnold Shortman: Thank you for sharing, Stinky.

Stinky Peterson likes lemon pudding and growing pumpkins.

Eugene Horowitz: tripped going down the stairs today. Doctor's say I'll be able to walk again next month. Hopefully I'll be okay enough to perform in our school musical!
Aww, feel better soon!
: Jinx!
-Arnold Shortman:
Eugene is not a jinx.
Harold Berman:
arnuld's the jinx!
-Arnold Shortman:
I am not a jinx.
Sid: whatevs

Helga Pataki - Arnold Shortman: What was our chem lab on, Football Head?
Arnold Shortman - Helga Pataki:
The affects of heat on different metals.
-Gerald Johansen:
Why would you tell her that? You should've just let her fail.
-Helga Pataki: Stop being a dick, Geraldo.
Wolfgang likes this comment.
-Arnold Shortman: Gerald, why are you so mean to her?
-Gerald Johansen:
Don't even get me started. And Helga, shut up.

Gerald Johansen, Sid, Stinky Peterson, and 8 other friends like playing baseball in Gerald Field.

Eugene Horowitz I'm okay.
-1,208 people like this.

+ Gerald Johansen is now friends with Fuzzy Slippers.

Arnold Shortman - Helga Pataki: Are you okay? We missed you at the game today against our old P.S. 119 rivals.
Helga Pataki - Arnold Shortman:
Stop being so damn nosy. I'm allowed to have a life outside of our back lot baseball crew.
Arnold Shortman - Helga Pataki:
Sorry for caring.

Phoebe Heyerdahl, Helga Pataki and Rhonda Wellington Lloyd like making up code names for boys so they don't know you're talking about them.

Lila Sawyer - Arnold Shortman: I can't wait for tonight! Happy One Month! Love you!
Rhonda Wellington Lloyd and 10 others like this

Helga Pataki - Phoebe Heyerdahl: Answer your phone NOW!

Monkeyman likes bananas.
-1,458,950 people like this.

Sid, Gerald Johansen and Fuzzy Slippers like telling Urban Legends.

Gerald Johansen: found another pink notebook on the way to school today. I don't know if I should be concerned about Arnold Shortman's safety or privacy.
Harold Berman: LOL. that girl's poems were sooo weird.
-Thaddeus Gammelthorpe: The girl is crazier than me!

Arnold Shortman is confused.
Steely Phil:
Girl problems?
-Arnold Shortman:
Grandpa, who gave you access to the Internet?
-Steely Phil:
Al Gore.

Gerald Johansen - Arnold Shortman: Call me, dude. We gotta talk.

Helga Pataki: It's a good Monday when you get suspended for a school week. . . It's not my fault Brainy was asking for it by breathing.
Olga Pataki: Helga, what did you do?
Helga Pataki
: Punched a kid in the nose.
Olga Pataki: That's awful Baby Sister!

Sid joined Mafia Wars! Help him earn 1000 points by joining his crew - Big Gino's Boys.

Steely Phil likes Chinese Checkers, The Pig War and single-handedly stopping Hitler.

Sheena uploaded the photo: Mr. Simmon's Fourth Grade Class
-Eugene Horowitz
and 3,023 people like this
-showing 1 of 400 comments:
Herald Berman: WERE SO SPESHAL!

Harold Berman loves how quiet school is without Helga Pataki around.
Helga Pataki: Don't make me get an even longer suspension. I will hurt you.
Harold Berman: I'm so scared.

Gerald Johansen - Phoebe Heyerdahl: I love you. Happy Six Years! I'll see you in an hour.
-2,067 people like this.
-Phoebe Heyerdahl: I love you, too. See you then.

Thaddeus Gammelthorpe is "Local Boy Has Been Caught Releasing Animals From the Zoo"
Rhonda Wellington Lloyd: I hope you're rotting in jail.
Lila Sawyer: Rhonda, that's ever so mean.
-Arnold Shortman likes this comment.
Thaddeus Gammelthorpe: I hope you'll wait for me Rhonda.
Rhonda Wellington Lloyd: Never, Curly!
Thaddeus Gammelthorpe:
Well, don't fret about being impatient. I am not in jail. I'm at your house.
Rhonda Wellington Lloyd: You are the most annoying creature on the planet. LEAVE ME ALONE.

Stinky Peterson and Lila Sawyer are playing Farmville.
-Sid: I'm not surprised.

Arnold Shortman - Helga Pataki: I've tried calling your house but no one's answering. I have your week's worth of missing school work.

Arnold Shortman likes Lockjaw, Big Cesar, Eating contests, Pigeon Man, Saving The Neighborhood and 13 other pages.

Arnold Shortman is at Gerald Johansen's for Friday Night Poker.
-Stinky Peterson
, Sid, and 3 others like this
I'm missing violin for this.

Harold Berman cannot play poker.
Sid: Yeah, because it actually involves using your brain.
Stinky Peterson likes this.
Arnold Shortman: Guys, let's not fight.

Rhonda Wellington Lloyd is hosting another Girl's Night!
, Sheena, and 5 others like this
Helga Pataki:
I've got the pizza. Be there in five.

Sheena loves playing Truth or Dare with the girls. Tons of secrets have been revealed!
-Lila Sawyer
likes this.

Harold Berman still sleeps with his Wally stuffed animal and on plastic sheets.
20 people like this.

Harold Berman left his profile open on Gerald's computer. Idiot.

Willie (Jolly Olly Man) I hate my job. And I hate kids, especially high school kids. And Saturdays, I hate those too.
-1,345,067 people like this.

Sid - Arnold Shortman: Please tell me I'm crazy and I didn't see you and HELGA TOGETHER at The Pier today.
-Gerald Johansen:
Arnold would never voluntarily spend time with the Devil. Especailly not on a Saturday.
-Arnold Shortman:
You realize that everyone can see this, right?
-Rhonda Wellington Lloyd:
It's true! I saw it! YOU AND HELGA WERE K-I-S-S-I-N-G AT THE PIER.
-1000 people like this comment.


Gerald Johansen - Helga Pataki: Is this some kind of sick prank?

Rhonda- Helga Pataki: Answer your phone, damn it! THIS IS IMPORTANT.

Phoebe Heyerdahl - Helga Pataki: Helga, I'm coming over.

Lila Sawyer - Arnold Shortman: We need to talk.
Steely Phil:
Uh oh.
3 people like this comment.
Arnold Shortman:
I can explain.
Arnold Shortman: Please, answer your phone.

FROM: Arnold Shortman

Since you refuse to answer my calls, and it's too late on a Sunday night to go to your house, I'm going to explain here.

I had called Helga on Friday to give her her homework. She said she would get it on Saturday, so as I was walking towards her house, we ran into each other. She thought I was making her come pick it up, but. . . anyway, I ended up having to explain to her how to do a lot of the work since she missed class. We somehow just ended up spending the entire day together at The Pier. I don't even know how it happened, but it did. She's not as bad as everyone thinks she is. And I just. . . I don't know. . .

I'm sorry. I just don't know what else to say. I know you probably hate me.

Lila Sawyer: It's okay, Arnold. I don't hate you.
Lila Sawyer: And I know you like her.
Arnold Shortman:
What? No! I don't like Helga.
Lila Sawyer:
I'm certain you're lying.
Arnold Shortman:
I. . .

Lila Sawyer is listed as "single".

Sid is wondering why Helga Pataki deleted her Facebook.
Lorenzo and 16 other people like this.
Phoebe Heyerdahl:
Because you're an asshole!-Helga

Cousin Arnie is considering another visit to Hillwood.
Lila Sawyer likes this.

Cousin Arnie - Arnold Shortman: FYI, I'm coming into town tomorrow.
Steely Phil likes this.

Arnold Shortman hates Tuesdays even more than Mondays.
Harold Berman you only hate this 1 bc you have to see Helga and your weird cousin Arnie.
Gerald Johansen: Be positive dude.

Stoop Kid likes being afraid to leave the stoop.

Arnold Shortman is busy until Friday hosting Cousin Arnie.

Lila Sawyer is in a relationship with Cousin Arnie.
Gerald Johansen:
That was fast. You were single for what. . .five minutes?
20 people like this comment.
Arnold Shortman: Don't be mean, Gerald.

Sheena just had the craziest Friday of the school year. It was crazier than Thaddeus Gammelthorpe's fifteenth breakdown.
3 people like this.
Brainy: I'm still bleeding!

Brainy saw Arnold Shortman and Helga making out at school in the janitor's closet O_o I have another broken nose and possible concussion...
1,037, 792 people like this.
showing 8 of 1,000 comments:
Harold Berman:
I told you!
-2 people like this comment.
Rhonda Wellington Lloyd: Holy shit!
Thaddeus Gammelthorpe: Rhonda, I'll be waiting for you in that closet.
Rhonda Wellington Lloyd: I will lock you in there forever.
Stinky Peterson: How's your nose, Brainy?
It's been worse.

Gerald Johansen - Arnold Shortman: Make out in the janitor's closet? REALLY?
-Steely Phil
likes this

Thaddeus Gammelthorpe is sad that Rhonda removed me as a friend. :( I STILL LOVE YOU, BABY.

Helga Pataki rejoined the Internet and I'm ready to fight somebody. Watch out Brainy.

Arnold Shortman is happy that it's finally the weekend. I survived the weirdest week of my life.
Helga Pataki:
What the hell does that mean Football Head?
Arnold Shortman:
I meant because Arnie visited.

Gerald Johansen uploaded a photo and tagged Arnold Shortman and Helga Pataki and commented: I NEEDED PROOF. . . I still don't believe it. I believe in the Ghost Bride and Wheezin' Ed getting married more than this. They're. . . KISSING! Ew.
-Phoebe Heyerdahl likes this.
Helga Pataki:
Why are you such a stalker?
Gerald Johansen:
Actually, you're the stalker. I just figured out that you wrote those poems.
Arnold Shortman likes this comment.
Helga Pataki:
I hate you, Geraldo.
Gerald Johansen:
I love you too, Helga.
-Arnold Shortman and Phoebe Heyerdahl like this comment.

Arnold Shortman is in a relationship with Helga Pataki.
1,037, 792 people like this.
Gerald Johansen:
You know it's real when it's Facebook official.
Rhonda Wellington Lloyd: You two are so weirdly adorable together.

Steely Phil - Arnold Shortman: Your girlfriend with the pink bow is here.
Arnold Shortman: You could've just called me downstairs.
Steely Phil:
Why would I do that? The Internet is cooler.

Helga Pataki just fucked Arnold Shortman's brains out.
I did NOT need to know that.
Gerald Johansen:
That's disgusting.
Helga Pataki:
Thaddues Gammelthorpe likes this comment.

Eugene Horowtiz created the event HILLWOOD HIGH SPRING MUSICAL: RATS
Friday, Saturday and Sunday April 28, 29, 30th.
Starting at 7 p.m.
Tickets are $5. Come support the Hillwood Theater class
-Helga Pataki and 200 others are attending
RSVP NOW: Attending, Maybe Attending, Not Attending

Helga Pataki I've never laughed so hard in my life. :D Best anniversary date ever because Arnold Shortman cried while watching Princess and the Frog!
-103 people like this.
Gerald Johansen: Why were you watching a Disney movie?
Lila Sawyer: Because Disney is amazing.
-24 people like this comment.
Stinky Peterson: When Ray died? I did 2.
Sid: It's like crying when Simba tries to get Mufasa to wake up. Everyone did it.
Gerald Johansen: Where the hell have all the men gone?
-Jamie-O Johansen: Gerald, I saw you cry when you rented Toy Story 3.
-Sid: Looks like you're not so manly either, Gerald.
-Lorenzo likes this comment.
Phoebe Heyerdahl: Toy Story 3 was an emotional movie!

Rhonda Wellington Lloyd uploaded a picture via Facebook for Blackberry and commented: I don't even know what to say about this. . .
Helga Pataki: Very funny. You guys are so mature, sneaking up behind us and making stupid faces.
Sid: Maybe if you and Arnold stopped making out every ten seconds, we wouldn't make fun of you for it.

Steely Phil loves April Fool's Day! I have tons of pranks planned for Arnold Shortman.
-Helga Pataki: Does it involve a blinding flash of light? If it does, I'm all for it.
-Arnold Shortman: Helga, I promise not to push you into a pool today. I am making no such promise for my grandpa.

Rhonda Wellington Lloyd survived April Fool's Day without having to deal with Curly. Best Day Ever!

Nadine I heard the biggest rumor yesterday, and now I'm pretty sure I believe it.
Rhonda Wellington Lloyd: What did you hear?
-Nadine: Answer your phone!

Wolfgang likes pounding fourth graders.
Arnold Shortman: Please tell me you mean *us*, not actual fourth graders.
-Wolfgang: Of course I mean you, football face.

Chocolate Boy likes CHOCOLATE! and That Chocolate Loving Fish on Spongebob Squarepants.

Rhonda Wellington Lloyd - Helga Pataki: Answer your damn phone!
-Helga Pataki: I got your text. What do you want?
-Rhonda Wellington Lloyd: The truth.

Helga Pataki wants to kill the person who started that rumor about her. WHO THE HELL THINKS THAT!
Arnold Shortman: What happened?
Helga Pataki: Some asshole said that I was hooking up with your cousin! And that I was the reason he broke up with Lila.
Arnold Shortman: What?
Helga Pataki: Just call your cousin.

Cousin Arnie is listed as "single".

Lila Sawyer hates boys. :/
-476 people like this.

Arnold Shortman - Lila Sawyer: Sorry my cousin is a loser. Are you okay?
-Helga Pataki: ...
-Arnold Shortman: Don't tell me you're jealous?

Arnold Shortman: I need some advice.
Steely Phil: Never eat raspberries!
-341 people like this comment.
Arnold Shortman: Grandpa, I'm serious.
Steely Phil: So am I. Come down stairs and talk to me.

Gerald Johansen - Arnold Shortman: Phoebe tells me you and Helga are in a fight. I'm going to be honest, I expected this to happen a lot sooner, not a month in. I figure it would be two days in. . .
-30 people like this.
Arnold Shortman: Thank you, Gerald, for helping the fight end sooner.
Gerald Johansen: I don't appreciate your sarcasm.

Helga Pataki is in the mood to play football. Who ever wants to be tackled by a girl then lose any shred of dignity, come down to the park in 20 minutes.
-Wolfgang, Herald Berman and 5 other people like this

Wolfgang I cannot believe I actually lost to Helga Pataki. I feel really sorry of Arnold Shortman.
Harold Berman: Ha ha! She's crazy.
Helga Pataki: Do you want me to tackle you two idiots again?. . . Shut up.

Arnold Shortman Please stop asking for invitations to my funeral. I'm not dead. . . Our fight is over.
-Steely Phil likes this.

Sid - Arnold Shortman: Are you too busy making up with Helga or can you come play poker?
Arnold Shortman: I'll be there in 20.

Eugene Horowitz don't forget about our school play! It's in three weeks!
-Sheena likes this.

Helga Pataki likes Boyfriend names your chest? Introduce him to your already named fists.
Thaddeus Gammelthorpe: Oh, dear God.
Gerald Johansen: TMI.
-Sid: I agree ^
Arnold Shortman: It's a joke.
-Sid: So why did you have a bruised cheek this afternoon?
-Wolfgang: Don't worry. I did that.

Helga Pataki - Arnold Shortman: Why did Wolfgang beat you up today?
Arnold Shortman - Helga Pataki: Because I was standing up for you.
Helga Pataki - Arnold Shortman: That's nice and all, but don't ever do it again unless you win. I can beat up Wolfgang, and if my boyfriend can't it's just embarrassing.
-Steely Phil and 42 other people like this comment.

+ Steely Phil is now friends with Pookie and they are listed as "married".

Pookie - Arnold Shortman: Grasshopper, do you need more karate lessons?
Arnold Shortman - Pookie: Grandma, you're on Facebook too?
-Steely Phil likes this.

Arnold Shortman: It's just Arbor Day.

Arnold Shortman: Dinner at Helga Pataki's house tonight. . .
-83 people like this.
Gerald Johansen: Meeting the parents? Good luck.
Sid: LOL! You're so dead!
Phoebe Heyerdahl: Talk about beepers.
Helga Pataki: Please, don't talk about beepers.
-Sid: Helga said please! Is it 2012 yet?

Rhonda Wellington Lloyd off to Paris for an "educational, life enriching experience". . .Yeah, right! I'll be back just in time for Rats!
-Lila Sawyer and 12 other people like this.
Nadine: I'll miss you! Have fun!
Eugene Horowitz: Yay! Thanks Rhon!

Thaddeus Gammelthorpe Another night undetected at the zoo! The animals are freed, my job is done.
-1,789,632 people like this.

Nadine: Someone messaged me a link to Yo Ernest fan fiction…I'm a little terrified of TV show fans now.
-Lila Sawyer likes this.

Stinky Peterson Willikers!
-2,037,752 people like this.

Helga Pataki just another boring week in Hillwood. Hope Rhonda Wellington Lloyd is living it up for the rest of us.

Rhonda Wellington Lloyd uploaded 105 photos to "PARIS SPRING 2010"
Sheena: Looks like you're having a blast, especially with the night life!
-Rhonda Wellington Lloyd: You know it! ;)

Gerald Johansen - Phoebe Heyerdahl: Why haven't you answered your phone?
Phoebe Heyerdahl - Gerald Johansen: Sorry baby! I was fencing with my dad. What are our plans for tonight?

Arnold Shortman I love how my date suddenly turns into a party. Thank you Gerald Johansen.
Helga Pataki: Why are these people our friends?
-Arnold Shortman: I don't know.

Helga Pataki I hate my parents.
Arnold Shortman: Come over. I'll cheer you up :)

Harold Berman new Hillwood Shot Put record, baby! 20.2 meters! Weeks worth of training paid off!
-12 people like this.
Stinky Peterson: Congrats!

Eugene Horowitz Rats in 2 weeks!
-Sheena likes this.

Arnold Shortman And so it begins. . .
Gerald Johansen: WWIII?
-Arnold Shortman: Hell on Earth.

Helga Pataki Pretty sure my parents just kicked me out.
Olga Pataki: What's wrong Baby Sister?
-Helga Pataki: I insulted one of Bob's clients and he kicked me out after the meeting. I'll go back in the morning.

Arnold Shortman it's amazing who you find on the street when they stand outside your house in the rain.
Helga Pataki: Shut up, Football Head and bring me new clothes.

Rhonda Wellington Lloyd:
Arnold Shortman:
No she didn't Sid.
-Sid: Maybe not to you.

Helga Pataki Fuck you all.

Lorenzo Helga deleted her friends off Facebook again. Does she hate us or something?
-34 people like this.

Helga Pataki I am going to kill Cousin Arnie with my bare hands.
-Brainy likes this.

Eugene Horowitz Now that there's no more drama, get ready to see a musical! Rats next week!

Arnold Shortman: Thank God it's all over! I hope I can make it through the rest of this school year alive.
-Gerald Johansen likes this.
Sheena: Be positive, the only thing that's left besides Rats is exams!

Rhonda Wellington Lloyd: I'm back, bitches. Who missed me?
-56 people like this.

Eugene Horowitz OPENING NIGHT WAS INCREDIBLE! THANKS EVERYONE FOR SUPPORTING ME, big thanks to Sheena for the roses.
Rats, we're rats, we're funny and forlorn. . .
Thaddeus Gammelthorpe: We live in sewers
Rhonda Wellington Lloyd: Love in sewers
Sheena: And our hearts are torn
Sid: We laugh, we cry
Lorenzo: We sing in harmony
Gerald Johansen: I love her
Phoebe Heyerdahl: But I love him
Chocolate Boy: And darn it, he loves me
Harold Berman: Rats
Brainy: Rats
Arnold Shortman: Rats
Stinky Peterson: Rats
Lila Sawyer: Rats!
Eugene Horowitz: You guys are awesome.

Arnold Shortman: Two months surprise for Helga Pataki tonight.
Gerald Johansen: Who knew you were a romantic?
-13 people like this comment.

Helga Pataki uploaded a picture via Facebook for iPhone and commented: "Surprise dinner on the roof of FTi. Arnold Shortman has a weird sense of humor and romance."

Gerald Johansen Just realized that it's been seven years since we saved the neighborhood. And for some reason I feel like I missed something very important. . .
-Phoebe Heyerdahl and 1,307, 389 other people like this.
Arnold Shortman: Uh. . . you didn't miss anything.

Gerald Johansen is wondering what the hell happened on the roof.
Phoebe Heyerdahl: Believe me, you don't want to know.

Arnold Shortman changed his profile picture.
Sid: It's not like we don't see you kissing enough.

Gerald Johansen - Arnold Shortman: You've been avoiding me for two days. I want answers damn it. Because I clearly remember a moment seven years ago when Helga answered your walkie talkie. . . What was I interrupting?

Gerald Johansen is very sorry I asked.

Phoebe Heyerdahl and 500 other friends joined the group: 1,000,000 STRONG FOR YO, ERNEST: THE FOREST MOVIE BY CARL BARTOLOMEO!

Arnold Shortman is planning another surprise.
-Helga Pataki: Oh, God, please don't take me to the roof.
-Arnold Shortman: I won't. Trust me, you'll like this one more.

Helga Pataki WOW.
-Eugene Horowitz: I saw. . . I saw. . .your face
-Helga Pataki: Shut up, Eugene. This isn't time to quote Ronnie Matthews. THIS IS SERIOUS.

Phoebe Heyerdahl - Helga Pataki: HE SAID WHAT?

Arnold Shortman - Helga Pataki: In case you didn't hear me earlier, I love you.
-1,037, 792 people like this.

A/N: Just in case you couldn't tell, they're all 16 years old in their junior year in high school.

Inspiration for this fic came from Alice The Fairy's South Park story - Facebook Official.